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Author Topic: Offering hand-me-downs  (Read 6174 times)

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Re: Offering hand-me-downs
« Reply #15 on: January 12, 2014, 09:23:53 AM »
I understand not wanting to be pushy, but please do keep in mind that the parents-to-be may feel the same.

We were offered "all our baby stuff" by some friends, and three different people spontaneously insisted that they wanted to "buy the crib." We expressed sincere thanks, but time went on and we didn't feel comfortable saying, "Hey, remember when you said...?"

The hand-me-down family eventually discovered that they had yard-saled more of their equipment than they remembered, although they did pass on some adorable clothes to us (I suspect they were the "sentimental outfits" they had previously saved). The would-be crib-buyers...I have no idea. I put the crib we chose on our Amazon wish list (we were overseas, so shopping with us wasn't really an option), and whenever they mentioned wanting to buy things for the baby we reminded them there was a list, and.... It felt so awkward. When my doctor told me I had passed the point at which they would try to stop labor if it started, I panicked and bought the crib. One of the offerers seemed huffy and put out.

For those of us who are keenly aware that gifts are always optional, this sort of situation feels like a minefield. They would probably love to have at least some of the things, but aren't 100% sure which sight-unseen, and don't feel able to say anything encouraging for fear of sounding grabby.

I recommend putting all the things you'd like to offer them in one place, and then either inviting them over or bringing it to them. Chat a little, reminisce a little, and let them take whatever tickles their fancy.


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Re: Offering hand-me-downs
« Reply #16 on: January 14, 2014, 09:29:20 AM »
I really see RandomAngel's point.

If you truly want to give those things, be a bit assertive about it.

My vote: Ask them if they want you to bring the stuff over before the shower.

I'm w/ RandomAngel. Pile all the stuff together, get the parents-to-be in the room w/ the stuff, and say, "Go shopping. Take what you'd like, and then you can modify your baby registry or let people know, so you have less chance of getting a new one you don't need."

I might even (bcs I'm willing to waste the energy) pile it all in the van, drive it over and have them stand by to cull as we unload (or, put back in). Then I'd drive all the stuff they didn't want either back to my house (in case they changed their minds in a few weeks) or to the Goodwill.

I know that in passing down kids' clothes I've taken to saying, "sometimes hand-me-downs can be a burden, so if you have the slightest hesitation, say no!"

RandomAngel, my ILs wanted to buy the crib, and we said, "No, we will." Mostly because it felt important to us, symbolically, to provide the bed our new family member would need. But also because it was the *most* essential, so we knew we could get it into the house when we wanted it.
   If that family member wanted to buy the crib, they needed to have brought it up more than once, especially as time got closer.


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Re: Offering hand-me-downs
« Reply #17 on: January 14, 2014, 11:34:28 AM »
I've done what TootsNYC and RandomAngel suggested:

I had the new parents 'shop' through my stuff. I had already put away a few sentimental outfits that I wasn't willing to give. I also made it clear that I was giving the rest to God's Closet (local charity) after they chose what they wanted so they were free to take as much or as little as they wanted. It also gave them the chance to see things like how much it had been used by my two kids so they could decided if they wanted my used one or a new one or possibly a used one from someone else.

I only pushed one thing on my cousin-- a Minnesota Vikings romper (mostly to tease her DH who was a Carolina Panthers fan). Around a year later I saw a picture of my cousin's SIL holding her own baby, who was wearing the Vikings romper. I like to think it is still out there, somewhere, making the rounds.


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Re: Offering hand-me-downs
« Reply #18 on: January 15, 2014, 01:15:29 AM »
Since you have had an enthusiastic acceptance of the hand me downs, just set up a date to bring it over.