"No dog, no shorts, no cookies." Mom's Christmas rules UPDATE #49,#118 134 FIN

[heartmug]

So glad you updated.  So your brother stayed there just a little while too. 

And I agree that a big BIG joy at Christmas time is watching the little ones open presents.

[esposita]

Meanwhile, one gift my teen kids put together for their young cousins was met with a smile that just got wider and wider, and then the exclamation, "It just makes me so happy!!!"

And that is why we went.  To see the little kids' joy and wonder of Christmas, once a year to see my family, once a year to see that even though I have left, some of my heart is still there.
 

How sweet! That alone would have made it all worth it for me. I'm glad you went too.   

[Hmmmmm]

So glad you had a nice holiday.

[ladyknight1]

Thanks for the update. I am glad things went as well as possible. 

[TootsNYC]

You have *such* a good time with your brother's families, I want to encourage you to brave whatever travel distances and difficulties there are to meet at one another's houses, instead of only at your mom's.

Create a relationship outside of that traditional "parents/kids" model.

And I'm feeling sorry for your mom--it doesn't seem that she "sinks into" and enjoys any of that. Not the time at church, not the activities, etc. It's as if she sees only the -stereotype- of "work" and "scheduling things."

[Twik]

OK, how many others read this title as meaning "If you don't bring your dog while wearing shorts, you won't get a cookie"?

[Marisol]

Did you end up bringing the dog?  Or am I confused?

[blue2000]

Did you end up bringing the dog?  Or am I confused?

Her mom has a dog. RegionMom's dog had a nice staycation at home.

[padua]

did you not like the gift she gave to you? it seems thoughtful, especially if it was something she remembered you liked as a child.

i feel like i'm missing something-

[Kariachi]

did you not like the gift she gave to you? it seems thoughtful, especially if it was something she remembered you liked as a child.

i feel like i'm missing something-

From the sounds of it it's less that she didn't like it and more that she was confused. Her mother got her prints from a book whose author she enjoyed while she was in preschool. Given the OP has older teens now, I doubt she even remembers the book she had outside of a vague recollection of colors and maybe feelings, and she outright stated she didn't recognize one image at all. So less "oh my gods I loved this story! thanks mom!" and more 'I, sorta recognize this? Maybe? What is this...'

[jmarvellous]

did you not like the gift she gave to you? it seems thoughtful, especially if it was something she remembered you liked as a child.

i feel like i'm missing something-

From the sounds of it it's less that she didn't like it and more that she was confused. Her mother got her prints from a book whose author she enjoyed while she was in preschool. Given the OP has older teens now, I doubt she even remembers the book she had outside of a vague recollection of colors and maybe feelings, and she outright stated she didn't recognize one image at all. So less "oh my gods I loved this story! thanks mom!" and more 'I, sorta recognize this? Maybe? What is this...'

On the other hand,  my brother gave me a print from a children's book I don't remember loving. It was from a garage sale. It was big.

I hung it in my bathroom for years. Every time I saw it, I thought fondly of him.

This gift wasn't perfect, but it does sound quite thoughtful!

[ladyknight1]

While the gift could have been purchased and given with good intentions, that the OP's mother said she just wanted it out of her house is more telling to me. I would rather not have a gift at all.

[Marisol]

Did you end up bringing the dog?  Or am I confused?

Her mom has a dog. RegionMom's dog had a nice staycation at home.

Thank you!  I forgot that detail.

[GlitterIsMyDrug]

OK, how many others read this title as meaning "If you don't bring your dog while wearing shorts, you won't get a cookie"?

I did. Like, no shirt, no shoes, no service.

[Piratelvr1121]

So if OP's mom is anything like my grandma (and I suspect she might be), here's how I see the scene playing out.
... mom and who says "What are you talking about Region? You do the cookies every year! Oh the little ones were so looking forward to it, how could you not bring the cookie stuff?", at which point Region blinks...didn't she? Wasn't there a conversation about? "Mom, you said in our talk about the rules, you didn't want Santa cookies this year. Remember, we couldn't bring our dog, we better not wear shorts, and no cookies?", which will get a "What are you talking about. I never said any such thing! You didn't bring the dog? But my little precious was so looking forward to playing with your dog! And now there are no cookies for Santa either?" ...

The technical term is "gaslighting". It's common in toxic people.

No kidding.  After my grandparents died my mother would make a big point that there were NO gifts being exchanged when we went to visit her sisters at her parents home.   It was because aunts just didn't make as much, there wasn't enough money.  I told her "Well I'm making earrings from what I have at home, it's no trouble or cost to me so it really wouldn't be an issue at all.

"WE'RE NOT EXCHANGING GIFTS!"

We get there and you guessed it, not only are they exchanging gifts but my mother clearly had knowledge of it because she's pulling out gifts for them that they've picked out for each other ahead of time.  DH, the boys and I even got gifts from my aunts and here we are with nothing to exchange for what we were given.     They weren't pricey gifts at all, but very nice ones, like one aunt took a beautiful picture of my grandparent's pier at sunset and framed it. Another year she gave us framed photos of our oldest two that were very nice.

Next year:
Me: Tell me what you bought for Aunts and I'll make something pretty to go with it.
Mom gave me a look like I had amnesia: What? I didn't buy them anything, we're not exchanging gifts!
Me:  Uh-huh. Seriously, what did you get them?* I'd like to give them something this year and I'm sure they'd like something to go with whatever you bought. *the gifts were always clothes and my aunts are jewelry wearers*
Mom: I did NOT buy them anything this year, we swore we weren't going to do it.

Yeah, stupid me, I fell for it...they exchanged gifts. The year after that was after the CD but I was SO relieved not to have to play that game again.

*Yeah, I know the response was rude, I was just that annoyed.

Oh and my mother's response? "Oh well those presents don't count! We went shopping together and as a joke we just grabbed something off each other's stack of purchases and bought it for them for Christmas!"

Yeah, Ma, that's a gift.