Author Topic: Wait your turn or reach around?  (Read 4082 times)

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MayHug

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Wait your turn or reach around?
« on: December 09, 2013, 09:33:54 AM »
Recently my husband and I were shopping at Target. We were looking for a small rug for the spare bedroom. There was no one in the rug aisle and we pulled up our cart to the small section of the rugs we were wanting. As we were both standing there looking at different rugs and checking the prices a couple came into the aisle. They came to where we were and he reached over me to grab a rug and asked her "this one?" . No, the other one, he grabbed another one and smacked it into me without a word. But again that was the wrong one as well. The third time he actually grabbed a rug that we were looking at (the only one like it) But at this point I had started to back away and said to my husband we would come back and look.
 I said to the couple as we were leaving " Go ahead we'll come back and look" and they just ignored me. As I was walking away I said to my husband "Well that was rude" I didn't say it loud enough for them to hear as we were already an aisle over.

My husband then got angry at me, he felt I should have moved out of their way right away because they knew what they wanted. Well obviously the husband didn't because he kept asking his wife and grabbing the wrong ones.

Was I wrong to be irritated at them? Is it ok to reach around if you know what you want? Or do you just wait a minute til the person moves?

cicero

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #1 on: December 09, 2013, 09:41:09 AM »
if he had to reach over you to grab something, and smacked into you, then he was too close to you and rude.

your reaction was PA - telling them "you can look, we'll come back" and saying to your husband that they were rude (even if you think they didn't hear you).

It would have been better to say something to him *in the moment* - "excuse me sir, we will be finished in a minute and move".  and your husband was wrong to be angry at YOU - it doesn't matter if they knew what they wanted or not (as it turns out they didn't but that's not the point ) - you were there "first" so you get to browse. if there's not enough room for both couples, then they should wait their turn.

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PastryGoddess

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #2 on: December 09, 2013, 09:42:20 AM »
He should have said excuse me before he reached around you.  Other than that, he was fine.  I think once you realized he was reaching for the rugs, you should have just backed away and let him do his thing before stepping back to look at the rugs.

Harriet Jones

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #3 on: December 09, 2013, 09:43:56 AM »
Neither of you come out clean in this.   The other couple was rude for reaching around, you were rude for your PA remark and flouncing off.

NyaChan

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #4 on: December 09, 2013, 09:47:16 AM »
 I know it hit you once, but I'm leaving that out of it because it is obviously rude to realize you've hit someone (and I guess we don't know if he realized or not) and then not apologize.

If someone reached around me once, I would start moving because I would then know that I'm in their way.  I'd also think they were a little rude for not saying just saying excuse me so I could move first.  Here, the guy omitted the excuse me, and reached around you three times, but you also stayed stationary three times while they were having a conversation that made it obvious that they still needed to reach the rugs. I think in terms of courtesy when you know you are in someone's way, scooting or asking if they needed you to move is the polite thing to do.  So here, I think this was a little bit both your faults in terms of why it happened at all.  Rudeness-wise, on the first reach I think it was him, but by the third I think it was both of you.

MayHug

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #5 on: December 09, 2013, 09:48:18 AM »
if he had to reach over you to grab something, and smacked into you, then he was too close to you and rude.

your reaction was PA - telling them "you can look, we'll come back" and saying to your husband that they were rude (even if you think they didn't hear you).

It would have been better to say something to him *in the moment* - "excuse me sir, we will be finished in a minute and move".  and your husband was wrong to be angry at YOU - it doesn't matter if they knew what they wanted or not (as it turns out they didn't but that's not the point ) - you were there "first" so you get to browse. if there's not enough room for both couples, then they should wait their turn.

I'm not sure I understand how saying go ahead and look we'll come back is PA? I was serious and wasn't snarky. I was moving out of their way to let them look.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #6 on: December 09, 2013, 10:13:57 AM »
They should have a waited a moment and then asked "Excuse me, do you mind if I grab something?" and then you can move and she can show him the exact one she wanted and he wouldn't have needed to try and pick it up over you.

Or the first time he reached over you, you could have said, "Oh, excuse me, did you need something?" and moved to the side. You didn't need to vacate the aisle completely if they had the item they wanted and were putting it in their basket.

Knitterly

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #7 on: December 09, 2013, 10:17:13 AM »
if he had to reach over you to grab something, and smacked into you, then he was too close to you and rude.

your reaction was PA
- telling them "you can look, we'll come back" and saying to your husband that they were rude (even if you think they didn't hear you).

It would have been better to say something to him *in the moment* - "excuse me sir, we will be finished in a minute and move".  and your husband was wrong to be angry at YOU - it doesn't matter if they knew what they wanted or not (as it turns out they didn't but that's not the point ) - you were there "first" so you get to browse. if there's not enough room for both couples, then they should wait their turn.

I think I disagree.  I don't find this passive aggressive at all. 

She backed off and let them look.  It's no more passive aggressive than saying something along the lines of "Why don't I get out of your way?", which is something I say fairly often when it's clear I'm in someone's way and they are bumping around me to get to where I am.

etiquettenut

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #8 on: December 09, 2013, 10:19:50 AM »
Neither of you come out clean in this.   The other couple was rude for reaching around, you were rude for your PA remark and flouncing off.

I disagree. I don't see anything that the OP did wrong, and I don't agree that her remark was PA. Frankly, I think she was quite gracious to say/do that to a couple of rude boors. Reaching over someone without a simple, "excuse me" and knocking into them is always rude in my book. The OP was there first. If rude couple needed to look at something she was also looking at they should have excused themselves first.

I also agree that you were fine to comment to your husband and that he was way off in his response to you. People aren't mind readers- you shouldn't have to guess what they want to look at. If they want to look at something they need to ask not just barrel through like a bull in a china shop.

I really don't see anything you did wrong OP. I think the rudeness was all on the couple.

etiquettenut

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #9 on: December 09, 2013, 10:25:29 AM »
He should have said excuse me before he reached around you.  Other than that, he was fine.  I think once you realized he was reaching for the rugs, you should have just backed away and let him do his thing before stepping back to look at the rugs.

I have to ask, why? Why should the OP have backed away to "let him do his (rude) thing?" She was there first. This guy had the nerve to actually grab something she was actively looking at. Why is the response not that HE should have backed away and waited for the OP to finish doing her thing?

NyaChan

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #10 on: December 09, 2013, 10:38:32 AM »
Because she isn't the only customer in the store.  She didn't need to be standing right there as she was just looking, but someone else obviously needed closer access to the shelf to grab things.  Another customer has no clue how long she plans to stand there and look.  If she had backed away after the first reach, or even the second one, this would have all been moot aside from the, yeah, he should have said excuse me before reaching for an item.

m2kbug

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #11 on: December 09, 2013, 10:42:44 AM »
I think there's fault on both sides of this scenario.  I think you should have moved out of the way a little to allow the other shoppers access to the rugs, especially since they pretty much knew what they wanted, meanwhile you were browsing and undecided.  They would be out of your hair soon enough.    I think the other shoppers should have waited their turn or waited for you to move, and when it was clear you weren't going anywhere soon, before reaching around you, should have said, "Excuse me," or something.  Certainly after bumping you, he should have apologized. 

As for your comment, I would be thinking "whatever," and I'm not sure it was really necessary, and I doubt it accomplished anything.  I really wouldn't care one way or the other what your shopping itinerary is, at least you're not standing in the way anymore.  I just think it's polite to allow space for other shoppers when you're standing there mulling over what it is that you want.

PastryGoddess

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #12 on: December 09, 2013, 10:44:37 AM »
Just because you (general) are standing in front of a shelf doesn't mean that no one else can have access to it.  It's a public store. 

The correct thing to do is to say excuse me and grab what you need off of the shelf.  No one has more "rights" because they were there first.  The reason she should have backed away was because she was still looking and not grabbing anything herself.

Just to be clear, I think he was very rude for just coming in and getting in her space without saying excuse me.  That definitely not ok

Hillia

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #13 on: December 09, 2013, 10:48:29 AM »
He should have said excuse me before he reached around you.  Other than that, he was fine.  I think once you realized he was reaching for the rugs, you should have just backed away and let him do his thing before stepping back to look at the rugs.

I have to ask, why? Why should the OP have backed away to "let him do his (rude) thing?" She was there first. This guy had the nerve to actually grab something she was actively looking at. Why is the response not that HE should have backed away and waited for the OP to finish doing her thing?

Because I do think it's rude to block someone who knows what they want from reaching it if you're still debating.  The other couple was definitely rude for not just saying, 'Excuse me', and of course for bumping the OP, but if I know I want Cheerios, I don't think it's rude of me to ask the person debating the relative merits of Shredded Wheat and Rice Krispies if I could reach around them or if they could move. Why should my day be held up unduly when there's an easy solution?

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Two Ravens

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #14 on: December 09, 2013, 10:48:37 AM »
I think the OP's response "Go ahead we'll come back and look" was a bit PA because it implies that she was doing them a big favor by letting them have access to the shelf,(giving them "permission", in fact) when in reality, they had as much of a right as she had. Being there first doesn't mean she had a right to block the display for as long as she wanted.

But, they should have said "excuse me."
« Last Edit: December 09, 2013, 10:50:18 AM by Two Ravens »