Author Topic: Wait your turn or reach around?  (Read 4078 times)

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MayHug

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #15 on: December 09, 2013, 10:51:54 AM »
I'll accept I was wrong and my husband was right. (He'll be very happy) lol

But I do need to clarify we weren't just standing there staring at the shelf, we were touching and comparing rugs and leaning over to make sure we had the right one for the right price.

LeveeWoman

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #16 on: December 09, 2013, 10:57:41 AM »
Neither of you come out clean in this.   The other couple was rude for reaching around, you were rude for your PA remark and flouncing off.

I don't see her flouncing at all.

lmyrs

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #17 on: December 09, 2013, 11:01:54 AM »
I think that he was very rude because he hit you. The ideal scenario here would have him saying, "Excuse me, I just need to grab one of these." The OP would step back, the man's wife would point it out and they'd leave and the entire thing would take probably less than one minute. As someone upthread mentioned, if I'm debating/comparing/deciding on something and someone else comes by with their mind already made up, it is rude of me not to step aside for a second while he grabs his one thing and moves on. There is no way for him to know that I'm not going to be there all day and he shouldn't have to wait an undetermined amount of time when he can be in and gone in 30 seconds.

But, the way he handled it was rude. If he had opened with and "Excuse me" the whole thing would have been avoided. (Unless the OP hadn't moved after the excuse me. Then she would be very rude.)

gollymolly2

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #18 on: December 09, 2013, 11:11:45 AM »
I think if one person is browsing in a store, and a second person comes up and knows exactly what they want, then they can say excuse me and reach for that item. But if both parties need to browse (assuming it's a small section and theres not room for both to browse at once) then I think the second person needs to wait his turn. Since he had to grab three different rugs, it sounds to me like they were browsing too and should have waited for you to finish.

jaxsue

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #19 on: December 09, 2013, 11:19:27 AM »
Neither of you come out clean in this.   The other couple was rude for reaching around, you were rude for your PA remark and flouncing off.

I don't see her flouncing at all.

ITA.

m2kbug

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #20 on: December 09, 2013, 11:29:13 AM »
I think if one person is browsing in a store, and a second person comes up and knows exactly what they want, then they can say excuse me and reach for that item. But if both parties need to browse (assuming it's a small section and theres not room for both to browse at once) then I think the second person needs to wait his turn. Since he had to grab three different rugs, it sounds to me like they were browsing too and should have waited for you to finish.

And I thought, since it was the woman that seemed to be the choice-maker, she should have been grabbing the rug, not the husband, who had to go through three.  I don't understand why, in situations like this, people don't do it themselves. :)

Firecat

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #21 on: December 09, 2013, 11:41:31 AM »
I think if one person is browsing in a store, and a second person comes up and knows exactly what they want, then they can say excuse me and reach for that item. But if both parties need to browse (assuming it's a small section and theres not room for both to browse at once) then I think the second person needs to wait his turn. Since he had to grab three different rugs, it sounds to me like they were browsing too and should have waited for you to finish.

And I thought, since it was the woman that seemed to be the choice-maker, she should have been grabbing the rug, not the husband, who had to go through three.  I don't understand why, in situations like this, people don't do it themselves. :)

It's possible the woman had difficulty bending or something, but impossible to know from the original story. (It only occurred to me because a couple of weeks ago, I managed to do something - I still haven't figured out what - to my back that had me in serious pain. I could walk, slowly, but turning was painful and bending was out of the question. So my DH was doing a lot of bending and reaching for me.)

Anyway, I think that the man was rude to not at least say "Excuse me" or "Pardon me, I just need to grab one of those." And especially rude to not apologize for at least one of the rugs hitting the OP. I think the OP was possibly wise to decide to come back later.

rigs32

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #22 on: December 09, 2013, 12:52:50 PM »
This happened to me the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.  Very crowded grocery store with an even more crowded baking aisle.  I had a list, I knew what I wanted.  After waiting for two women to finish browsing the evaporated milk area for a few minutes, I finally said excuse me to go in and grab what I needed.  They were causing a backup as they browsed and it was just getting worse.  I got the stink eye from them, but I shouldn't have to wait to grab the items I know I want because they are browsing.

Note, I did say excuse me, however, and that's where the guy who reached around OP went wrong.

Luci

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #23 on: December 09, 2013, 01:23:44 PM »
Even in our own kitchen, if I am looking in the fridge for something, Lucas does not reach around me, bumping me, to get what he wants and can easily see without acknowledging me. At the grocer's, if someone is clearly looking at every salad dressing making a decision and I know exactly what I want and where it it is, I say, "Would you mind if I jump in here to grab what I need?" "Thank you.

It may be a public store, but OP was at that spot first, needed a bit of time, so no matter what, the other couple should not have behaved that way. They did not know what they wanted! If they had, they should have stated it.

I would have politely defended myself, saying,"I will look through these real quick and be out of your way. Thanks." That kind of matter of fact, forthright stance usually makes people back down. If they hadn't, I don't know what I would do. Probably walked off because the next step would be physical.

I see nothing wrong with the OP's actions. A little weak-spined, maybe, but that is her decision.

TurtleDove

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #24 on: December 09, 2013, 01:45:16 PM »
At the grocer's, if someone is clearly looking at every salad dressing making a decision and I know exactly what I want and where it it is, I say, "Would you mind if I jump in here to grab what I need?" "Thank you.

This, although I wouldn't phrase it this way because, really, I don't need their permission.  I generally say, "excuse me!" with a bright smile.

Here, I think the other couple should have said excuse me and should have apologized for bumping the OP, but I also think the OP should have shifted so both couples could look at the same time. 

Firecat

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #25 on: December 09, 2013, 01:53:37 PM »
At the grocer's, if someone is clearly looking at every salad dressing making a decision and I know exactly what I want and where it it is, I say, "Would you mind if I jump in here to grab what I need?" "Thank you.

This, although I wouldn't phrase it this way because, really, I don't need their permission.  I generally say, "excuse me!" with a bright smile.

Here, I think the other couple should have said excuse me and should have apologized for bumping the OP, but I also think the OP should have shifted so both couples could look at the same time.

I usually go with "Excuse me, just need to grab the X" with a smile, which seems to work well. It lets people know that I know exactly what I need and won't delay them long. Of course, being me, I've actually gotten into conversations with people this way, usually along the lines of "have you ever tried Y, and how does it compare to X" or "do you know which ones are organic/sugar free/gluten free". But that's fine - I don't mind helping if I can. (Seriously, strangers tell me their life stories. Men ask me for help in the feminine products aisle. People new to events I'm involved with always seem to find me. Apparently there's a neon sign above my head of which I am unaware.)

ladyknight1

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #26 on: December 09, 2013, 02:30:53 PM »
I have a pet peeve of shoppers blocking a busy area with their carts, but I always say "excuse me" and I never reach over anyone. I'll either wait for what I need or get everything else I need first.

cicero

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #27 on: December 09, 2013, 02:31:37 PM »
if he had to reach over you to grab something, and smacked into you, then he was too close to you and rude.

your reaction was PA - telling them "you can look, we'll come back" and saying to your husband that they were rude (even if you think they didn't hear you).

It would have been better to say something to him *in the moment* - "excuse me sir, we will be finished in a minute and move".  and your husband was wrong to be angry at YOU - it doesn't matter if they knew what they wanted or not (as it turns out they didn't but that's not the point ) - you were there "first" so you get to browse. if there's not enough room for both couples, then they should wait their turn.

I'm not sure I understand how saying go ahead and look we'll come back is PA? I was serious and wasn't snarky. I was moving out of their way to let them look.
sorry - it *sounds* like it is PA. If it wasn't then I apologize for jumping to this conclusion.

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sweetonsno

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #28 on: December 09, 2013, 03:09:31 PM »
if he had to reach over you to grab something, and smacked into you, then he was too close to you and rude.

your reaction was PA - telling them "you can look, we'll come back" and saying to your husband that they were rude (even if you think they didn't hear you).

It would have been better to say something to him *in the moment* - "excuse me sir, we will be finished in a minute and move".  and your husband was wrong to be angry at YOU - it doesn't matter if they knew what they wanted or not (as it turns out they didn't but that's not the point ) - you were there "first" so you get to browse. if there's not enough room for both couples, then they should wait their turn.

I'm not sure I understand how saying go ahead and look we'll come back is PA? I was serious and wasn't snarky. I was moving out of their way to let them look.
sorry - it *sounds* like it is PA. If it wasn't then I apologize for jumping to this conclusion.

It sounded PA to me, too. My reasoning is that the phrasing implied that the couple should have asked for permission to look but didn't. It's kind of like when someone takes something off of your plate without asking and you say, "Oh, help yourself." I guess that given the situation, your comment didn't come across as very sincere.

etiquettenut

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #29 on: December 09, 2013, 03:18:24 PM »
He should have said excuse me before he reached around you.  Other than that, he was fine.  I think once you realized he was reaching for the rugs, you should have just backed away and let him do his thing before stepping back to look at the rugs.

I have to ask, why? Why should the OP have backed away to "let him do his (rude) thing?" She was there first. This guy had the nerve to actually grab something she was actively looking at. Why is the response not that HE should have backed away and waited for the OP to finish doing her thing?

Because I do think it's rude to block someone who knows what they want from reaching it if you're still debating.  The other couple was definitely rude for not just saying, 'Excuse me', and of course for bumping the OP, but if I know I want Cheerios, I don't think it's rude of me to ask the person debating the relative merits of Shredded Wheat and Rice Krispies if I could reach around them or if they could move. Why should my day be held up unduly when there's an easy solution?

Oh, I agree with you that it would be rude to knowingly block someone from accessing the shelves. However, if (general) you don't open your mouth, I'm not going to play mind-reader. How do I know you are going to grab one thing and not usurp my position while you browse for 15 minutes unless you say so? I also agree that it is in no-way rude to say, "excuse me, I just need to grab some Cheerios."

My problem with the OP is that the couple did none of these things. They never once said excuse me. Additionally, they clearly did not know what they wanted because they had to reach in 3 times.

This sums up how I feel nicely.

 
I think if one person is browsing in a store, and a second person comes up and knows exactly what they want, then they can say excuse me and reach for that item. But if both parties need to browse (assuming it's a small section and theres not room for both to browse at once) then I think the second person needs to wait his turn. Since he had to grab three different rugs, it sounds to me like they were browsing too and should have waited for you to finish.