Author Topic: Wait your turn or reach around?  (Read 4065 times)

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Lynn2000

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #30 on: December 09, 2013, 03:25:16 PM »
I think the guy was rude for just reaching into the OP's space and grabbing something, especially when it hit her and he didn't apologize (assuming he noticed). In fact it seemed like he and his companion were just completely ignoring the OP and her DH, even though they were standing right there and were actually in the couple's way, which is just kind of weird.

I think after the first time he did that I would have just moved, though. I don't know if it's polite or necessary or what, but *I* wouldn't have wanted to be between this guy and what he wanted, when he wouldn't even acknowledge my existence to say "excuse me." I think it's kind of weird that the OP just stood there, but sometimes in the moment you don't always think about what to do or realize the person is going to get in your space again. Also if the OP's DH was so certain they should have moved and let the other couple in, he could have said so in the moment, or moved himself and the cart as a signal to the OP, instead of just standing there through the whole thing and then being mad at her for not moving.
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TootsNYC

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #31 on: December 09, 2013, 04:01:24 PM »
He should have said excuse me before he reached around you.  Other than that, he was fine.  I think once you realized he was reaching for the rugs, you should have just backed away and let him do his thing before stepping back to look at the rugs.

I agree--they should have said "excuse me."
But I also think you should have shifted out of their way. And as Lynn2000 said, I'd have moved even if only in self-preservation.

(They did too know what they wanted--the wife did, anyway, and I agree that in a store like that, where there isn't a line, you should shift. Of course, it's smart to also immediately pick up the one you are considering, if it's the only one in the stack.)


(was the OP's DH mad at her for not moving, or mad at her for saying that the other people were rude, whether it was because he just didn't like the judgementalness, or whether he thought she might have been overheard?)

cheyne

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #32 on: December 09, 2013, 04:32:20 PM »

~Respectfully snipped~

(was the OP's DH mad at her for not moving, or mad at her for saying that the other people were rude, whether it was because he just didn't like the judgementalness, or whether he thought she might have been overheard?)

The other couple was rude for not saying "excuse me" and of course for bumping you.  You (general) are allowed to browse in a store, I don't believe that is rude.

I don't understand OP's DH getting mad at her though.  My DH would have said something to the other man if he had seen him bump or hit me and certainly wouldn't "get mad" at me even if he thought I was somewhat rude to the other couple (he might have a quiet word with me).

MayHug

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #33 on: December 09, 2013, 04:38:19 PM »
He should have said excuse me before he reached around you.  Other than that, he was fine.  I think once you realized he was reaching for the rugs, you should have just backed away and let him do his thing before stepping back to look at the rugs.

I agree--they should have said "excuse me."
But I also think you should have shifted out of their way. And as Lynn2000 said, I'd have moved even if only in self-preservation.

(They did too know what they wanted--the wife did, anyway, and I agree that in a store like that, where there isn't a line, you should shift. Of course, it's smart to also immediately pick up the one you are considering, if it's the only one in the stack.)


(was the OP's DH mad at her for not moving, or mad at her for saying that the other people were rude, whether it was because he just didn't like the judgementalness, or whether he thought she might have been overheard?)
OP here:

My husband felt I was rude for not immediately stepping back. I didn't realize they were going to keep coming back or I would have. But I'll accept I was in the wrong. I wasn't trying to be rude or PA when I moved and said we'd come back. I told him I thought they were rude after he said I should have immediately stepped out of the way. And that was after we had moved over and aisle.

Figgie

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #34 on: December 09, 2013, 10:00:17 PM »
I've been buying different food items than I normally buy for the Christmas holidays.  Which means I've been spending more time reading labels and comparing prices than I usually do.

People who know what they want generally say "excuse me" and I then apologize and tell them that I've been in everyone's way today.  We share a laugh and smile, they grab their item and I go back to reading and comparing.

When I'm engrossed looking at items, I'm not going to notice someone who comes up who wants to grab something quickly.  That's why their saying something works better. 

And I try to remember that just because I was there first, doesn't mean that I should prevent someone who knows what they want from grabbing it and getting on with their shopping.

AliciaLynette

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #35 on: December 10, 2013, 04:53:15 AM »
Frankly, in the OP's situation, I don't see her being rude at all.

If I had been in that situation, where I and Mr are clearly comparing rugs/whatever to purchase, if somebody leans over me and grabs one, hitting me with it or not, I would say in a very snotty tone "Excuse me!" and decidedly not move.  All the rudeness lies with the other couple here.  They didn't have the manners to either say "excuse me" or to wait a few moments to let us finish choosing, and thus deserve what they get.
And, if Mr criticises me for my behaviour/comments, he's getting it in the neck when we get home. 
Luckily for him, he's only criticised my behaviour once, at a party when I wasn't feeling well and thus was abrupt with someone who tried to get me to drink alcohol, and he's never done it again after the mouthful he got from me later.
Children are natural mimics; they act like their parents in spite of every effort to teach them good manners.
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PastryGoddess

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #36 on: December 10, 2013, 05:56:31 AM »
Frankly, in the OP's situation, I don't see her being rude at all.

If I had been in that situation, where I and Mr are clearly comparing rugs/whatever to purchase, if somebody leans over me and grabs one, hitting me with it or not, I would say in a very snotty tone "Excuse me!" and decidedly not move.  All the rudeness lies with the other couple here.  They didn't have the manners to either say "excuse me" or to wait a few moments to let us finish choosing, and thus deserve what they get.
And, if Mr criticises me for my behaviour/comments, he's getting it in the neck when we get home. 
Luckily for him, he's only criticised my behaviour once, at a party when I wasn't feeling well and thus was abrupt with someone who tried to get me to drink alcohol, and he's never done it again after the mouthful he got from me later.

That's retaliatory rudeness and makes you just as bad as the offender

Victim Of Fate

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #37 on: December 10, 2013, 07:10:27 AM »
I think that the rudeness in the specific example of the OP is impossible to gauge without actually being there.

But, I do think that the idea that by virtue of being somewhere first in a store, you are somehow in control of that bit of the store until such time as you choose to move on is wrong. I mean, if it's access to a salesperson or a counter, then you are, but if it's just an aisle and shelves, then you have no more right to it than any other customer.

That said, if someone is clearly about to select an item and then move, it would be rude to expect them to allow you to do so first, but not if they are browsing. Of course you should always say "excuse me" and wait for them to allow you access to the merchandise, but the first customer would have no justification for saying "No, we're still looking", so that "excuse me" is just politeness, not a request for permission.

It's impossible to say who was really in the wrong in the OP, because we don't know whether the second customer was being surly or oblivious, and we don't know how long the OP and her husband were browsing for in that bit of the store.

*inviteseller

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #38 on: December 10, 2013, 07:59:50 AM »
I would have given the couple the glare of death and probably would have moved because they were not going to have a sudden moment of clarity that they were rude and change their ways.  Your DH was wrong to think you were wrong..these people were in your personal space and something had to be done to remedy that and walking away was the best option.

oogyda

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Re: Wait your turn or reach around?
« Reply #39 on: December 10, 2013, 08:24:57 AM »
The way you describe it in your post, there was yourself, the shopping cart and your DH blocking approximately 5-7 (or more) feet the section in front of the rugs.  For quite some time. When someone does that, I think the onus is on them to be vigilantly aware of the possibility another shopper might need to access the items.  So I agree with your DH.   

It was rude of the man to not say "Excuse me." or something else to indicate that he wanted access to the shelves.  I'm thinking that even though it was the woman who knew what they needed, it's possible she could not have reached around/between you two, so that's why it was him. 

It's not what we gather along the way that matters.  It's what we scatter.