Author Topic: The SPECIFICALLY not-invited guest - UPDATE #219  (Read 28108 times)

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BarensMom

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Re: The SPECIFICALLY not-invited guest (who was brought along, nonetheless)
« Reply #210 on: December 16, 2013, 12:59:36 PM »
While reading this thread, I was struck with one question that I must have answered before I can make my decision: Did the "no gf/bf" rule affect anyone other than Larry? If it did, and the people complied without issue, then he has no leg to stand on (not that anything excuses his rudeness of bringing an uninvited person).

However, if Larry was the only one affected by this, I would actually have sympathy for him and think that the Aunt was being, if not rude, unkind. If it was indeed only his new GF who was excluded, I would actually be on his side. If other family members were not allowed to bring bf/gf then he gets no support from me.

I think it was a blanket "no boy/girlfriends, friends, neighbors, or stray people" rule.  At least that what I picked up from the OP.

gellchom

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Re: The SPECIFICALLY not-invited guest (who was brought along, nonetheless)
« Reply #211 on: December 16, 2013, 01:00:46 PM »
I'm just posting to thank TeenyWeeny and mime for their excellent, thoughtful posts.

It's so distressing to see people rush to presume the most extreme, one-sided facts and circumstances and crank up the drama and condemnation in every situation. 

Do "reality" TV shows have anything to do with this? 

perpetua

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Re: The SPECIFICALLY not-invited guest (who was brought along, nonetheless)
« Reply #212 on: December 16, 2013, 01:01:38 PM »
While reading this thread, I was struck with one question that I must have answered before I can make my decision: Did the "no gf/bf" rule affect anyone other than Larry? If it did, and the people complied without issue, then he has no leg to stand on (not that anything excuses his rudeness of bringing an uninvited person).

However, if Larry was the only one affected by this, I would actually have sympathy for him and think that the Aunt was being, if not rude, unkind. If it was indeed only his new GF who was excluded, I would actually be on his side. If other family members were not allowed to bring bf/gf then he gets no support from me.

I think it was a blanket "no boy/girlfriends, friends, neighbors, or stray people" rule.  At least that what I picked up from the OP.

That's the impression that I got from the OP too. I suppose the question then is 'what if some of those boyfriends/girlfriends were live-in?' - does that still make Auntie the non-rude one, or is she rude to try and co-opt a big holiday in that way for her own pleasure?

One of those things we will never know, I suppose  :)

TurtleDove

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Re: The SPECIFICALLY not-invited guest (who was brought along, nonetheless)
« Reply #213 on: December 16, 2013, 01:23:12 PM »
While reading this thread, I was struck with one question that I must have answered before I can make my decision: Did the "no gf/bf" rule affect anyone other than Larry? If it did, and the people complied without issue, then he has no leg to stand on (not that anything excuses his rudeness of bringing an uninvited person).

However, if Larry was the only one affected by this, I would actually have sympathy for him and think that the Aunt was being, if not rude, unkind. If it was indeed only his new GF who was excluded, I would actually be on his side. If other family members were not allowed to bring bf/gf then he gets no support from me.

I think it was a blanket "no boy/girlfriends, friends, neighbors, or stray people" rule.  At least that what I picked up from the OP.

We still do not know whether anyone else actually had a boyfriend or girlfriend (as opposed to a spouse). This was my concern from way upthread as well.  Given the obvious disdain for Larry's relationship history in the initial post, I got the sense it was pointedly against Larry.  I don't see this being about space because if Larry were still married presumably his wife would have been invited. 

Hmmmmm

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Re: The SPECIFICALLY not-invited guest (who was brought along, nonetheless)
« Reply #214 on: December 16, 2013, 01:29:43 PM »
Just re-reading the OP, and at no point does it state that Larry does not live with his 'new' girlfriend ('new' could mean a number of different things). So for all we know, they could actually be a social unit according to the 'rules'. Until that's clarified (if it ever can be) then we don't know that Auntie and the rest of the family weren't rude in excluding her.

Since both his father and his cousin advised him that he shouldn't bring his girlfriend I think it is safe to assume he doesn't fall under the usual terms for social unit.

That's supposition, though. Perhaps they don't know the 'rule'.  Perhaps Auntie really did just want 'only family members' despite that, in which case she was the rude one.  We'd have to wait for the OP to see his friend again to clarify that, though. I can't wait for the update  :)

But we've all said that if the GF fell into the socially accepteble standards (engaged, living together) then the Aunt shouldn't have excluded her because that goes against etiquette standards of inviting half of a social unit.

Teenyweeny

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Re: The SPECIFICALLY not-invited guest (who was brought along, nonetheless)
« Reply #215 on: December 16, 2013, 01:31:22 PM »
While reading this thread, I was struck with one question that I must have answered before I can make my decision: Did the "no gf/bf" rule affect anyone other than Larry? If it did, and the people complied without issue, then he has no leg to stand on (not that anything excuses his rudeness of bringing an uninvited person).

However, if Larry was the only one affected by this, I would actually have sympathy for him and think that the Aunt was being, if not rude, unkind. If it was indeed only his new GF who was excluded, I would actually be on his side. If other family members were not allowed to bring bf/gf then he gets no support from me.

I think it was a blanket "no boy/girlfriends, friends, neighbors, or stray people" rule.  At least that what I picked up from the OP.

We still do not know whether anyone else actually had a boyfriend or girlfriend (as opposed to a spouse). This was my concern from way upthread as well.  Given the obvious disdain for Larry's relationship history in the initial post, I got the sense it was pointedly against Larry.  I don't see this being about space because if Larry were still married presumably his wife would have been invited.

Yeah, I mean my MIL could make a rule that only married spouses are invited to dinner, but in practice that means that she excludes only one person's partner, because all of the other siblings are married. Sure, she could say, "it's the same rule for everybody", but in reality it targets one specific person.



Wordgeek

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Re: The SPECIFICALLY not-invited guest (who was brought along, nonetheless)
« Reply #216 on: December 16, 2013, 01:33:06 PM »
Locked, because this is going in circles.

Wordgeek

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Re: The SPECIFICALLY not-invited guest (who was brought along, nonetheless)
« Reply #217 on: January 08, 2014, 05:06:48 PM »
And reopened, to allow an update.

Katana_Geldar

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Re: The SPECIFICALLY not-invited guest (who was brought along, nonetheless)
« Reply #218 on: January 08, 2014, 07:43:19 PM »
Interested in seeing this!

snappylt

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Re: The SPECIFICALLY not-invited guest (who was brought along, nonetheless)
« Reply #219 on: January 08, 2014, 11:34:18 PM »
OP here, with an update with more information.

I saw my friend briefly this weekend and I asked him to please finish his interrupted story about Thanksgiving at his elderly aunt's house.

(For those who asked, my friend said that he heard that Larry moved in with the girlfriend around Christmas - but at Thanksgiving they were not living together.)

When Larry showed up at the door with the guest who he was told not to bring, the elderly aunt got very upset.  My friend told me their aunt had Larry come with her into another room where she "chewed him out" very loudly for bringing a guest he had been told not to bring.  Larry and the aunt left the door to that other room open, and the aunt's angry comments were heard by all, including the girlfriend.

After that, the gathering went on as before.  Larry stayed, with his girlfriend, even after the angry comments from the hostess.  An extra place was made at one of the tables and Larry and his girlfriend stayed for Thanksgiving Dinner.

My friend was upset with Larry for upsetting their elderly aunt, so my friend sat at a different table and didn't speak to Larry or the girlfriend.  My friend said he felt like it was a very awkward meal when Larry and the girlfriend stayed on even after their aunt told him his guest was not welcome.



Comments?  (I felt sorry for the girlfriend!)

LeveeWoman

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Re: The SPECIFICALLY not-invited guest - UPDATE #219
« Reply #220 on: January 08, 2014, 11:38:54 PM »
I'd run for the hills if I were the girlfriend. She's immersing herself into a toxic brew.

Mel the Redcap

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Re: The SPECIFICALLY not-invited guest - UPDATE #219
« Reply #221 on: January 08, 2014, 11:53:35 PM »
WOW. If I was the girlfriend, I would have apologised to the aunt and left, with or without Larry, even if that meant taking a taxi (if we'd come in his car) or stranding the jerk (if we'd come in mine). That assumes she didn't know she wasn't invited, of course, because if he told her "Aunt doesn't want anyone but family but I'm ignoring that" and she came anyway I think they're well suited. :P
"Set aphasia to stun!"

sammycat

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Re: The SPECIFICALLY not-invited guest - UPDATE #219
« Reply #222 on: January 09, 2014, 01:03:48 AM »
WOW. If I was the girlfriend, I would have apologised to the aunt and left, with or without Larry, even if that meant taking a taxi (if we'd come in his car) or stranding the jerk (if we'd come in mine). That assumes she didn't know she wasn't invited, of course, because if he told her "Aunt doesn't want anyone but family but I'm ignoring that" and she came anyway I think they're well suited. :P

I agree.

Assuming the gf didn't know she wasn't welcome, she needs to run as fast as she can from this selfish individual.

Shame on Larry for being such a self centred, selfish, person as to go out of his way to actively try and ruin an elderly lady's special occasion.  >:(

TurtleDove

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Re: The SPECIFICALLY not-invited guest - UPDATE #219
« Reply #223 on: January 09, 2014, 01:16:09 AM »
Any word whether Larry was the only one who had an unwelcomed SO? I think this situation was quite awkward, but aunt handled it very poorly.

Katana_Geldar

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Re: The SPECIFICALLY not-invited guest - UPDATE #219
« Reply #224 on: January 09, 2014, 01:21:04 AM »
I think the aunt was well in her rights to chew Larry out after he brought an uninvited guest after he was told several times not to. If I was Larry's girlfriend I would have been mortified if I thought I wasn't welcome, that's not the way you introduce a SO into the family!

If Larry wanted to introduce his girlfriend so badly, he could have had her pop over before or after dinner without staying as long as it was made clear that she wasn't.