If You Are Going to Regift, How About Not Letting Me Know?

[Mel the Redcap]

I don't think there is anything inherently *wrong* with regifting. If i am at a gift-giving ocassion, and i have a [box of chocolates/picture frame/suitable gift] that I received and do not want/like/have use for, i don't see why not. to me - there is no difference between *taking the gift that someone gave me, and using it, and using my other money to buy a new gift for you* and *taking the gift that someone gave me, and giving it to someone else, and using my other money to buy groceries*. IOW - that gift i received and don't need/want becomes part of my *pooled resources*.

I wouldn't regift something that I found offensive, something that i knew was the wrong size for the other person, SWAG, or something really cheapie. IOW - i wouldn't regift something that I wouldn't go out and buy in the first place. and i haven't actually re-gifted a lot of times, but as i said upthread, i once received a beautiful classic crystal vase as a wedding gift. it was simply not my style - but i knew that the person i gave it to would like it.

Yes. Both of these bolded statements, in particular, sum up my thoughts beautifully. Once something is given, it becomes ours to do with as we will. This may include saving it for a future gift-giving occasion. One shouldn't let the original gifter find out, of course, but that would apply in any case where one is getting rid of a gift.

I have no idea why I have this emotional divide between "giving an unwanted gift away to someone in a casual manner = okay" and "wrapping it up and giving it on a gift-giving occasion = not okay". None whatsoever. I completely understand that other people feel differently, and because I can't say why I feel it's wrong I'm not going to try to convince anyone to my point of view... but if I found out that someone had re-gifted something I gave them in that way, or had re-gifted something to me as my birthday or Christmas present, I would feel... I dunno. Hurt? Annoyed? I think I would feel like they hadn't put any thought or effort into it, which is silly if it's something that I would really like. It makes no sense for them to be given Shiny Toy A, not want it, realise it would make a perfect present for me, and then go out and buy a new Shiny Toy A specifically to give to me while the first Shiny Toy A either sits around their house or gets donated to charity or whatever... but it's what I would probably do in that situation.

Yeah, I freely admit I'm weird.

[Lynn2000]

To me, regifting is one of those things where when it's done well, you never notice; you only notice when someone botches it, like by telling you about it or giving you something you had given them previously or presenting as new something obviously used. I think a lot of regifting goes on that people never notice, because the regifter is discreet and organized about it.

Also, I think attitude is important--not necessarily in an etiquette sense, but more in shaping the opinion of a third party. If someone's like, "I've got to get a gift for X, but I really don't care about it, so I will give them this generic thing I had lying around the house that I don't even know or care if they'll like"--if that's the only thing you ever hear about regifting, I can totally understand seeing it in a negative light. To me, that's in the same category as going out to buy, brand-new, a generic gift for someone, without caring whether they really like it or not. Yes, you had to put slightly more effort into it because you went out and spent money, but you certainly didn't put anymore thought or goodwill into it.

But I think it's also possible to regift with the attitude of, "This thing I happen to already have, which I don't really care for and haven't used, would be perfect for X! I would probably have bought it for X brand-new if I'd seen it in a store and didn't already have it." Give me that any day over someone handing over an obligatory, thoughtless gift.

[padua]

I don't know. In reading this, I can see it playing out where she genuinely loved the calendar. Then she discovered she was short one gift since someone ate the chocolates. And she needs it asap because she's meetng clients. So, faced with a choice between going out shopping the day or two after Xmas or finding something she already owns, she made this choice. You couldn't pay me to go to a store right after Xmas.

i was thinking this same thing. especially if the calender perfectly represented what her company does. regifted out of panic, maybe?

[LilacGirl1983]

I agree with majority. If done with sincere thoughts that I would like it thats fine and if its not obviously used. One of hubbys Aunts "gifted" her daughters old shoes to my daughter and wrapped it up in christmas wrapping paper for christmas..my daughter was hurt since they were obviously used and a hand me down with no thought put it in

[Mikayla]

I've regifted once and it was a stunning success, but unusual circumstances.

I was MOH when my college roomie/best friend got married.  My gift was a Tiffany pearl necklace.  Astoundingly generous on her part, but apparently we had never had that convo where I explain I loathe pearls.  I won't even buy a watch with a mother-of-pearl face. 

So it sat in its box and I re-gifted to my stepmom for Christmas.  She was beyond thrilled,, but uncomfortable with what she thought I'd spent.  I ended up telling her the truth, and that I thought of her immediately when I opened it. 

The friend in the OP had some bad timing, but I don't think she did anything terribly wrong.

[VorFemme]

I have a "gift shelf" in the linen closet.  Things that I find here & there during the year (sales, something that I see that is "perfect" for someone else and they haven't mentioned buying one already, or sometimes something that I buy for myself that turns out to be the wrong size & can't be returned - I may pull a last minute gift out due to having been too busy or too sick to go shopping; it may be a source for a White Elephant gift [a purple purse that was too small to hold MY stuff got stolen at the Red Hat Society group's Christmas party and a wallet too small for me - no check book - ended up going home with another family member....not as her present, because that got shipped to her house, but as a "place keeper" until she got home because it got delivered two days late...the day after they left home]).

If a "place keeper" gets passed along to someone else - I don't take it personally - it might have been "next year's White Elephant" or it might have been donated to a garage sale fund raiser....but I would not have been using it, since it had no -place to put a checkbook).