Author Topic: another question  (Read 4143 times)

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LilacGirl1983

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another question
« on: December 11, 2013, 04:37:32 PM »
Thoughts ladies? My daughter told me this happened at school today. She was sitting in line to go to the bus and told another little boy to go to the back of line because he can't budge and another little girl yelled at her that he has to be up front and spat in her face. My daughter told told her to stop yelling at her and turned around. I m not sure if she was yelling and spit just came flying out or if she actually spat at my daughter..but I am upset but dont want to be over bearing you know?

MummySweet

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Re: another question
« Reply #1 on: December 11, 2013, 04:42:08 PM »
Assuming it's a one -off, let it go.  It's important for children to learn to handle controversy.  Your daughter did the right thing by turning around and not continuing to engage.

TurtleDove

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Re: another question
« Reply #2 on: December 11, 2013, 04:45:44 PM »
It matters on some level how old these kids are, but I agree with MummySweet.

Deetee

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Re: another question
« Reply #3 on: December 11, 2013, 04:49:40 PM »
Ditto previous poster.

My daughter's school has a specific way that they teach the kids to deal with situations like this. (And this is a situation your daughter should deal with). It's called WITS, where you Walk away (not applicable here as she must stay in line), Ignore (which your daughter did) Talk it out ( which she also did by telling her not to do that) and finally Seek help (where you get an adult involved)

http://witsprogram.ca/schools/primary-program/

I think the best thing is to tell your daughter she handled the situation well and point out the specific steps that she took to deal with it and what she can do if it happens again.

 In the absence of systematic bullying/very bad behavior it is more important that your daughter learn to deal with difficult peer to peer situations than that they never happen in the first place.

mspallaton

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Re: another question
« Reply #4 on: December 11, 2013, 04:50:04 PM »
I'm not sure I understand how this started... what do you mean by "can't budge".  Why was your daughter telling another child to go to the back of the line?  It is never okay for someone to be spat on, but I don't think I'm getting a clear picture of what happened here.

m2kbug

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Re: another question
« Reply #5 on: December 11, 2013, 04:58:42 PM »
What exactly do you mean by telling the boy to go to the back of the line because he can't budge? 

First, try to figure out exactly what she means by spit on her.  Ask her to demonstrate.  If this boy has to go first, your daughter needs to know that, and she shouldn't be bossing people around.  Also, if this other girl is mean to her, she needs to let you know.  I think she did good by not continuing to engage this other girl and telling you about it.

To take it further, which I don't think I would do right now, you could call the Department of Transportation and ask them to clarify the situation with this boy or if the bus driver saw what happened.  If any other parents wait at the bus stop, see if they saw anything.  You could contact the school or her teacher and see if they can guide you, help figure out exactly what happened, or contact the other parents.  Again, I don't think I would leap to this step immediately, but I have contacted the school over an issue of the kids when walking home, even though it was off campus.  They take the safety of the kids very seriously from door to door, so if there's a big major problem, they can probably help you resolve it.

jaxsue

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Re: another question
« Reply #6 on: December 11, 2013, 05:10:26 PM »
Yeah, I am confused by the "can't budge" thing, too.

LilacGirl1983

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Re: another question
« Reply #7 on: December 11, 2013, 06:32:16 PM »
She was at school waiting for the bus. Another boy tried to get in front of her so she told him "don't budge" They are in Kindergarten. I called the secretary and just told her what happened and so she can get it figured out. My daughter did tell the teacher standing with them. Its a first time I heard about it. So I called the secretary and let her know and then emailed her with further details once I got more from my daughter.

Mergatroyd

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Re: another question
« Reply #8 on: December 11, 2013, 06:43:54 PM »
Is there some kind of "special star/helper." (No really, that's what they are called. Teacher's pet of the day basically, taken in turns) in this class? When a child in the special star, they get to be at the front of every class line, help hand out things, and point to the weather or whatever.

Was there other children in the lineup other than the k's? Could the girl have been a sister of his? Perhaps his parents have informed the school that if they don't want to be cleaning up puke, he gets the front seat on the bus? (Therefore being the first one ON the bus?)

Realistically, this is just the beginning. I would not have called the school over this. Is this your oldest child/only child OP? Even in kindergarten there are SS's and mean girls. It is best for your child to figure out how to deal with them. She did well, but IMO this wasn't worth calling about, as a one time thing. If it happens again, then I would phone.

I have had to talk to teachers about things, I find they are a lot more willing to deal with a parent who isn't calling every day to complain or verify the slightest thing. Now, it is excellent that you are aware of what is going on, but possibly a better way to get the inside scoop is to go help out in the classroom if possible.

MummySweet

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Re: another question
« Reply #9 on: December 11, 2013, 07:08:41 PM »
Is there some kind of "special star/helper." (No really, that's what they are called. Teacher's pet of the day basically, taken in turns) in this class? When a child in the special star, they get to be at the front of every class line, help hand out things, and point to the weather or whatever.

Was there other children in the lineup other than the k's? Could the girl have been a sister of his? Perhaps his parents have informed the school that if they don't want to be cleaning up puke, he gets the front seat on the bus? (Therefore being the first one ON the bus?)

Realistically, this is just the beginning. I would not have called the school over this. Is this your oldest child/only child OP? Even in kindergarten there are SS's and mean girls. It is best for your child to figure out how to deal with them. She did well, but IMO this wasn't worth calling about, as a one time thing. If it happens again, then I would phone.

I have had to talk to teachers about things, I find they are a lot more willing to deal with a parent who isn't calling every day to complain or verify the slightest thing. Now, it is excellent that you are aware of what is going on, but possibly a better way to get the inside scoop is to go help out in the classroom if possible.

This is excellent observation and advice.

*inviteseller

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Re: another question
« Reply #10 on: December 11, 2013, 07:40:21 PM »
Kids need to learn to work things out.  Unless it is constant harassment or physical violence, I would talk to your DD about how to handle this peacefully otherwise you run the risk of being 'that parent' that calls every time your DD feels she has been wronged.  The question though, is why did your DD tell the other kid no instead of telling the teacher?  The other girl might have been sticking up for him and your DD might not have been the angel she is portraying herself to be...hard to believe but I learned very quickly there was my DD's version that always painted her in the very bestest, never would do anything wrong light, then there would be the adult version where DD was being a bit bossy  ::).  Let your DD know you will listen, but never take a 5 year olds word for the gospel..just saying they can embellish or in their anger or fright can not be the best witness.  Sometimes we parents have to be Perry Mason, question all the witnesses and make sure the accuser is absolutely correct. 

Deetee

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Re: another question
« Reply #11 on: December 11, 2013, 07:57:02 PM »
Kids need to learn to work things out.  Unless it is constant harassment or physical violence, I would talk to your DD about how to handle this peacefully otherwise you run the risk of being 'that parent' that calls every time your DD feels she has been wronged.  The question though, is why did your DD tell the other kid no instead of telling the teacher?  The other girl might have been sticking up for him and your DD might not have been the angel she is portraying herself to be...hard to believe but I learned very quickly there was my DD's version that always painted her in the very bestest, never would do anything wrong light, then there would be the adult version where DD was being a bit bossy  ::).  Let your DD know you will listen, but never take a 5 year olds word for the gospel..just saying they can embellish or in their anger or fright can not be the best witness.  Sometimes we parents have to be Perry Mason, question all the witnesses and make sure the accuser is absolutely correct.

I agree with all this.

I also believe you need to know that there was an incident before you inform the school secretary. Right now all you know is that another girl spoke harshly to your daughter and maybe spat at her or maybe spoke so some spittle flew in your kids direction?

wjones5

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Re: another question
« Reply #12 on: December 11, 2013, 08:26:53 PM »
::delurks::

I thought I could shed some light by pointing out that to "budge" means to cut in line.
"Don't budge" = "Don't cut in front of me."

::relurks::

artk2002

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Re: another question
« Reply #13 on: December 11, 2013, 08:29:49 PM »
::delurks::

I thought I could shed some light by pointing out that to "budge" means to cut in line.
"Don't budge" = "Don't cut in front of me."

::relurks::

Thank you. I think that most of us have never heard the term used that way. To me "budge" means to move. "Don't budge" means "stay right there."
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

JoyinVirginia

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Re: another question
« Reply #14 on: December 11, 2013, 08:30:31 PM »
Mergatroyd has good advice.  When my children were in elementary school, I tried to go volunteer at school  school once a month or at least go to have lunch with them at school.  When oldest dd was in kindergarten I was able to go once a week for most of the school year. It really helped to be there, meet and talk to some of her classmates and help out the teacher or in three office. I cut and laminated and copied a lot of.papers and put up bulletin boards, whatever I could help with.
It's also good to communicate with the teacher about good things. ”dd tells me she thought todays story was very good and she wants to read more” or something your child enjoyed or someone who did something nice for her.