I can't believe he said this!

[buckeyefan]

On Saturday I was a the local discount department store making some purchases. One aisle to the left of me I heard a man yelling at a child. Here's the conversation:

Man: I told you not to open those
Child: I'm sorry (started to cry)
Man: If you don't shut up I'll give you something to cry about
Child: (muffled crying)
Man: You're such a pain in the butt

By the time a got around the corner to see who it was, they were gone.

[ettacat]

I can understand the frustration. I have a 9 yr old who seems to make it his life's ambition to do exactly opposite of what we ask, tell, or want him to do or not do. However, there are better ways to express that frustration.

Nice guy. (not!)

[RuneGuardian]

At least he told it like it was rather than rewarding the kid five seconds later. I tihnk I'd rather hear what that guy said as opposed to "Oh Snookums, I asked you nicely to please not open those. Why didn't you listen to me? Maybe you have ADD. I'm sorry for confronting you, now let's go get you some ice cream!"

[CocoCamm]

At least he told it like it was rather than rewarding the kid five seconds later. I tihnk I'd rather hear what that guy said as opposed to "Oh Snookums, I asked you nicely to please not open those. Why didn't you listen to me? Maybe you have ADD. I'm sorry for confronting you, now let's go get you some ice cream!"

I agree. Honestly I don't think anything the guy said was that bad. I think his biggest transgression was trotting out that old cliche of giving someone something to cry about.  Seriously though, the man shouldnt have yelled at his kid in public, that I find a little tacky but I'd much rather listen to that then some bratty entitled kid carrying on.

[Bob Ducca]

At least he told it like it was rather than rewarding the kid five seconds later. I tihnk I'd rather hear what that guy said as opposed to "Oh Snookums, I asked you nicely to please not open those. Why didn't you listen to me? Maybe you have ADD. I'm sorry for confronting you, now let's go get you some ice cream!"

While not knowing the circumstances behind the entire exchange, I think "telling it like it is" in this case went a bit overboard.  The last comment in particular indicates that, if there is a behavior problem on the part of the child, perhaps it isn't entirely the child's fault.

I agree that overly permissive parenting is a problem, but if this man was the child's parent, it sounded like emotional abuse to me.

[Lisbeth]

On Saturday I was a the local discount department store making some purchases. One aisle to the left of me I heard a man yelling at a child. Here's the conversation:

Man: I told you not to open those
Child: I'm sorry (started to cry)
Man: If you don't shut up I'll give you something to cry about
Child: (muffled crying)
Man: You're such a pain in the butt

By the time a got around the corner to see who it was, they were gone.

Telling the child not to open store merchandise is reasonable parenting.  Beyond that, what this man said to the child was abusive.  Unfortunately, there is nothing that can be done about it by the authorities, and I don't think etiquette allows people to step in on the child's behalf in a situation like this.

[Virg]

I agree with KeenReader and Deb1000Faces.  While the father had every right to be angry at the child for opening the (whatever) after being told not to, saying "You're such a pain in the (edit)" to a child is beyond discipline.  It's quite possible to avoid overtly insulting a child and still maintain discipline.

To RuneGuardian: Can you describe what about "You're such a pain in the..." said to a child is at all effective as a method of discipline?

To Aleyria: Can you describe what about "You're such a pain in the..." said to a child is at all effective as a method of discipline?

I truly wish those who think this was a reasonable exchange would rethink this exchange to see if it might be reasonable to drop the last sentence (and reword the second) such that it's not coddling but not abusive.  I suspect we all could have done much better than this man did.

Virg

[CocoCamm]

Telling the child not to open store merchandise is reasonable parenting.  Beyond that, what this man said to the child was abusive.  Unfortunately, there is nothing that can be done about it by the authorities, and I don't think etiquette allows people to step in on the child's behalf in a situation like this.

I think abusive is a really strong word to use here especially since we have no idea of exactly what happened. I can honestly say that I have been told more then once by my parents that I am a pain in the bacon-fed knave. I lived to tell the tale. I dont feel abused or mistreated~as a matter of fact I was being a pain in the bacon-fed knave!

As far as the old "Ill give you something to cry about" cliche, I mean come on. Its just a saying. Perhaps not the nicest saying but not abusive~more laughable then abusive really since I have never seen a parent actually follow thru.

[Evil Duckie]

You don't know what has happened earlier in this situation.

This child could be on of those children that like to push buttons and thinks that since they are in public he can get away with it.

As to the Dad being polite and diplomatic about it- No he wasn't. Could he have handled it better- most definitely. It sounds like Dad was at the end of his rope.

[kiero]

When I was 12 or so I went through what might be called the typical pre-teen girl 'thing'.  I was a total brat.  My friends parents tiptoed around them and gave them all these cool privaledges.  My mom and dad had none of it.  

I believe we were in the grocery store and I was going on about how my parents should be so cruel as to eat meat and trying to take the meat my dad had put in the cart out (I went through a breif vegetarian stage around then).  I guess he'd finally had enough and announced far too loudly for my liking that I was an 'obnoxious brat' and that if I didn't quite it he would take me home right then.  I believe I stoped making a scene.

So I guess I can see the benefit of calling things the way they are.  If the kid is being a pain in the bacon-fed knave - then at most I think the dad might have chosen a better phrase.  But why not call the kids behaviour what it is?  People don't like pains in the bacon-fed knave.  

[Cyndi]

LOL oh dear, I got the "you're a pain in the Ooo, I tried to get around the word filter with a nasty word." line as a kid too. Back when I was little I rarely understood much of what I was doing or why I was doing it.

Actually I think the line that hurt me more when I got older and noticed I didn't act like other kids was, "What's WRONG with you?!"


I do think that dad was stepping out of line with the last sentence. Good on him for stopping the kid from tearing up the store though

[Brentwood]

At least he told it like it was rather than rewarding the kid five seconds later. I tihnk I'd rather hear what that guy said as opposed to "Oh Snookums, I asked you nicely to please not open those. Why didn't you listen to me? Maybe you have ADD. I'm sorry for confronting you, now let's go get you some ice cream!"

There's a whole lot of middle ground between your scenario and the one described in the OP. There are many ways the man could have appropriately handled his child without resorting to "You're such a pain in the butt." In my book, it's never okay to say that to a child.

Edited to add that I'm also not keen on telling a kid to "shut up."

[stacykk]

I guess I don't find the statement as offensive of as some of the posters. 

But I would have liked to have heard the tone in which it was said.  I've heard parents kind sigh when they say things like that, so it doesn't sound harsh.  However if the dad yelled it or growled it at the kid, then I might have had a problem with it.

[Lisbeth]

Telling the child not to open store merchandise is reasonable parenting.  Beyond that, what this man said to the child was abusive.  Unfortunately, there is nothing that can be done about it by the authorities, and I don't think etiquette allows people to step in on the child's behalf in a situation like this.

I think abusive is a really strong word to use here especially since we have no idea of exactly what happened. I can honestly say that I have been told more then once by my parents that I am a pain in the bacon-fed knave. I lived to tell the tale. I dont feel abused or mistreated~as a matter of fact I was being a pain in the bacon-fed knave!

As far as the old "Ill give you something to cry about" cliche, I mean come on. Its just a saying. Perhaps not the nicest saying but not abusive~more laughable then abusive really since I have never seen a parent actually follow thru.

Aleyria,

My mother used to say that to me when I was a kid, and believe me, I was terrified.  A small child does not have the life experience to know whether or not it is a saying.  And even if the kid is being a pain in the butt, saying so to the child accomplishes nothing constructive and is in fact name-calling.  It is okay for a parent to say, "You're misbehaving, and I'm really annoyed at you," but that's not what this man said.

So, no, I won't "come on" about this.  These are incredibly hurtful things for any child to hear.

[Brentwood]

Telling the child not to open store merchandise is reasonable parenting.  Beyond that, what this man said to the child was abusive.  Unfortunately, there is nothing that can be done about it by the authorities, and I don't think etiquette allows people to step in on the child's behalf in a situation like this.

I think abusive is a really strong word to use here especially since we have no idea of exactly what happened. I can honestly say that I have been told more then once by my parents that I am a pain in the bacon-fed knave. I lived to tell the tale. I dont feel abused or mistreated~as a matter of fact I was being a pain in the bacon-fed knave!

As far as the old "Ill give you something to cry about" cliche, I mean come on. Its just a saying. Perhaps not the nicest saying but not abusive~more laughable then abusive really since I have never seen a parent actually follow thru.

Aleyria,

My mother used to say that to me when I was a kid, and believe me, I was terrified.  A small child does not have the life experience to know whether or not it is a saying.  And even if the kid is being a pain in the butt, saying so to the child accomplishes nothing constructive.

So, no, I won't "come on" about this.  These are incredibly hurtful things for any child to hear.

I agree with you. That "saying" is more than a saying - it's a threat, and it's a threat of physical violence.