Author Topic: Who Was Wrong Here?  (Read 574 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

LadyR

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1001
    • Musings of A Pinterest Mom
Who Was Wrong Here?
« on: September 13, 2014, 10:30:37 PM »
This happened a few years ago, but I was recently reminded of it.

DH's sister was hosting Thanksgiving. We live out of town and at the time we were having car issues, so we told SIL about 3 weeks before Thanksgiving that we weren't sure and we'd let her know closer to the date. She mentioned that she'd be travelling for work during that time, so we could just pass the information on via MIL (who we called every day and who SIL spoke to regularly).

About a week before Thanksgiving, we discovered we could borrow my mother's car so we told MIL we were coming. When we arrived for the weekend, we saw SIL on the Saturday (day before Thanksgiving dinner) and she was a little pale. Turns out MIL had told her we would NOT be coming so SIL had issued an invitation to DH's cousin and his family, so Thanksgiving was going to be cozy

MIL did it on purpose, because she wanted her nephew invited (he and his family had newly immigrated and I think she thought it was bad manners to exclude them), so she manipulated SIL, but DH and I were left feeling awfully.

MIL is obviously in the wrong, but looking back I think we were too. We should have told SIL we were coming directly instead of trusting MIL, even though SIL was fine with that type of communication. I know my MIL and she is not opposed to manipulating people as she sees fits (she also once declined a wedding invite for us before my DH ever saw it).


TheaterDiva1

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1452
Re: Who Was Wrong Here?
« Reply #1 on: Yesterday at 12:32:03 AM »
MIL was definitely the "most wrong" here, but if SIL invited you directly, you really should've communicated directly with her as well - especially if MIL has a history of these stunts. Just curious - was this before or after the wedding incident?

shhh its me

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6950
Re: Who Was Wrong Here?
« Reply #2 on: Yesterday at 03:06:19 AM »
  You know SIL directly told you "use MIL to RSVP" I don't think thats on you. IF you had taking that action on your own yeah and maybe a teeny tiny bit your fault if you had days and days to reconfirm with SIL

Ceallach

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4770
    • This Is It
Re: Who Was Wrong Here?
« Reply #3 on: Yesterday at 03:10:13 AM »
  You know SIL directly told you "use MIL to RSVP" I don't think thats on you. IF you had taking that action on your own yeah and maybe a teeny tiny bit your fault if you had days and days to reconfirm with SIL

I agree with this, the hostess suggested this as the RSVP method so you were fine to use it.

Having said that, as a guest I would want to be absolutely certain my hostess had received my RSVP so would probably double up with another method as well and not rely on a third party to relay the message.    Particularly if the messenger has a history of being unreliable or manipulative.
"Nobody can do everything, but everybody can do something"


cicero

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 17608
Re: Who Was Wrong Here?
« Reply #4 on: Yesterday at 04:34:48 AM »
in retrospect, and knowing your MIL now, this is something that you wouldn't do again.

I don't think you were necessarily in the wrong - if your SIL is the one who told you to use that mode of communications, there was no reason for you to not follow her request.

I understand your feeling badly about this - I would have too - but it wasn't your fault.

            Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools

Hmmmmm

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6418
Re: Who Was Wrong Here?
« Reply #5 on: Yesterday at 10:08:26 AM »
You followed the RSVP method requested by your host. Neither she nor you could have foreseen a "glitch" in the system. (If using evite and for some reason the system reported your response incorrectly we wouldn't feel you didn't communicate correctly.)

The only one who was in the wrong was MIL and if DIL I would have been furious and she would have known it. Not to the point where cousin would realize the issue but definately she would know.