Author Topic: No... we are getting a hotel. Update post #19  (Read 4026 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Miss March

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2782
Re: No... we are getting a hotel.
« Reply #15 on: November 22, 2014, 10:17:20 AM »
I vote hotel room.

One Christmas Eve, my poor BIL was relegated to sleeping on the living room couch. First he had to wait until all the parents were done setting up the stockings and setting up the various things that Santa had brought, before he could turn in for the night. And then, at about 6am, all the kids woke up and raced downstairs to the tree. Poor BIL got about 4-5 hours sleep, and he was bleary and fighting off a nasty headache all day. It's really unfair to ask someone to sleep on a couch in the middle of a busy household.
How lucky I am to have something that makes saying good bye so hard.-- Winnie the Poo

MrTango

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2469
Re: No... we are getting a hotel.
« Reply #16 on: November 22, 2014, 11:01:54 AM »
Here is what I would edit from that email:

Hi Aunt Diana -
After we talked on the phone the other day (DH) and I talked again.  As you know, we are arriving in (town) at around 5pm Christmas Eve.  DH and I have decided to go ahead and get a hotel and rental car for the two nights we'll be in (town). I found a few within 10 miles of your house that are reasonable, and we'll pick up a rental car at the airport.  I hope this works with your hosting plans, We are still planning on looking forward to spending all our time at the house with you and everyone else. 

Love,
GSNW

There's no need to explain or justify your decision.

Your last sentence felt like an apology, which is also not needed.  I re-worded it to be more positive in tone.

Roses

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 205
Re: No... we are getting a hotel.
« Reply #17 on: November 22, 2014, 11:36:46 AM »
OP, we always do hotel rooms in these situations.

I'd recommend you book the hotel and the car and then e-mail Aunt about your plans.  Your e-mail would then not leave any room for argument because your decision and plans are made.

Hi Aunt Diana -
As you know, we are arriving in (town) at around 5pm Christmas Eve.  DH and I have booked Hotel X the two nights we'll be in (town).   We'll pick up our rental car when we land at the airport. We are looking forward to spending Christmas with everyone.  Thanks so much for inviting us!

Love,
GSNW
 

Your Aunt doesn't need to understand your decision making process (the first sentence you had in your e-mail) and I agree with Mr. Tango that your last sentence sounded like you were apologizing or explaining, which is not needed.


Oh Joy

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1405
Re: No... we are getting a hotel.
« Reply #18 on: November 22, 2014, 11:40:10 AM »
Mine would read more like:

Auntie-
So excited for the holidays already!  DH and I firmed up our travel plans.  Our flight arrives at 5:13 pm on Christmas Eve.  We'll pick up a rental car and swing by AmericInn to drop our bags, then join the family for the rest of the evening.  We'll be back for Christmas morning and through the evening,  and will join the family for lunch on the 26th before heading to the airport.

Let me know if you'd like me to slip some (local delicacy) in my suitcase or if there's anything I can do to help you host your houseful.

Love you!


Looks like Roses and I are of the same mind...

GSNW

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 561
Re: No... we are getting a hotel.
« Reply #19 on: November 22, 2014, 12:00:22 PM »
Thanks, everyone.  My mom's reaction left me with the impression she thought I was being a brat by not wanting to cram into the house.  Instead of emailing Aunt Diana I wound up just calling her, and saying, "Hey, DH and I decided to get a room at the (hotel), they had a great rate.  What time is dinner on Christmas Eve?"  It didn't even phase her, and we chatted about what I'm getting the girls for holiday presents, as they celebrate both Christmas and Hanukkah at their house.

The more I think about it, the weirder my mom's behavior is - Diana was very insistent that "everyone come to my place" for Christmas this year, and staying together is just always how my family has done things.  My grandma and parents live in my hometown, about 2 hours away from Diana and family, and four hours from DH and myself.  Usually that's where we do Christmas, and Diana & Co stay with Grandma while DH and I stay with my parents.  So it's not like we all MUST stay in the same place, right?  I think what irked me was that Diana insisted we all MUST come to her town this year when it's not as easy, but that's not really the point.  DH and I have a choice to go or not, and while I want to be there, it'll be nice to have our own space.

Thanks guys!

greencat

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2744
Re: No... we are getting a hotel.
« Reply #20 on: November 22, 2014, 01:03:38 PM »
Thanks, everyone.  My mom's reaction left me with the impression she thought I was being a brat by not wanting to cram into the house.  Instead of emailing Aunt Diana I wound up just calling her, and saying, "Hey, DH and I decided to get a room at the (hotel), they had a great rate.  What time is dinner on Christmas Eve?"  It didn't even phase her, and we chatted about what I'm getting the girls for holiday presents, as they celebrate both Christmas and Hanukkah at their house.

The more I think about it, the weirder my mom's behavior is - Diana was very insistent that "everyone come to my place" for Christmas this year, and staying together is just always how my family has done things.  My grandma and parents live in my hometown, about 2 hours away from Diana and family, and four hours from DH and myself.  Usually that's where we do Christmas, and Diana & Co stay with Grandma while DH and I stay with my parents.  So it's not like we all MUST stay in the same place, right?  I think what irked me was that Diana insisted we all MUST come to her town this year when it's not as easy, but that's not really the point.  DH and I have a choice to go or not, and while I want to be there, it'll be nice to have our own space.

Thanks guys!

I think you did perfectly by telling your Aunt what you did, instead of asking for permission to do it.  I'm also glad she was reasonable about it.  I suspect that your mother may think that your Aunt may feel slighted because you are rejecting part of her hosting as inadequate.  I suspect that Aunt is relieved to not have someone sleeping on the couch.

ChinaShepherdess

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 132
  • “Never bet your money on another man's game.”
Re: No... we are getting a hotel. Update post #19
« Reply #21 on: November 22, 2014, 01:15:50 PM »
So glad it went well! And I think a hotel room sounds like the best option for everyone -- glad Aunt agreed and was unfazed by your decision! Hope y'all have a beautiful holiday!

TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 31765
Re: No... we are getting a hotel.
« Reply #22 on: November 22, 2014, 01:51:03 PM »
... and staying together is just always how my family has done things.  ...

Ah, but you were younger then! You were a minor, and physically smaller, and didn't have a DH.

Things change, and your mom is just behind the curve, that's all.

Roses

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 205
Re: No... we are getting a hotel. Update post #19
« Reply #23 on: November 22, 2014, 02:30:21 PM »
Well done OP.  You handled it well. 

CakeEater

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2883
Re: No... we are getting a hotel.
« Reply #24 on: November 22, 2014, 05:33:46 PM »
Thanks, everyone.  My mom's reaction left me with the impression she thought I was being a brat by not wanting to cram into the house.  Instead of emailing Aunt Diana I wound up just calling her, and saying, "Hey, DH and I decided to get a room at the (hotel), they had a great rate.  What time is dinner on Christmas Eve?"  It didn't even phase her, and we chatted about what I'm getting the girls for holiday presents, as they celebrate both Christmas and Hanukkah at their house.

The more I think about it, the weirder my mom's behavior is - Diana was very insistent that "everyone come to my place" for Christmas this year, and staying together is just always how my family has done things.  My grandma and parents live in my hometown, about 2 hours away from Diana and family, and four hours from DH and myself.  Usually that's where we do Christmas, and Diana & Co stay with Grandma while DH and I stay with my parents.  So it's not like we all MUST stay in the same place, right?  I think what irked me was that Diana insisted we all MUST come to her town this year when it's not as easy, but that's not really the point.  DH and I have a choice to go or not, and while I want to be there, it'll be nice to have our own space.

Thanks guys!

I suspect that Aunt Diana didn't mean that everyone had to stay overnight, just that everyone should be there for the festivities. Which is fair enough, I think. Maybe Diana and co don't especially like staying at Grandma's - travelling with two kids and staying over isn't easier for her. Sharing the 'easy' part around is fair, right?

TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 31765
Re: No... we are getting a hotel. Update post #19
« Reply #25 on: November 22, 2014, 05:36:07 PM »
I agree w/ CakeEaster--it's not any more "easy" for Aunt Diana to travel 2 hours every Christmas than for the other families; I think this is totally fair of her to want.

You may be glad of this break in tradition, btw--when you have kids, Aunt Diana will have already gotten your mom used to the idea that other places are kosher for Christmas.

Eve_Eire

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 28
Re: No... we are getting a hotel. Update post #19
« Reply #26 on: November 24, 2014, 08:28:40 AM »
Glad to see a good update and that it has all worked out.

My MIL is actually being a little bit weird about the staying over thing too.  She'll have a full house as both of DH's siblings will be there too and we literally live down the road.  They have three spare rooms which will be occupied as:
Room 1: SIL, husband & baby
Room 2: BIL & wife
Room 3: BIL's two children (5 years old)

When the topic of Christmas comes up she keeps saying "Oh of course you'll stay over" and I have to keep repeating that we won't.  It's not that I'm particularly against it but for us to stay over it involves taking the children's room and the two children bunking in with MIL & FIL. We literally live within walking distance, we won't be driving as we'll have a couple of drinks but our walk home is less then twenty minutes! It's perfectly convenient for us to stroll home - I think she's just a bit excited about having the rest of them home and she wants the house full to the brim.  I'd also rather not bring the dog with us to their house so we'll need to go home for him anyway.

I just repeat myself every time the topic comes up and have avoided giving reasons for her to argue with. Just a firm "Thanks so much, but honestly, we'll be going home that night" and repeat!

Piratelvr1121

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 11564
Re: No... we are getting a hotel. Update post #19
« Reply #27 on: November 24, 2014, 08:49:30 AM »
I'm reminded of how, while I loved my grandparents on my mother's side, once I had my own children, visiting their house in the winter got to be a bit claustrophobic.  It's not a big house for one, a one story, 3 br ranch with narrow common rooms, limited seating, sharp corners on coffee tables and a fireplace, and decor that was easily broken yet very appealing to toddlers.  Like my grandmother's carousel set, teacups, nice lamps with hanging crystals that cast rainbows on walls, etc.

And while I'm not one who usually does feel claustrophobic or anxious, with about 11 people in one room and two of them being young boys with lots of energy, I couldn't relax while worrying they'd either break something or hurt themselves. 

Also there was a river that ran by their house and a pier. Fun to play in, yes, but another place where I could not relax with two little boys to keep an eye on.  I was quite glad when either mine or DH's jobs at the time meant we couldn't really stay for  more than a day or two and I was eager to go somewhere that was more open at the very least.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

DavidH

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1826
Re: No... we are getting a hotel. Update post #19
« Reply #28 on: November 24, 2014, 09:15:39 AM »
Love the phrase ....other places are kosher for Christmas...

It sounds like you found the perfect solution.

TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 31765
Re: No... we are getting a hotel. Update post #19
« Reply #29 on: November 24, 2014, 10:45:36 AM »
Love the phrase ....other places are kosher for Christmas...

I'm glad someone caught it. I debated whether I should do it, but I thought it was funny, so I left it. Thanks for getting the joke!