Author Topic: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?  (Read 11011 times)

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Gail

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Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
« on: December 12, 2013, 06:59:49 AM »
I didn't want to hijack the other thread, so I will post my story here.

Many years ago, when I was just a lab duckling, I was ordered to attend a work dinner with my boss. A girl from Accounting and me were needed to be there "for support", he said. So he told us date, place and time, and gave us a guide for dressing accordingly, and dismissed us. We were very excited because it was going to be our first "business dinner", so we dressed very professionally, put very little makeup, and got to the restaurant in her car.

When we entered the restaurant everybody was standing chatting in groups and didn't notice us, so we toured the floor looking for our boss. He wasn't there. We recognized a man who had been to the lab several times, and very relieved we went to ask him... to find that it was the work dinner for his OTHER business (he managed one and was a partner in the other). Even more, he hadn't told them a thing about us.

We apologized and tried to leave, but they wouldn't let us. They ordered the waiters to put another table to elongate the already prepared one, and to prepare two more spaces. Everybody sat and made us sit with them, and even included us in the conversation. Which was a good thing, because my boss arrived ONE HOUR late, with his wife (who wasn't invited, either, but nobody told her) and didn't even look at us during the whole night. The girl and me were fuming, but we didn't say anything.

The following morning, at work, he only said that he expected we had enjoyed the dinner.  >:( >:( >:(
The last time I said what I was really thinking there was an "intervention".

Nikko-chan

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Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
« Reply #1 on: December 12, 2013, 08:02:46 AM »
That's just awful, Gail! If this ever happens again, even if they try to do the gracious thing and let you into the dinner, insist you have other plans. "Oh I did have something important to do, thought boss needed me, so sorry for the misunderstanding." And hightail it out of there!

My awkward story:

Couple of halloweens ago, (in my pre ehell days) my sisters friends were having a party. "Are you sure I am invited?" I asked repeatedly.

Sister assured me that with this crowd the more the merrier and they wouldn't mind. Party day arrives and we all get ready. We arrive, after a few mishaps. Yeah... needless to say, the party was awkward... at least for me.

123sandy

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Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
« Reply #2 on: December 12, 2013, 08:30:22 AM »
Many years ago a "friend" told me I was invited to lunch at another friends house. I was delighted with the invitation as I hadn't seen the other woman for a while. Day of lunch arrives and I arrive for lunch to find two others there too. Nothing was actually said but I caught looks amongst the other four (yes, including the person who told me I was invited). It was extremely uncomfortable and since that day I don't consider myself invited anywhere unless the invite comes from the host.

I still cringe thinking about it.

Yvaine

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Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
« Reply #3 on: December 12, 2013, 09:21:28 AM »
My dad took us once to a holiday parade in the nearby city, and for some unknown reason, during the parade decided to crash the office party of a local TV station whose building was along the parade route, with the lot of us in tow. We got kicked out.

I also got brought once as someone's "plus one" to a wedding, and some three hours into the reception when the groom came over to greet our table, realized from his awkward demeanor that the person probably hadn't been given a plus one at all. But at that point it was almost over, I'd already been there for hours and eaten, so there wasn't much to be done.

cwm

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Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
« Reply #4 on: December 12, 2013, 10:42:05 AM »
Well, kind of, yes. My best friend's boyfriend was part of another person's wedding party. She was his +1 for the party. I was staying with her for a few days (had to get out of my house or say some really stupid things to my parents) and she didn't want to abandon me, so she actually texted the bride and asked if I could come along.

Bride did say yes, it was a very small themed wedding (Robin Hood!) in a local park, and a potluck reception (don't get me started on that...) so it was all very informal. They were very gracious to have me there, and I actually met my boyfriend that day, so it didn't end up being too bad.

In elementary school I never fit in. I'd always get the invitations to Halloween or birthday parties for all my classmates, but after the first few years of having every single classmate stare at me when I showed up, I stopped going. I may have been invited, but I wasn't wanted. It wasn't worth the humiliation of showing up and knowing I wasn't wanted, it was better to just not tell my parents I had an invitation in the first place.

PennyandPleased

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Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
« Reply #5 on: December 12, 2013, 11:07:22 AM »
I didn't want to hijack the other thread, so I will post my story here.

Many years ago, when I was just a lab duckling, I was ordered to attend a work dinner with my boss. A girl from Accounting and me were needed to be there "for support", he said. So he told us date, place and time, and gave us a guide for dressing accordingly, and dismissed us. We were very excited because it was going to be our first "business dinner", so we dressed very professionally, put very little makeup, and got to the restaurant in her car.

When we entered the restaurant everybody was standing chatting in groups and didn't notice us, so we toured the floor looking for our boss. He wasn't there. We recognized a man who had been to the lab several times, and very relieved we went to ask him... to find that it was the work dinner for his OTHER business (he managed one and was a partner in the other). Even more, he hadn't told them a thing about us.

We apologized and tried to leave, but they wouldn't let us. They ordered the waiters to put another table to elongate the already prepared one, and to prepare two more spaces. Everybody sat and made us sit with them, and even included us in the conversation. Which was a good thing, because my boss arrived ONE HOUR late, with his wife (who wasn't invited, either, but nobody told her) and didn't even look at us during the whole night. The girl and me were fuming, but we didn't say anything.

The following morning, at work, he only said that he expected we had enjoyed the dinner.  >:( >:( >:(

Ummmmmmm I'm pretty sure we may have had the same boss. Mine was a complete you-know-what and did something similar to me multiple times. Humiliating at 23. I wish him the worst in life and I'm not even sorry about saying that.

Well, kind of, yes. My best friend's boyfriend was part of another person's wedding party. She was his +1 for the party. I was staying with her for a few days (had to get out of my house or say some really stupid things to my parents) and she didn't want to abandon me, so she actually texted the bride and asked if I could come along.

Bride did say yes, it was a very small themed wedding (Robin Hood!) in a local park, and a potluck reception (don't get me started on that...) so it was all very informal. They were very gracious to have me there, and I actually met my boyfriend that day, so it didn't end up being too bad.

In elementary school I never fit in. I'd always get the invitations to Halloween or birthday parties for all my classmates, but after the first few years of having every single classmate stare at me when I showed up, I stopped going. I may have been invited, but I wasn't wanted. It wasn't worth the humiliation of showing up and knowing I wasn't wanted, it was better to just not tell my parents I had an invitation in the first place.


Sorry to read this 'cwm'. I've been there. Screw those kids.

siamesecat2965

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Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
« Reply #6 on: December 12, 2013, 11:46:53 AM »
I think maybe this happened to me, but I'm still not 100% sure. One of my best friends from college got married on NYE right after we graduated. In CA, where her husband was from. We were from the east coast, and def. invited to the wedding, but the lodging arrangements were never really quite made clear.

Another friend was on the west coast already, on vacation, and I flew out the day of the rehersal dinner - and was staying in the hotel where the reception took place, in a room with this friend, and a second one. No issues there.

Next day dawns, we gather in the ballroom to decorate for the reception, and then get ready for the wedding.  at some point, someone, either bride or friend, said we were going to stay at the groom's parent's house that night. Um ok, fine. They "apparently" had said it was ok for us out of towners to stay with them. But this came second hand, so really not sure if we were actually invited, or they felt put on teh spot when asked.

So after the wedding, we go to the house, and as its NYE, plus right after the weddig, the house is full. I ended up sleeping on blankets on the floor in the family room, which was fine, except I was jetlagged and tired and could not go to sleep untl every left after midnight. SO I'm sitting there, trying to stay awak.e to make matters worse, my two friends decided THEY were going to go OUT for NYE, and disappeared. So here I am, with groom's family and friends, knowing no one. VERY awkward.

next day, friends are back, and we are all (family etc) awaiting the B&G. who finally show up in the afternoon, and proceed to open gifts.

At this point, my two friends decided they were going to drive back to San Francisco (we were in N. CA) and try and get on an earlier flight standby. I wasn't leaving until the next day, but I decided I was going to go back to the hotel, and stay there, and leave from there. I was not at all comfortable staying another night in the groom's parent's house.

Thankfully i had my mom's cc, for emergencies, which we deeded this was one, and i got a room, but I still feel badly, 25 years later, as I'm not entirely convinced we were actually INVITED to stay, or someone asked, they felt they obligated.

SoCalVal

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Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
« Reply #7 on: December 12, 2013, 03:25:58 PM »
I forgot that I did have this happen to me once 18-19 years ago!

The friend of a mutual friend told me about a college Christmas party taking place (alcohol was available but no food), told me where it was and to bring a gift for the gift exchange.  I was so excited (had a crush on MutualFriend), asked coworkers what kind of gift I should bring, fussed about what to wear and happily made my way to the party after work.  MutualFriend was not very happy, but I didn't understand why at the time.  I learned from MutualFriend a few weeks later that Friend ran around telling people about this party when it wasn't an open invite party.  I felt like an idiot.  The person who was giving the party was very gracious though, told me where to set my gift and never indicated to me that I was crashing her party (someone did take the gift I brought, however, and I didn't end up getting anything).



poundcake

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Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
« Reply #8 on: December 12, 2013, 03:36:49 PM »
My father was notorious for inviting people to other people's events, or bringing friends (or his kids) to "drop by" places that were entirely unsuitable. Many a time with him, I ended up sitting and waiting at his friend's girlfriend's mother's house, a bored pre-teen, while he visited. However, it never became clearer than the day he showed up and said he wanted us to go with him to a cousin's wedding reception. I was somewhere around 19 at the time, and had no clue anyway. I asked "Are you sure it's okay?" and he assured me it was, so I got dressed and went to the wedding reception with him, for a cousin I had never met, daughter of other cousins I had never met, and with no other family members from his side that I knew. At the time, I just felt bored and awkward, but later, I realized just how incredibly rude it was for him to assume he could bring his teenaged kids along to a formal wedding reception because "Of course, it's faaaaaaamily!" I have no idea if the HC or her parents were annoyed by this or not, because, of course, I've never seen or heard from any of them since. I sometimes wonder if my father just found a family with the same last name, and poached on the free sit-down dinner or something.

mime

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Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
« Reply #9 on: December 12, 2013, 04:03:02 PM »
I have a dear impulsive lifelong friend Crystal who placed her newborn baby with another family. It was an open adoption and she was in close contact with the new mom and dad, and I've met them a few times myself (including at the hospital for the birth).

When BabyGirl turned a year old, there was a party and Crystal was invited. She told me "we" were invited. I had fun shopping selecting gifts and rode with Crystal to the party.

I was warmly welcomed by the mom. The dad was surprised to see me and it showed, but he recovered well. They were both welcoming and gracious but I was embarassed, and Crystal was my ride home. They had plenty of food and plenty of room and really seemed to be of "the more the merrier" opinion.

Ultimately I was glad I was there, though. The party was filled with family. Crystal was the only non-relative there, so I was glad that she wasn't alone in what could be an awkward gathering for her. I was also glad to smooth over a couple of uncomfortable moments when Crystal made comments that showed she hadn't completely "let go" of BabyGirl yet. I also looked after Crystal's little boy while she got the chance to visit with BabyGirl's Mom and Dad.

When it was time to leave, they thanked me for coming. Again I was embarassed-- too embarassed to apologize or mention the fact that I now realized I hadn't been invited. I thanked them for having me. Later they sent me a thank-you note for the gift, along with a picture of BabyGirl. Some time later when my first baby was born they sent a very sweet gift.

(Edited to add a word I missed.)
« Last Edit: December 12, 2013, 06:49:26 PM by mime »

mumma to KMC

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Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
« Reply #10 on: December 12, 2013, 04:38:39 PM »
Not that I can recall, but I'm commenting to receive updates!

Dazi

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Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
« Reply #11 on: December 12, 2013, 09:08:54 PM »
I was a plus 1 for a person who didn't have a plus 1.  The host were very gracious about it, but I still felt weird.

I had an odd invite once.  I was very good friends with the male half of the couple, not the female half.  The male friend invited me and his SO was obviously pissed I showed up, "crashing" her party.  I didn't know what was going on at the time, but his SO thought I was trying to steal her man and had not invited me on purpose.  I made my way through one round of small talk to the other mutual friends and "got a sudden headache" and made my retreat...I was there all of maybe 20 minutes.
Meditate. Live purely. Quiet the mind. Do your work with mastery. Like the moon, come out from behind the clouds! Shine. ---Gautama Buddah





kherbert05

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Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
« Reply #12 on: December 12, 2013, 09:57:56 PM »
Yes - I came very close to strangling a few cousins and a sister.

I had been water skiing with my Uncle. I was in the downstairs shower when there was a thumping on the door. Hurry up Kate and Rachel are on the way to get us. I got out got dressed, walked out, was handed a different set of clothes, got changed.

Where are we going Grant and Phil are playing Jazz at some club and we are going and meeting ton of other cousins. So I get in the car with Sis, Kate, and Rachel. We stop at the Provential liquor store to buy something for the party.

What party? I thought we are going go see Grant and Phil play?

Oh that isn't till 10 pm (it is now 6) we are going to BYOB party at friends house. Fine can we stop at grocery and get me some Coke, I don't drink.

Kate freaks out - what are you going to hate me, do you think I'm a terrible person. Sis - Kimberly isn't your Mom  - she just doesn't drink. Don't you know what our Dad does for a living - he sells beer.

We go to the party. I'm fixing a soda. Girl asks me what in the #(#$*#*@ I'm doing in her house.

Me - I don't know I'm Kate and Rachel's cousin and I thought we were going to Jazz club to see our Cousins Grant and Phil play.

Her - well I know your lying Kate and Rachel aren't cousins. (I swallow because I know were this is going)

Me - Yes they are 2nd cousins Kate's mom and My mom are sister's. Our grandfather and Rachel's grandmother were siblings. We're 2nd cousin

Her that is impossible

Me UGG

Her Rachel Kate this girl says your cousins who is she.

Kate and Rachel - we are cousins and she is our cousin

Her you can't be Your white and your black

Me - (I really don't like racists) Actually Kate is Irish/Scottish/Arcadian and Rachel is Irish/Jamaican. We all share the same Irish Great-Grandparents

Her - That is impossible (Note she is drunk) We leave.

The rest of the night. We go to club run into Kate's brother. Sis gives him a hug, his girl friend comes up and slaps both of them. Honestly it was just a hug.

We get to the Jazz club, Kate is trying to hide the fact she is drinking from 2 brothers, a sister, and a slew of cousins from Rachel's side. Sis and I get tired of it and have an intervention Surprise - you are all legal and you all drink - your Dad drinks that is why he and our Dad used to go to the K Of C hall whenever we were at your house. (Oldest two were clued into that and point out their Dad was 3 sheets to the wind at an Uncle's wedding) Oh and your Mom was an unholy terror in her late teens and early twenties.
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bopper

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Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
« Reply #13 on: December 13, 2013, 10:27:23 AM »
I think for Crystal you shouldn't feel bad...she probably felt like she needed some support.

alkira6

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Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
« Reply #14 on: December 13, 2013, 01:45:24 PM »
Oh, yes, this does bring back awkward memories.  I too was that kid invited to a B-day party but not really "invited".  The looks I got when I was dropped off were absolutely disgusted.  I managed to give the birthday girl her gift and kind of stand there awkwardly while everyone else had fun.  I faked sick to go home early (it was a sleepover) and the looks of relief on the other girls faces was scarring.

In college it happened again.  I was the awkward pity invite to a church gathering who wound up serving food and helping clean up to keep myself busy.  Christian charity only ran to the invite, not actual inclusion.