Author Topic: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?  (Read 12355 times)

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Marisol

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Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
« Reply #15 on: December 13, 2013, 01:55:45 PM »
I was invited by the hostess, but it was her work Holiday party.  I know I was technically an invited guest, but the gathering was the official work party for her team that she, as the manager, throws for them every year.  They gave each other really nice gifts and I felt like the odd one out as I was the only person not part of the team.  Had I know what this party was I wouldn't have come.   

LadyL

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Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
« Reply #16 on: December 13, 2013, 02:32:40 PM »
It happened this year! LordL's mother told us that the family would be celebrating Christmas at LordL's brother's house. We planned to go (it's several states away) and I was researching places to stay, when LordL finally talked to his brother who admitted that he had NOT invited their parents or ANY of their relatives to come for the holidays - he was planning on hosting just his girlfriend's family (they live nearby). So basically my MIL invited her entire family to go there without her son's consent. Thankfully for most of them, it's a really far trip, so I think it will just be 4 people "crashing" the party (we decided not to go). As LordL's brother put it, "I am never mentioning the words Christmas party or hosting to our mom ever again." It also taught us that all invitations issued by MIL to a place other than her home must be verified with the supposed "host."

mechtilde

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Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
« Reply #17 on: December 13, 2013, 03:11:23 PM »
My then boyfriend and I were involved in re-enactment. He took me along to a weekend event, and said it would be fine. I got suspicious and asked if they actually knew I was coming. He reassured me it was fine. Foolishly I took him at his word.

You will not be surprised to hear that the organisers had no idea I would be there. This was a major issue as there were limited places, and they had turned other uninvited people away. To make matters worse they felt sorry for me and were incredibly nice to me all weekend.

I later began to realise that this was typical of him.
NE England

MommyPenguin

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Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
« Reply #18 on: December 20, 2013, 01:42:10 PM »
It happened this year! LordL's mother told us that the family would be celebrating Christmas at LordL's brother's house. We planned to go (it's several states away) and I was researching places to stay, when LordL finally talked to his brother who admitted that he had NOT invited their parents or ANY of their relatives to come for the holidays - he was planning on hosting just his girlfriend's family (they live nearby). So basically my MIL invited her entire family to go there without her son's consent. Thankfully for most of them, it's a really far trip, so I think it will just be 4 people "crashing" the party (we decided not to go). As LordL's brother put it, "I am never mentioning the words Christmas party or hosting to our mom ever again." It also taught us that all invitations issued by MIL to a place other than her home must be verified with the supposed "host."

Have you considered inviting your MIL/FIL to your house, saying you'd like to host the LordL family Christmas?  I know it's last minute, but would take the heat off LordL's brother when he's trying to host his in-laws.  Just a thought.

LadyL

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Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
« Reply #19 on: December 20, 2013, 02:02:38 PM »
It happened this year! LordL's mother told us that the family would be celebrating Christmas at LordL's brother's house. We planned to go (it's several states away) and I was researching places to stay, when LordL finally talked to his brother who admitted that he had NOT invited their parents or ANY of their relatives to come for the holidays - he was planning on hosting just his girlfriend's family (they live nearby). So basically my MIL invited her entire family to go there without her son's consent. Thankfully for most of them, it's a really far trip, so I think it will just be 4 people "crashing" the party (we decided not to go). As LordL's brother put it, "I am never mentioning the words Christmas party or hosting to our mom ever again." It also taught us that all invitations issued by MIL to a place other than her home must be verified with the supposed "host."

Have you considered inviting your MIL/FIL to your house, saying you'd like to host the LordL family Christmas?  I know it's last minute, but would take the heat off LordL's brother when he's trying to host his in-laws.  Just a thought.

We've already committed to attending three different Christmas/Christmas Eve events (each of my divorced parents + extended family). We also live in an apartment which is fine for hosting cocktail type parties but not so much sit down dinners with more than 4 people, and I don't think my GMIL would make it up the two flights of stairs. Oh, and we haven't done a single bit of decorating because we're lazy! We might get a table top tree this weekend.

If we ever do host for the holidays we'd probably do a Festivus party because we don't celebrate anything religious. I am pretty sure LordL's 90 year old grandfather would win at "Feats of Strength" if only through sheer Eastern European stubbornness, and with that family, the Airing of Grievances would double as entertainment!  >:D

 

VorFemme

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Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
« Reply #20 on: December 20, 2013, 03:46:18 PM »
When it came to church events, I was the preacher's oldest daughter.  Teen events could not exclude the preacher's daughter (daughters, when Lil Sis got to the same age group) - but we were NOT popular and it was awkward at times.

There were times when I wished I was sick so that I had a reason not to go to the Youth party because I would be sitting in a corner with NO ONE to talk to...

Lil Sis had it slightly easier - band kids did not "cut" other band kids - well, except for the one who turned out to be stealing money from people in the band hall...but it took a while to get good enough at playing music to be accepted as a "band kid".  I never got that good....
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I say more?

mumma to KMC

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Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
« Reply #21 on: December 20, 2013, 05:42:51 PM »
I do have a story!

A few years ago, my husband and I went camping with our kids. Part of the plan was to meet up with his parents and camp with them for a few days. This worked out fairly well (I bit my tongue a lot). That was until my MIL said that her sister had invited us to stay at her house for a night, as we weren't too far from her.
 
We pack up our gear and head over to her house. She answers the door and said "The kids are sick, I told you that!" to my MIL. I was pretty upset at that point. (and as soon as she said sick, I said we'd leave, I didn't want my kids to get sick.) I apologized to her and got back in the car, telling my husband that I didn't care where we went that night, but I was not going to be near my MIL.


Emmy

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Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
« Reply #22 on: December 21, 2013, 07:18:32 AM »
I was friends with a guy who was going to be the best man in a wedding.  My friend, the groom, and myself went bowling one night and had a good time.  This was my first time meeting the groom.  My friend told me the next day, the groom had invited me to his wedding.  On the day of the wedding I get a call from my friend who tells me the bride didn't approve of the invitation (I never met her) so I was uninvited at the last minute.

Another time I was the plus one of a female friend to a wedding.  Her boyfriend was overseas so she invited me because she didn't want to be alone.  This friend and I didn't see each other much due to our busy schedules and always enjoyed getting together so I figured it would be fun.  When we got to the reception, there was no chair or spot at the table for me.  The staff at the restaurant had to ask the HC if they wanted to add one.  The were gracious and said 'yes', but I was embarrassed.  (Just for the record, we took my friend's car.  There was a genuine misunderstanding because she said she RSVP'd for herself plus a guest.  It wasn't like she just invited me without being allowed a guest).

Green70000

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Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
« Reply #23 on: January 23, 2014, 02:24:26 PM »
Yes and no. There was a girl my brother and I both had in different classes with us, let's call her Sally, and we both considered her a friend. Sally decided to send out invitations to a birthday party via email. (The way our emails are set up is the standard first letter of first name + full last name. So Jane Smith would be jsmith and Tod Smith would be tsmith etc.)

All this to say that my brother and mine's email addresses were one letter apart. He got an invite and I didn't which I thought was sad but I certainly wasn't going to call her up and demand to be invited. He arrived at the party to learn that it was a girls-only slumber party and I was the one supposed to be invited not him. So he accidentally crashed a party he was technically invited to.

The lesson, make sure you RSVP and make sure you invite the people you intend to.

mime

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Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
« Reply #24 on: January 24, 2014, 10:10:59 AM »
Yes and no. There was a girl my brother and I both had in different classes with us, let's call her Sally, and we both considered her a friend. Sally decided to send out invitations to a birthday party via email. (The way our emails are set up is the standard first letter of first name + full last name. So Jane Smith would be jsmith and Tod Smith would be tsmith etc.)

All this to say that my brother and mine's email addresses were one letter apart. He got an invite and I didn't which I thought was sad but I certainly wasn't going to call her up and demand to be invited. He arrived at the party to learn that it was a girls-only slumber party and I was the one supposed to be invited not him. So he accidentally crashed a party he was technically invited to.

The lesson, make sure you RSVP and make sure you invite the people you intend to.

I'm picturing this story like a sitcom episode. It was probably very awkward and embarassing at the time, but I hope you can both laugh at it now!

Sanity Lost

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Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
« Reply #25 on: January 29, 2014, 09:25:14 PM »
I was not the non-invited but the "pity" invited guest. 3 hours of torture with no one to talk to but the parents, because the other girls would not even acknowledge my existence. Unless it was to loudly ask the girl hosting "why is she here" and hearing "My mom made me".

yeah I had subscriptions of issues growing up. Fortunately I have outgrown them with the love and support of true friends and DH.

Adelaide

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Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
« Reply #26 on: February 14, 2014, 12:04:10 AM »
1. I'm not sure if this counts, but I was part of a philanthropy group at my undergrad university that was directly led by the President's wife and a Master's degree student. Said student had me helping out at a job fair, tearing down tables and helping people move things to their cars, and when I showed up for my designated time slot a) most everyone had gone b) the Master's student had to rush off c) no one needed help with the small things and light posters they'd brought. So I stood around awkwardly all that time for no reason and basically circled the room before realizing that I could just leave. I was there for maybe fifteen minutes. Myself and the other students working other time slots had been given the impression that we were really needed to help out with this career fair, but the reality was we were superfluous.

2. This is sort of a mirror to the current topic. A girl friend got married and made sure to tell us orally and in writing that all bridesmaids could bring a date. She was pretty adamant about the date, which was puzzling, and so were the bridesmaids, and they seemed perturbed that I didn't have one. I was puzzled as to why until I saw the setup of the tables: There was one table for the bridesmaids and dates and another for the groomsmen and dates, and a few others for guests. The thing was, all of these groups were pretty far apart. At dinner there was an empty chair beside me and the other girls spent the time talking to their boyfriends. I didn't have a boyfriend at the time and I didn't know of a guy who wanted to drive up an hour into the mountains to get to the wedding-I'd spent the night the previous night before in the cabin so I was already there. But yeah, really awkward.  I cut out as quickly as was polite.

3. A guy friend once dragged me to a party with some girls from a sorority and his fraternity. Everyone was loaded and I personally wanted a drink to sort of loosen up because I didn't know anyone, but when I went into the kitchen they were all staring at me like I had a second head-I'm not saying that this is true of all fraternities/sororities but since I wasn't Greek, they made it veryclear that I wasn't wanted and they didn't appreciate me pouring myself a drink. I heard my friend arguing with a girl around the corner and her saying "Okay, but why did you even bring her and is she gonna drink all of our booze." I didn't end up getting a drink and spent most of the night outside on my phone.

weeblewobble

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Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
« Reply #27 on: February 28, 2014, 08:46:11 AM »
Adelaide, I struggled with 1)  with a volunteer group this year. The head organizer, Carla, would give us the impression that we were desperately needed to complete vital task XYZ and then when we arrived to help with the task, Carla would bustle around the room, scrambling to compete said task and would not stop to give us instructions on how to help.  And if we guessed how to help and did something wrong, her reaction was ... not good.  I got really tired of waiting around to psychically guess how I was supposed to help out, so I told Carla that if she needed my help, she needed to make her needs clear.  Otherwise, I had things I needed to accomplish at home.

Carla got offended. But other members told me this was a long-standing pattern with Carla and most "work days" basically boil down to "everybody stand around and watch how hard Carla works."  I stepped down my involvement in the organization considerably.
« Last Edit: February 28, 2014, 08:48:45 AM by weeblewobble »

bettyspaghetti

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Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
« Reply #28 on: August 13, 2014, 07:43:01 PM »
We were invited by friends to go camping with them at a relative's cabin in the mountains.  We were assured that all we needed was our camping gear and snacks, all the meals were sorted and it was going to be great fun!  It turned out that the relatives were not impressed that we had arrived uninvited and without adequate food.  Our friends and their relatives obviously had an argument of some kind and so we all kind of hung out in our camper trailer and did our own thing.  As soon as humanly possible, I made a grocery run into town and we left as soon as we could.  So awkward!  We've since been invited again (they all go every year) but we have no intentions of ever going again!

Alicia

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Re: Have you ever been the non-invited guest?
« Reply #29 on: August 13, 2014, 08:00:51 PM »
A few years ago I was supposed to be joining a friend of mine at his friends house for a Halloween party I was supposed to arrive first and he was heading there later. I accidentally went to the wrong home introduced myself as Eric's friend and start chatting having fun even helping set up the bar. Uhm I was two doors down from the correct party . Opps.