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Author Topic: Justified Secret Santa disappointment or should I just get over it?  (Read 17579 times)

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rachellenore

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Just would like feedback from others if my disappointment is justified, or if I'm being overly-sensitive and need to move on. Probably too much of a wall of text but I had a long boring day and thought about this wayyy too much. Free gold stars to anyone who reads this  :-[

So secret Santa for our department only at work. After we picked names for the first time, one of the women quit, and I just happened to have her name. Because of the confusion, they reassigned two of us (still don't know what happened to the other person's secret Santa) to each other.

My new secret Santa approached me on break after that happened and asked what I wanted as a gift. I told her "Anything in our women's gift section is good," which I thought was all I needed to say..but then she asked for more ideas and I said "Lotion is good," and added that I like cow print stuff, but not to get me a throw since I have a cow print throw already. Then she asked if I wanted toys for my cats and I said no. I asked her what she wanted and she said a throw and that her favorite color is pink. Then I asked our coworkers who are better friends with her what her daughter likes and they said Minnie Mouse.

A week passes, along with our pay day that Friday. This past Monday I picked out her gifts- a big, soft pink throw, a Minnie Mouse puzzle, and a make-your-own-plushie kit. I had previously bought gift bags for my original secret Santa's gift, but they didn't fit this new gift, so since I had spent all my money I just put it all in a cute Christmas-themed green bag we sell at work (they're only $1).

Throughout the week, I double-checked with multiple coworkers to make sure our secret Santa exchange day was Friday the 13th.

So I went into work yesterday and the first coworker I ran into was my Secret Santa, and I asked her what time they're having us do the exchange. She said, "I thought it was next Friday." (Sigh.) I just told her that I had her gift and to just let me know when she wants me to give it to her. She said she'd buy my gift that day and we'd exchange after work- she volunteered to do this, I didn't tell her she needed it that day.

She asked me again if I wanted cat toys and again I said no. She asked me again, what I liked, I said lotion. She asked what my favorite color is, I said white. Later in the day she asked if I liked candles and I said yeah. She asked me pretty much 8 different times in a week and a half about what I wanted

Time for the gift exchange. She seems to appreciate mine so that made me happy. I receive hers graciously and say I love all the stuff. I lied >.>  She got me a candle which was nice, but it was purple (we have plenty of white candles in stock,) a picture frame which was black, and this very cheaply made foot massager thing..because, "It was the only cowprint thing in the store!" She didn't even buy a gift bag or a green bag, she just handed me the stuff in a plastic shopping bag.

Just. Why ask me multiple times what I want if you're not going to listen? I told you I wanted lotion and/or anything else in our women's gift section. None of these were from the women's gift section. I really, really, really don't get it. I thought I was going to get a beautiful Christmasy lotion set. I can't even return the stupid cow foot massager thing (tried it today after my secret Santa had left work a few hours earlier) because she didn't give me a gift receipt and my manager didn't want to help me do a receipt-less return.

I probably should just get over it. But wouldn't you guys all be miffed if someone bugged you incessantly about what you wanted and then just ignored it in the end?

Venus193

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Re: Justified Secret Santa disappointment or should I just get over it?
« Reply #1 on: December 14, 2013, 07:47:40 PM »
I would be a little miffed, but etiquette is about behavior, not feelings.

Let it go, as you are unlikely to have the same Secret Santa next year.





TurtleDove

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Re: Justified Secret Santa disappointment or should I just get over it?
« Reply #2 on: December 14, 2013, 07:51:20 PM »
Don't waste your energy being upset about this.

Amara

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Re: Justified Secret Santa disappointment or should I just get over it?
« Reply #3 on: December 14, 2013, 08:39:45 PM »
I think your feelings are justified; I'd be miffed too. However, do try to let it go. It's not a big deal, and maybe you can opt out of Secret Santa next year. (Not very secret, is it?)

citadelle

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Re: Justified Secret Santa disappointment or should I just get over it?
« Reply #4 on: December 14, 2013, 09:27:22 PM »
Next year, just buy the lotion for yourself! I know it isn't the same, but it wasn't a surprise you wanted anyway, you'll spend the same or less, and you won't be disappointed.

kareng57

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Re: Justified Secret Santa disappointment or should I just get over it?
« Reply #5 on: December 14, 2013, 10:03:52 PM »
Workplace Secret Santas are generally a pain and yes, you just have to get over it.

I think they should be illegal... :)

Roe

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Re: Justified Secret Santa disappointment or should I just get over it?
« Reply #6 on: December 14, 2013, 10:06:15 PM »
Yep, you just need to get over it.

Luci

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Re: Justified Secret Santa disappointment or should I just get over it?
« Reply #7 on: December 14, 2013, 10:09:52 PM »
Can you opt out?

I had a very bad  experience in my college dorm, so later in the dorm, at the at the phone company, insurance company, and at the school I just never tossed in my name in so never drew a name. Fifty years of Christmas comfort here!

In all those situations and years, I was ony questioned once and I do not even remember how I responded.

PastryGoddess

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Re: Justified Secret Santa disappointment or should I just get over it?
« Reply #8 on: December 14, 2013, 10:15:39 PM »
Here have some wine and kitten snuggles

Knitterly

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Re: Justified Secret Santa disappointment or should I just get over it?
« Reply #9 on: December 14, 2013, 10:28:14 PM »
Not sure how this could be a secret santa thing if a) you know who has your name and b) she keeps asking you and asking you what you want.

I would be disappointed, too.  It kind of sucks when you spend a lot of time and energy on something and the person gifting to you doesn't seem to spend anywhere near the same amount of time and/or energy.

BUT, that's the risk with these sorts of exchanges.  Your not-so-secret santa fulfilled her obligations.  It may not have been to your liking, but she did fulfill her obligation. 

Your obligation now is to say thank you.  Your feelings aren't wrong (feelings rarely are, they simply are what they are).

You can choose not to participate in the future, but I don't think it's really fair to disparage your coworker for her gift to you.

peaches

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Re: Justified Secret Santa disappointment or should I just get over it?
« Reply #10 on: December 14, 2013, 10:29:39 PM »
The irony is that these Secret Santa gift swaps are supposed to build morale in an organization. Too often they end up doing the opposite.

I think we've all been there at one time or another. You make a real effort to give a thoughtful gift, and the other person doesn't. It's frustrating.

But nothing good can come from stewing about it, and you wouldn't want to generate discord at work by revealing your disappointment.

It's fine to tell us, though.  ;)

GreenEyedHawk

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Re: Justified Secret Santa disappointment or should I just get over it?
« Reply #11 on: December 14, 2013, 10:40:45 PM »
Yeah, I can see where it's a disappointment, but I would personally feel that this isn't a battle worth fighting, and I'd just opt out next year and save yourself the hassle.  I don't like workplace Secret Santas.  We discussed it this year and the substantial majority said they didn't want to do it.  As a joke one of the shop people suggested we get Christmas stockings so I went to a dollar store and bought some cheapy ones and got $10 gift cards to Tim's to put in each one.  I don't really care if no one else puts anything in the stockings and I plan to put the cards in at the end of the day so no one will know who did it (I work later than everyone else by choice so I'm the last one to leave) and I may not even cop to having been the one to buy the cards.  I don't care about the credit, I just want to do something nice for my co-workers.  I don't know that I've ever encountered anyone who likes Secret Santa.  It never stays a secret and someone always ends up disappointed.
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TootsNYC

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Re: Justified Secret Santa disappointment or should I just get over it?
« Reply #12 on: December 14, 2013, 10:55:42 PM »
Not sure how this could be a secret santa thing if a) you know who has your name and b) she keeps asking you and asking you what you want.

I would be disappointed, too.  It kind of sucks when you spend a lot of time and energy on something and the person gifting to you doesn't seem to spend anywhere near the same amount of time and/or energy.

BUT, that's the risk with these sorts of exchanges.  Your not-so-secret santa fulfilled her obligations.  It may not have been to your liking, but she did fulfill her obligation. 

Your obligation now is to say thank you.  Your feelings aren't wrong (feelings rarely are, they simply are what they are).

You can choose not to participate in the future, but I don't think it's really fair to disparage your coworker for her gift to you.

I agree with this.

Except that I think that feelings, even though they just are what they are, can sometimes be inappropriate--doesn't mean a person can easily dismiss them, but they may not be justified. For the record, I think yours were justified.

And of course you didn't ask what you should *do* about it, because of course you are savvy enough to know that there isn't anything you -can- do about it.
  Except, of course, to recognize that this person is kinda lame. So you wouldn't want to get too deeply involved in something with her.
   And I suppose you could decide not to participate next year. Or you could suggest some other organization for the name drawing and the ideas list, so it's a little more organized.

I would be a little miffed as well--you put a lot more energy into it than she did. And she was pretty lame with the asking for ideas incessantly.

Ceallach

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Re: Justified Secret Santa disappointment or should I just get over it?
« Reply #13 on: December 15, 2013, 02:51:39 AM »
It sounds to me as though your office secret santa has gotten way out of control.    Knowing who the other person is, being expected to make gift suggestions etc.  Most secret santas in my experience are much more casual than this, and normally have a lowish $ limit to avoid unfairness (if it's a token $10-$15 limit then expectations are low and people are unlikely to be offended!)    I'm also surprised there's no official time for gift exchange where it's done in a group, I've never heard of it being a private arrangement like that before.   

So yeah, I would be irritated by the lack of reciprocation from this lady.   But at the same time, it's just an office Secret Santa!    I would invest less energy, time and money into it myself.   Lesson learnt for the future.   I understand your annoyance though!
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CakeEater

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Re: Justified Secret Santa disappointment or should I just get over it?
« Reply #14 on: December 15, 2013, 04:28:35 AM »
Not sure how this could be a secret santa thing if a) you know who has your name and b) she keeps asking you and asking you what you want.

I would be disappointed, too.  It kind of sucks when you spend a lot of time and energy on something and the person gifting to you doesn't seem to spend anywhere near the same amount of time and/or energy.
BUT, that's the risk with these sorts of exchanges.  Your not-so-secret santa fulfilled her obligations.  It may not have been to your liking, but she did fulfill her obligation. 

Your obligation now is to say thank you.  Your feelings aren't wrong (feelings rarely are, they simply are what they are).

You can choose not to participate in the future, but I don't think it's really fair to disparage your coworker for her gift to you.

It actually sounds like co-worker spent a lot more time and energy than the OP and still had a worse result.

OP - I think your feelings are completely justified, and also, you should get over it. :)