(Slightly gross) embarrassing incident with my lodger

[#borecore]

My opinion,  on the scale of big honkin deal to _{tiny mistake}, your error was definitely on the tiny mistake side. Say, "I'm really sorry.  It will not happen again!"

The bigger deal you make of it,  the bigger deal it will be. Just don't do it again and don't waste time being petrified about it, either.

[Hmmmmm]

My opinion is that in shared housing, there is the high chance of unintentional occurrences like this.

Next time I saw him just say "Sorry about that. The door was ajar and I didn't think anyone was in there."

[JenJay]

I'd leave him a note.
"I am so sorry (and embarrassed!) about walking in on you last night! I don't know if you realize, but you frequently leave your bathroom fan and light on after you've left the room and I thought that's what happened. My intent was only to verify what I thought I knew - that you'd gone to bed, and then shut the switches off. I never dreamed that you were actually still in there. Obviously I was wrong and I promise to knock in the future, even if I've personally seen you get in your car and drive away, just to be safe! Again, I'm very sorry!"

I wouldn't bring up the issue with the door being open yet because I'd want my apology to be about taking responsibility for my mistake. I imagine he's feeling partly to blame for that very reason and there's a good chance it'll be a nonissue now. If not, though, I'd make the request the next time I happened to notice. "With the door cracked I can actually see partially into your bathroom as I come up the stairs. I know we were both mortified the last time there was a 'bathroom incident' so I'd appreciate it if you'd close the door completely when you're in there."

[camlan]

And moving forward, so you don't have to keep entering the lodger's bathroom, get a timer switch for the fan.

I have to admit I'd not like my landlady entering "my" space as often as you seem to do his--I understand why you do it and I agree that you have a right to do so, but it would still bother me. A timer on the fan will solve the problem.

[TootsNYC]

I think the whole mistake was his--he didn't completely close the door, nor did he lock it.

If he had completely closed the door, you'd have assumed that the fan & light were on because he was using the loo.

So I'd say, "I'm sorry to walk in on you! Since the door wasn't completely closed, I thought you'd left the fan and light on again. I was going to give the bathroom a once-over for drips and such, while I was at it. Sorry to open it on you!"

I don't know how I'd install a timer on a bathroom fan.

[Margo]

I thought OP said she didn't go into his space (the bedroom) The bathroom is off a shared hallway - I think hat does make a huge difference.

I'm not sure how they work elsewhere, but here (England) ,most bathroom fans are already on a timer, the thing is, the timer is triggered by the light being turned off, so the timer wouldn't kick in if the lodger leaves the bathroom light on. I'm not sure whether it is the same in Ireland but here there are planning regulations which apply to ventilation for bathrooms and I strongly suspect that a timer which potentially turned off the fan when someone was in the bathroom (i.e. after a set time, regardless of whether the light was on or not) would not comply with the regs. So just putting a timer on may not be an option.

It also seems to me that installing a timer rather than having a conversation about making sure lights etc are turned off is overkill.  Expecting someone to turn the bathroom fan / light off when the room isn't in use is not interfering in their space, it's  a perfectly normal expectation of anyone living in a house.
 

[Outdoor Girl]

And moving forward, so you don't have to keep entering the lodger's bathroom, get a timer switch for the fan.

This is a great idea.  I'll be having a bunch of work done at my place in the relatively near future and I'm going to do this.  I don't think it is too difficult; the timer switch is the size of the new larger switches and allows you to set the fan to go for 5 to 30 minutes in 5 minute intervals and also allows you to bypass the timer and just put the fan on.  I think it is just a matter of swapping out the switch; there is no major wiring involved.

[citadelle]

He may not have completely latched the door, but it was pulled closed. I can't fault him for that, since the OP herself says she had no legitimate reason to open the door.

However, I think this is an apologize and move on.

As for the fan, ask him to turn it off, but realize he may leave it on because bathrooms sometimes stink, so we use the fan for that. It sounds like he may have been sick and maybe needed the fan even more than usual.

[bah12]

This is one of those embarrasing things that just happens and doesn't deserve any more thought.  He left the door open, you walked in, you both said sorry.  No need to mention it again.  Chances are he learned his lesson about shutting and locking the door.

[Polly]

I thought OP said she didn't go into his space (the bedroom) The bathroom is off a shared hallway - I think hat does make a huge difference.

I'm not sure how they work elsewhere, but here (England) ,most bathroom fans are already on a timer, the thing is, the timer is triggered by the light being turned off, so the timer wouldn't kick in if the lodger leaves the bathroom light on. I'm not sure whether it is the same in Ireland but here there are planning regulations which apply to ventilation for bathrooms and I strongly suspect that a timer which potentially turned off the fan when someone was in the bathroom (i.e. after a set time, regardless of whether the light was on or not) would not comply with the regs. So just putting a timer on may not be an option.

It also seems to me that installing a timer rather than having a conversation about making sure lights etc are turned off is overkill.  Expecting someone to turn the bathroom fan / light off when the room isn't in use is not interfering in their space, it's  a perfectly normal expectation of anyone living in a house.

Margo is correct about the location of the bathroom (smallish, shared hallway that I have to pass through on my way up or downstairs) and the fan timer being linked to the light switch. The funny thing was neither nor anyone else in the house had ever noticed the fan much before (though I guess anyone previous might just have been the sort to switch off lights automatically), but I had a temporary guest staying a while back, and he drew it to my and The Lodger's attention that the fan was noisy and we should turn it off! Since then I have been aware of it, and it IS kind of noisy, and while it obviously doesn't bother The Lodger as he's the one who leaves it on, he works long shifts and comes home very tired, so I've been sort of concerned he might fall asleep ok but it might wake him up later on. That's not an excuse and it has been illuminating reading the posts of those who think I did over-step. I do need to take that on board as the reason I am so concerned is that I do try to be a respectful landlord and I would hate for him to feel uncomfortable (which I am sure he does now).

I would never enter his bedroom. I've gone into his bathroom once or twice relating to maintenance issues but I don't frequent it. However I do switch out the light/fan probably pretty much nightly and I think I am getting too fussy about it - it overrode my default setting to stay out of his space.

If it makes a difference, we usually tend to keep very different hours so I am the last one in bed by several hours, so I usually make a last round of the house from my own point of view - switching off the internet and heating if it is on etc.

In all honesty I think it was just a case that neither of us expected the other one to be around and I feel we were both wrong. I wouldn't mind too much catching him walking around in his underwear for example, or brushing his teeth with the bathroom door open, I do think in a shared house he should be respectful of me as well as I of him!

He's quite reserved so while I would like to apologise, I also don't want to make him more uncomfortable. But I think it might be the right thing to do based on all the responses...

[Sophia]

You can buy a timer for a bathroom fan.  To turn it on, you turn the dial for the amount of time it should run.  60 minutes is the max on mine.  They are pretty easy to install. 
That way you wouldn't have to worry about the noisy fan

[spaceheatersusan]

In all honesty I think it was just a case that neither of us expected the other one to be around and I feel we were both wrong. I wouldn't mind too much catching him walking around in his underwear for example, or brushing his teeth with the bathroom door open, I do think in a shared house he should be respectful of me as well as I of him!

Honestly I think you were the only one in the wrong.  You said it yourself, you wouldn't have seen anything if you hadn't pushed his bathroom door open.  You didn't need to do that to switch the fan off.  He had no earthly reason to expect you to do that, so the fact that he had closed the door well enough that you couldn't see him was adequate on his part, in my opinion.

[Eeep!]

I personally think it is bizarre that he didn't close the door.  I get that it is "his" bathroom, but if it opens up onto a landing then I truly can't imagine not closing the door. As such, it really wouldn't occur to me that someone was in there - particularly taking a poop. (I could kinda see a guy not thinking it's a big deal when peeing.)

[perpetua]

I personally think it is bizarre that he didn't close the door.  I get that it is "his" bathroom, but if it opens up onto a landing then I truly can't imagine not closing the door. As such, it really wouldn't occur to me that someone was in there - particularly taking a poop. (I could kinda see a guy not thinking it's a big deal when peeing.)

Well, given that the OP says he was in there for at least 20 minutes my first thought was perhaps he didn't have time to, if you get my drift.

OP, I think this is just one of those things that happens and all that's needed is a quick apology and then to move on, but I do tend to think that going around making sure everything is switched off in his personal area of the house feels a bit... hall-monitor-ish?

[SamiHami]

Yes, embarrassing and obviously some fault does belong with the OP. But the tenant sort of set the stage for something like this in that he is irresponsible about turning off the light/fan. I get that it's "his" space but in reality he is running up the electric bill unecessarily and since the fan is loud, he is causing an annoyance to the OP. So, I call it a wash.

OP should apologize sincerely. But I also think the OP needs to have a pleasant and polite chat with the tenant and request that he always close the door while using the bathroom, since it does open to a shared hallway (no exceptions) and that he must turn off the light/fan when exiting the room.

This should be a simple enough issue to resolve with no hard feelings on either side.