(Slightly gross) embarrassing incident with my lodger

[TootsNYC]

so the fact that he had closed the door well enough that you couldn't see him was adequate on his part

I so disagree with this. You need to latch the door, at the very least.

From the OP:

The door was slightly open.

She's the landlord; the door opens onto hallways she has every right to go down.

Well, given that the OP says he was in there for at least 20 minutes my first thought was perhaps he didn't have time to, if you get my drift.

In those situations, I usually slam the door behind me on my way in. At those times, I -really- want the door all the way closed.

[magicdomino]

I leave mine wide open.  how else can the cats come and sit and stare at me?

 

[Outdoor Girl]

I leave mine wide open.  how else can the cats come and sit and stare at me?

 

I joked with someone who had a toddler that would come with her, that for some reason, pets and children didn't think we could go to the bathroom by ourselves.

I have two cats that'll come in and wind around my feet while I'm sitting there.

[menley]

I leave mine wide open.  how else can the cats come and sit and stare at me?

 

I joked with someone who had a toddler that would come with her, that for some reason, pets and children didn't think we could go to the bathroom by ourselves.

I have two cats that'll come in and wind around my feet while I'm sitting there.

My dog has learned how to open the bathroom door... anytime I'm in there, she'll come up to me and rest her head on my knees (her default "please scratch my ears" position). It's really awkward! I'm like, hey, trying to do business here! 

[SamiHami]

My nieces dog will lay right outside the tub/shower while she is showering, and will poke his head behind the shower curtain once or twice to make sure she's still there.

[ChinaShepherdess]

I agree with many of the previous posters, that this situation seems like a small one, ripe for a quick, sincere apology after which everyone can move on. Since this topic was posted a few days ago, I suspect it's already been dealt with! I don't know if this thought would be useful for OP or lodger, but I have known many people who have been embroiled in bathroom fan imbroglios with roommates, so, to that end:

 I lived in a tiny apartment with a few other girls in college, and we all had various friends and boyfriends coming in and out of the space, and sometimes we would variously run the fan and water in order to cover any potential noises, as it seems your lodger may. However, the fan-running is ambiguous (is the room occupied? is it unoccupied but the fan is still needed? is the fan merely grinding along, eternally forgotten?) and can echo weirdly into other rooms, and tap- or shower-running is needlessly wasteful. The solution we came up with was buying cheapo $10 iPod speakers to go on the bathroom counter, to play softly (not to blare, of course; no louder than the sound of water in a faucet, which isn't an unreasonable level) during times we deemed necessary.

Several years later, I still always keep cheapo iPod speakers in my bathroom. Great for singing along in the shower? Brushing one's teeth to new and refreshing rhythms? Jazzing up morning skincare routine! And, yes, occasionally provider of much-desired ambient noise.

[JoieGirl7]

I get the feeling that the reason he didn't latch the door is because it was late and he thought you had  retired for the night.

Personally, in my own home, I can't stand the sound of a fan from the first floor when I am on the second floor so of I were you I would install a timer.

But, I don't see where the noise bothers you.  I think you need to stay out if his space completely and keep your hands off the switches.

While you mean well, for your lodger, it can be oppressive to have someone monitoring your activity.

It doesn't really matter that you are the type of person not to leave a light on.  He is renting the facility and its his light to leave on if he desires.

It is also his fan to leave on unless his doing so will disturb the peace of you or a guest.  That you have been concerned that it would disturb him and wake him after he fell asleep is a sign that you are way too involved in monitoring his activity in this regard.

As far as turning off the hall light as you go up or downstairs, no problem.  But, you should stay completely out of his bathroom and bedroom.

I wouldn't say anything to him.  Just give him some space, stop monitoring his light and fan use and after a little bit of time you will both forget that it happened.

[ShadowLady]

I leave mine wide open.  how else can the cats come and sit and stare at me?

If we do not leave the door open just a little, to allow them to come in, they will start pawing at the doorway, and stick their paws under the door, reaching for who knows what.

[perpetua]

I get the feeling that the reason he didn't latch the door is because it was late and he thought you had  retired for the night.

Personally, in my own home, I can't stand the sound of a fan from the first floor when I am on the second floor so of I were you I would install a timer.

But, I don't see where the noise bothers you.  I think you need to stay out if his space completely and keep your hands off the switches.

While you mean well, for your lodger, it can be oppressive to have someone monitoring your activity.

It doesn't really matter that you are the type of person not to leave a light on.  He is renting the facility and its his light to leave on if he desires.

It is also his fan to leave on unless his doing so will disturb the peace of you or a guest.  That you have been concerned that it would disturb him and wake him after he fell asleep is a sign that you are way too involved in monitoring his activity in this regard.

As far as turning off the hall light as you go up or downstairs, no problem.  But, you should stay completely out of his bathroom and bedroom.

I wouldn't say anything to him.  Just give him some space, stop monitoring his light and fan use and after a little bit of time you will both forget that it happened.

Agreed, but for one small thing: If he's a lodger, then he'll be paying a flat rate to live there and the OP will be having to pay for the extra electricity he's using, so perhaps a chat about that might be in order, otherwise I agree he should be left to his own devices.

[sunnygirl]

I leave mine wide open.  how else can the cats come and sit and stare at me?

If we do not leave the door open just a little, to allow them to come in, they will start pawing at the doorway, and stick their paws under the door, reaching for who knows what.

You think that's bad, mine learnt how to turn the taps on this past week - for when the long slog to the water bottle is just too much effort. 

[Margo]

It doesn't really matter that you are the type of person not to leave a light on.  He is renting the facility and its his light to leave on if he desires.

It is also his fan to leave on unless his doing so will disturb the peace of you or a guest.  That you have been concerned that it would disturb him and wake him after he fell asleep is a sign that you are way too involved in monitoring his activity in this regard.

I disagree - it is very much OPs business, as she is paying the bills and if he was wasting electricity by leaving a light or fan on in an empty it would completely reasonable and appropriate for her to deal with that - both by turning off the light/fan and by raising it with him for future reference. Even if bills are split, if one person is wasting electricity it pushes the bill up for both, and in a lodger situation, normally the rent would be inclusive of bills, so wastage means higher bills for the lanlord but not for the lodger, so the lodger may be much less aware of it as an issue.

[JoieGirl7]

It doesn't really matter that you are the type of person not to leave a light on.  He is renting the facility and its his light to leave on if he desires.

It is also his fan to leave on unless his doing so will disturb the peace of you or a guest.  That you have been concerned that it would disturb him and wake him after he fell asleep is a sign that you are way too involved in monitoring his activity in this regard.

I disagree - it is very much OPs business, as she is paying the bills and if he was wasting electricity by leaving a light or fan on in an empty it would completely reasonable and appropriate for her to deal with that - both by turning off the light/fan and by raising it with him for future reference. Even if bills are split, if one person is wasting electricity it pushes the bill up for both, and in a lodger situation, normally the rent would be inclusive of bills, so wastage means higher bills for the lanlord but not for the lodger, so the lodger may be much less aware of it as an issue.

Him leaving it on is his business.  How much it costs is her business.

She can remedy the situation by charging him a few dollars more or installing timers.  But, she doesn't get to invade his private space.

It's outrageous that she made it such a habit that she actually intruded on him on the toilet.

[Margo]

She didn't. She went into what she quite reasonably assumed was an empty room, which was *not* his private bedroom.
He had failed to close or lock the door when using the bathroom, which led to an embarassing situation.

[English1]

It was his private bathroom though, for which he pays rent. If unhappy about him leaving lights etc on, talk to him about it and if no luck, increase his rent slightly to pay for it. She should stay out of his private rooms; the same as he is expected to stay out of hers.

[Outdoor Girl]

It was his private bathroom though, for which he pays rent. If unhappy about him leaving lights etc on, talk to him about it and if no luck, increase his rent slightly to pay for it. She should stay out of his private rooms; the same as he is expected to stay out of hers.

Except it wasn't a private bathroom, as it opened out to the landing.  If it had been an ensuite attached to his bedroom, I'd agree with you.