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Author Topic: invite to our group was 'overlooked', do you go?  (Read 16304 times)

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whatsanenigma

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Re: invite to our group was 'overlooked', do you go?
« Reply #45 on: December 17, 2013, 02:39:09 PM »
Well, if I were the boss, the next time there is a promotion or a plum assignment to hand out, I'd readily give it to a person who makes a simple email list serve mistake, but I'd have serious reservations about someone who chooses to pout and crank up the drama rather than simply and easily correct the problem.  Particularly if it's such a petty matter.

In fact, that is exactly the kind of person I'd want to get OUT of my company.  I want grownup people who solve and prevent problems, not those who pour gasoline on them.

Per the bolded: One time, sure.  But multiple years in a row?

Per the italics: Sure, it's possible to react in such a way as to crank up drama, etc.  But I just don't see how staying at workstations and working, and not going to the place the party is being held, and if asked about it, saying "We weren't sure if we were invited" or "We didn't know to leave that block of time open" or such, and only if asked, would be "causing drama" or in any way throwing a fit.  Even IF the invitation was issued in a timely manner.


TootsNYC

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Re: invite to our group was 'overlooked', do you go?
« Reply #46 on: December 17, 2013, 02:40:56 PM »
The department didn't know when the party was or, in this day of cutbacks, if there even was a party until the day of.

and my question would be, "why not? How out of touch with everybody else around you that you don't know this?"

BarensMom

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Re: invite to our group was 'overlooked', do you go?
« Reply #47 on: December 17, 2013, 02:47:21 PM »
The department didn't know when the party was or, in this day of cutbacks, if there even was a party until the day of.

and my question would be, "why not? How out of touch with everybody else around you that you don't know this?"

I guess we have to ask the OP that.  Perhaps the OP and her department work in a different location from the rest of the company?



whatsanenigma

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Re: invite to our group was 'overlooked', do you go?
« Reply #48 on: December 17, 2013, 02:49:20 PM »
The department didn't know when the party was or, in this day of cutbacks, if there even was a party until the day of.

and my question would be, "why not? How out of touch with everybody else around you that you don't know this?"

I guess we have to ask the OP that.  Perhaps the OP and her department work in a different location from the rest of the company?

I can certainly imagine this easily, especially if there is any physical distance involved.  The OP's department just goes along doing their work, not having any non-work chatting with anyone else, and there you go.  Nobody in OP's department knows when or if there is a party and if they are expected to come or not.

TurtleDove

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Re: invite to our group was 'overlooked', do you go?
« Reply #49 on: December 17, 2013, 02:51:59 PM »
I'm with the posters who say go, have a good time, be proactive next year.  Sulking and making this A.Big.Deal does not reflect well on the department of three, unless the goal is to come across as bitter, drama seeking, unprofessional, eggshell grudge holders who would rather make a point than be part of a team. Blissfully assume the failure to timely invite the department of three was inadvertent. Joke about it even, so it's on the radar of the inviters for next year. 

And if you truly believe you were intentionally omitted, why would you want to work there? Do you think sulking will make your coworkers "like" you more, or do you think it would make them glad you are not being a buzzkill on the party?  (all yous general).  People like to work with easy going people who don't create drama, not people who look for offence and require people to walk on eggshells to not upset them.

lowspark

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Re: invite to our group was 'overlooked', do you go?
« Reply #50 on: December 17, 2013, 03:00:41 PM »
There must be some interaction between the OP's department and the rest of the company. After all she said:

On the day of the event, we're invited, verbally, when we get the deer in the headlights look when other employees are talking about the event.

So that means, there are occasions where members of her department are having face to face conversations with other employees.

The thing I'm wondering is, if this has happened before, and it seems like more than once before, why the OP's department hasn't been proactive about figuring out how to fix the oversight.

No one knows what's going on/time/date until the invite is sent out by the Manager to each department head.

Who is the OP's department head? Why isn't s/he taking steps to make sure this doesn't happen again? Why didn't s/he already take these steps before today?

What's wrong with a little communication? The department is supposed to be invited. Everyone knows that. Including the manager who is sending out invitations and the head of the OP's department. Like others have said, this isn't the same as fishing for an invitation to a social gathering.

If there were a business deal going on which required a bunch of meetings which the OP needed to attend, but she weren't getting the emails, wouldn't she take steps to make sure she got them in the future? Same dynamic at play here.
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Outdoor Girl

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Re: invite to our group was 'overlooked', do you go?
« Reply #51 on: December 17, 2013, 03:05:06 PM »
To me, there is nothing drama inducing about saying, 'Oh, the party is today?  I'm sorry, I didn't know.  I'm afraid I have other plans.'  And not going.  If the (non)orgnanizing manager starts berating them for not showing up?  The drama is on him/her.

One other option is to just be prepared with a gift, starting right after Thanksgiving.  And then when it is sprung on you?  'Oh, is that today?  Well, I just happen to have a gift here in my desk.  See you at noon!'
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
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bah12

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Re: invite to our group was 'overlooked', do you go?
« Reply #52 on: December 17, 2013, 03:12:43 PM »
I agree with you in terms of logic.  Logic, however, is sometimes in short supply, even as pertains to a work related event.

There is no excuse not to behave logically...especially at work.  This is not a playground.  This department behaving like children...over a simple omission at that...will likely bite them in the butt when it comes time for promotions.  If it's more important to have "principles", then so be it.  There are professional ramifications for behaving unprofessionally.  I have passed people up for promotions for this exact same behavior.  I don't want anyone representing my company who would cause this kind of drama.

I am not advocating that the OP or anyone else behave illogically.  I am just pointing out that it is possible that those who issue the invitations might think in an illogical fashion and see the situation as "fishing for invites" or some other silly thing that of course logically makes no sense due to it being a workplace.

I do think it is important to acknowledge that this might be happening and there might be fallout from it, and to behave appropriately accordingly.  This does not mean behaving illogically.  This means acting in a way that takes this into consideration while keeping everything looking professional and NOT "pouting" or "causing drama". 

I suppose I am concerned on one hand that the OP's department is considered to be just at the "beck and call" of the rest of the company, ready and able to drop everything at a summons (even if it is comes under the label "invitation"), or on the other hand, that there is some miscommunication about who is supposed to pass the information along to the OP's department and when, and that it hasn't been an important enough priority to get sorted out, due to it happening multiple years.

Either way, or another way, it is possible that the only thing that will fix things is for OP's department to not be able to come one year due to the short notice.  (This is not to say that if they really want to go, they shouldn't go, of course.)  Done correctly, no drama should be stirred up.  And it will end the "beck and call" problem if that's what's going on, raise the priority level of the higher-ups sorting out who is supposed to pass along this information if that is where the problem lies, or whatever.

Though I also agree with those who are saying that it would be a good idea to bring this up at some point with the relevant person, just simply stating without drama that this causes work related issues (how to schedule our times for deadlines, or whatever) and what is the best way to handle getting the information in a timely fashion so we can plan accordingly.

This reminds me of a girl I knew in college, who after feeling 'snubbed' by a guy she was crushing on, declared that she would "show him" by refusing to attend any even that he was also going to be at.  The result?  She didn't get to go have fun with her friends.  And no one missed her either...because it's no fun hanging out with someone who spreads that kind of negativity.  Trust me when I say no one cares if you choose to forgo having fun.  It only hurts you.

Assuming that everything is a deliberate snub and that inadvertant omissions cannot be resolved with a simple request to be added to a distro list, but instead must be solved by "showing them and not going at all" does cause drama.  It makes a mountain out of a molehill...and I guarantee absolutely will not solve the problem.  If anything, it creates a bigger one.  Drawing attention to an issue unecessarily, making you look unprofessional and childish.  Also, assuming that those in the work place will not behave logically and therefore deciding that doing the proactive and easy thing can't.possibly.work just further exacerbates the problem.

The OP can clarify, but I highly doubt this department is physically located somewhere else.  Otherwise, they wouldn't find out about the party when they hear other employees talking about it.  This seems more like the case of this department having a lazy/innefective manager who makes little attempt to communicate with the rest of the company managers but can't seem to figure out whey there's a breakdown in communication.

Midnight Kitty

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Re: invite to our group was 'overlooked', do you go?
« Reply #53 on: December 17, 2013, 03:18:33 PM »
I'm not suggesting anyone stir up drama or sulk.  There's more than two choices: Go and be a Team Player or Don't go and be a Drama Mama.  There is the simple and elegant "work at my desk."  I'm here to work and that's what I'm going to do.

to bah12:  I love what I do.  There is only one job in the state that does what I do, so I stay.
"The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit.  The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are."

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TurtleDove

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Re: invite to our group was 'overlooked', do you go?
« Reply #54 on: December 17, 2013, 03:24:04 PM »
There is the simple and elegant "work at my desk."  I'm here to work and that's what I'm going to do.

To me, this is ineffective unless drama is what you would like to cause.  No one is likely to notice you (general) are not attending the party, and if they do notice, it will not reflect well on you to say, "I'd rather work than spend time with my coworkers."

TootsNYC

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Re: invite to our group was 'overlooked', do you go?
« Reply #55 on: December 17, 2013, 03:26:04 PM »
I'm not suggesting anyone stir up drama or sulk.  There's more than two choices: Go and be a Team Player or Don't go and be a Drama Mama.  There is the simple and elegant "work at my desk." I'm here to work and that's what I'm going to do.


As an onlooker, I would not see that as "simple and elegant."

I'd think, "why aren't you at this party? It's right here in the conference room? Are you stuck up? None of the rest of us are -that- busy."

If it were the evening and your "other plans" weren't work related, I wouldn't blink twice about your not being here.

But this is on company time, so attending the party is something I view as being actually part of the work assignment. It's my job to participate in all the [appropriate] things the company does during business hours. This is a party for all employees; I'm an "all employees," so I would go.

Midnight Kitty

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Re: invite to our group was 'overlooked', do you go?
« Reply #56 on: December 17, 2013, 03:33:44 PM »
There is the simple and elegant "work at my desk."  I'm here to work and that's what I'm going to do.

To me, this is ineffective unless drama is what you would like to cause.  No one is likely to notice you (general) are not attending the party, and if they do notice, it will not reflect well on you to say, "I'd rather work than spend time with my coworkers."
If I'm the only person working and not socializing, it might create drama.  In my office, at least half the people would not participate in a non-mandatory group social event. I can't conceive of an employer who objected to an employee who just wants to come in and do their job to the best of their abilities.

If it makes any difference, I work for the government, so the "employer" doesn't pay for anything social.  If we want lunch, it's coming out of our pockets.  I feel a bit guilty exchanging gifts on the government's time & dime.
"The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit.  The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are."

Marcus Aurelius

TurtleDove

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Re: invite to our group was 'overlooked', do you go?
« Reply #57 on: December 17, 2013, 03:43:47 PM »
I can't conceive of an employer who objected to an employee who just wants to come in and do their job to the best of their abilities.

I don't know what the government rules are, but in my line of work (I am a lawyer) it reflects very poorly on a lawyer or any employee to not be socialable.  Refusing to engage in company events (like a holiday party) would be something that would most definitely be objected to.

lowspark

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Re: invite to our group was 'overlooked', do you go?
« Reply #58 on: December 17, 2013, 03:48:59 PM »
I can't conceive of an employer who objected to an employee who just wants to come in and do their job to the best of their abilities.

I don't know what the government rules are, but in my line of work (I am a lawyer) it reflects very poorly on a lawyer or any employee to not be socialable.  Refusing to engage in company events (like a holiday party) would be something that would most definitely be objected to.

In me experience, doing your job to the best of your abilities includes having a good working relationship with your coworkers. That includes saying hi and having a minute or two of friendly chatter at the water cooler, being friendly when you pass each other in the hall, etc. And yeah, attending office social functions when possible.

It's important to get along with your fellow workers. I don't think it's a good idea to be seen as anti-social or isolationist at the office. People do notice that kind of thing.
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whatsanenigma

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Re: invite to our group was 'overlooked', do you go?
« Reply #59 on: December 17, 2013, 03:52:50 PM »
I agree with you in terms of logic.  Logic, however, is sometimes in short supply, even as pertains to a work related event.

There is no excuse not to behave logically...especially at work.  This is not a playground.  This department behaving like children...over a simple omission at that...will likely bite them in the butt when it comes time for promotions.  If it's more important to have "principles", then so be it.  There are professional ramifications for behaving unprofessionally.  I have passed people up for promotions for this exact same behavior.  I don't want anyone representing my company who would cause this kind of drama.

I am not advocating that the OP or anyone else behave illogically.  I am just pointing out that it is possible that those who issue the invitations might think in an illogical fashion and see the situation as "fishing for invites" or some other silly thing that of course logically makes no sense due to it being a workplace.

I do think it is important to acknowledge that this might be happening and there might be fallout from it, and to behave appropriately accordingly.  This does not mean behaving illogically.  This means acting in a way that takes this into consideration while keeping everything looking professional and NOT "pouting" or "causing drama". 

I suppose I am concerned on one hand that the OP's department is considered to be just at the "beck and call" of the rest of the company, ready and able to drop everything at a summons (even if it is comes under the label "invitation"), or on the other hand, that there is some miscommunication about who is supposed to pass the information along to the OP's department and when, and that it hasn't been an important enough priority to get sorted out, due to it happening multiple years.

Either way, or another way, it is possible that the only thing that will fix things is for OP's department to not be able to come one year due to the short notice.  (This is not to say that if they really want to go, they shouldn't go, of course.)  Done correctly, no drama should be stirred up.  And it will end the "beck and call" problem if that's what's going on, raise the priority level of the higher-ups sorting out who is supposed to pass along this information if that is where the problem lies, or whatever.

Though I also agree with those who are saying that it would be a good idea to bring this up at some point with the relevant person, just simply stating without drama that this causes work related issues (how to schedule our times for deadlines, or whatever) and what is the best way to handle getting the information in a timely fashion so we can plan accordingly.

This reminds me of a girl I knew in college, who after feeling 'snubbed' by a guy she was crushing on, declared that she would "show him" by refusing to attend any even that he was also going to be at.  The result?  She didn't get to go have fun with her friends.  And no one missed her either...because it's no fun hanging out with someone who spreads that kind of negativity.  Trust me when I say no one cares if you choose to forgo having fun.  It only hurts you.

Assuming that everything is a deliberate snub and that inadvertant omissions cannot be resolved with a simple request to be added to a distro list, but instead must be solved by "showing them and not going at all" does cause drama.  It makes a mountain out of a molehill...and I guarantee absolutely will not solve the problem.  If anything, it creates a bigger one.  Drawing attention to an issue unecessarily, making you look unprofessional and childish.  Also, assuming that those in the work place will not behave logically and therefore deciding that doing the proactive and easy thing can't.possibly.work just further exacerbates the problem.

The OP can clarify, but I highly doubt this department is physically located somewhere else.  Otherwise, they wouldn't find out about the party when they hear other employees talking about it.  This seems more like the case of this department having a lazy/innefective manager who makes little attempt to communicate with the rest of the company managers but can't seem to figure out whey there's a breakdown in communication.

I am not saying that OP or anyone else should assume that this is a deliberate snub.  Maybe it is, maybe it is not.  Maybe it really is just a simple misunderstanding between the higher-ups about who is supposed to notify OP's department.  Or something else equally without malicious intent.

But if this has been happening for several years in a row, then something weird is going on, I think.  Malicious intent or not.  If the higher ups have not sorted this out, then they haven't felt motivated to do so...for whatever reason.

And just to clarify, if this really is a fun party, a rewarding experience, for the OP's department once they get there, I don't advocate not showing up just to make a point.  This is not to say, however, that the problem can be solved without them not being able to show up one year.  If OP's department really is wanted at this party (and there is no reason to assume otherwise) it might take them, in good faith, not being able to come one year, to motivate anyone who can fix the problem to care enough to do so.

I am hoping that OP's department can find a way to talk to someone and sort this out in a professional manner before next year, though, and I would advocate that they do so.