General Etiquette > Life...in general

You are not the captain of this team - I am.

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AzaleaBloom:
I need an EH-approved way of saying the subject heading to a person who is making me hate the sport I play for fun.

Background:

I captain a rec-level sports team.  I took over the team when the previous captain had to quit playing.  Another member of the team is more or less my co-captain, and has been since I took over two years ago.  On weeks where I can't be there, "James" takes care of the captain duties.  We have no problem with this arrangement, and it has worked well.

When a player moved and had to quit, we asked "Luke" to join the team.  Since he joined, he has decided that he is in charge, and has undermined me on several occasions.  For example, I can say in an e-mail that I need everyone there and ready to play at 7:30.  He'll respond by saying that everyone needs to be there at 7:15.  If James gives a certain line-up, he'll respond by telling everyone to do something else.  Luke also has a tendency to talk to me like I'm an overly emotional five year old - which is pretty much the surest way to get me to snap.  I nearly bit through my tongue last game.


His most recent stunt is one that could get us in trouble with the league and cause us to have to forfeit games.  James and I are in full agreement that we are only to call on subs - and even then, only subs we have on our roster - when we are missing players.  One of the rules of the league is that all players have to be on the roster, and using non-rostered subs, if caught, can lead to forfeiture of games.  In the past, we have had issues with other teammates wanting to bring in subs so we can have extra players.  However, James and I both strongly feel that top priority should be given to those who actually paid to play, and subs are only in situtations where they are needed.  On this week's game reminder e-mail, there was one person who said she most likely wouldn't be there, leaving us with exactly enough people to play.  Luke responded by saying that he could get someone else there so we could have extra players there that night.  Since he does not have contact with our regular subs, this would be someone non-roster - as well as someone who hasn't paid and would be taking playing time away from those of us who did.

While I am fine with shutting this down - I have made it very clear that we don't need a sub - it's a prime example of how Luke has steamrolled over James and myself.  Since I'm the official captain of record, it is my job to deal with the situation.  Any e-hell approved suggestions on how I can politely tell him "Shut up, play ball, and talk to either myself or James after the game/e-mail us if you have any questions or suggestions"?

Zizi-K:
How about some version of "That will not be possible."?

I assume this is over email? A reply like this could work:

Dear Luke (and all),

The policy of the club is very clear that using any non-roster subs will cause us to forfeit the game. As co-captains of the team, and those responsible for administering and keeping track of these rules, Luke and I have decided not to test the limits, so off-roster subs will not be allowed. Please do not invite any friends to come and play, as they will just be disappointed when they arrive and are not able to play.

Best,
AzaleaBloom

To deal with Luke's butting-in to other decisions, a private word with you, James and Luke would suffice, the message being - back off. If you want to captain a team, start one yourself.

lmyrs:
I think it's multi-part.

First you have to correct Luke immediately and publicly every time he tries to undermine you. If you send out an email that says the team needs to arrive at 7:30 and he sends one out that says 7:15, just Reply All to his email and say, "7:30 is fine. No need to be there sooner."

If James sets the line up and Luke says something else, immediately say, "No, Luke, James has Jodi playing third base, not first. Jodi, you're on first."

And, when he starts talking down to you, roll your eyes and walk away.

If Luke wants to be in charge of his own team, he can go create his own team. This kind of behaviour can quickly become toxic on a for-fun recreational team. I've been there.

Then, after a few public corrections, if Luke continues, I'd pull him aside after a game or at another time and say, "Luke, you need to go along with what James and I say. If you want to run your own team, you're free to create one. But. this isn't your team and if you're unhappy with how we do things, you'll need to go to a different team." It may be worthwhile to have James with you for the conversation if at all possible to show it's a team decision (captains' decision) and not you being and over-emotional four year old.

Outdoor Girl:

--- Quote from: Zizi-K on December 17, 2013, 03:16:35 PM ---How about some version of "That will not be possible."?

I assume this is over email? A reply like this could work:

Dear Luke (and all),

The policy of the club is very clear that using any non-roster subs will cause us to forfeit the game. As co-captains of the team, and those responsible for administering and keeping track of these rules, Luke James and I have decided not to test the limits, so off-roster subs will not be allowed. Please do not invite any friends to come and play, as they will just be disappointed when they arrive and are not able to play.

Best,
AzaleaBloom

To deal with Luke's butting-in to other decisions, a private word with you, James and Luke would suffice, the message being - back off. If you want to captain a team, start one yourself.

--- End quote ---

One name change there and I agree with this, including a little talk with Luke, using the bolded wording.  Sounds like this guy needs the direct approach.

SamiHami:
I think you and James need to speak with Luke together. Sit him down and point out specific instances, as you have here, where he has overstepped. And then clearly and concisely tell him that as captains, those decisions are for you and James to make, not him. If he tries to argue (and he will) point out that this is not a discussion; this is simply you and James informing him of the way things run on this team and that he is not to do it again.

Then, if he does (and he will, to test the boundaries) I suggest suspsending him for a couple of games until he understands that he is not the captain.

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