Author Topic: You are not the captain of this team - I am.  (Read 14788 times)

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TootsNYC

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Re: You are not the captain of this team - I am.
« Reply #15 on: December 17, 2013, 10:16:42 PM »
I agree w/ the immediate smackdown, but it needs to include the word "captain"


"No, Luke--as captain of the team, I have called practice for 7:30. Everyone, see you then."
"Luke, do not contact anyone to sub in. I'm the captain, and I'll take care of it." Don't explain the whys--you're not educating him. You're drawing boundaries; don't get into conversations.
   Do it in a reply-to-all--everybody needs to see that you are the captain, because it is confusing when the Lukes of the world do this stuff.

But I also like the idea of communicating directly with him. Maybe go for the halfway point:
reply only to him, cc James: "Luke, I am the captain of this team; James is the backup. We make decisions on behalf of the team. Please do not interfere with our captaining duties; it creates confusion and wastes energy."

And then the third time: "Luke, you have a lot of initiative and are decisive; you clearly like being in charge. However, James and I are the co-captains of this team, and having a member take over our roles is frustrating for everyone. You'd make a great captain, but this team has one. Have you thought about starting your own team? I can put you in touch with the league leaders."

And yes on the "bcc" thing for all emails as well.

cicero

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Re: You are not the captain of this team - I am.
« Reply #16 on: December 18, 2013, 04:47:33 AM »
I agree with the PPs.

There is nothing wrong with assertively/firmly saying "you are not the team captain; I am, and James is second in command period end of discussion."

TELL him that you are the team captain and he needs to stop immediately with the emails. if he has a problem with a decision that you made - then he needs to communicate this to you directly


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Winterlight

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Re: You are not the captain of this team - I am.
« Reply #17 on: December 18, 2013, 09:02:45 AM »
I think you and James need to speak with Luke together. Sit him down and point out specific instances, as you have here, where he has overstepped. And then clearly and concisely tell him that as captains, those decisions are for you and James to make, not him. If he tries to argue (and he will) point out that this is not a discussion; this is simply you and James informing him of the way things run on this team and that he is not to do it again.

Then, if he does (and he will, to test the boundaries) I suggest suspsending him for a couple of games until he understands that he is not the captain.

Agreed. This goes on because he's allowed to do it.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

AzaleaBloom

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Re: You are not the captain of this team - I am.
« Reply #18 on: December 18, 2013, 09:27:31 AM »
Thanks, everyone!  I really appreciate the tips.

I think initially Luke meant well - he would give a few pointers before and after games and had a lot of good tips to pass on thanks to his experience in the league we now play in.  However, he's crossed from being a little over-enthusiastic to full-fledged "I'm in charge" mode, and it's led to a lot of frustration that I've seen on other teammate's faces.

We have a game tonight, I'll let everyone know how it goes.  I'll also speak to James at some point in the next few weeks-  we don't have another game for 3 weeks - and we can come up with an approach.  I do think to some extent Luke has a hard time listening to me because I'm younger than he is.  James is older, and he has almost always completely backed me up.  (cases where he hasn't have been when I have been wrong, and he always corrects me behind the scenes!  That's why there are two of us!  :) )

Thanks again, everyone!

bopper

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Re: You are not the captain of this team - I am.
« Reply #19 on: December 18, 2013, 09:45:28 AM »
I am going to assume that Luke is coming from a good but misguided place.


"Luke, James and I need to talk to you about something. Recently a number of inidents have happened where you are trying to take on a leadership role.  For example, telling people that they need to be there at 7:15 instead of 7:30 like I had emailed, or inviting subs to the game.  Now I know you are trying to be helpful, but as I am Captain of this team all communications regarding the team need to come from me or it gets confusing.  In addition, telling people to bring subs when they are not on the roster may cause forfeitures and frustration.  We welcome your input, but go through us.  If you feel that we need 15 minutes extra practice, call us up and tell us why. Then we can make the decision and inform the team. If you feel like there are not enough subs, contact us and we can work with you to solicit more.  But what we cannot have is you trying to take over leadership of the team."

TootsNYC

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Re: You are not the captain of this team - I am.
« Reply #20 on: December 18, 2013, 11:27:06 AM »
I agree with the PPs.

There is nothing wrong with assertively/firmly saying "you are not the team captain; I am, and James is second in command period end of discussion."

TELL him that you are the team captain and he needs to stop immediately with the emails. if he has a problem with a decision that you made - then he needs to communicate this to you directly

I actually think that starting with this is drama-creating.

In many situations, I think it's best to never talk about what you -don't- want and instead focus on what you -do- want.

"I want to be the only person issuing these sorts of decisions."  not "I want you to stop interfering."

It's just lower drama, and it's just as clear.

And I love bopper's script, but I'd change this:

Quote
But what we cannot have is you trying to take over leadership of the team.

"...is you making leadership-only decisions for the team."

Especially if he's semi-clueless, don't accuse him of trying to take over. But even if he _is_ trying to take over, you'll get derailed if you actually accuse him of it.

Stick with focusing on these points:
   -it's confusing for all the members
   -it makes your job harder because you have to spend energy clarifying and contradicting.

Winterlight

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Re: You are not the captain of this team - I am.
« Reply #21 on: December 19, 2013, 10:04:16 AM »
How did it go?
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

AzaleaBloom

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Re: You are not the captain of this team - I am.
« Reply #22 on: December 19, 2013, 11:12:55 AM »
It went ... interesting. 

I got there, and Luke was warming up with another teammate, "Kate", as well as some guy I had never seen before.  As the guy was wearing jeans and was quite affectionate with Kate, I figured he was her boyfriend and was just there to hang out. 

Well, it got to be gametime, I had my pre-game meeting with the ref, and next thing I knew, random guy was removing his jeans to reveal athletic shorts underneath.  I was NOT happy to say the least.  As one teammate was not there yet, I gave him a brief benefit of the doubt and asked Luke if missing teammate had said he wouldn't be there.  "Oh, no, I hadn't heard anything, he's Kate's boyfriend and wanted to play so he can play until "Josh" gets here and it will be fine."  As hard as it was to keep from raising my voice, I reminded him that we did NOT need a sub, that we had enough players, and that non-rostered players were not to be asked to fill-in.  Josh showed up shortly afterward and extra guy did not play.

However, after the first match, one teammate (who was the reason we had to institute the strict sub policy - he has a "more the merrier" mentality) asked if extra guy wanted to play.  I told him that he would not be playing - we didn't need him and he was non-roster.  Teammate was cool with that, Luke overheard the conversation and snapped that "It was already understood" and stomped off to get ready for next match.

During one match, he kept telling James where to stand and what to do, and finally James turned to him in exasperation and had a few words.  Same thing happened with Josh at another point.  As we played quite well, it was obvious that we couldn't chalk up the snappishness to frustration with poor play.

I did not have a chance to talk with Luke afterward - it can be extremely chaotic in the venue when teams are switching out - but I was able to realize that I'm not the only one who is unhappy about things.  I'm going to stick with my original plan to talk to James about the situation during the break and get him to back me up. 

Thanks, everyone!   

Redneck Gravy

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Re: You are not the captain of this team - I am.
« Reply #23 on: December 19, 2013, 12:00:33 PM »
I captain a number of sports teams, I once sent the following email to my team and the "hijacking captain" CC to everyone (not BCC either, clear to everyone so they could hit reply all) 

I am captain of this team, I put it together.  If you would like another captain please say so and I will leave and put another team together.  Otherwise, the information I send you is the information this team will go with.

Responses were along the lines of oh, no Redneck we want you, we were confused by the conflicting instructions so from now on we will listen to you and ONLY YOU.

I have done this for over 20 years and quite frankly no one else wants the thankless payment free job.  I don't bring on players that aren't a good personality fit, I don't care how darn good they are either!




perpetua

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Re: You are not the captain of this team - I am.
« Reply #24 on: December 19, 2013, 12:06:12 PM »
Ouch. When I first read the OP I thought perhaps he was just overenthusiastic and wanting to share knowledge, but the update pretty much puts paid to that.

Luke's way overstepping and I hope you can sort this out - I've been in a situation where I was undermined in a club activity and it wasn't fun. Reinforcing your position to the other team members (ie, immediately correcting him on email in front of everyone if he tries to undermine you, as already suggested) is the way to go in front of everyone else. In addition though, he needs to be told in no uncertain terms that you are the captain of this team - with James there to back you up and as a witness - and if he's not happy to abide by your instructions and fall in with the existing team structure then he's quite free to leave and find another team more to his liking.

You have to be prepared to follow through on that though. Is removing him from the team a possibility if he doesn't fall into line, or is it the sort of organisation where it's tough to get rid of anyone?

English1

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Re: You are not the captain of this team - I am.
« Reply #25 on: December 23, 2013, 10:57:23 AM »
An important part of playing in a team is being a team player - and that includes respect for the team captains/managers, so even if you sometimes disagree with their decisions you keep your thoughts to yourself. It's as important as having a talent for the sport.

You need to remind him of this.

Minmom3

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Re: You are not the captain of this team - I am.
« Reply #26 on: December 23, 2013, 01:16:34 PM »
"Luke, you are rapidly wearing out your welcome here on MY TEAM.  You can stay if you will stop your wanna-be-Captain orders and directions, but if you aren't willing to do that, you need to go start your own team.   What's it going to be?"
Mother to children and fuzz butts....

blarg314

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Re: You are not the captain of this team - I am.
« Reply #27 on: December 23, 2013, 08:11:52 PM »

I was playing on a softball team for my departmnet  in grad school. It was the low competition league - pitch to your own team, keep your own score, etc - we had players from our department, plus spouses and friends, to make up the numbers. Very mellow in general, and just playing for fun, with no playoffs or rankings.

We had one player who took it seriously, and like to boss people - tell them what to do, yell at them if they didn't do what he thought they should. He wasn't particularly malicious, just over-eager and not very socially adept. It was, however, very, very annoying. A couple of us got together and had a brief chat with the organizers, telling them that either they got him to shut up, or we wouldn't play. There was a rule that you had to have at least 3 of each gender on the field at any time, and our department was not over-populated with women, so us not playing would mean the team couldn't play.

So if Luke is getting on the other players' nerves, I wouldn't be too surprised if other players come to you, asking you to get Luke to shut up.

TootsNYC

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Re: You are not the captain of this team - I am.
« Reply #28 on: December 23, 2013, 08:39:46 PM »
The high-school quarterback from my graduating class told me once (we were both mid-20s) that he played on two different softball teams. One of them was very serious--they were all former high-school and college athletes, and they wanted to WIN! But he and a friend found that wearying, because they also just liked to play.
 
So they started a team whose purpose was specifically simply to play. They didn't care if they won or not--sure, they tried to hit the ball when they could, but their primary purpose was to have fun.

They had someone join who acted like the buy on blarg314's team. And after about a month, my friend took him aside and said, "If you want to win, you need to quit this team. If you don't quit, and you don't chill out, we'll kick you off. This is the team that is ONLY for fun."  He didn't wait for people to come to him--we took the vibe pretty seriously.

But of course, his authority was crystal clear--he'd started the team, he'd recruited or vetted the members, and he told every one of them: "this team is for fun--it's not the team to join if you care whether you win or how well your teammates play."

Nemesis

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Re: You are not the captain of this team - I am.
« Reply #29 on: December 23, 2013, 08:47:11 PM »
Azeliabloom,
I say this with utmost conviction. You will need to politely tell Luke that this team is not a good fit for him, and wish him all the best in joining another team that better suited his needs and talent.

In any team sports, team dynamics, more than talent, is the key to maintaining enjoyment and securing a win. Luke is not a team player, has problems understanding team play and is generally disrupting the team harmony. AND all this is happening when your team is doing well. Believe me when I say that he will be the disruptive force when the team is not doing well. He will be the one to cause people to get demotivated and drop out of this team.