Holidays Alone and New "love"

[RavenousEdenFleur]

Hi everyone! So this is one of my first holiday seasons that I don't have anywhere to go. I only get one day off for Christmas and New Years so traveling is out of the question.I was trying to figure out what to do on my own and get over those holiday blues!

I am going through a recent break up. Someone I have been dating for a bit and I liked him a lot.I met his family and I was going to go to his house for Christmas, but we broke up on friendly terms but he has a VERY recent new girlfriend and I have someone new I am seeing but it is very casual and we are being quiet about it,since he is friends with my ex....

ETA- Ex said the invite to Christmas still stands since his family adores me and he still thinks fondly of me... but his new girlfriend will be there. That is a whole other etiquette issue.


He has a huge family in the area and they are having a similar Christmas to what my family has He knows I will be alone but hasn't extended any invite, but I get it, it's probably too soon.However I had mentioned New Years to him and possibly getting a drink since our plans are not set in stone. He is very non committal when it comes to plans with me. I know he likes me a lot, all other signs point to it.. am I just bummed about not being able to go home and taking things to heart?

Should I just forget about the holidays with this new fella and go on my own and we can share stories later, or be very direct like "hey this is what I want, let's meet up!" I feel like I am now just fishing for invites which seems very against etiquette.

[mbbored]

I agree that going to the Ex's is not a good idea and you don't want to rush the new guy into inviting you. I highly recommend that you make plans of your own for the day: cook a fabulous meal, watch a movie marathon, etc. Holidays alone don't have to be terrible or sad.

[lady_disdain]

Yeah, don't go to the Ex's. While he may have meant it well, there is a lot of potential for disaster. If the breakup had been longer ago and you were still friends, it might be doable but it is too soon. For you, for him and for his new girlfriend. Have a Christmas that is all about you: get nice things to eat, get a good book or movie marathon, play that new game you want, pamper yourself with your favourite products, etc.

However, I don't think you are wrong in trying to get firm plans for New Year's Eve. If he doesn't want to make plans, then go ahead and make your own. Go to a great party with friends, have a game night if that is your thing or invite a few people over for a comfortable evening. When he does decide to make plans, fit him into yours. He doesn't get to call the shots and leave you waiting: either he gets his plans together or he goes along.

[Lorelei_Evil]

I agree that going to the Ex's is not a good idea and you don't want to rush the new guy into inviting you. I highly recommend that you make plans of your own for the day: cook a fabulous meal, watch a movie marathon, etc. Holidays alone don't have to be terrible or sad.

Absolutely!  One of my favorites Christmasses was the one I spent doing exactly as I pleased.  I ordered in Chinese food and watched movies all day long.  I never even got dressed!  I didn't even open my present until after dinner. 

I hear you.  I always got dumped right before Christmas.

[MindsEye]

I agree that going to the Ex's is not a good idea and you don't want to rush the new guy into inviting you. I highly recommend that you make plans of your own for the day: cook a fabulous meal, watch a movie marathon, etc. Holidays alone don't have to be terrible or sad.

Absolutely!  One of my favorites Christmasses was the one I spent doing exactly as I pleased.  I ordered in Chinese food and watched movies all day long.  I never even got dressed!  I didn't even open my present until after dinner. 

POD to all of this! 

Holidays alone are only sad if you sit there and brood on how lonely and sad you are.  Make it a "pamper RavenousEdenFleur day".  Eat what you want to eat, do what you want to do.

And do make plans for New Years! 

[cwm]

If pampering isn't your style, call around to various charities in the area. Help others. You can work a soup kitchen, a women's shelter, or something else.

As far as NYE goes, make plans. It's two weeks away, and that's a HUGE date for social events. If your ex doesn't jump onboard now when you offered making plans, he can't come back at you later when you've made plans that don't involve him.

The most important thing is HAVE FUN. It sounds so cliche, but it's true. If you do whatever you want, make your own plans, and enjoy yourself, it's going to be a good day.

[bah12]

I think that Christmas with the family is just too much for a new relationship and that's why you aren't invited and I absolutely agree not to go to the Ex's.  While it would be nice if, realizing that you will be completely alone, he could steal away an hour from his family and come hang out with you, I don't see the lack of him doing that as any sign that he doesn't like you (especially if all signs point otherwise).  I wouldn't really push anything for Christmas day.

As for New Years, I think that it's a big enough night and close enough that even a fairly new relationship at this point could commit to getting a drink or not.  I'm not sure exactly how you mentioned wanting to do something but if you don't think you were direct enough, then I don't see a problem with saying "Hey, I'd like to go out on New Year's Eve.  I haven't made any plans yet, so I'd like to know if you would be interested in going to X place and having a drink or two."

I agree with those that say go do something else on Christmas.  Volunteer to serve dinner to the homeless, pamper yourself, visit a nursing home, etc.  It would be a great way to spend the day and depending on what you decide to do, you can meet some great new people.

[SamiHami]

Great advice here! I'd also suggest, if you want to socialize, check with your friends and find out who else is going to be alone; maybe you can do something together. Maybe get 3 or 4 friends together and have a Christmas game night or something...open a bottle of wine, have some yummy munchies on hand...could be a lot of fun.

[SCMagnolia]

I totally agree with everyone who said DO NOT go to the ex's for Christmas.  Good ehell, that is a trainwreck just waiting for a place to happen!!!  I'm sure he had all good intentions when he invited you, but what was he thinking???  Like you'd want to be there with him and his new girlfriend??? 

Nope.  Skip that business.  Enjoy a quiet YOU day.  Do what YOU want to do....   If you really need company for Christmas, invite some friends over in the evening.  I don't know about the rest of y'all, but at my house, things die off around 4 PM, and it would be really nice to have something to do in the evening other than falling asleep on the couch.

Spending Christmas with the new guy would be way too much pressure on both of you.  I know I'd feel really uncomfortable with meeting a guy's entire family for the first time on a major holiday. 

As for New Years, definitely mention meeting for drinks.  Again, not sure what it's like where the rest of y'all live, but around here, if you don't make plans early, you're sitting home.  Places sell tickets and once they're sold out, they're sold out.  Restaurants only take reservations up to a certain time and a table can be very hard to get.   So yes, ask him about meeting up for drinks or whatever you have in mind.   

One added bonus -- you'll get a good idea of just how into you the new guy is.  If he's still non-committal and can't give you an answer about New Years, well, that might be a good indicator of how he's feeling about your relationship so far, and forewarned is forearmed.

Merry Christmas!  Enjoy your day whatever you decide to do!   

[JeanFromBNA]

Agree with the others.  I can't see anything good for you coming out of going to Christmas at the ex's.  Volunteer at a homeless shelter, soup kitchen, last-minute toy store.  You will get more out of helping others than you ever could get out of a new pair of socks and a bath and body lotion set.  Same thing for New Year's eve.  Try volunteering for Sober Ride on New Year's eve.

Take charge and make your own plans.  I think that you will feel better having done so.

[RavenousEdenFleur]

Thank you everyone! I am going to do some volunteer work with a friend today and cook a nice dinner (bonus- I will have yummy leftovers for lunch tomorrow) and have some wine.

As for New Years, new guy said he has family in town and had some tentative plans for the New Year before he and I started getting closer which is why he has not hammered anything down with me BUT he said if I had time after I got out of work we should get a drink and if that didn't work we should get some brunch on New Years Day so I may just get together with friends if it doesn't work out with him, get a good night sleep and have delicious brunch!

[SoCalVal]

Absolutely!  One of my favorites Christmasses was the one I spent doing exactly as I pleased.  I ordered in Chinese food and watched movies all day long.  I never even got dressed!  I didn't even open my present until after dinner.

Hear hear!  Am sort of doing this today since I chose to stay home, rather than travel (yet again) to DH's aunt's house 2.5 hours away.

I hear you.  I always got dumped right before Christmas.

A friend once said that couples in trouble tend to break up before the holidays or stick it out until after Valentine's Day (because of all the holidays in between).

[purple]

Thank you everyone! I am going to do some volunteer work with a friend today and cook a nice dinner (bonus- I will have yummy leftovers for lunch tomorrow) and have some wine.

As for New Years, new guy said he has family in town and had some tentative plans for the New Year before he and I started getting closer which is why he has not hammered anything down with me BUT he said if I had time after I got out of work we should get a drink and if that didn't work we should get some brunch on New Years Day so I may just get together with friends if it doesn't work out with him, get a good night sleep and have delicious brunch!

What a great update!

Merry Christmas to you 

[mbbored]

Thank you everyone! I am going to do some volunteer work with a friend today and cook a nice dinner (bonus- I will have yummy leftovers for lunch tomorrow) and have some wine.

As for New Years, new guy said he has family in town and had some tentative plans for the New Year before he and I started getting closer which is why he has not hammered anything down with me BUT he said if I had time after I got out of work we should get a drink and if that didn't work we should get some brunch on New Years Day so I may just get together with friends if it doesn't work out with him, get a good night sleep and have delicious brunch!

It sounds like a wonderful day with me and good plans for New Year's.

[RavenousEdenFleur]

NYE ended up being quite romantic! When I got out of work I went and got some wine with a friend, had a yummy dinner on my own and then I was going to go to this huge event downtown and I got a message from new guy saying he was just getting off of work and wanted to know if I was coming downtown. I told him yes and he said he would love to just avoid the crowds and come get me so we could spend time together.We took a motorcycle ride, watched fireworks and just enjoyed each others company! Very cool.