"Nothing goes with ham like a side of ham!"

[ti_ax]

The link goes to a different letter - I can't find the one about ham.

The ham story is found in the comments to the column.

I'm with those who wonder how this tradition ever got to Year 2.

[cicero]

wow, even my clueless/chaotic brother and sil manage to put together a meal. it may be take out food served on paper plates from disposable pans, but there is a meal. Serving *just* ham and water AND not allowing anyone to bring anything else is bizarre. i don't know why that family is putting up with it.

[cwm]

Don't get me wrong, I love ham. But just ham and water? That's not a meal. That's a snack.

Someone needs to straight up ask this dude what his deal is. The only possible explanation I can come up with is maybe a very restrictive diet necessitated by a doctor, and ham is the only "holiday" food that one of them can eat? But that's still dirt-poor hosting by the family to not let anyone else bring anything and not explain it. And then to still insist on hosting, that's just weird.

[JenJay]

I wouldn't go

[Lynn2000]

Well, actually I love ham and I dislike big holiday meals, so... Sounds good to me!  Although I would probably consider the stop at their house more like an appetizer--assuming it is really awesome ham worth stopping for--and then go eat at a restaurant somewhere.

But seriously, once this has happened to you a couple of times, it's on you if you keep going back for more instead of declining. I do think it would be rude to bring sides when the host has specifically forbidden them, because people always have the option of just not going. I get that this can be hard to do with family but honestly--that behavior is so weird, I would be more concerned with the hosts' grasp of reality.

[Pen^2]

That's weird. "We insist you all come over here and eat nothing but ham and ham and ham and maybe some water, but don't forget we also have ham!"

I'd just RSVP that my family (whoever lives in my household: spouse, kids, etc.) wouldn't be attending. If asked for a reason, I'd say directly but pleasantly, "We're going to eat more than just ham for that meal. Have fun without us!" And respond to any insisting with, "I'm afraid that won't be possible. We're going to eat more than just ham for that meal." I like Margo's idea of RSVPing like this in an email so all the other family members can see it, and adding something about how others are welcome to join you.

If one family does it, then others will likely not feel as bad if they want to follow suit. And frankly, it's such a weird thing to do, that I don't think it's rude to explain why if asked. Helpful, possibly, since they are unknowingly being poor hosts. Not wanting guests to bring extra dishes is a host's right, but being offended when someone merely politely offers help for a large family meal? That actually is rude, I think.

[greencat]

Cut them off at the pass and issue invites early, with a full menu attached.

[Yvaine]

The link goes to a different letter - I can't find the one about ham.

The ham story is in the comment section.

[Bees]

When I say that's unbelievable I mean that literally. I call shenanigans on the letter writer. You don't have to believe everything you read on a website.

[Redneck Gravy]

Cut them off at the pass and issue invites early, with a full menu attached.

W i n n e r  !!

When they insist on their way only be prepared to say "that will not be possible" 

Ho, Ho, Ho enjoy the holidays with family and fruitcakes.

[Yvaine]

When I say that's unbelievable I mean that literally. I call shenanigans on the letter writer. You don't have to believe everything you read on a website.

It might well be shenanigans. It's all theoretical for us anyway, though, since the writer isn't here asking our advice. I do wonder what I'd do if this were my relative! 

[amylouky]

I do not like ham, ham, and ham. I do not like it, Brother I am. I do not like it with H20. I do not like it, no no no.

[shhh its me]

  It's so bizarre I would keep going ,   (I'm second shenanigans ) I guess in theory they could be militant  meat only eaters and have been deeply offended by all the bread and vegetables they have been served or my person favorite theory one of them is doing a long term experiment RE how far people will go to met family exceptions.   I would offer to bring more ham

[Redneck Gravy]

  It's so bizarre I would keep going ,   (I'm second shenanigans ) I guess in theory they could be militant  meat only eaters and have been deeply offended by all the bread and vegetables they have been served or my person favorite theory one of them is doing a long term experiment RE how far people will go to met family exceptions.   I would offer to bring more ham

thanks, and now I get to clean coffee off my screen

I keep remembering Mr Blanding Builds His Dream House ... if it ain't Wham, it ain't Ham

[tinkytinky]

I'm sorry, but nobody can monopolize any event without your (general) saying ok.

I think i would send out invites to everyone saying that you will provide the gathering place, dinner ware, silverware, serving pieces, one main dish and 2-3 sides. Of course others will ask what to bring and 'ham lovers' will probably say " but that's OUR holiday tradition" to which you can offer an alternative of "This is something new we are trying, nothing is stopping you from having your gathering, we just wanted to host a family get together" or "I know you do a FABULOUS job with the HAM, so if you want to bring that to add to the meal of turkey and sides, that's fantastic!"

again, you aren't monopolizing the gathering, it is simply an additional one. (of course 'ham lovers' might whine about 'nobody will come to ours if they go to yours first!)