Author Topic: Was there a better approach?  (Read 7619 times)

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Lynn2000

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Re: Was there a better approach?
« Reply #30 on: January 27, 2014, 10:55:09 AM »
I'm going to base my opinion on your own reactions.

1) I think that you went for the big guns because of the signals you were reading in the situation at hand. And I'm not going to second-guess you by saying the big guns weren't needed. You believed they were, and you were there.
   I confess that I'd have been impatient to end the whole exchange, that I wouldn't have been patient with a few more sentences back and forth. Like you, I'd have wanted an "off switch," the big guns, so to speak.

2) I think that you are posting here because *you* aren't comfortable with the "artillery" you used. I think *you* believe you were too harsh too soon, and it was probably a little uncomfortable after your volley.
    So, I think that you don't need to spend any time worrying about whether you were rude, but instead use this as an opportunity to explore some of the other tactics you could use in any similar situation, when one of your guests is making someone else(s) uncomfortable.

To that end:
  -you could say, "Rude Guest, come help me in the kitchen," and there say, "I need you to knock this off. It's making everyone uncomfortable."
  -you could say, "please stop with this--it's making everyone uncomfortable."
  -you could say, "If her drinking makes you so uncomfortable, feel free to leave; I won't keep you."

POD to this. It sounds like, generally, the OP handled it right (of course tone, body language, etc. are quite important in real life but really hard to convey in writing). The one guest was being quite rude to pressure another guest to consume something they didn't want to, and I think it's appropriate for the host to step in and stop it. And of course the ultimate threat is kicking the offender out of the host's house.

On the other hand, if the OP feels uncomfortable with her own reaction, there are other options that might suit her better in the future. I mean, hopefully it won't come up again, but now that it has once, there's good reason to be prepared. It might not be the exact same situation but, for example, one guest starting to needle the other about their political views, or something like that. It's good to have strategies for breaking up uncomfortable conversations, smoothly separating two guests, discreetly giving someone the message that they're making the party tense, etc..
~Lynn2000

Twik

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Re: Was there a better approach?
« Reply #31 on: March 04, 2014, 05:35:15 PM »
Another vote for "not too harsh".
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RooRoo

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Re: Was there a better approach?
« Reply #32 on: March 09, 2014, 01:52:12 AM »
Quote
I teasingly told OG to "stop with the peer pressure" and in response OG said she wouldn't stop until H drank.
I had to deal with a similar situation - in a restaurant. I had foolishly let someone drive me there, so had no way to leave.

I was 4 years sober. One guy would. not. let me alone about not drinking. Like OG, it was obvious that he would not stop until I drank. Politely declining didn't work; getting more firm didn't work; and when I got snippy, he said, "See? You need a drink to relax!" That repeated a couple more times.

Finally, I resorted to obscenity, loudly. I really can't think of any other way I could have handled it. If I had driven myself, I could have just said, "I'm sorry I'm making you uncomfortable. See you tomorrow."

So, OP, you did the right thing.

By the way, nothing similar has ever happened to me in the 29 years since... thank Heaven!
"Someday we must write a book of Etiquette for sensible people," said Mrs. Morland, "though apart from a few rules it really boils down to an educated mind and a kind heart." ~ Angela Thirkell, Never Too Late

iridaceae

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Re: Was there a better approach?
« Reply #33 on: March 09, 2014, 04:59:14 AM »
If Obnoxious is a good friend and you plan to socialize more with her I'd be pulling her aside and saying "you ever want to socialize with me and drink again you'll drop the obnoxious little 'let's make X drink!' act now. I'm not giving you a second warning."

ETA: Call it what it is: bullying.  Because it is.
« Last Edit: March 09, 2014, 05:09:02 AM by iridaceae »