Author Topic: Would you say Margo was rude? #79, #139 non-update update  (Read 28105 times)

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Psychopoesie

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Re: Would you say Margo was rude?
« Reply #45 on: December 22, 2013, 04:46:05 AM »
Was Margo rude?

Yes. Much as I loved the story - it feels like poetic justice to see someone rude get their comeuppance - and can admire Margo from a distance, I would have felt really uncomfortable being there. Margo made pointed and unnecessary remarks designed to make her "uninvited" guest and her kids feel uncomfortable and unwelcome. That these were in response to Claudia's own continued rudeness is irrelevant - it seems like retaliatory rudeness.

Was Margo wrong? What would you have done differently?

Either turned Claudia and the children away at the door (very hard when you're put on the spot like that). However, once I accepted them as guests, they essentially became just like the other invited guests and deserving of the same respect. Margo could have made time, as other posters have pointed out, to speak with Claudia privately and explain that her unexpected arrival had put her hostess in an awkward spot - she wouldn't be able to provide the same meal to the children. The pointed fuss Margo made about rearranging the table for the three extra guests seemed a bit drama queenish too. Really understand her frustration at Claudia but the way she responded did not reflect well on her either. She was not a gracious hostess.

perpetua

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Re: Would you say Margo was rude?
« Reply #46 on: December 22, 2013, 04:51:33 AM »
Was Margo rude?

Yes. Much as I loved the story - it feels like poetic justice to see someone rude get their comeuppance - and can admire Margo from a distance, I would have felt really uncomfortable being there. Margo made pointed and unnecessary remarks designed to make her "uninvited" guest and her kids feel uncomfortable and unwelcome. That these were in response to Claudia's own continued rudeness is irrelevant - it seems like retaliatory rudeness.


I sort of agree with this but for a different reason. I think Claudia was so rude that she deserved everything Margo dished out to her (I don't subscribe to the train of thought that it's automatically rude to point out others' rudeness; of course it's rude to point out that someone's using the wrong fork or something, but in a case like this, no) and in terms of an interaction between Margo and Claudia, I think Margo got her point across brilliantly.  Who I *do* feel a little sorry for is the other guests at the party, who may have been made to feel rather uncomfortable by the goings-on.

kherbert05

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Re: Would you say Margo was rude?
« Reply #47 on: December 22, 2013, 05:29:22 AM »
If Margo had the spine to do what she did - How did they get into the house to begin with? (The description of them being welcomed because the hostess couldn't say no to the angelic faces - was a different party.


The answer to that would color my response as is


Claudia was rude to
  • Margo
  • [Her boys (The oldest is getting to the age where he will notice they aren't wanted)
  • the other guest especially Nemesis
Margo was

  • rude to Nemisis and the other guests by putting them in an uncomfortable situation
  • rude to the boys because their part in the rudeness was beyond their control
  • Not rude to Claudia because her behavior called for a type of cold shoulder.
Edited to fix font size that shrunk down to very very very small for no reason.
« Last Edit: December 22, 2013, 05:37:32 AM by kherbert05 »
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Peppergirl

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Re: Would you say Margo was rude?
« Reply #48 on: December 22, 2013, 05:38:18 AM »
Hmmm - I'm a bit on the fence.

I feel that initially Margo was rude for her PA move of allowing them in, then immediately shaming them (albeit politely). 

However, by the end of the telling of the story I was firmly in Margo's camp.  Claudia's entitled behavior with regards to the kids' meals was bad enough, but to then make the snarky remark about the OP's meal?  That turned it for me.  Appalling!

I do realize that etiquette-wise, Margo technically failed because it could be viewed as thinly veiled retaliatory rudeness. Also, she *did* let them stay, so this entire situation could have been avoided by Margo refusing Claudia. 

Unfortunately, Claudia was ungracious and boorish in her behavior, so even if Margo committed a faux pas by shaming her a bit, I find myself completely without sympathy for Claudia.
« Last Edit: December 22, 2013, 05:40:57 AM by Peppergirl »

eltf177

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Re: Would you say Margo was rude?
« Reply #49 on: December 22, 2013, 06:42:05 AM »
Margo should have turned them away at the door. It would have been much cleaner and more honest to say, "I'm so sorry, you didn't RSVP and so I wasn't expecting you. Unfortunately the table is only set for 7, and I only made enough food for 7. Plus, as much as I like kids, I'm just not set up for them here. Let's catch up another time."

Once Margo decided NOT to do that, the onus was on her to be a good host. By allowing them in, she accepted the imposition. However, friendly a demeanor she maintained, as a guest I would not have appreciated that show at all. People make mistakes, clearly Claudia made one, but she did not agree to be repeatedly humiliated over the course of the evening. Margo was PA to the extreme. Claudia should have gotten a clue when Margo made a big fuss about setting more places, and made a polite exit.

I'm afraid I have to go with this. By not turning Claudia away at the door when she arrived Margo pretty much gave up her right to be PA later on.

OTOH there's some info we don't have. What exactly _was_ said to Claudia when she showed up unannounced with the boys, especially in regards to dinner arrangements?

Without this info I can't be too hard on Margo, who was without a doubt put in a very difficult position.

Here's hoping Claudia gets a clue soon...

PlainJane

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Re: Would you say Margo was rude?
« Reply #50 on: December 22, 2013, 06:44:14 AM »
It's quite possible that Margo did NOT welcome Claudia et al into her home.

When I am having friends for dinner, I am often occupied during their arrival (ok, so I need help with time management). They are welcome to come in on their own if I am not there to open the door. If I have my hands full, another guest may answer the knock.

I don't know how it is at Margo's, but I can see a situation where she was distracted in the kitchen and comes out to find Claudia and her cherubs being greeted by other guests in her living room. Now she does have the option of saying, "You didn't RSVP/ you weren't invited and I don't have enough food...you will have to leave" or cope. Now THAT would have made her guests uncomfortable.

Either way, I'm with others. She's my hero!
« Last Edit: December 22, 2013, 06:46:06 AM by PlainJane »

Bijou

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Re: Would you say Margo was rude?
« Reply #51 on: December 22, 2013, 07:08:20 AM »
Claudia was rude, no doubt, but Margo was shockingly so.  They were her guests and should have been treated with the same respect given the others.  She can explain to Claudia that this will not happen again.  And then make sure it doesn't by never issuing another invitation that requires an RSVP and no extra people to her. 
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weeblewobble

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Re: Would you say Margo was rude?
« Reply #52 on: December 22, 2013, 07:15:23 AM »
Claudia is a Clod-ia.

1) Not RSVPing for an event Margo is known for going to a lot of trouble for.

2) Tacking on two underage guests, when Margo is known for not hosting children, insisting that her children are
exceptions to both RSVPing and the hosts rules because they're "special."

3) Calling Margo out for not providing food that Margo did not have and didn't know to prepare for unexpected guests.

4) Calling Margo out for serving Nemesis a meal that she felt entitled to/Treating Margo's home like a restaurant
where it's "first come-first served." 

Seriously, her behavior is so rude the mind boggles.  Margo may have been passive aggressive, but Clod-ia put her in a terribly awkward position and then just.kept.making.it.worse.  I admire Margo for not losing her temper.

« Last Edit: December 22, 2013, 07:18:43 AM by weeblewobble »

shhh its me

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Re: Would you say Margo was rude?
« Reply #53 on: December 22, 2013, 07:47:58 AM »
To those who thing MArgo was rude.  What's the correct response when a guest who has brought their uninvited children says " OH I hope its not too much bother I brought the boys?"  I don't think because Margo let them in she was obligated to reply " It's no bother." or anything else that let Claudia off the hook. 

I do agree that once you decide to let in an uninvited/RSVP no guest you are 100% obligated to be polite and gracious to them. I don't think that means you are obligated to let further rudeness pass once they are in.  Even if Claudia was invited and had RSVP yes , her children were not.  Accepting the children as guests did not obligated Margo to then answer the "question" in a way that granted absolution.

Even if the children were invited & expected and Margo planned to serve them tuna while the adult guests eat salmon (some people would consider that plan rude but let's leave that to the side) their parent requesting a different meal for them would be appalling rude.  Margo handled her guests rude request with the logical solution... to give the children something other then what was planned they portions had to be taken from someone else.  What Margo did was not rude all she did was  not hide the issues her guests request created.  So whats the polite way to handle a guest who asks for a different meal then whats served in the middle of a plated dinner party? I'll admit Margo could have just said , "this is all the have for the children." rather then demonstration it.  *I buy salon the same way I do steaks.  Equal sized servings from the butcher, a lasagna  I could cut 2 extra portions of.  If I tried to take a small amount off 7 pieces of fish to make 2 additional portions I'd end up with a bunch of hacked up fish.*

lady_disdain

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Re: Would you say Margo was rude?
« Reply #54 on: December 22, 2013, 08:17:02 AM »
Margo reminds me of a Victorian grande dame. I admire her.

Claudia continually set Margo up and Margo firmly corrected her. If anyone is making the other guests uncomfortable, it is Claudia, not Margo. She showed with 2 children to an adult only party, so she was told she was unexpected. She asked for different accommodations for the unexpected children by complaining about the sandwiches, so her own food was used to make the accommodation. She put a guest on the spot by mentioning the OP's late arrival (sanctioned by the hostess) so she was told she was not expected.

Claudia could have come without the children. She didn't.
She could have taken a hint at the door when Margo told her she was unexpected, made her excuses and left.
She could have accepted the makeshift hospitality for her unexpected children (Margo should not have to leave her guests in the living room to whip up a proper meal for them) but she chose to complain.
She could have accepted Margo's rebuke (dividing her portion of fish between the children) but she chose to call out the other guest.

Claudia, Claudia, Claudia. Margo didn't lose her cool, wasn't rude, etc. If the guests are upset at anyone for disturbing the evening, it should be at Claudia, not Margo.

AmethystAnne

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Re: Would you say Margo was rude?
« Reply #55 on: December 22, 2013, 08:32:02 AM »
If Claudia has a habit of showing up with her kids, maybe the other guests were thinking, "ha! Good one!" when listening to Margo responses to Claudia's rude comments/requests.

Psychopoesie

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Re: Would you say Margo was rude?
« Reply #56 on: December 22, 2013, 08:36:48 AM »
I totally agree that Claudia was off the scale rude and deserves to have this clearly explained to her in considerable detail and *in private*.

Alternatives for Margo?

When "Claudia said something like "I hope it isn't too much trouble, James and John are always so well behaved!" Margo [could have] replied "I am sure they are. What a surprise that you came, I really wasn't expecting you at all!" Leaving out the second two sentences removes the PA part - while not granting Claudia absolution.

When Claudia said she wanted the kids served a main, "I'm sorry that won't be possible." is one of the eHell standards, yes? Or say "If they don't like tuna, I can make some PB&J sandwiches, if they'd prefer." Another poster suggested saying something like "I don't have any mains for the children." I wouldn't expect Margo to deprive her other guests of their planned portions to feed Claudia's kids. Given Claudia's rudeness, I also wouldn't expect the hostess to go without (as I would if there'd been a cooking accident which caused the portions to come up short).

With the comment about Nemesis getting a full meal even though Claudia was there first - my flabber is still too gasted to think of a response. Margo's would seem a fairly mild reproof if she hadn't said and done the other PA stuff first.


Outdoor Girl

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Re: Would you say Margo was rude?
« Reply #57 on: December 22, 2013, 10:00:01 AM »
I admire Margo's responses to Claudia's pointed remarks, attempting to receive absolution for her appalling behaviour.

I do think Margo failed on two points:  The first being that she should have informed Claudia that there were only 8 entrees and that either her children could be served something else or Claudia's entree could be reportioned between the three of them and supplemented with something else.  Secondly, adjusting the table should have been made without the PA comments.  Margo could have asked Claudia to help her bring in the extra chairs, etc. but should have kept the comment to herself.

I am slightly confused, though.  If only 7 guests were expected, why was the table set for 8 and why were there 8 entrees?  Unless that was counting Margo as the 8th person.  In which case, wouldn't there have been 11 at the table and no entree for Claudia?  Or did someone not attend at the last minute?
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Ontario

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Re: Would you say Margo was rude?
« Reply #58 on: December 22, 2013, 10:05:17 AM »
I agree that Claudia was staggeringly rude. I think Margo handled it well.

- Claudia's unexpected arrival - I agree that in this situation Margo *could* have turned her away,but that would have been very awkward, and on the spur of the moment she may have given Margo the benfit of the doubt. We don't know whether her comment about not expecting them was intended to be a rebuke or whether it was surprised out of her by having an unexpected guest and 2 gate crashers show up. Or she may have thought it would give Claudia a polite 'out' - Claudia cold have responded to the comment by either apologising and leaving immediately, or apologising and perhaps coming in briefly in order to socialise, but leaving before the meal, either of which would have avoided any difficulty for the host, or awkwardness for the other guests.

- laying the table - It sounds as though Margo arranged things pretty formally. She may not have had time to relay the table discreetly while she finished the meal prep and greeted and mingled with her guests. She may have been expecting Claudia to leave after briefly mingling.

- the meals for the children - At this point, Claudia was so incredibly rude and entitled that I  don't think it would have been rude of Margo to have told her to leave, then and there.  I also think that awkwardness at this stage was entirely due to Claudia.
Although I'm not, personally,  a fan of giving children different food to adults it is not particularly uncommon, and in particular, *knowing * thqt the children had not been invited and were not expected, Claudia should have worked out for herself that there were unlikely to be 2 extra salmon steaks just sitting around. If Claudia hadn't said anything it would not have been an issue. I strongly disagree with the suggestion that Margo should have gone without, herself, to accommodate Claudia's demands.

Does Claudia make a habit of this kind of behaviour?

citadelle

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Re: Would you say Margo was rude?
« Reply #59 on: December 22, 2013, 10:42:51 AM »
I agree that Claudia was staggeringly rude. I think Margo handled it well.

- Claudia's unexpected arrival - I agree that in this situation Margo *could* have turned her away,but that would have been very awkward, and on the spur of the moment she may have given Margo the benfit of the doubt. We don't know whether her comment about not expecting them was intended to be a rebuke or whether it was surprised out of her by having an unexpected guest and 2 gate crashers show up. Or she may have thought it would give Claudia a polite 'out' - Claudia cold have responded to the comment by either apologising and leaving immediately, or apologising and perhaps coming in briefly in order to socialise, but leaving before the meal, either of which would have avoided any difficulty for the host, or awkwardness for the other guests.

- laying the table - It sounds as though Margo arranged things pretty formally. She may not have had time to relay the table discreetly while she finished the meal prep and greeted and mingled with her guests. She may have been expecting Claudia to leave after briefly mingling.

- the meals for the children - At this point, Claudia was so incredibly rude and entitled that I  don't think it would have been rude of Margo to have told her to leave, then and there.  I also think that awkwardness at this stage was entirely due to Claudia.
Although I'm not, personally,  a fan of giving children different food to adults it is not particularly uncommon, and in particular, *knowing * thqt the children had not been invited and were not expected, Claudia should have worked out for herself that there were unlikely to be 2 extra salmon steaks just sitting around. If Claudia hadn't said anything it would not have been an issue. I strongly disagree with the suggestion that Margo should have gone without, herself, to accommodate Claudia's demands.

Does Claudia make a habit of this kind of behaviour?

Margo?! Is that you?  ;D