Author Topic: Would you say Margo was rude? #79, #139 non-update update  (Read 27800 times)

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Queen of Clubs

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Re: Would you say Margo was rude?
« Reply #60 on: December 22, 2013, 11:50:58 AM »
I wonder (as other posters have said) if Margo hoped Claudia and her children would be leaving before the meal, or just didn't have a chance to rearrange her table.  That was the only bit where I'd say Margo may have been rude.

As for the rest, as another poster said, Claudia initiated every rebuttal Margo gave.  She wanted reassurance it was fine to bring her uninvited children (it wasn't), then wanted her children to have full meals, then wanted to know why Nemesis got a full meal when Claudia arrived first.  Wow!  Claudia has nerve, hasn't she?

Good for Margo for giving Claudia's dinner to the two children.  Whose meal was she expected to hand over?  Her own?  She hadn't catered for extra guests as she hadn't invited any extra guests, and I don't see why she should have to do without her own meal to cover Claudia's guests.  (I count them as Claudia's guests as she, not Margo, invited them.)

M2kbug, I think the pasta making hostess was at another party that Claudia crashed, and there were no Clue-by-Fours applied to Claudia's head at that party.

I'd hope that this might be a wake up call to Claudia that she can't treat people like this, but, since she's got away with it on at least one other occasion, I doubt it.

NestHolder

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Re: Would you say Margo was rude?
« Reply #61 on: December 22, 2013, 01:03:06 PM »
My goodness!  I can't exactly define what Margo did as 'not rude', but I want to stand up and applaud her!

Claudia, on the other hand, received a much-needed lesson.  I hope she profited by it.

Incidentally, I think that if I had been one of the legitimate guests at the dinner party I would have been enormously impressed with Margo's handling of the situation.

gen xer

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Re: Would you say Margo was rude?
« Reply #62 on: December 22, 2013, 01:07:59 PM »
Well... in a couple of instances Claudia asked for a bit of a shaming - if someone asked me in front of everyone why they didn't get a full dinner I would not have much compunction in being quite "frank" with them back.

But on the whole.....while Claudia was beyond rude and presumptuous I find Margo with her phony smile pasted on pretty disingenuous.  She could have taken Claudia aside and told her - quite frankly - that she was not expected and that she just didn't have enough food and that if they wanted something sandwiches were all she could muster up....but you do it privately, not in front of everyone.

She may have been smiling and friendly on the outside but I'll bet the other guests were made uncomfortable despite the fake cheer.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Would you say Margo was rude?
« Reply #63 on: December 22, 2013, 01:21:30 PM »
I am sure Margo was plenty annoyed, and I don't blame her.  Claudia was way, way out of line all the way through.

But I still think that Margo was PA and, although she only did it when Claudia started up again, she was not very nice.  Once you are hosting someone, you have a duty to be gracious and make them feel welcome, not keep reminding them of their lapse and shaming them.

I think she should have have reapportioned the salmon, and if there absolutely wasn't enough (which I find pretty hard to believe -- did she make exactly 3 ounces per person or something?), then Margo, as the host, should have been the one to eat something else -- the same as she'd do if some of it dropped on the floor or something.  Alternatively, she could have spoken with Claudia privately before dinner, explained the situation, and discussed the alternatives: Claudia and the boys leave, or the boys eat something else instead, or she orders them a pizza that they eat in front of a movie in another room, or whatever would work.

I repeat, I would have been totally steamed in Margo's position, and I'd have trouble living up to my own advice.  But I've seen hosts behave both ways, and I know who I admire and who I thought was being childish.  Retaliatory rudeness is not okay.  Shaming your guests --no matter how they got there! -- is not okay.  Once Margo agreed to let them stay, she needed to treat them the same as her other guests.  (Although I'm sure it wasn't easy given Claudia's behavior!)

I also think Margo threw cold water on her own party.  The OP is probably not the only other guest who spent a good part of the evening and afterward thinking about whether Margo was rude or unkind.  If I had been one of the other guests, especially if Claudia were also my friend, I would have been very uncomfortable and embarrassed.

Well-stated. POD.
POD to this. While the story is entertaining, Margo seemed invested in smacking down Claudia instead of making the other guests comfortable. But maybe it's the type of group who enjoyed the drama and were all delighting in the shaming.

Once Margo agreed to host the boys and Claudia, I would admire the heroin of the story more if no one were ever to realize the threesome were unexpected.

If she weren't ready to host them equally, she should have taken Claudia aside upon arrival and explained she was unable to allow them to join the party that evening. And she could have said to the rest of the guests that the three was just dropping by to say hi before heading out to other activity.

Momiitz

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Re: Would you say Margo was rude?
« Reply #64 on: December 22, 2013, 01:24:25 PM »
Team Margo. 100%. I think she did fine with Claudia's rudeness.

NyaChan

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Re: Would you say Margo was rude?
« Reply #65 on: December 22, 2013, 01:26:43 PM »
I do feel sympathy for Margo of course.  I can imagine that some of her comments and actions were not focused entirely upon pointing out to Claudia that she wasn't expected, so much as it might have been her desire not to look like she was unprepared to properly host guests.  In her position, I would have felt embarrassed that my guests might think that I hadn't set enough places or made enough food and it definitely would be hard to not explain that I had planned things out very nicely but someone else had thrown in a wrench. 

But the way to avoid that is to enforce the boundaries of the guest list early on.  Even if someone else let Claudia in, Margo could have taken her aside to explain why she couldn't accommodate her and the boys as I've heard described by other posters when they've had  uninvited guests.

cubemissy

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Re: Would you say Margo was rude?
« Reply #66 on: December 22, 2013, 01:59:42 PM »
I do think Margo handled it badly. Where  did the extra salmon to serve Claudia come from? If Margo handled that re-portioning behind the scenes, she could have handled explaining the lack of any MORE salmon to Claudia, also behind the scenes. In choosing to handle it the way she did, she chose to make her other guests uncomfortable.

I don't have as much of a problem with Margo's verbal kung fu through the night, because Claudia was fishing for absolution. But she should have either handled the problem entirely at the beginning of the night, and quietly explained to Claudia she couldnt accommodate them, OR figured out a quieter way to serve the boys, the way she DID manage to with Claudia.

shhh its me

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Re: Would you say Margo was rude?
« Reply #67 on: December 22, 2013, 02:25:55 PM »
I do think Margo handled it badly. Where  did the extra salmon to serve Claudia come from? If Margo handled that re-portioning behind the scenes, she could have handled explaining the lack of any MORE salmon to Claudia, also behind the scenes. In choosing to handle it the way she did, she chose to make her other guests uncomfortable.

I don't have as much of a problem with Margo's verbal kung fu through the night, because Claudia was fishing for absolution. But she should have either handled the problem entirely at the beginning of the night, and quietly explained to Claudia she couldnt accommodate them, OR figured out a quieter way to serve the boys, the way she DID manage to with Claudia.

I get the impression (I don't think op will be able to confirm this) that someone cancelled at the last minute  There were 8 meals/settings ready and 7 guest without Claudia and her children maybe op misunderstood and only the children were unexpected.

Margo never hosts kids it's reasonable that she considered serving a 4 and 9 year old , apps , soup, sandwich(I'm assuming the kids had the vegetables  and mashed potatoes too) and dessert  + whatever was served during the cocktails accommodating them.  A lot or people who do host kids would think that was accommodating the kids.  The 4 year fell sleep at the dinner table , sure kids can get that tired but not too many hungry kids fall asleep sitting up with food in front of them.

White Lotus

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Re: Would you say Margo was rude?
« Reply #68 on: December 22, 2013, 02:27:15 PM »
Team Margo.  Claudia kept trying to set Margo up (over and over) to excuse Claudia's behavior.  She got smacked down, quite justifiably and I do not think rudely, every time.  Margo is not required by anyone or anything to buy into Claudia's SS and impolite universe.  I wouldn't have been uncomfortable at all as a genuinely invited guest.  Margo seemed to cover that by being cheerful, happy, and honest, not yelling or throwing things.   I'd be cheering inside, and waiting for further developments.

gellchom

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Re: Would you say Margo was rude?
« Reply #69 on: December 22, 2013, 03:13:26 PM »
The thing is, Claudia and her sons were invited guests.

Not originally, of course.  But Margo made the decision to have them stay.  Admittedly, she was in an awkward spot when she did so.  But she seems to be a woman with a spine who could have said no. 

And once she invited them to stay, even this kind of "invitation," they were her guests, and she had the duty to treat them equally to the other guests.  I might give a pass on a different entree for kids. But if there hadn't been enough fish for one more guest (and frankly I think that lack of leeway isn't great hosting anyway -- if the portions are too small for her to split her own with Claudia, what if someone wanted more, or one got ruined somehow?), then she should, without calling any attention to it, give her own fish to her guest.  (Although I too would resent it!)

Lots of posters applaud Margo.  But imagine if Claudia were your friend. 

Margo didn't have to let them stay.  But she did, and that made them her guests.  Claudia begged for it, but that didn't justify Margo's PA performance.  And why punish the innocent boys?  Claudia was very rude, but Margo was mean. 

Peppergirl

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Re: Would you say Margo was rude?
« Reply #70 on: December 22, 2013, 03:21:52 PM »
Lots of posters applaud Margo.  But imagine if Claudia were your friend. 


Respectfully, I'm very glad that none of my friends would have behaved this boorishly, so thankfully I'd never have to worry about it.

If one of them did, I'd have told them what I thought of their behavior.  In private, of course.

Snooks

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Re: Would you say Margo was rude?
« Reply #71 on: December 22, 2013, 03:31:23 PM »
I can easily see how the situation might arise where Margo didn't have the opportunity to speak to Claudia.  Claudia and the kids arrive at the door with other guests and Margo is caught on the hop as they merrily walk through the door with invited guests.  The guests are all mingling in the living room, Claudia sits down and is deep in conversation with another guest, Margo can't get to Claudia to say anything.  In this instance Margo hasn't so much agreed to an invitation but has been strong armed into it.  Once Claudia starts with questions and complaints Margo lets her unhappiness be known, having not had an opportunity earlier.  I suspect if I'd seen Claudia behave this way before I'd be fully behind Margo and her replies.

squashedfrog

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Re: Would you say Margo was rude?
« Reply #72 on: December 22, 2013, 03:43:02 PM »
If I were in Margo's position I think this could have been handled a lot better, and much less pa.  Why couldn't she have called Claudia into the kitchen in a friendly way, smile and say I wasn't expecting you or the kids, but we'll muddle through, now, what can I get the kids to eat instead?

If Claudia asks why they can't have what everyone else is having, reiterate that they wre not expected, and ask again what they will have instead.     That way, Claudia knows she's made a mistake without humiliating her, and the kids are catered for without Margo causing any uncomfortable moments for her other guests.

shhh its me

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Re: Would you say Margo was rude?
« Reply #73 on: December 22, 2013, 03:48:57 PM »
The thing is, Claudia and her sons were invited guests.

Not originally, of course.  But Margo made the decision to have them stay.  Admittedly, she was in an awkward spot when she did so.  But she seems to be a woman with a spine who could have said no. 

And once she invited them to stay, even this kind of "invitation," they were her guests, and she had the duty to treat them equally to the other guests.  I might give a pass on a different entree for kids. But if there hadn't been enough fish for one more guest (and frankly I think that lack of leeway isn't great hosting anyway -- if the portions are too small for her to split her own with Claudia, what if someone wanted more, or one got ruined somehow?), then she should, without calling any attention to it, give her own fish to her guest.  (Although I too would resent it!)

Lots of posters applaud Margo.  But imagine if Claudia were your friend. 

Margo didn't have to let them stay.  But she did, and that made them her guests.  Claudia begged for it, but that didn't justify Margo's PA performance.  And why punish the innocent boys?  Claudia was very rude, but Margo was mean.

I wouldn't think a 9 and 4 year old even if they were standing right by their mother would pick on on " I'm sure they are. I'm surprised ....." 

If someone wanted more , its a dinner party not an all you can eat buffet. I tend to have too much food too, but I don't think its rude not to have more then a meal for each guest.  She didn't drop one we don't know what she would have done if that had happened.
There are people who would disagree that you can serve a 4 and 9 year old a different entree but that may or may not have been because they were not invite.  I would serve a 4 and 9 year old steak but I might be more reluctant to serve them salmon.

mbbored

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Re: Would you say Margo was rude?
« Reply #74 on: December 22, 2013, 04:29:25 PM »
The thing is, Claudia and her sons were invited guests.

Not originally, of course.  But Margo made the decision to have them stay.  Admittedly, she was in an awkward spot when she did so.  But she seems to be a woman with a spine who could have said no. 

And once she invited them to stay, even this kind of "invitation," they were her guests, and she had the duty to treat them equally to the other guests.  I might give a pass on a different entree for kids. But if there hadn't been enough fish for one more guest (and frankly I think that lack of leeway isn't great hosting anyway -- if the portions are too small for her to split her own with Claudia, what if someone wanted more, or one got ruined somehow?), then she should, without calling any attention to it, give her own fish to her guest.  (Although I too would resent it!)

Lots of posters applaud Margo.  But imagine if Claudia were your friend. 

Margo didn't have to let them stay.  But she did, and that made them her guests.  Claudia begged for it, but that didn't justify Margo's PA performance.  And why punish the innocent boys?  Claudia was very rude, but Margo was mean.

I agree with Gellchom. Once you allow someone into your home where you're throwing a party, then they should be full guests. If she didn't want them to stay, she should've said no when they were at the door. If she wanted them to stay, Margo should've been a lot more gracious of the hostess.

I'm not saying Claudia was right to crash the party with her sons, but two wrongs don't make a right here.