Author Topic: Clueless? Frenemies? Or trying to tell you the friendship is over? LONG  (Read 10192 times)

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aussie_chick

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Re: Clueless? Frenemies? Or trying to tell you the friendship is over? LONG
« Reply #135 on: December 26, 2013, 11:58:04 PM »
I am apparently illustrating that, unless Rachel explains what she can and cannot do, it is a mystery to to others. So she can navigate subway stairs no problem....but other stairs were not okay. That's not intuitive to the average bear. I would absolutely be there for my friend...but I don't do PA which is how this comes across to me.

I have stayed out of this back and forth mainly because I am emotionally connected to the subject of my Op.

However, Turtledove I have to say you seem pretty hell bent on Rachel being at fault. Rachel doesn't sound fun, Rachel wasn't clear enough, Rachel is a pain in the butt because she is contradictory - can go up some stairs but not others.

I'm not sure where you got the idea of subways from - I'm not talking about a subway. Public transport here is trams, cabs, trains. There are escalators at the train station so climbing stairs can be avoided. She never said she expected anyone to take her there. She just decided to go home after the girls left her on her own at night in the city in a venue with stacks of people pushing and shoving.
Rachel had spoken to Joanne about her mobility - after the movies. Stairs at cinemas here and also concerts are very steep and don't often have handrails. She did manage the concert stairs on her own - slowly.
Rachel told Joanne she would prefer to get drinks before finding their seats at the concert because she would struggle to get back up again - i'm not sure how much clearer you expected her to be?

Rachel never asked them to help her cross a street or climb stairs - but she did identify to her friends that she had mobility issues. So i'm not entirely sure where you think the 'mystery' is.
You also seem to think it was poor form of her if she did ask for help.

It also sounds to me as though you disbelieve my Op or as though Rachel might be putting it on whenever she feels like it. You seem to want to catch her out able to do some things and not others.

I am always happy to hear others perspectives but i'm not sure why you feel the need to hit the repeat button over and over.

perpetua

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Re: Clueless? Frenemies? Or trying to tell you the friendship is over? LONG
« Reply #136 on: December 27, 2013, 12:05:01 AM »
You know, I can only speak for myself, but if I need help with something or an accommodation in a social situation (like, 'please can we sit over here where the chairs are less hard?', for example) I will ask for it because my experience will be miserable and painful if I don't. I presume the same is true for most disabled people. We don't just sit around mournfully hoping that someone will come to our rescue and then complaining about it when they don't. We ask if we need it. Turtledove, I'm guessing (perhaps wrongly) that you haven't been around a lot of disabled people and that perhaps you're a little too worried about the being-PC element of it. If someone asks me if I need help and I don't, no biggie. No harm done and I'm not offended and I certainly don't assume people think I'm incapable. I just smile and say no thank you and recognise it for what it is - someone trying to do a nice thing for someone else, like holding a door open for someone who isn't disabled. It's no different.

In this story, Rachel presumably asked for an accommodation: for someone to get her a drink because she couldn't manage the stairs. They took her money, disappeared for an hour and a half, and then didn't bother. That's just rude. It'd be rude if she *wasn't* disabled.

The rest of them - and this one actually, since if you offer to get your friend a drink and then come back with their money after 90 minutes while you've been living it up somewhere else without them - are just common sense and kindness that *anyone* should be able to count on from a friend, whether they're disabled or not. Don't ditch your friends, don't leave them lagging behind, don't desert them for an hour and a half at a concert. They weren't accommodations that Rachel asked for or should have needed to ask for because of her disability.
« Last Edit: December 27, 2013, 12:10:31 AM by perpetua »

cross_patch

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Re: Clueless? Frenemies? Or trying to tell you the friendship is over? LONG
« Reply #137 on: December 27, 2013, 12:56:59 AM »
I am apparently illustrating that, unless Rachel explains what she can and cannot do, it is a mystery to to others. So she can navigate subway stairs no problem....but other stairs were not okay. That's not intuitive to the average bear. I would absolutely be there for my friend...but I don't do PA which is how this comes across to me.

You're really not illustrating that, as you are the only person in the entire thread who had even suggested that  it is not clear- I am frankly gobsmacked that what appears to me to be the most basic courtesy would need to be spelled out to you. It is intuitive to absolutely everybody else in the thread. And for you to suggest that it is somehow PA is honestly just offensive , I don't care whether you think it shouldn't be or not.

cross_patch

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Re: Clueless? Frenemies? Or trying to tell you the friendship is over? LONG
« Reply #138 on: December 27, 2013, 12:59:47 AM »
I am apparently illustrating that, unless Rachel explains what she can and cannot do, it is a mystery to to others. So she can navigate subway stairs no problem....but other stairs were not okay. That's not intuitive to the average bear. I would absolutely be there for my friend...but I don't do PA which is how this comes across to me.

I have stayed out of this back and forth mainly because I am emotionally connected to the subject of my Op.

However, Turtledove I have to say you seem pretty hell bent on Rachel being at fault. Rachel doesn't sound fun, Rachel wasn't clear enough, Rachel is a pain in the butt because she is contradictory - can go up some stairs but not others.

I'm not sure where you got the idea of subways from - I'm not talking about a subway. Public transport here is trams, cabs, trains. There are escalators at the train station so climbing stairs can be avoided. She never said she expected anyone to take her there. She just decided to go home after the girls left her on her own at night in the city in a venue with stacks of people pushing and shoving.
Rachel had spoken to Joanne about her mobility - after the movies. Stairs at cinemas here and also concerts are very steep and don't often have handrails. She did manage the concert stairs on her own - slowly.
Rachel told Joanne she would prefer to get drinks before finding their seats at the concert because she would struggle to get back up again - i'm not sure how much clearer you expected her to be?

Rachel never asked them to help her cross a street or climb stairs - but she did identify to her friends that she had mobility issues. So i'm not entirely sure where you think the 'mystery' is.
You also seem to think it was poor form of her if she did ask for help.

It also sounds to me as though you disbelieve my Op or as though Rachel might be putting it on whenever she feels like it. You seem to want to catch her out able to do some things and not others.

I am always happy to hear others perspectives but i'm not sure why you feel the need to hit the repeat button over and over.

I have to agree aussie_chick, particularly with regard to asking for help- it feels like damned if you do, damned if you don't. If you ask for help you are a burden, and if you don't you are PA?