Author Topic: Bringing your own food to the restaurant? Really?  (Read 19451 times)

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TootsNYC

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Re: Bringing your own food to the restaurant? Really?
« Reply #75 on: January 06, 2014, 02:16:51 PM »
I find this to be rather sad that no one ever taught these young people what is appropriate and what is not when dining out, IMHO this is something they should know. 

I have a 16yo and a 19yo. I don't know that I would think to tell them this level of detail. If they mentioned to me that they were making a cake to take to the restaurant, I'd clue them in.

But if they didn't tell me that the cake was going to the restaurant (or even that THEY were going to a restaurant, I wouldn't tell them. My kids don't tell me every little thing on their schedule.

msulinski

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Re: Bringing your own food to the restaurant? Really?
« Reply #76 on: January 06, 2014, 03:57:51 PM »
I find this to be rather sad that no one ever taught these young people what is appropriate and what is not when dining out, IMHO this is something they should know. 

I have a 16yo and a 19yo. I don't know that I would think to tell them this level of detail. If they mentioned to me that they were making a cake to take to the restaurant, I'd clue them in.

But if they didn't tell me that the cake was going to the restaurant (or even that THEY were going to a restaurant, I wouldn't tell them. My kids don't tell me every little thing on their schedule.

Yeah, you can't prepare your children ahead of time for every situation they encounter. Some things they just have to learn for themselves, especially esoteric situations like the one described. In the case described by the OP, it sounds like they did well. They were polite for most of the meal. They didn't understand the cake/plating fee, but at least they kept the complaining to themselves (except for the OP overhearing). Overall, it sounds like they handled the outing better than a lot of teenagers might.

MrsJWine

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Re: Bringing your own food to the restaurant? Really?
« Reply #77 on: January 06, 2014, 04:07:36 PM »
I only know about slicing fees from this forum. This is not something that all people just know, and I have been to birthday parties at restaurants, where someone brought in cake. The kids found out, now they know to ask about it in the future.

I don't think it's surprising that the kids didn't know about the fee, it's certainly not universal knowledge.  What I find disturbing is that they would sulk about it after being informed that it was restaurant policy.  Obviously the OP doesn't know, but I am curious about what sort of a tip they left the server.

I do this as an adult. I find out something surprising and unpleasant, and I will be unhappy about it for a little while, even if I know it's justified. Sometimes I even complain out loud, if it's not in front of a person whose feelings I will hurt. I would definitely not say their behavior was disturbing.


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Re: Bringing your own food to the restaurant? Really?
« Reply #78 on: January 07, 2014, 10:25:38 AM »
I wouldn't be too hard on the kids for sulking, either. When you're a teenager, it can be hard to know which social rules are real (as in, for everyone) and which are based on people assuming you're a delinquent-in-waiting. My high school boyfriend and I went on a long-awaited trip to an art museum once and ended up making a game out of figuring out what area the guard who followed us religiously everywhere was actually supposed to be covering. It was funny, but also annoying, since I knew adults wouldn't have had the same treatment.

That's also why my answer to whether another diner should have said something about it being normal is "yes." It might have been helpful to know they weren't being picked on specifically.
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jaxsue

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Re: Bringing your own food to the restaurant? Really?
« Reply #79 on: January 08, 2014, 07:59:12 PM »
I wouldn't be too hard on the kids for sulking, either. When you're a teenager, it can be hard to know which social rules are real (as in, for everyone) and which are based on people assuming you're a delinquent-in-waiting. My high school boyfriend and I went on a long-awaited trip to an art museum once and ended up making a game out of figuring out what area the guard who followed us religiously everywhere was actually supposed to be covering. It was funny, but also annoying, since I knew adults wouldn't have had the same treatment.

That's also why my answer to whether another diner should have said something about it being normal is "yes." It might have been helpful to know they weren't being picked on specifically.

Per the bolded: actually, I had the same experience when I was in my early 30s. I had taken my older son to a small art museum. FTR, son didn't touch anything, I had him by the hand at all times, and we both behaved quite well. Still, a guard followed us from room to room (the reason it stood out was that at other times this hadn't happened). It was very uncomfortable. So, it may seem that teens are targeted but sometimes other people get it, too.

TootsNYC

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Re: Bringing your own food to the restaurant? Really?
« Reply #80 on: January 08, 2014, 08:05:31 PM »
I wouldn't be too hard on the kids for sulking, either. When you're a teenager, it can be hard to know which social rules are real (as in, for everyone) and which are based on people assuming you're a delinquent-in-waiting. My high school boyfriend and I went on a long-awaited trip to an art museum once and ended up making a game out of figuring out what area the guard who followed us religiously everywhere was actually supposed to be covering. It was funny, but also annoying, since I knew adults wouldn't have had the same treatment.

That's also why my answer to whether another diner should have said something about it being normal is "yes." It might have been helpful to know they weren't being picked on specifically.

Per the bolded: actually, I had the same experience when I was in my early 30s. I had taken my older son to a small art museum. FTR, son didn't touch anything, I had him by the hand at all times, and we both behaved quite well. Still, a guard followed us from room to room (the reason it stood out was that at other times this hadn't happened). It was very uncomfortable. So, it may seem that teens are targeted but sometimes other people get it, too.

Those "other people" included a minor. You weren't a party of only adults. That's her point, I think.

Calistoga

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Re: Bringing your own food to the restaurant? Really?
« Reply #81 on: January 08, 2014, 10:06:26 PM »
This is the first time I've ever heard of a cake fee. I've worked in several restaurants and people bring their own cake all the time and ask us to keep it in the walk in, and we always provided small plates for free. But it may be different at really upscale places, I mostly worked in more casual restaurants.

m2kbug

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Re: Bringing your own food to the restaurant? Really?
« Reply #82 on: January 08, 2014, 10:42:17 PM »
I wouldn't be too hard on the kids for sulking, either. When you're a teenager, it can be hard to know which social rules are real (as in, for everyone) and which are based on people assuming you're a delinquent-in-waiting. My high school boyfriend and I went on a long-awaited trip to an art museum once and ended up making a game out of figuring out what area the guard who followed us religiously everywhere was actually supposed to be covering. It was funny, but also annoying, since I knew adults wouldn't have had the same treatment.

That's also why my answer to whether another diner should have said something about it being normal is "yes." It might have been helpful to know they weren't being picked on specifically.

Per the bolded: actually, I had the same experience when I was in my early 30s. I had taken my older son to a small art museum. FTR, son didn't touch anything, I had him by the hand at all times, and we both behaved quite well. Still, a guard followed us from room to room (the reason it stood out was that at other times this hadn't happened). It was very uncomfortable. So, it may seem that teens are targeted but sometimes other people get it, too.

I have seen plenty of signs posted and "no backpack" rules around high schools and colleges, even limiting the number of students allowed in at a time in one or two stores.  It's unfortunate these young people get targeted, but unfortunately, there is a reason why.  I remember getting followed as a teen myself.  I'm not sure what put me (and my friends) in the crosshairs, but there it was.  I would really like to know what made Mom and Kid a target. 

katycoo

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Re: Bringing your own food to the restaurant? Really?
« Reply #83 on: January 08, 2014, 11:59:50 PM »
This is the first time I've ever heard of a cake fee. I've worked in several restaurants and people bring their own cake all the time and ask us to keep it in the walk in, and we always provided small plates for free. But it may be different at really upscale places, I mostly worked in more casual restaurants.

Regional I guess.  I would expect it at most resturants which are more formal than a diner.

jaxsue

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Re: Bringing your own food to the restaurant? Really?
« Reply #84 on: January 09, 2014, 11:26:22 AM »
I wouldn't be too hard on the kids for sulking, either. When you're a teenager, it can be hard to know which social rules are real (as in, for everyone) and which are based on people assuming you're a delinquent-in-waiting. My high school boyfriend and I went on a long-awaited trip to an art museum once and ended up making a game out of figuring out what area the guard who followed us religiously everywhere was actually supposed to be covering. It was funny, but also annoying, since I knew adults wouldn't have had the same treatment.

That's also why my answer to whether another diner should have said something about it being normal is "yes." It might have been helpful to know they weren't being picked on specifically.

Per the bolded: actually, I had the same experience when I was in my early 30s. I had taken my older son to a small art museum. FTR, son didn't touch anything, I had him by the hand at all times, and we both behaved quite well. Still, a guard followed us from room to room (the reason it stood out was that at other times this hadn't happened). It was very uncomfortable. So, it may seem that teens are targeted but sometimes other people get it, too.

Those "other people" included a minor. You weren't a party of only adults. That's her point, I think.

I took her point to be that teens are a common target of distrust in certain situations (and it's true in some cases, like in retail). If I misunderstood her, I will accept that. Otherwise, it's just conjecture.

jaxsue

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Re: Bringing your own food to the restaurant? Really?
« Reply #85 on: January 09, 2014, 11:36:12 AM »
I wouldn't be too hard on the kids for sulking, either. When you're a teenager, it can be hard to know which social rules are real (as in, for everyone) and which are based on people assuming you're a delinquent-in-waiting. My high school boyfriend and I went on a long-awaited trip to an art museum once and ended up making a game out of figuring out what area the guard who followed us religiously everywhere was actually supposed to be covering. It was funny, but also annoying, since I knew adults wouldn't have had the same treatment.

That's also why my answer to whether another diner should have said something about it being normal is "yes." It might have been helpful to know they weren't being picked on specifically.

Per the bolded: actually, I had the same experience when I was in my early 30s. I had taken my older son to a small art museum. FTR, son didn't touch anything, I had him by the hand at all times, and we both behaved quite well. Still, a guard followed us from room to room (the reason it stood out was that at other times this hadn't happened). It was very uncomfortable. So, it may seem that teens are targeted but sometimes other people get it, too.

I have seen plenty of signs posted and "no backpack" rules around high schools and colleges, even limiting the number of students allowed in at a time in one or two stores.  It's unfortunate these young people get targeted, but unfortunately, there is a reason why.  I remember getting followed as a teen myself.  I'm not sure what put me (and my friends) in the crosshairs, but there it was.  I would really like to know what made Mom and Kid a target.

I remember being followed at stores when I was a teenager. I wasn't a shoplifter, but that didn't stop management from being suspicious. But I do understand that it's for a reason. I used to work as a retail merchandiser at several Walmart stores (its own circle of hell!). It was quite common for a shoplifter to be caught; sadly, a large number of them were under 21 yrs old, and many were parents (hiding things in their baby's stroller was common). But then I think of my late MIL, who was also a shoplifter. And it turns out that she was far from alone! Sadly, the younger people get targeted, not the seniors.
I did have one experience at a store in college that was such a turn-off that I've never been back - and that was over 30 yrs ago! It was Burlington Coat Factory, and my friends and I went into the store. A guard by the door went through our bags and purses, was quite rude, and made us feel like criminals. I have never stepped foot in another BCF again. Honestly, if he'd done his "check" with a better attitude, it wouldn't have felt so invasive. And, I didn't see him doing it with anyone else who came in the same time we did.
As for the guard in the art museum, it was just weird. This was a very small museum (compared to the Met in NYC, for example), and it catered to school groups. So that meant that kids were there a lot. My being there with one child was nothing compared to 30 elementary school kids w/2 chaperones. If it happened now, I'd stand up for myself and would speak with management (politely, of course).

FlyingBaconMouse

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Re: Bringing your own food to the restaurant? Really?
« Reply #86 on: January 09, 2014, 11:52:03 AM »
Just to clarify, I did mean that teens are often regarded with suspicion and subject to treatment/rules that don't exist for older patrons of businesses, etc. (Although possibly they should: my first trip to that same museum eventually became known in family history as The Day Dad Touched The Art. :P)
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Nibsey

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Re: Bringing your own food to the restaurant? Really?
« Reply #87 on: January 09, 2014, 12:01:19 PM »
I've never heard of this fee before this, however in my area you would never have the cake instead of dessert. Instead it is usually served with the tea/coffee.
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jaxsue

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Re: Bringing your own food to the restaurant? Really?
« Reply #88 on: January 09, 2014, 12:11:20 PM »
Just to clarify, I did mean that teens are often regarded with suspicion and subject to treatment/rules that don't exist for older patrons of businesses, etc. (Although possibly they should: my first trip to that same museum eventually became known in family history as The Day Dad Touched The Art. :P)

My nosey self wants to hear that story!  :)

FlyingBaconMouse

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Re: Bringing your own food to the restaurant? Really?
« Reply #89 on: January 09, 2014, 12:16:30 PM »
Oh, that's pretty much it.  :) I was eleven, so I got a nice, long lecture on how to behave my first time at the art museum. We all went as a family, and as we strolled through the contemporary gallery, there was a sculpture that looked a lot like a big ball of tinfoil. I guess it was irresistible!...to some people.

Mom and I were ahead, so we didn't actually see it: just heard the guard say "Don't touch the art, sir," and Dad saying "Oh! Sorry," then grumbling about the quality of the sculpture once he caught up to us. I spent a lot of time after that pointing out to Mom that everybody needed to be present for behavior lectures!
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