Author Topic: When you don't want to exchange phone numbers with someone  (Read 5918 times)

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Pen^2

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Re: When you don't want to exchange phone numbers with someone
« Reply #15 on: December 25, 2013, 01:30:44 PM »
I once heard of a number you could give out to someone instead of denying them, but when they called it, it would give them a pre-recorded message, complete with music, explaining that they had been rejected. A group of girls whom I knew frequented night clubs would give it out to amorous young men they weren't interested in, as an easy way to avoid conflict. I still think it's nicer to just say "no" instead of misleading people like this, but I can see that it could be useful. Otherwise, I wouldn't dream of making up a number to give out. That's horribly rude to whoever owns the number.

How about, "Email would work better, here's some paper..." and repeating until they stopped badgering you for your phone number? Emails are good because you can delay answers to them as a good way of indicating interest levels. If they email you and you reply (politely) after a few days rather than instantly, it sends a clear message that you're polite but not close. Of course, this won't be perceived by everyone, and it really only replaces one problem with a smaller one (giving out your phone number vs your email).

Elfmama

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Re: When you don't want to exchange phone numbers with someone
« Reply #16 on: December 25, 2013, 03:23:02 PM »
It is likely I would give a fake # depending on the "drama factor."

Drama factor is my term of how likely is this person to go postal or otherwise respond with mid- to high-drama.

High-drama factor persons I lessen my pain with a fake # and/or email, whatever the case is.
Please do NOT do that! You are just passing the postal on to someone else! No one likes being cussed out because the person on the line thinks you're lying.  "I know NTN is there, you (several sorts of words the filter doesn't like).  Now put her on the phone!"  Even if they're polite, it's flat-out annoying.

Yes, and all too often those calls from loons come late/middle of the night.  >:(
And the caller has imbibed considerable liquid refreshment.

We got a lot of calls for "Lulu" when I was a teen.  The caller never believed us when we said there was no Lulu there.  Then there was the day when my buddy Steve answered the phone.  "Lulu's in her room with a john.  Gimme your number and I'll have her call you when she's free, about 15 minutes."

No, perhaps not polite.  But we never got another call for Lulu.
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Possum

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Re: When you don't want to exchange phone numbers with someone
« Reply #17 on: December 25, 2013, 03:26:12 PM »
I don't like giving fake numbers......the result is innocent people (busy people, elderly, bedridden, etc.) being bothered by calls.  IMO giving a fake number is cowardly, and giving a fake email is almost as bad.
Actually, the result is not just that, but the rejection that the recipient of the fake number encounters.  That is, if I offer to trade numbers with someone and they say they'd rather not, I can dig that.  And they're right in front of me, being honest with me.  I get the picture, right then, right there, and can maybe read their emotions.

But if I'm given a wrong number, then days later I find it out, and I wonder, did they do it on purpose?  If so, was it to be cruel?  Did they think it was funny?  Do they realize how it'll feel for me when I realize the number they wrote down for me is actually a taxi company?

Are they careless, thoughtless, or just mean?

In college, I got a call one night from a guy who said we'd met a few days earlier.  I said not possible, I hadn't given out my number, and he insisted I had, at a frat party.  I had to tell him that, no, it wasn't me--I'd never been to a frat party, and I didn't look like he described.  You could hear how crushed he was over the phone.  Someone had not only lied to him and given him false hope, but they'd involved me in it, too--my number and my name!  (I never did find out who; half the campus had my number because I typed papers.)  I felt so bad for him.

Don't give out fake numbers.  Dodge it, say you're not comfortable yet, or say "I'll take yours, but I'll get back to you," but don't give out fake numbers.  Own what you do.

purple

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Re: When you don't want to exchange phone numbers with someone
« Reply #18 on: December 25, 2013, 07:51:53 PM »
If a person thinks they might want to give out a fake number, they should look up "rejection hotline" and memorize one of those numbers. Not make something up and risk that it'll be answered by a stranger.

Or, I suppose, smile and give "867-5309" and then something like "but you can give me your number, if you like."

LOL.  I love that song - I'd totally get the hint if somebody gave me that number.

Danika

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Re: When you don't want to exchange phone numbers with someone
« Reply #19 on: December 26, 2013, 03:37:04 AM »
When I was single and meeting people at parties, I often just said "I don't feel comfortable giving my number out. Please, give me yours instead." If they tried to convince me, I just repeated myself. Then, I never gave out my number.

Now that I'm married and the only new acquaintances I meet who want my number are other mothers of preschoolers, I've sort of modified it to just "I don't answer my phone much. Why don't you just give me your number? Do you have a business card?" That has worked for me so far.

perpetua

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Re: When you don't want to exchange phone numbers with someone
« Reply #20 on: December 26, 2013, 03:43:06 AM »
You cross paths/run into someone who, for whatever reason(s), you have no desire to have future contact with.  You’re civil, but then the person asks your number or hands you their number.

What do you do?

I have had this happen.  I say “No, thanks.  Take care.  “Bye”  Polite, but no expectations of a friendship or future contact.


I think this is an interaction that can (and should) be had in different ways dependent on who it is you're rejecting future contact with.

Someone chatting you up in a nightclub? A blunt 'no thanks' is probably OK, and advisable and expected.

Someone from a social group trying to pursue a friendship outside that group that you're not interested in? I think 'no thanks' is probably a bit blunt, in the same way that 'No thanks' to an invitation to get together would be a little harsh without a 'I'm sorry, I can't make it' or some other polite fiction tacked onto the end. I wouldn't feel comfortable insinuating 'I'd rather pull my eyelashes out with pliers than spend any time with you or give you my number' and I think such bluntness in this situation is going to come across like that.

In the first situation, I would give some variation on 'thanks but no thanks'. In the second I would probably say something about my mobile reception being terrible and change the subject fairly quickly.

ChinaShepherdess

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Re: When you don't want to exchange phone numbers with someone
« Reply #21 on: December 26, 2013, 04:34:28 AM »
My go-to phrase since high school for any time I've felt peer pressured: "Oh, no thank you!" said with a big smile. Though as many people have pointed out, in some contexts, a response that blunt might be very rude. In those situations, though, I've always told people: "Sorry, but I'm terrible at phone and texting. Email really is the way to reach me!" I've never had any bad fallout from giving that explanation!

Also, with regards to fake numbers: I used to give fake numbers in high school, then realized the fault to that scheme a few years ago. There's a low-level con artist named Larry who gives my number (which I've had for over a decade) as his fake number. At least four times a week I get phone calls from angry people he's run small-scale confidence schemes on, who then call me and can't figure out why I: don't know Larry, can't get them their money back, and have very little interest in their 3AM woes!

metallicafan

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Re: When you don't want to exchange phone numbers with someone
« Reply #22 on: December 26, 2013, 07:38:43 AM »
I don't like giving fake numbers......the result is innocent people (busy people, elderly, bedridden, etc.) being bothered by calls.  IMO giving a fake number is cowardly, and giving a fake email is almost as bad.
Actually, the result is not just that, but the rejection that the recipient of the fake number encounters.  That is, if I offer to trade numbers with someone and they say they'd rather not, I can dig that.  And they're right in front of me, being honest with me.  I get the picture, right then, right there, and can maybe read their emotions.

But if I'm given a wrong number, then days later I find it out, and I wonder, did they do it on purpose?  If so, was it to be cruel?  Did they think it was funny?  Do they realize how it'll feel for me when I realize the number they wrote down for me is actually a taxi company?

Are they careless, thoughtless, or just mean?

In college, I got a call one night from a guy who said we'd met a few days earlier.  I said not possible, I hadn't given out my number, and he insisted I had, at a frat party.  I had to tell him that, no, it wasn't me--I'd never been to a frat party, and I didn't look like he described.  You could hear how crushed he was over the phone.  Someone had not only lied to him and given him false hope, but they'd involved me in it, too--my number and my name!  (I never did find out who; half the campus had my number because I typed papers.)  I felt so bad for him.

Don't give out fake numbers.  Dodge it, say you're not comfortable yet, or say "I'll take yours, but I'll get back to you," but don't give out fake numbers.  Own what you do.



Yeah, I don't care for the idea of giving out fake numbers.  The idea of that happening to either of my boys in the future makes me sad.  And ticked off.

SamiHami

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Re: When you don't want to exchange phone numbers with someone
« Reply #23 on: December 26, 2013, 08:40:17 AM »
I don't give out a fake number...that is unfair to whoever actually has that number. Extremely not cool at all. Why not give out a "junk" email address? One that you rarely use? I have an account that I use for things that require an email address so I don't get spam in my regular email account. Seems like that would be a good solution.

What have you got? Is it food? Is it for me? I want it whatever it is!

JenAnn

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Re: When you don't want to exchange phone numbers with someone
« Reply #24 on: December 26, 2013, 11:39:05 AM »
Veronaz, the few times that someone has asked me for my number (and I didn't want contact with them) it was uncomfortable for me.  You don't want to hurt or offend them, feed into false hopes, or be bothered by them.  I'd also be very interested in a good answer to this.  The closest one that I've had (gulp) done to me was one time where I had run into an acquaintance at the park and asked her if she would call me sometime when she was planning to go again so that we could walk together.  She just replied that she went there all the time, we'd surely run into each other again.  Hmmmmm.........  hint taken.  Maybe something like a generic  - I'm so busy that I don't want to put anything else on my plate, but I'm glad to see you are doing well (or whatever the conversation would lead to).  Then goodbye.

You may have taken this slightly the wrong way.  Perhaps she would have been happy to be in contact with you in general, but you specifically told her it was for the purpose of walking together.  And if she is anything like me, I enjoy solitary walking, finding it to be very peaceful and an opportunity to just get lost in my thoughts without interruption.  Running into someone occasionally is fine, but overall I want to walk solo. 

To the original question, as someone else mentioned, I would just say that my cell reception is quite sketchy and I am not much of a phone person anyway, so here is my email address.  There aren't many people I would find so repugnant that I couldn't handle a stray email from them now and then. 
« Last Edit: December 26, 2013, 11:41:04 AM by JenAnn »

menley

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Re: When you don't want to exchange phone numbers with someone
« Reply #25 on: December 26, 2013, 11:51:16 AM »
One time when I was out at a club, the guy I was talking to grabbed my phone and called his number with it before I even realized what was going on. He said, "This way I know I'm getting the right number, because I've had girls give me a fake one before." Strange that his takeaway was "I should steal this phone to make sure I get the right number" instead of "Oh, maybe I'm doing something off-putting".  :o

Since then, I've just given people my number if they ask for it. I have an iPhone so it's very easy to ignore calls from certain numbers, silence calls from certain numbers, or block them if people get over-the-top. So far I haven't had to use any of those methods, fingers crossed!

bopper

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Re: When you don't want to exchange phone numbers with someone
« Reply #26 on: December 27, 2013, 12:01:35 AM »
Just ask for their number but don't give them yours.

Please pass the Calgon

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Re: When you don't want to exchange phone numbers with someone
« Reply #27 on: December 27, 2013, 12:26:52 AM »
"I am notoriously difficult to reach by phone...let me give you my email address instead".

I have a few: work email = professional contacts; personal email = friends, family, kids' teachers; miscellaneous = people I'm not comfortable giving direct contact info to, random online freebie sign ups (I check it, just not as frequently as work/personal). What a person gets depends on our level of friendship.

PippaGrae

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Re: When you don't want to exchange phone numbers with someone
« Reply #28 on: December 28, 2013, 02:01:31 PM »
Very long-time lurker (like, lurking for YEARS), first-time poster.

My working solution to this issue isn't ideal, but when I've had to think on my feet, it was the best I could come up with, and it did work: I've told the asker that I'm temporarily sharing a phone with someone else, while I change carriers or renew a contract or something similar, and that I don't want to give out the number since it won't be mine much longer (but that I'm happy to provide an email address, if indeed I am happy to do so).

I have to confess that this answer first came to me in a situation where I was asked for my number by someone of the opposite gender who seemed interested in pursuing a date. We'd had a pleasant talk but I wasn't interested in more, and his demeanor was such that I didn't think a denial would go over without argumentation. So I told him I shared a phone with my live-in boyfriend (who didn't exist). Obviously if I'd had more time to think, or a stronger spine at the moment,  I'd have just told him I wasn't interested, but my answer did double duty in letting him know I was unavailable to him while also dodging the phone number request. He made his excuses and took off, so I was also kind of justified in my assumption that he was interested in the romantic-type way.

veronaz

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Re: When you don't want to exchange phone numbers with someone
« Reply #29 on: December 28, 2013, 02:18:56 PM »
Just ask for their number but don't give them yours.

Nah.  I'm not going to ask for someone's phone number when i know I have zero interest in contacting them again.