Author Topic: When you don't want to exchange phone numbers with someone  (Read 5976 times)

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Julsie

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Re: When you don't want to exchange phone numbers with someone
« Reply #30 on: December 28, 2013, 07:08:02 PM »
... I had to tell him that, no, it wasn't me--I'd never been to a frat party, and I didn't look like he described.  You could hear how crushed he was over the phone.
Yeah, I don't care for the idea of giving out fake numbers.  The idea of that happening to either of my boys in the future makes me sad.

I agree.  Reading that part made me think of my own teenage son and my heart just sank into my stomach.   :(

iridaceae

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Re: When you don't want to exchange phone numbers with someone
« Reply #31 on: December 29, 2013, 06:39:24 AM »
Some people lie and give out the phone number to the hotel I work at. Sometimes they say "I'm staying there in Room X". People run the gamut from crushed to full out screaming at me. Yes well we have no five digit room numbers and no one named John Doe staying here. He lied.

jedikaiti

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Re: When you don't want to exchange phone numbers with someone
« Reply #32 on: December 29, 2013, 11:28:47 AM »
It is likely I would give a fake # depending on the "drama factor."

Drama factor is my term of how likely is this person to go postal or otherwise respond with mid- to high-drama.

High-drama factor persons I lessen my pain with a fake # and/or email, whatever the case is.

Low-drama factor persons I may say something like "I'm staying so busy, no, thanks" which for me is true.

I don't like giving fake numbers......the result is innocent people (busy people, elderly, bedridden, etc.) being bothered by calls.  IMO giving a fake number is cowardly, and giving a fake email is almost as bad.

Long ago I remember hearing about a "rejection line" service. It was a phone number you could give out to "high drama" people and rather then bothering some innocent bystander, it would ring to a recorded message telling the person they'd been given a fake number.
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jedikaiti

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Re: When you don't want to exchange phone numbers with someone
« Reply #33 on: December 29, 2013, 11:34:59 AM »
One time when I was out at a club, the guy I was talking to grabbed my phone and called his number with it before I even realized what was going on. He said, "This way I know I'm getting the right number, because I've had girls give me a fake one before." Strange that his takeaway was "I should steal this phone to make sure I get the right number" instead of "Oh, maybe I'm doing something off-putting".  :o

I think my response might be to set my phone to block his calls right then and there.
What part of v_e = \sqrt{\frac{2GM}{r}} don't you understand? It's only rocket science!

"The problem with re-examining your brilliant ideas is that more often than not, you discover they are the intellectual equivalent of saying, 'Hold my beer and watch this!'" - Cindy Couture

Raintree

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Re: When you don't want to exchange phone numbers with someone
« Reply #34 on: December 30, 2013, 04:16:12 AM »
One time when I was out at a club, the guy I was talking to grabbed my phone and called his number with it before I even realized what was going on. He said, "This way I know I'm getting the right number, because I've had girls give me a fake one before." Strange that his takeaway was "I should steal this phone to make sure I get the right number" instead of "Oh, maybe I'm doing something off-putting".  :o

Oh, because having the right number will change the fact that she is not interested. I'd flip if some guy grabbed my phone from me.

Raintree

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Re: When you don't want to exchange phone numbers with someone
« Reply #35 on: December 30, 2013, 04:31:20 AM »
Veronaz, the few times that someone has asked me for my number (and I didn't want contact with them) it was uncomfortable for me.  You don't want to hurt or offend them, feed into false hopes, or be bothered by them.  I'd also be very interested in a good answer to this.  The closest one that I've had (gulp) done to me was one time where I had run into an acquaintance at the park and asked her if she would call me sometime when she was planning to go again so that we could walk together.  She just replied that she went there all the time, we'd surely run into each other again.  Hmmmmm.........  hint taken.  Maybe something like a generic  - I'm so busy that I don't want to put anything else on my plate, but I'm glad to see you are doing well (or whatever the conversation would lead to).  Then goodbye.

You may have taken this slightly the wrong way.  Perhaps she would have been happy to be in contact with you in general, but you specifically told her it was for the purpose of walking together.  And if she is anything like me, I enjoy solitary walking, finding it to be very peaceful and an opportunity to just get lost in my thoughts without interruption.  Running into someone occasionally is fine, but overall I want to walk solo. 


I agree with this. I like to go for a walk on the spur of the moment, at my own pace, and without committing to a specific time and date. If I have to call someone up and say, "let's meet at 2 PM, oh wait, 2 doesn't work? How about 10 AM Tuesday?" and make small talk, the whole point of it for me is lost. But it doesn't mean I don't like you. I have one very good friend that I like very much to do other stuff with, but if she hears I went bike riding, she says, "Oh, I wish you'd called me!" But bike riding for me is not a social activity. I explore, seek out hills for exercise (and I cannot talk while going uphill), and come and go when it pleases me. I've probably given similar vague answers.

But for other situations, I like the idea of saying, "Oh, send me an email; you're more likely to reach me." I really do prefer email as I can answer on my own time.

Runningstar

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Re: When you don't want to exchange phone numbers with someone
« Reply #36 on: December 30, 2013, 06:11:23 AM »
Veronaz, the few times that someone has asked me for my number (and I didn't want contact with them) it was uncomfortable for me.  You don't want to hurt or offend them, feed into false hopes, or be bothered by them.  I'd also be very interested in a good answer to this.  The closest one that I've had (gulp) done to me was one time where I had run into an acquaintance at the park and asked her if she would call me sometime when she was planning to go again so that we could walk together.  She just replied that she went there all the time, we'd surely run into each other again.  Hmmmmm.........  hint taken.  Maybe something like a generic  - I'm so busy that I don't want to put anything else on my plate, but I'm glad to see you are doing well (or whatever the conversation would lead to).  Then goodbye.



You may have taken this slightly the wrong way.  Perhaps she would have been happy to be in contact with you in general, but you specifically told her it was for the purpose of walking together.  And if she is anything like me, I enjoy solitary walking, finding it to be very peaceful and an opportunity to just get lost in my thoughts without interruption.  Running into someone occasionally is fine, but overall I want to walk solo. 


I agree with this. I like to go for a walk on the spur of the moment, at my own pace, and without committing to a specific time and date. If I have to call someone up and say, "let's meet at 2 PM, oh wait, 2 doesn't work? How about 10 AM Tuesday?" and make small talk, the whole point of it for me is lost. But it doesn't mean I don't like you. I have one very good friend that I like very much to do other stuff with, but if she hears I went bike riding, she says, "Oh, I wish you'd called me!" But bike riding for me is not a social activity. I explore, seek out hills for exercise (and I cannot talk while going uphill), and come and go when it pleases me. I've probably given similar vague answers.

But for other situations, I like the idea of saying, "Oh, send me an email; you're more likely to reach me." I really do prefer email as I can answer on my own time.

In this situation, if it was just about walking together then I can definitely see your points.  This park, however, is one where the kids (10 years ago) would play on the playground, moms (and dads) would walk around the trails that surrounded the playground (in sight of the kids) and there is a pool to go swimming at.  Her kids and mine were playing together and we were all in our bathing suits with shorts on over them.  In the years since that day I saw her there many times, and it was obvious that she had made arrangements to meet up with other friends as bits of conversations would be "hey, sorry we are late but the dog got out and we had to find him..." types of things.  It was ok by me, as I had friends to meet up with also usually, but I still think that I was correct in the message I got.     

Waterlight

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Re: When you don't want to exchange phone numbers with someone
« Reply #37 on: January 01, 2014, 12:08:12 AM »
When I was single and meeting people at parties, I often just said "I don't feel comfortable giving my number out. Please, give me yours instead." If they tried to convince me, I just repeated myself. Then, I never gave out my number.

I've been stalked before and I'm VERY careful with my phone number.  Only my best friend, my boss, and my immediate family have it, for emergencies--and my phone number is unpublished.  My phone itself has several privacy/security features on it:  Caller ID, Call Rejection, and No Solicitation.

My standard response when someone asks for my number is worded in terms of a "policy," to make it clear it's nothing personal:  "Sorry, I never give out my number."  Which is the truth.
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LifeOnPluto

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Re: When you don't want to exchange phone numbers with someone
« Reply #38 on: January 01, 2014, 03:23:29 AM »
You cross paths/run into someone who, for whatever reason(s), you have no desire to have future contact with.  You’re civil, but then the person asks your number or hands you their number.

What do you do?

I have had this happen.  I say “No, thanks.  Take care.  “Bye”  Polite, but no expectations of a friendship or future contact.

Others tell me they go ahead and give the number, then avoid the call or make an excuse “I don’t have time to talk on the phone”.  ::)  One friend said he would give a fake number.

I also think the "I'm soooo busy these days" excuse is lame.  We all make time to communicate with those we want in our lives.

Why play those games?   ???
 

I think if you (general you) have no desire to spend more time with this person, you should make sure that you are in fact, just being "civil" and not overly friendly. You should also wrap up the conversation quickly.

I've been on the receiving end of this. I once went to a party and ran into an old friend (we hadn't seen each other for years). We spent a couple of hours talking and catching up (she seemed very interested in hearing about my life, asking me questions, etc). At the end, I suggested we hang out sometime. Unfortunately (for me), she basically said "Uhhh, I'm kind of busy these days, and not really interested in hanging out with you..."

I felt like saying "If you're not interested, why did you spend the last two hours being super-friendly to me?"

(What I really said was "No worries! Nice seeing you again. Take care.")

I'm not saying you did any of this OP, but it pays to think about how you come across, if you have no interest in establishing (or re-establishing) a friendship with this person. 


veronaz

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Re: When you don't want to exchange phone numbers with someone
« Reply #39 on: January 01, 2014, 02:48:20 PM »
You cross paths/run into someone who, for whatever reason(s), you have no desire to have future contact with.  You’re civil, but then the person asks your number or hands you their number.

What do you do?

I have had this happen.  I say “No, thanks.  Take care.  “Bye”  Polite, but no expectations of a friendship or future contact.

Others tell me they go ahead and give the number, then avoid the call or make an excuse “I don’t have time to talk on the phone”.  ::)  One friend said he would give a fake number.

I also think the "I'm soooo busy these days" excuse is lame.  We all make time to communicate with those we want in our lives.

Why play those games?   ???
 

I think if you (general you) have no desire to spend more time with this person, you should make sure that you are in fact, just being "civil" and not overly friendly. You should also wrap up the conversation quickly.

I've been on the receiving end of this. I once went to a party and ran into an old friend (we hadn't seen each other for years). We spent a couple of hours talking and catching up (she seemed very interested in hearing about my life, asking me questions, etc). At the end, I suggested we hang out sometime. Unfortunately (for me), she basically said "Uhhh, I'm kind of busy these days, and not really interested in hanging out with you..."

I felt like saying "If you're not interested, why did you spend the last two hours being super-friendly to me?"

(What I really said was "No worries! Nice seeing you again. Take care.")

I'm not saying you did any of this OP, but it pays to think about how you come across, if you have no interest in establishing (or re-establishing) a friendship with this person.

???

I really don’t see how responding to a hello in a store or on a street corner indicates interest in having a close friendship.  I would never, ever spend several hours chatting up someone who I have no desire to have any further contact with, and I’m really good at wrapping up conversations.

As I said, in such instances when they try to give me their number and ask for mine, I usually say “No, thanks.  Take care.”  Then walk away. That’s not exactly leading someone on.

Danika

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Re: When you don't want to exchange phone numbers with someone
« Reply #40 on: January 02, 2014, 01:58:01 AM »
I know I've been in social situations where I've talked to someone for a long time, but that doesn't mean that I want an ongoing friendship. Generally, it's a situation where there's a big party and I only know a few people. I'm pretty good at talking to random strangers and socializing in situations like that. There might be someone I talk to while we eat a meal at the party and I enjoy talking to them for that period of time, but I can tell that we don't have much in common or I wouldn't want a friendship outside of that specific event because I don't think we'd have a lot in common beyond that. In that case, it might look like I'm leading them on and having them think that we could hang out more, but maybe I just chose a seat next to them while we were eating. And I'm making the most of the conversation because we still have a while to go before the dessert course, but I'm not intentionally leading them on.

The examples that come to mind are women I've met socially who are pretty outspoken about their religious or political beliefs. If they bring the subject up first and I completely disagree with them, I will only think it in my mind, but I'll bean dip and I won't engage about that topic. They take my silence as agreement or acceptance, but I'm only being quiet about the topic because I don't like debates or confrontation. I don't enjoy trying to convert someone to my political beliefs and I don't want to hear about theirs, especially if I don't know them well or value their opinion highly since I don't know their backgrounds. I might bean dip and then we discuss things we have in common. Ultimately, I know that this is not someone I'd want to be close friends with. But they don't know because they assume that I agree with them on the topics they were so outspoken about.

chibichan

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Re: When you don't want to exchange phone numbers with someone
« Reply #41 on: January 02, 2014, 08:03:54 PM »
I recall being at a festival in my Japan hometown and sitting down to take a break . Within minutes , a group 4 of Middle Eastern guys plopped down next to me and began to pepper me with questions :

Do you live here ?

Do you work on _____base ?

Are you in the military ?

I gave vague answers - they weren't aggressive or threatening but the quiz went on for several minutes . Finally , I stood up and said " Gotta go now , enjoy the festival !"

Suddenly one of the looked at me and said " Give me your phone number , I will call you ."  :o

Seriously ? At this point , the guy didn't even know my name .

Luckily , I was thinking on my feet that day and told him it was a government-issued phone and I was not allowed to give out the number . I escaped while he was still processing that one .

Maybe you could use a variant of that ? My phone is only for work , family emergencies , zombie apocalypse ?

 

The key to avoiding trouble is to learn to recognize it from a distance.

veronaz

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Re: When you don't want to exchange phone numbers with someone
« Reply #42 on: January 02, 2014, 08:18:16 PM »
I realize some on the “you”s are general, but I don’t have a problem with politely saying “No” when I don’t want to exchange phone numbers – especially with someone I happen to run into and have no interest in having further contact with.  I wasn’t asking for advice/guidance.

The issue is people who make up lies, explain themselves, or give fake numbers.

What’s wrong with a “No.”  or “No, thanks.” ?