Author Topic: Boarder's privacy - how to word this?  (Read 3273 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Possum

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 267
Boarder's privacy - how to word this?
« on: December 24, 2013, 05:43:19 PM »
My friend, Susan, is a boarder in an elderly widow's home. Her landlady, April, is a doll, and they (and April's pets) get on great. Susan pays a generously low amount each month for a private bedroom room with a great view, a shared bath and living area, and a half-kitchen (no stove or oven, but April lets her use the full kitchen upstairs if Susan wants to bake something).  The bedroom is her only private area.

April has a grown daughter, Theresa, who is home to visit for Christmas.  (Note: Theresa grew up in the house, but has not lived there for many years; she's now living out of state with her husband and son.  Susan thinks her current living space was Theresa's back in the day.) 

Susan came home today and realized that her phone's USB charger cord was missing.  When she asked April about it, she said that Theresa had borrowed it.

Susan would not be bothered if she'd left the charger in a shared/public space, but the charger had been in her private bedroom--and connected to her computer.

Susan doesn't think April understands that Theresa had to have gone into Susan's room, or to have handled Susan's things, to find and acquire the charger.  She'd gladly have loaned it if Theresa had asked, or even called and asked for permission to go check Sue's computer, but she simply let herself in and helped herself.

Sue would like to bring this up with April to make sure that her privacy is respected, but we're having trouble coming up with a good wording.  It needs to be clear, fair, not sound mad (though Sue *is* understandably upset), and not make anyone else mad.

What we've come up with is:

"I'd be happy to loan things to her for the asking, but that room is my only spot of real privacy.  I'd be much more comfortable if she'd ask in the future, and wait for me to get it for her, or to give her the okay to get it."

What do you recommend, eHell?

sweetonsno

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1411
Re: Boarder's privacy - how to word this?
« Reply #1 on: December 24, 2013, 05:48:32 PM »
I think your phrasing is fine. I think Susan should probably just go to Theresa and leave April out of it. "Hey, Theresa, I'm happy to help you out if you need to borrow something, but would you please ask me before you take it/go into my room?"

If she really wants to go to April, I'd go with something similar. There's no need to mention privacy. Just say, "April, I'm happy to lend Susan things if they're available, but I'd rather she not go into my room without asking."

CaffeineKatie

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 362
Re: Boarder's privacy - how to word this?
« Reply #2 on: December 24, 2013, 06:02:00 PM »
I like your wording, but I would definitely go to April, since she is Susan's landlady.  I'd let her talk to her daughter, so she(the daughter) understands there is a business relationship here, in addition to the fortunately friendly one between the mother and the boarder.

NyaChan

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4107
Re: Boarder's privacy - how to word this?
« Reply #3 on: December 24, 2013, 07:17:16 PM »
I like your wording, but I would definitely go to April, since she is Susan's landlady.  I'd let her talk to her daughter, so she(the daughter) understands there is a business relationship here, in addition to the fortunately friendly one between the mother and the boarder.

I agree with this as well.

Winterlight

  • On the internet, no one can tell you're a dog- arf.
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 9912
Re: Boarder's privacy - how to word this?
« Reply #4 on: December 26, 2013, 08:10:01 AM »
Definitely take it to April and let her take it up with Theresa.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

cicero

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 17814
Re: Boarder's privacy - how to word this?
« Reply #5 on: December 27, 2013, 10:20:35 AM »
I agree that she should talk to April. I wouldn't add the line about how she would be happy to lend her things to Theresa, just stick to the facts. She can decide later down the line if she wants to lend her things.

I would be royally POed, it's an extreme violation of her privacy. I commend her for being so calm about this.
My friend, Susan, is a boarder in an elderly widow's home. Her landlady, April, is a doll, and they (and April's pets) get on great. Susan pays a generously low amount each month for a private bedroom room with a great view, a shared bath and living area, and a half-kitchen (no stove or oven, but April lets her use the full kitchen upstairs if Susan wants to bake something).  The bedroom is her only private area.

April has a grown daughter, Theresa, who is home to visit for Christmas.  (Note: Theresa grew up in the house, but has not lived there for many years; she's now living out of state with her husband and son.  Susan thinks her current living space was Theresa's back in the day.) 

Susan came home today and realized that her phone's USB charger cord was missing.  When she asked April about it, she said that Theresa had borrowed it.

Susan would not be bothered if she'd left the charger in a shared/public space, but the charger had been in her private bedroom--and connected to her computer.

Susan doesn't think April understands that Theresa had to have gone into Susan's room, or to have handled Susan's things, to find and acquire the charger.  She'd gladly have loaned it if Theresa had asked, or even called and asked for permission to go check Sue's computer, but she simply let herself in and helped herself.

Sue would like to bring this up with April to make sure that her privacy is respected, but we're having trouble coming up with a good wording.  It needs to be clear, fair, not sound mad (though Sue *is* understandably upset), and not make anyone else mad.

What we've come up with is:

"I'd be happy to loan things to her for the asking, but that room is my only spot of real privacy.  I'd be much more comfortable if she'd ask in the future, and wait for me to get it for her, or to give her the okay to get it."

What do you recommend, eHell?

            Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools

Roses

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 193
Re: Boarder's privacy - how to word this?
« Reply #6 on: December 27, 2013, 06:29:20 PM »
You might consider adding a request to put a lock on your bedroom door, that would really both protect your privacy and make the point about unwanted entry.

Mikayla

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4070
Re: Boarder's privacy - how to word this?
« Reply #7 on: December 27, 2013, 08:06:35 PM »
From the OP:  "Susan doesn't think April understands that Theresa had to have gone into Susan's room, or to have handled Susan's things, to find and acquire the charger."

If the above is true, then whatever Susan says should start by making sure April understands exactly what happened, even if she has to explain that the cord was plugged in to her computer.  It was almost like 2 separate privacy violations - the room and then personal comp or laptop.