Author Topic: Surprising/looking up an old bf/gf - UPDATE #41  (Read 10362 times)

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Peppergirl

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Re: Surprising/looking up an old bf/gf - UPDATE #41
« Reply #45 on: December 30, 2013, 06:10:19 AM »
Decent note, but I agree with M2K about the 'call me back, I'm in town' part. That part possibly should have been left out IMO.

Also, I'm not a jealous type either and if I was a GF or wife I wouldn't have really minded, but many SO's would have, I'd imagine.

Keep us posted if you hear anything else, veronaz.

LifeOnPluto

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Re: Surprising/looking up an old bf/gf - UPDATE #41
« Reply #46 on: January 01, 2014, 04:47:24 AM »
Decent note, but I agree with M2K about the 'call me back, I'm in town' part. That part possibly should have been left out IMO.

Also, I'm not a jealous type either and if I was a GF or wife I wouldn't have really minded, but many SO's would have, I'd imagine.

Keep us posted if you hear anything else, veronaz.

Yeah, I would have written something like "If you're not busy and feel like catching up, give me a call. Otherwise, take care and best wishes". That way, there's no pressure on him to catch up if he doesn't want to. 

Bijou

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Re: Surprising/looking up an old bf/gf - UPDATE #41
« Reply #47 on: January 01, 2014, 06:04:04 AM »
Maybe it depends on the relationship they had outside of being bf/gf.  If they were good friends before and after it may be OK as far as he is concerned, but I wouldn't want to create friction in someone's relationship and there is no way to know how his new gf would take it.  It really is kind of pointless, to me, when it could make waves.  If I were your friend, when I heard he was seeing someone I would have dropped it. 
I've never knitted anything I could recognize when it was finished.  Actually, I've never finished anything, much to my family's relief.

perpetua

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Re: Surprising/looking up an old bf/gf - UPDATE #41
« Reply #48 on: January 01, 2014, 09:19:31 AM »
I've been on both sides of the old flame equation.

I split up with a long term partner about ten years ago and we remained very good friends afterwards. There was never any thought of getting back together on either side and the friendship turned into a more brother/sister type relationship, which was great. We didn't live in the same town, so we saw each other a few times a year like any old friends might and caught up on the phone occasionally. Then a few months ago he got himself a new serious girlfriend and decided we couldn't be friends any more and after twenty years of knowing the guy, he cut me straight off and I haven't heard from him since.

On the other hand, a guy who I had a very short relationship with about 8 years ago recently found me on FB. It was nice to catch up with him and lovely to exchange a few emails but then he started getting creepy and telling me he was still in love with me (dude, it was only three months to begin with!) and just wouldn't let it lie, so I had to cut him off because he made me so uncomfortable.

So I guess it depends on the people involved; there certainly isn't always the expectation or hope of getting back together, but that doesn't necessarily mean that just showing up would be a good idea. Guy 1, I'd have been happy to have show up at my door at any point. Guy 2, I would have been bolting the door and hiding behind the sofa :)

Peppergirl

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Re: Surprising/looking up an old bf/gf - UPDATE #41
« Reply #49 on: January 01, 2014, 09:35:39 AM »


On the other hand, a guy who I had a very short relationship with about 8 years ago recently found me on FB. It was nice to catch up with him and lovely to exchange a few emails but then he started getting creepy and telling me he was still in love with me (dude, it was only three months to begin with!) and just wouldn't let it lie, so I had to cut him off because he made me so uncomfortable.



I can totally relate to this.  Same thing happened to me.  It was so disturbing and awkward.  I had to cut him off too. :(

Shame about your ex/friend cutting you off.  Some new partners can't seem to accept that some exes truly can be friends after evolving from a dead relationship.

cicero

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Re: Surprising/looking up an old bf/gf - UPDATE #41
« Reply #50 on: January 01, 2014, 10:13:24 AM »


On the other hand, a guy who I had a very short relationship with about 8 years ago recently found me on FB. It was nice to catch up with him and lovely to exchange a few emails but then he started getting creepy and telling me he was still in love with me (dude, it was only three months to begin with!) and just wouldn't let it lie, so I had to cut him off because he made me so uncomfortable.

So I guess it depends on the people involved; there certainly isn't always the expectation or hope of getting back together, but that doesn't necessarily mean that just showing up would be a good idea. Guy 1, I'd have been happy to have show up at my door at any point. Guy 2, I would have been bolting the door and hiding behind the sofa :)
your story just reminded me of something - when i married to idiot ex, he kept going on and on about "the one that got away" (TOTGA), and how he really loved her but broke up with her because of his mom (long, long story). and he felt bad about he left things blah blah. and i thought that it might help give him closure if he would talk to her - after all, it's a million years later, we're all adults, he married (and divorced) someone else after they broke up, etc. (it wasn't entirely out of the blue; TOTGA was a friend of sorts of his cousin). so he called her and at first *we* (as a couple) were friendly with her, but then at some point she became weird, jealous of me, acting as if she and he had a "separate" relationship. at that point i told him it was becoming very inappropriate and he needed to break things off with her.

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Peppergirl

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Re: Surprising/looking up an old bf/gf - UPDATE #41
« Reply #51 on: January 01, 2014, 10:19:55 AM »



your story just reminded me of something - when i married to idiot ex, he kept going on and on about "the one that got away" (TOTGA), and how he really loved her but broke up with her because of his mom (long, long story). and he felt bad about he left things blah blah. and i thought that it might help give him closure if he would talk to her - after all, it's a million years later, we're all adults, he married (and divorced) someone else after they broke up, etc. (it wasn't entirely out of the blue; TOTGA was a friend of sorts of his cousin). so he called her and at first *we* (as a couple) were friendly with her, but then at some point she became weird, jealous of me, acting as if she and he had a "separate" relationship. at that point i told him it was becoming very inappropriate and he needed to break things off with her.
[/quote]

Ugh - it floors me when grown adults behave like this.  If you don't mind my asking, did this end up being a factor in your splitting with him?

cicero

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Re: Surprising/looking up an old bf/gf - UPDATE #41
« Reply #52 on: January 01, 2014, 10:33:07 AM »



your story just reminded me of something - when i married to idiot ex, he kept going on and on about "the one that got away" (TOTGA), and how he really loved her but broke up with her because of his mom (long, long story). and he felt bad about he left things blah blah. and i thought that it might help give him closure if he would talk to her - after all, it's a million years later, we're all adults, he married (and divorced) someone else after they broke up, etc. (it wasn't entirely out of the blue; TOTGA was a friend of sorts of his cousin). so he called her and at first *we* (as a couple) were friendly with her, but then at some point she became weird, jealous of me, acting as if she and he had a "separate" relationship. at that point i told him it was becoming very inappropriate and he needed to break things off with her.

Ugh - it floors me when grown adults behave like this.  If you don't mind my asking, did this end up being a factor in your splitting with him?
[/quote]
no. without going into too much sad history and details, i knew that he wasn't cheating on me. but - basically he was very abusive (not your run-of-the-mill wife beater, but very calm and quietly abusive in many many ways) and he was abusive to my son (not his son). and as a typical abuser he had me beleiving that i was worthless and i needed him. let's just say that stories like the above didn't help the situation. ::)

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Peppergirl

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Re: Surprising/looking up an old bf/gf - UPDATE #41
« Reply #53 on: January 01, 2014, 10:37:57 AM »
^^ Awful.  Good riddance, and *hugs* to you and your son.

cicero

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Re: Surprising/looking up an old bf/gf - UPDATE #41
« Reply #54 on: January 01, 2014, 12:47:21 PM »
^^ Awful.  Good riddance, and *hugs* to you and your son.
thanks!

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onikenbai

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Re: Surprising/looking up an old bf/gf - UPDATE #41
« Reply #55 on: January 01, 2014, 02:34:21 PM »
I inadvertently showed up at my ex's house out of the blue years after we had broken up.  I was working for Statistics Canada and I had a very specific list of addresses I had to hit for a survey.  I was also completely unaware that the ex had moved.  I get assigned 1 in 1000 homes to survey and whose home do I get?  Aaaawkward.  Luckily I think the expression on my face saved me when he opened the door.  That, and a StatsCan badge and survey paperwork.  Otherwise it definitely would have steered into creepy girl territory.  I most definitely do not recommend dropping in on the ex unannounced without government issued identification and a solid reason to be there.  Otherwise it seems just a little desperate and smacks of the inability to let go.

Jones

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Re: Surprising/looking up an old bf/gf - UPDATE #41
« Reply #56 on: January 01, 2014, 05:53:40 PM »
Heheh. A couple years ago I had an ex show up at my house...to install the new washer and dryer! DH was home, I was at work, the ex casually mentioned he'd "gone to school" with me. I found it rather funny afterwards.

I have two exes whom I expect to hear from, should they hear I've lost someone; to express sympathy. Another ex is DH's cousin and we never ever hear from him.

Marisol

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Re: Surprising/looking up an old bf/gf - UPDATE #41
« Reply #57 on: January 01, 2014, 09:28:21 PM »
I had a guy from college think he could hook up with me right as I was getting married.  We never even dated but when we got back in touch with each other he started saying he always had a crush on me.  Well, bad timing now and he was creepy about it too. Or clueless I guess.

kategillian

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Re: Surprising/looking up an old bf/gf - UPDATE #41
« Reply #58 on: January 03, 2014, 05:10:57 PM »
Even if you're just reconnecting on social media, it can still be a very creepy.when I joined Facebook I had a guy, who I barely remembered from high school, private message me to see how I was doing. This is before I was aware how creepy this carp can get. It got to the realm of me saying yes, I'm doing very well and him saying oh yeah baby I bet you're doing really well. The whole thing was so lewd and inappropriate that I blocked him.

As an aside, it always amuses me that people like this forget that they have the picture of their children, or of them and their spouse as their profile picture. So for every creepy thing they say to you, there's a picture of them smiling cheek to cheek with their beautiful wife!

TurtleDove

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Re: Surprising/looking up an old bf/gf - UPDATE #41
« Reply #59 on: January 03, 2014, 05:16:49 PM »
I've had plenty of non-creepy interactions with old friends.  Not every, "Hey!  How are you?  You look great!  What's new in your world?" is an overture for a hookup.  Some I suppose are, and those I would block.  But most of my old friends are still good people who wouldn't be disrespectful of my relationship or of their own!