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Author Topic: Surprising/looking up an old bf/gf - UPDATE #41  (Read 29967 times)

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Re: Surprising/looking up an old bf/gf - UPDATE #41
« Reply #60 on: January 03, 2014, 04:47:54 PM »
I've had plenty of non-creepy interactions with old friends.  Not every, "Hey!  How are you?  You look great!  What's new in your world?" is an overture for a hookup.  Some I suppose are, and those I would block.  But most of my old friends are still good people who wouldn't be disrespectful of my relationship or of their own!

Yup, same. I'm friends with 3 of my ex-boyfriends on FB and two of them at least I know I'd be welcome to drop by if I were in the neighbourhood (they live in NZ, so that doesn't happen too often ;) ).
Dane by birth, Kiwi by choice


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Re: Surprising/looking up an old bf/gf
« Reply #61 on: January 03, 2014, 04:52:28 PM »
When a single person (especially a female) looks up/drops by to see an old flame there is almost always the presumption that the wants to rekindle the flame.  Even if that’s not the case.

Years ago I saw my brother’s best high school friend at a funeral.  We chatted for a few minutes afterwards.  (We never dated.)  Since we had both moved to the same city, I thought it would be nice to get together …..I knew he was married.  He said “Sure!  Maybe some weekend you and whoever you’re dating can come over”.  :-\  At the time I wasn’t dating anyone, but because of his comment I never followed up. 

As far as the relative I referenced, I don't know yet what she decided.

What? Why? I don't understand, wasn't he just saying that if you had a partner they could come too? I don't understand how this would prompt you not to follow up.

I have to say I also vehemently disagree with the first part of your post, I really don't think that's the case. I've met up with old bf's before and no one thought I wanted to rekindle, even though I was single!

I didn’t follow up because he made it clear I was not to come alone.  Otherwise, he would have said “Sure!  Sounds like fun!  And IF you want to bring a date, that’s cool.”

I said “almost” always.  Okay, so you have never run into that (although you can't be sure whether anyone thought that or not or what was said).  There might be some others who haven’t.  But many/most have.  I stand by what I said.

I'm sorry, I don't care who it is--DON'T just show up at someone's house.  That's just flat out rude, in my book.

I agree.  It's really bad form and rude.

It could be very well he felt uncomfortable going out with another woman without his wife, which is a very legitimate concern. 


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Re: Surprising/looking up an old bf/gf - UPDATE #41
« Reply #62 on: January 03, 2014, 05:23:08 PM »
Getting back to the banana bread - if the new GF found it, would she even know who OldGF was? With 30 years and a marriage in between, it would be really odd to memorize all the names of every person your BF had ever dated.

Actually, if the father's death was recent dropping off food would be a fairly innocuous thing to do.  I think OP said it was several months before, so that is odd, but less odd than if there was no reason at all.

I am glad for relative's sake that nobody was home and do hope she takes the hint.


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Re: Surprising/looking up an old bf/gf - UPDATE #41
« Reply #63 on: January 06, 2014, 10:03:59 AM »
I love the NPR show, "This American Life" and have been ever-so-slowly working my way through the archives, listening to all the old shows, one by one. This weekend I happened to listen to this show from 1998:

Act 2 (only 7 minutes long so a quick listen if you're interested) is apropos of this thread. It is a story, told by a woman who by chance runs into an old boyfriend. She's happily married but she and old BF sort of make a connection and she is torn by her feelings for him vs. her feelings for her husband. It's a sort of a sweet story about how each person behaves, the old BF, the current husband and the narrator of the story.


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Re: Surprising/looking up an old bf/gf - UPDATE #41
« Reply #64 on: January 06, 2014, 10:19:40 AM »
I dated a guy for 2 months before he revealed himself to be ... off-kilter.

He broke up with me in a bizarre and dramatic fashion that left me confused and immensely relieved.  When talking about this with a friend about the averted disaster I dodged, my friend said, "Oh, you're going to hear from that one again." 

"No no.  I never hear from exes again.  Everyone I date knows that there is no on again, off again with me  That's part of the break-up process.  It's called a break up because it's broken, etc. etc.," I said.

Friend says, "Trust me."

Sure enough, a midnight phone call three months later, "I don't know why we can't be friends..."

I hung up.

Fast forward three years and a happy marriage later, he sent me a message on Facebook, "I know you're not friends with exes, but I would like it if you would friend me so I could see what you're up to."  So, he was politely asking permission to stalk me?  I ignored the message and three days later, I got another one, "Well, forget it then."

I've blocked 5 people on Facebook.  And three of them are him.  I check my blocked list periodically and notice that he has disappeared.  I do a quick search and I find him again (same picture) and block him.  Again.  I think he's deleting his account and opening new ones with new email addresses.  And Spooky don't play that. 

If the Dude were to find baked goods for me on the porch with a cryptic note?  I might see the note... LOL.  Most likely hear about it four days later.  With all names and specifics lost to time.

If I were to find that?  Straight to the composter.

All the other exes wouldn't bother reconnecting.