### Author Topic: Coffee truthfulness (and, rude to bring one's own)?  (Read 8325 times)

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#### jaxsue

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##### Re: Coffee truthfulness (and, rude to bring one's own)?
« Reply #30 on: December 27, 2013, 05:35:15 PM »
Based on your update, it sounds like she's a very sweet lady who didn't quite understand that it was caffeine that you were after. I agree that it's best to just ask for something caffeinated in the future. Asking for "real" coffee can come across as disparaging of decaf/instant/whatever it is that you aren't looking for, and I think that's the only real misstep here.

But decaf isn't real coffee. (sorry, couldn't resist!)

#### Peppergirl

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##### Re: Coffee truthfulness (and, rude to bring one's own)?
« Reply #31 on: December 27, 2013, 09:57:41 PM »
^^ Amen, sister!

#### Jobiska

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##### Re: Coffee truthfulness (and, rude to bring one's own)?
« Reply #32 on: December 28, 2013, 04:22:30 PM »
To avoid asking for a specific item (if you're concerned about rudeness), you could have said "Oh my, I feel a headache coming on and I left my medicine at home.  The only other thing that staves it off is caffeine."  Then pause and if she offers you a cup, great, if not, continue "...so I'm afraid I'd better head off and go get myself a cup of coffee!  Thanks for having us!"

#### mharbourgirl

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##### Re: Coffee truthfulness (and, rude to bring one's own)?
« Reply #33 on: December 30, 2013, 09:01:26 AM »
Here's the final update, I suppose.  (I had originally included this when I was writing my original post, but then I deleted it because I though my original post was getting way too long.)  We exchange small Christmas presents (US $10 -$15 range usually) with Agnes and a few other relatives.  When I opened Agnes's present this morning under our Christmas tree I found that she had given me a pound of a well-known American coffee blend that is particularly known for being very strong-tasting and high in caffeine!  Agnes has been very sweet to me over the years, so I'm thinking it was a nice gift with good intentions (and not a commentary on my coffee-drinking habits)!

I think Agnes IS very sweet.  Maybe at the time she didn't quite understand that you needed caffeine, but she seems to have figured it out and gave you a very thoughtful present.  I don't see it as a commentary, just that she pays attention to people and tries to give gifts they actually appreciate.  We should all have an Agnes in our lives, I'm thinking.

#### Bethalize

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##### Re: Coffee truthfulness (and, rude to bring one's own)?
« Reply #34 on: December 30, 2013, 10:10:37 AM »
I'd carry caffeine pills with me. Or can't you get them in the USA?

#### jedikaiti

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##### Re: Coffee truthfulness (and, rude to bring one's own)?
« Reply #35 on: December 30, 2013, 11:17:42 AM »
I'd carry caffeine pills with me. Or can't you get them in the USA?

As PPs have mentioned, those can be very rough on one's stomach. Also, the ones I've always seen (although it has been a long time since I looked) had much more caffeine than a simple cup of coffee.
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#### jaxsue

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##### Re: Coffee truthfulness (and, rude to bring one's own)?
« Reply #36 on: December 30, 2013, 11:29:03 AM »
Some of the responses have asked why the OP doesn't take sinus meds when the headaches hit. As a fellow sinus-sufferer, I can tell you that - at least for me - they have side affects like drowsiness and fogginess (also, add to that I am now diabetic, so some meds are forbidden). For me caffeine works as well, and to be given decaf tea/coffee would do nothing for my sinus headache.

#### turnip

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##### Re: Coffee truthfulness (and, rude to bring one's own)?
« Reply #37 on: December 30, 2013, 02:21:47 PM »
I'm just going to add my two cents in.  I didn't drink caffeine for several years and if you'd been visiting at my house I would have had nothing to offer you.  Honestly, I probably would have been pretty uncomfortable if someone had come over and then said they needed caffeine for an oncoming headache - I'd have had to just apologize and offer to take them to the nearest Starbucks!

So I don't know that it's a rude question really, but there are homes with no caffeine whatsoever and it's worth remembering before you visit/ask.

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##### Re: Coffee truthfulness (and, rude to bring one's own)?
« Reply #38 on: December 30, 2013, 02:40:42 PM »
I'm just going to add my two cents in.  I didn't drink caffeine for several years and if you'd been visiting at my house I would have had nothing to offer you.  Honestly, I probably would have been pretty uncomfortable if someone had come over and then said they needed caffeine for an oncoming headache - I'd have had to just apologize and offer to take them to the nearest Starbucks!

So I don't know that it's a rude question really, but there are homes with no caffeine whatsoever and it's worth remembering before you visit/ask.

Mine is like that. Neither of us drink coffee. I do drink tea, but that's the only thing in the house with caffeine in it. We typically don't keep sodas around, and the ones we do like are things like root beer or cream soda, so no caffeine in those either.

#### jaxsue

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##### Re: Coffee truthfulness (and, rude to bring one's own)?
« Reply #39 on: December 30, 2013, 03:48:23 PM »
I'm just going to add my two cents in.  I didn't drink caffeine for several years and if you'd been visiting at my house I would have had nothing to offer you.  Honestly, I probably would have been pretty uncomfortable if someone had come over and then said they needed caffeine for an oncoming headache - I'd have had to just apologize and offer to take them to the nearest Starbucks!

So I don't know that it's a rude question really, but there are homes with no caffeine whatsoever and it's worth remembering before you visit/ask.

I'd be fine with that. In fact, I'm most likely to tell you that a bad headache is coming on and then will go get my caffeine at the nearest DDs/Starbucks. I have friends who have no tea/coffee at their homes.

#### whatsanenigma

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##### Re: Coffee truthfulness (and, rude to bring one's own)?
« Reply #40 on: December 30, 2013, 04:44:26 PM »
I'd carry caffeine pills with me. Or can't you get them in the USA?

As PPs have mentioned, those can be very rough on one's stomach. Also, the ones I've always seen (although it has been a long time since I looked) had much more caffeine than a simple cup of coffee.

Been there, done that, spent way too much time in the powder room.  If I were the OP, I might consider having some with me just as a very last resort kind of thing, but only to use if absolutely nothing else were available.  Those things are intense.

A better solution, I think, would be to keep a plastic jar of instant coffee in the OP's car or even in her purse or bag if the jar were small enough.

#### Katana_Geldar

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##### Re: Coffee truthfulness (and, rude to bring one's own)?
« Reply #41 on: December 30, 2013, 04:44:46 PM »
It's also possible to get chocolate coated coffee beans for a quick fix. Can't tell you how good or bad they are as I'm unable to have caffeinated coffee anymore due to a caffeine sensitivity. I miss it so much!

#### whatsanenigma

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##### Re: Coffee truthfulness (and, rude to bring one's own)?
« Reply #42 on: December 30, 2013, 04:47:52 PM »
Also, I would say that if I were the OP, I would bring my own coffee from Starbucks or wherever if need be, or make up the cup of instant coffee with what was in my car (if I went that route) in a travel mug or after asking permission to use a cup of the host's choice, and explain that most kinds of coffee don't sit right with me, with a subtle, tactful mention of spending too much time in the powder room if need be, or even without that detail-just getting across the idea that most are not good but this one particular kind is.  Shifting the focus from "I don't like your coffee" or "your personal coffee doesn't meet my needs" or whatever, and onto "this, and only this, coffee works for me".

#### whatsanenigma

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##### Re: Coffee truthfulness (and, rude to bring one's own)?
« Reply #43 on: December 30, 2013, 04:49:19 PM »
It's also possible to get chocolate coated coffee beans for a quick fix. Can't tell you how good or bad they are as I'm unable to have caffeinated coffee anymore due to a caffeine sensitivity. I miss it so much!

Now those, IMHO, are pretty darn good.  It's easy to eat too many of those too quickly also, but it's nowhere near as bad as the pills, and again IMHO, they taste a lot better than coffee.

#### whatsanenigma

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##### Re: Coffee truthfulness (and, rude to bring one's own)?
« Reply #44 on: December 30, 2013, 04:53:24 PM »
I'm just going to add my two cents in.  I didn't drink caffeine for several years and if you'd been visiting at my house I would have had nothing to offer you.  Honestly, I probably would have been pretty uncomfortable if someone had come over and then said they needed caffeine for an oncoming headache - I'd have had to just apologize and offer to take them to the nearest Starbucks!

So I don't know that it's a rude question really, but there are homes with no caffeine whatsoever and it's worth remembering before you visit/ask.

I'd be fine with that. In fact, I'm most likely to tell you that a bad headache is coming on and then will go get my caffeine at the nearest DDs/Starbucks. I have friends who have no tea/coffee at their homes.

I think this is a good solution also.  That way, you have made it clear that you are okay with leaving to get your own, so the host does not have to feel guilty if they have none to offer, but if they do happen to have some, they can say, "Oh, wait, you don't have to bother doing that, I have some right here".