The tale of the waxy thingamajig - how far do you take the gift lie?

[HotMango]

Yes, I was the recipient of a gift that wasn't to my liking and now I'm wondering if I should mention it to the person who gifted it to me?

I received this gadget that produces what should be pleasing scents by heating up wax thingamajig pieces for my birthday, which was in early November. It wasn't really my style as I tend to like neutral smells in my home but I accepted the gift graciously thinking perhaps there would be an occasion to use it. Since then, Gift Giving Friend had asked me a couple of times, "Have you used the waxy thingamajig yet?" I'd always bean dipped. I had a cold and couldn't smell anything anyway or I was away last weekend so didn't get around to hooking it up, etc.

Well for Christmas Day, I had my occasion to use the waxy thingamajig as my MIL was coming over for lunch. One of the waxy thingamajig scents was cranberry and I thought that would be festive enough. I took a picture and texted it to my friend: "Using the waxy thingamajig for Christmas lunch!" But as soon as I got it set up and plugged it in, my nose started burning and itching and my sinuses closed. My husband came down the stairs, coughed and said, "Wow, that's strong stuff!" On my way to unplugging the gadget my head started throbing on the way to a migraine. I had to pour the wax into a plastic bag and toss it into the trash can outside to get the smell out of the house.

A while later Friend texted me back: "Do you like it? My favorite is the coffee." I replied "mmm...hope you're having a great Christmas!"

No question, the waxy thingamajig gadget is going straight to Goodwill. But what do I say to Friend? I didn't want to tell her that her gift made me physically ill in a text message. I worry she's going to give me the waxy replacement scent pieces for gift giving occasions for years when I no longer have the gadget so I feel I must come clean. What happens if she comes over to my place and wants to fire the thing up? At the same time, I don't want to hurt her feelings. She was so excited to give me the present and these things are popular right now so I know she spent quite a good deal of money on it.

 

[Please pass the Calgon]

I'm sensitive to strong scents, but I do have one of those. I've definitely noticed that there's a difference by brand on how strong the scents are. I've also noticed that if I heat the wax just a little (1 piece, not the whole package), and shut it off as soon as I start to smell it, I enjoy it a lot more.

If you really can't stand it, then I'd say something go about trying several scents that smelled promising in the package but all ended up giving you a migraine. Maybe even offer the thing back to her because it just isn't working out for you but you know she loves it.

[LazyDaisy]

I'm a believer in gentle honesty. You could say that after using it, the scents are too potent for you. I think I know what wax thingamajig you are referring to and I think the company does those home selling parties. Is she a seller of these? I ask because you think she'll keep giving you replacement scents. Do you have any children or pets that you could use to blame? Something that heats up could be a hazard and you don't wish to have an accident...

[m2kbug]

My suggestion would be to try different brands of waxes because some are not as strong or drop down to only one cube and see if that works.  I have mine set up on a timer, so it only runs for a short period.  Maybe look up to see if there are some are specifically hypoallergenic waxes and scents.

Unless, of course, you just don't want to keep the thing.  I think I would just tell my friend I must be allergic and it's not working for you.  I'd hate to have to keep pretending when she replaces the waxes. 

[VorFemme]

My father has allergies to various things intended to make your home smell better - whether melting wax, candles, dried plant material if treated with extra scent, or the like. 

So - if he's coming - no artificial scents in the house - I bake bread or cookies to get natural scents going through the house.  REAL coffee instead of coffee scented "stuff". 

He can tolerate lightly scented candles, if they aren't burning while we are in that room - so I don't have to removed the candles from a candelabra - just make sure that they aren't burning for a day or two before they get here. 

It makes a good time to toss the old scented stuff (last season or last year), run the glass containers through the dishwasher, and put out something else while they are there...silk flowers, glass ornaments in a bowl, or a bowl of fruit.  Depends on when they visit. 

I got some lovely bath salts one year that gave me a rash everywhere the bathwater had touched....so, my face, neck, and scalp were okay - the rest of me...itched for two days.  I did let the relative know about that because we tend to have similar reactions to a number of things...and I've never gotten anything else from that product line, in case it was a fixative or dye instead of the particular scent....

[chibichan]

Tell her the truth - Oh friend , I hate to tell you this , but I used waxy thingamajig and it triggered a migraine .

I'm afraid waxy thingamajig is not for me . I just won't be able to use it . I know you love them so I really would like you to have it . It was a wonderful idea though and I appreciate the thought .

I would not donate it to Goodwill and not tell her . You don't want to be receiving new scents and pretending that you still have something to use them with .

[VorFemme]

Yeah - migraine headaches invoke the medical safety first exception.

If you can't safely use waxy thingamajig because it gives you migraines - then you offer it to the person who loves them so much to see if she can use another one at her house.  Or she can donate it to the Goodwill...or let a relative who admires hers have her "spare"...or something - as long as it is out of your house.

[TootsNYC]

My vote: wait a bit, and then mention to her that you found you can't use it after all because the wax has some component that bothers your allergies.

There's no negative judgment in that. But I do think you should head her off, because I fear you might be right, and she might give you more stuff.

If it weren't for that concern, I'd say just never mention it again.

I got one of those wax warmer things for Christmas this year. I'm not a bit "scents" person, mostly because I just don't smell things. But I also don't fiddle with stuff. And I've discovered in recent years that there are scents that set off coughing fits and asthma reactions.

[Hmmmmm]

My vote: wait a bit, and then mention to her that you found you can't use it after all because the wax has some component that bothers your allergies.

There's no negative judgment in that. But I do think you should head her off, because I fear you might be right, and she might give you more stuff.

If it weren't for that concern, I'd say just never mention it again.

I got one of those wax warmer things for Christmas this year. I'm not a bit "scents" person, mostly because I just don't smell things. But I also don't fiddle with stuff. And I've discovered in recent years that there are scents that set off coughing fits and asthma reactions.

POD this. You've got till Nov till your bday. Sometime in the summer mention you've had to stop using any scented candles in your home because they trigger migraines.

[Oh Joy]

I'll second/third/fourth that some scents are filled with garbage and others are very clean.  I've cut to the chase and just use a few drops of pure essential oil in mine.

Regardless, the dynamics between you two may make it appropriate to 'complain' to her about how excited you were to try the warmer, and how disappointed you were that it triggered a migraine for you and you can't use it anymore.  I may even ask her if she knows anyone who's been wanting a second one for their bathroom. 

Best wishes.

[YummyMummy66]

Do you mean an electric wax buring thing?

I don't understand why you have to get rid of it.  There are many different scents you can buy for these things. 

I too also do not like strong scents.  Right now, in mine, I have French Vanilla by Yankee Candle tarts.  Unless you burn no scents at all, ever.

Otherwise, there are many different companies that sell many different wax scents.  I have seen them at Walmart with their own brand and Glade sells some also.  Yankee Candle has many different wax tarts.  Scentsy has a variety of scents also.

[Minmom3]

To me, some of the Yankee Candle tarts are pretty strong and not pleasant.  I can pick and choose and get a few I like, if I'm careful.  DH came home with bunch of Walmart stuff though, and it's rank...  I threw it all away, stuck the scent gizmo in the freezer to help get it all cleaned out, and started fresh with a nice one from Yankee Candle.  Scent is awfully subjective and personal, I can't imagine getting it for another person without specific directions for 'this one' or 'that one'.

[tinkytinky]

You don't have to just use wax, you can use a neutral baking type scent, like vanilla with some water (a lot of people do that on their stove, water - orange - cinnamon - vanilla, and let it boil). and if you do any crafts at all, you can melt regular wax in it, which works great when you are trying to thread needles.....

[cwm]

I think I'd tell friend right away. Thank her for the thought she put into the gift, but the scents she'd sent along were setting off your allergies.

You can always buy unscented wax to melt in there and add a drop or two of whatever scent you want on your own, once it's melted. That way it's a very mild scent but you can re-use it as often as possible and your allergies won't necessarily be going batty. I wouldn't necessarily give the burner to Goodwill, because as other people have said there are plenty of other things you can do with it, or you could give it back to friend who gave it to you. But don't draw out the lie, there's really no point in it.

Personally I'd never be offended if someone told me that a gift I gave them actually caused a reaction. I'd be horrified and do whatever I could to rectify the situation (find another gift, if possible) and offer to take back the offending gift. I'd really hate it if I found out later that the person had an allergic reaction and tried to cover it up to spare my feelings, I'd be hurt that they couldn't be honest with me in the first place.

[Lula]

Certain gifters in my life have a way of making a present feel like a homework assignment.  It gets to the point where I almost want to avoid these people because every time they see me, they interrogate me about the present, and I have to come up with yet another excuse as to why I haven't read that book or drunk that wine or tried out that new kitchen gadget.  I'll use it when I use it, okay?--and if your present becomes my new passion, you'll be the first to know.