Author Topic: Yes, even your kid isn't invited. *Update Post #30* *Post-Party Update #71*  (Read 25286 times)

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Tea Drinker

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Re: Yes, even your kid isn't invited. *Update Post #30*
« Reply #105 on: January 05, 2014, 10:27:05 PM »
[quote author=GlitterIsMyDrug link=topic=131742.msg3079909#msg3079909 date=1388686732I just said "And who are you?" at which point my friend speaks up "This is John, remember I told you were kind of seeing each other. He wasn't ok with me going to a party without him on New Year's Eve so I brought him a long" at this point John is already inside the house and asking if we have better food
This is off topic, but RED FLAG ALERT.  John sounds very controlling, and the bolded part is icing on the cake.  Please keep an eye on this friend and make sure he's treating her well!

Whoa, easy there. John is obviously a boor for the way he behaved at the party, but I don't think wanting to spend New Year's Eve with his (albeit new) squeeze necessarily means he's one of those uber-controlling "Thou shalt not socialize without me, ever" types. Friend's "he wasn't OK with ..." might have simply meant "he really was looking forward to us spending NYE together."

While New Year's Eve isn't as much a couples-oriented holiday as, say, Valentine's Day, I think there is an expectation that couples (even new ones) are going to spend it together.

The red flag in this situation isn't that John wanted to spend NYE with the woman he's been seeing, but that he was rude to her friends, the hosts. That would be a deal breaker for me.
[/quote]

Given the way this person breezed in and assumed it was okay, it seems possible that she had accepted John's invitation/offer/suggestion that the two of them do something together on New Year's Eve, and then remembered that she had accepted the invitation to Glitter's party. At which point her options are to stand Glitter up; stand John up; call Glitter, apologize profusely, and say that she'd gotten confused and accepted a date with her new boyfriend, and could she bring him; or do what she actually did. The third choice--admitting her mistake--was probably the best of a bad set of options, but "he got upset when I said I'd go out with him tonight and then told him I couldn't" makes John seem a lot nicer than "he didn't want me to go to a NYE party without him." John's behavior with regard to the beer etc. still looks rude, but "You said we had a date. What happened?" wouldn't be a relationship red flag.

Yes, I am speculating beyond the data. But the friend who brought John seems like an unreliable narrator.
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Possum

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Re: Yes, even your kid isn't invited. *Update Post #30*
« Reply #106 on: January 05, 2014, 11:54:52 PM »
Given the way this person breezed in and assumed it was okay, it seems possible that she had accepted John's invitation/offer/suggestion that the two of them do something together on New Year's Eve, and then remembered that she had accepted the invitation to Glitter's party. At which point her options are to stand Glitter up; stand John up; call Glitter, apologize profusely, and say that she'd gotten confused and accepted a date with her new boyfriend, and could she bring him; or do what she actually did. The third choice--admitting her mistake--was probably the best of a bad set of options, but "he got upset when I said I'd go out with him tonight and then told him I couldn't" makes John seem a lot nicer than "he didn't want me to go to a NYE party without him." John's behavior with regard to the beer etc. still looks rude, but "You said we had a date. What happened?" wouldn't be a relationship red flag.

Yes, I am speculating beyond the data. But the friend who brought John seems like an unreliable narrator.
If it was a case of "We said we'll spend it together, now he's upset I want to go to a party without him," then that's not anything alarm-worthy to me.  But the way it was phrased was that he didn't want her to go go a party without him, and he objected strongly enough that she let him crash OP's party.  The first one is no alarm bells; the second one, paired with his boorish behavior, throws up all sorts of flags for me.  It sets off my Spidey sense in a big way.

Mel the Redcap

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Re: Yes, even your kid isn't invited. *Update Post #30*
« Reply #107 on: January 06, 2014, 12:29:03 AM »
Given the way this person breezed in and assumed it was okay, it seems possible that she had accepted John's invitation/offer/suggestion that the two of them do something together on New Year's Eve, and then remembered that she had accepted the invitation to Glitter's party. At which point her options are to stand Glitter up; stand John up; call Glitter, apologize profusely, and say that she'd gotten confused and accepted a date with her new boyfriend, and could she bring him; or do what she actually did. The third choice--admitting her mistake--was probably the best of a bad set of options, but "he got upset when I said I'd go out with him tonight and then told him I couldn't" makes John seem a lot nicer than "he didn't want me to go to a NYE party without him." John's behavior with regard to the beer etc. still looks rude, but "You said we had a date. What happened?" wouldn't be a relationship red flag.

Yes, I am speculating beyond the data. But the friend who brought John seems like an unreliable narrator.
If it was a case of "We said we'll spend it together, now he's upset I want to go to a party without him," then that's not anything alarm-worthy to me.  But the way it was phrased was that he didn't want her to go go a party without him, and he objected strongly enough that she let him crash OP's party.  The first one is no alarm bells; the second one, paired with his boorish behavior, throws up all sorts of flags for me.  It sets off my Spidey sense in a big way.

Mine too, Possum - you're not alone in seeing it as a red flag, phrased that way.

I should note that 'red flag' does not equal 'AOOGAH AOOGAH DITCH THIS GUY NOW HE'S AN ABUSER!!!' - it equals 'this is a potentially bad sign, watch carefully to see if there are more'. ;)
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greencat

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Re: Yes, even your kid isn't invited. *Update Post #30*
« Reply #108 on: January 06, 2014, 12:33:08 AM »
Given the way this person breezed in and assumed it was okay, it seems possible that she had accepted John's invitation/offer/suggestion that the two of them do something together on New Year's Eve, and then remembered that she had accepted the invitation to Glitter's party. At which point her options are to stand Glitter up; stand John up; call Glitter, apologize profusely, and say that she'd gotten confused and accepted a date with her new boyfriend, and could she bring him; or do what she actually did. The third choice--admitting her mistake--was probably the best of a bad set of options, but "he got upset when I said I'd go out with him tonight and then told him I couldn't" makes John seem a lot nicer than "he didn't want me to go to a NYE party without him." John's behavior with regard to the beer etc. still looks rude, but "You said we had a date. What happened?" wouldn't be a relationship red flag.

Yes, I am speculating beyond the data. But the friend who brought John seems like an unreliable narrator.
If it was a case of "We said we'll spend it together, now he's upset I want to go to a party without him," then that's not anything alarm-worthy to me.  But the way it was phrased was that he didn't want her to go go a party without him, and he objected strongly enough that she let him crash OP's party.  The first one is no alarm bells; the second one, paired with his boorish behavior, throws up all sorts of flags for me.  It sets off my Spidey sense in a big way.

Mine too, Possum - you're not alone in seeing it as a red flag, phrased that way.

I should note that 'red flag' does not equal 'AOOGAH AOOGAH DITCH THIS GUY NOW HE'S AN ABUSER!!!' - it equals 'this is a potentially bad sign, watch carefully to see if there are more'. ;)

Even if he's not abusive, he's still evidently a jerk.  I also wouldn't really think anything of two people newly in a relationship expecting to celebrate a holiday that has a couple-centric traditional element (the midnight kiss) together and being upset that your new significant other was celebrating the holiday night without you.

GlitterIsMyDrug

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Re: Yes, even your kid isn't invited. *Update Post #30* *Post-Party Update #71*
« Reply #109 on: January 06, 2014, 10:20:14 AM »
John is just one big mess. The reason they're "kind of dating" is because he's still legally married to his to-be ex-wife and they still live together but are "separated" just can't afford their own places. According to my friend dating him, ex-wife to be is totally fine with them dating but doesn't want them to be public about it...or something like that. The whole thing is a big ol' mess if you ask me. Of course they didn't ask me. Apparently they've been together awhile (5 or 6 months) but they aren't really in a relationship except that they are. Make sense? Yeah, I didn't think so either.

Oh, also, since Claire and Kyle were brought up, Kyle has moved on since Claire to his wonderful roommate!! Everyone has been saying for years they should be dating each other and finally she made a move on him during his Christmas horror movie marathon. He brought her to the party (well she actually got her own invite, because I adore her, but they came as a couple) and announced to us they were officially together.

And I'm blushing at all the praise for a job well done on my part. Thank you!

Danika

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Re: Yes, even your kid isn't invited. *Update Post #30* *Post-Party Update #71*
« Reply #110 on: January 06, 2014, 11:02:19 AM »
Sounds like John is even more of a train-wreck than I thought. *eyeroll*

So Kyle is dating his roommate? Glad he ditched Claire. I wonder why Kyle and his roommate didn't get together years ago, but it's good that they were friends first. Those are often the most stable relationships. Glad that you like her and that he got rid of Claire!

Nuala

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Re: Yes, even your kid isn't invited. *Update Post #30* *Post-Party Update #71*
« Reply #111 on: January 06, 2014, 12:41:41 PM »
2014 is the year we all aspire to spines covered with glitter!

Browyn

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Re: Yes, even your kid isn't invited. *Update Post #30* *Post-Party Update #71*
« Reply #112 on: January 06, 2014, 03:37:59 PM »
Sounds like John is even more of a train-wreck than I thought. *eyeroll*

So Kyle is dating his roommate? Glad he ditched Claire. I wonder why Kyle and his roommate didn't get together years ago, but it's good that they were friends first. Those are often the most stable relationships. Glad that you like her and that he got rid of Claire!

DH and I were friends for a year and a half before it dawned on me he was a Guy (I can be dumb sometimes) and we have been married almost 12 years.  Good for Kyle!

Softly Spoken

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Re: Yes, even your kid isn't invited. *Update Post #30* *Post-Party Update #71*
« Reply #113 on: January 06, 2014, 11:30:34 PM »
2014 is the year we all aspire to spines covered with glitter!

I love this! ;D

Here's to blinged-out and bedazzled spines! ;)
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Snooks

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Re: Yes, even your kid isn't invited. *Update Post #30* *Post-Party Update #71*
« Reply #114 on: January 27, 2014, 05:01:53 PM »
Apologies for the necro-posting but this was the newest post which reference preparing for lesbians according to the search function.

This should possibly be in the "Things you shouldn't laugh at" thread but I wanted it to pop up for people who'd get the reference (not sure how far it spread through the forum).

Background - there used to be a TV show on called Wedding Stories, this was before the proliferation of reality tv wedding shows, it was a combination of bridezillas, really sweet couples and mind-boggling planning.  They generally showed three couples per show and each couple would be on two shows.  There was one lesbian couple who kept going on about how they loved Mitsubishi Warriors (a big 4x4 pick up style truck which is not that common in the UK), they were so beautiful and if they saw someone driving one they'd have to flag them down and ask if they could borrow their car to arrive at the wedding.  For DH and I this morphed into a long running joke about Mitsubishi Warriors being the most beautiful car ever! /background

DH came home today and announced a colleague had purchased himself a Mitsubishi Warrior.  We both agreed that he needs to watch out for lesbians flagging him down on their way to their wedding.  So not so much how do you prepare for lesbians but "be prepared for lesbians!".

Here is a picture of said car:

lastnightsdream

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Re: Yes, even your kid isn't invited. *Update Post #30* *Post-Party Update #71*
« Reply #115 on: January 27, 2014, 06:19:40 PM »
What a great update.

Years ago, a now ex friend brought her BF to my hallowe'en party. He proceeded to drop a racial slur on my friends spouses (friends who are of that race). I found out when one of my friends told me upset about what her husband, and the other husbands, heard him say (and how they prevented themselves from tossing him out on his butt as it wasn't their house).

It was 3am, and a lot of people, including offending guest, were sleeping over as they were all quite intoxicated. Their home was about 1.5 hours away - there was no getting back that night. My friend convinced me to wait until the morning to kick them out.

Still wish I'd told them to find a hotel, I don't allow racists in my house.

cass2591

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Re: Yes, even your kid isn't invited. *Update Post #30* *Post-Party Update #71*
« Reply #116 on: January 27, 2014, 06:39:25 PM »
Apologies for the necro-posting but this was the newest post which reference preparing for lesbians according to the search function.

This should possibly be in the "Things you shouldn't laugh at" thread but I wanted it to pop up for people who'd get the reference (not sure how far it spread through the forum).

Background - there used to be a TV show on called Wedding Stories, this was before the proliferation of reality tv wedding shows, it was a combination of bridezillas, really sweet couples and mind-boggling planning.  They generally showed three couples per show and each couple would be on two shows.  There was one lesbian couple who kept going on about how they loved Mitsubishi Warriors (a big 4x4 pick up style truck which is not that common in the UK), they were so beautiful and if they saw someone driving one they'd have to flag them down and ask if they could borrow their car to arrive at the wedding.  For DH and I this morphed into a long running joke about Mitsubishi Warriors being the most beautiful car ever! /background

DH came home today and announced a colleague had purchased himself a Mitsubishi Warrior.  We both agreed that he needs to watch out for lesbians flagging him down on their way to their wedding.  So not so much how do you prepare for lesbians but "be prepared for lesbians!".

A private joke between you, okay. But I don't think it's funny, in fact I find it extremely offensive. If it were a straight couple going on and on about their dream car would you have even posted this, or passed this little gem of a story on?

And if this story has spread throughout the forum, I hope people either delete it or let me know so I will.
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White Lotus

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Re: Yes, even your kid isn't invited. *Update Post #30* *Post-Party Update #71*
« Reply #117 on: February 05, 2014, 03:35:25 PM »
The HUGE Red Flag is that John is still married.  Nope.  Show me the divorce/dissolution decree and stop living together.  He is not actually free to date, either legally or emotionally, I shouldn't think.  The whole thing smells to high heaven.  Glitter, you are a hero!

GlitterIsMyDrug

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Re: Yes, even your kid isn't invited. *Update Post #30* *Post-Party Update #71*
« Reply #118 on: February 05, 2014, 03:45:29 PM »
The HUGE Red Flag is that John is still married.  Nope.  Show me the divorce/dissolution decree and stop living together.  He is not actually free to date, either legally or emotionally, I shouldn't think.  The whole thing smells to high heaven.  Glitter, you are a hero!

Yeah, I had someone who was "kind of married" try to date me once. I remember saying "Kind of married? How are you kind of married? Isn't that like being sort of pregnant? Or kind of dead? It's an either or thing", turned out "kind of married" was still very much married but they were in couples therapy so there was a chance it might be ending. Nope, until a judge gets involved, you're still hitched in my book.

And John is now gone. He was less "kind of married" and more "very married but had a big fight", then they made up. People are very stupid. Now she's with someone she once had a restraining order against. At this point, while she's a sweet girl, I'm putting a ton of distance between us. She's got issues, she's got a therapist, she can work those issues out with him, I don't need extra crazy in my life (seriously, I'm all stocked up).

TurtleDove

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Re: Yes, even your kid isn't invited. *Update Post #30* *Post-Party Update #71*
« Reply #119 on: February 05, 2014, 03:58:40 PM »
Apologies for the necro-posting but this was the newest post which reference preparing for lesbians according to the search function.

This should possibly be in the "Things you shouldn't laugh at" thread but I wanted it to pop up for people who'd get the reference (not sure how far it spread through the forum).

Background - there used to be a TV show on called Wedding Stories, this was before the proliferation of reality tv wedding shows, it was a combination of bridezillas, really sweet couples and mind-boggling planning.  They generally showed three couples per show and each couple would be on two shows.  There was one lesbian couple who kept going on about how they loved Mitsubishi Warriors (a big 4x4 pick up style truck which is not that common in the UK), they were so beautiful and if they saw someone driving one they'd have to flag them down and ask if they could borrow their car to arrive at the wedding.  For DH and I this morphed into a long running joke about Mitsubishi Warriors being the most beautiful car ever! /background

DH came home today and announced a colleague had purchased himself a Mitsubishi Warrior.  We both agreed that he needs to watch out for lesbians flagging him down on their way to their wedding.  So not so much how do you prepare for lesbians but "be prepared for lesbians!".

A private joke between you, okay. But I don't think it's funny, in fact I find it extremely offensive. If it were a straight couple going on and on about their dream car would you have even posted this, or passed this little gem of a story on?

And if this story has spread throughout the forum, I hope people either delete it or let me know so I will.

Maybe I have misunderstood, and I have no dog in this fight, but I think Snooks is referencing either in this thread or a similar thread of GlitterIsMyDrug where it was very humourously debated how one might "prepare for lesbians" after one of her I think uninvited guests made the preposerous comment that she wasn't "prepared" for meeting Glitter and her fiance.  It was all very tongue in cheek and "can you believe the nerve????" and not actual beliefs of anyone on this forum, from what I recall.