Author Topic: Sneaky way to give advice--brilliant or awful idea?  (Read 1596 times)

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Bijou

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Re: Sneaky way to give advice--brilliant or awful idea?
« Reply #15 on: December 30, 2013, 02:30:56 PM »
Let me first say that I know you love your sister and just want to help her.  That's good 'sister stuff'', for sure. 
However, about writing a fake article...that's scarey to even think about.  It could go awry in so many ways, and no matter the intention, is just dishonest and dare I say, insulting. 
My feeling is that I wouldn't give unsolicited advise because it is not always welcome and she sounds a bit sensitive to this anyway.  But if you are just having a conversation and discussion about something along the lines of where she may need some help, it would be a way to bring things up but not pointedly as advise.
« Last Edit: December 30, 2013, 02:33:30 PM by Bijou »
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esposita

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Re: Sneaky way to give advice--brilliant or awful idea?
« Reply #16 on: December 30, 2013, 02:33:54 PM »
Your sister owns the fact that she can't take advice from you. That's her problem; not something that you need to work around.

Lying to someone in this way is completely outside the bounds of etiquette. And I'm pretty sure that sending someone magazine clippings under these circumstances is one of the higher forms of PA, even with the best of intentions, which is what you have  :).

At the end of the day, you are responsible for your actions and she is responsible for hers. Don't lower yourself to a deception just because someone else has a problem.

I'm also curious as to how you'd give it to her... wouldn't she wonder why it wasn't glossy or why you'd take the time to re-write it all instead of just sending a link or sending a clipping in the mail?

I like the advice above - asking her "Do you want to vent, Lovey, or would you like to hear some of my ideas?"

shhh its me

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Re: Sneaky way to give advice--brilliant or awful idea?
« Reply #17 on: December 30, 2013, 03:03:17 PM »
  I don't think if 2 people discuss something they are having an issue with , its rude to send articles about it.   That doesn't mean it might not really offend people though , it depends on the person.  If someone says "I'm having an issue with X."  I don't think " you know I just read an article about X, would you like a link?" is rude.   

esposita

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Re: Sneaky way to give advice--brilliant or awful idea?
« Reply #18 on: December 30, 2013, 03:09:33 PM »
  I don't think if 2 people discuss something they are having an issue with , its rude to send articles about it.   That doesn't mean it might not really offend people though , it depends on the person.  If someone says "I'm having an issue with X."  I don't think " you know I just read an article about X, would you like a link?" is rude.

I totally agree, I was speaking only to these specific circumstances (when someone really doesn't want to hear something from you [general] but you send it anyway, under the guise of "helpful info someone else, but not me! said").

Zizi-K

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Re: Sneaky way to give advice--brilliant or awful idea?
« Reply #19 on: December 30, 2013, 04:02:17 PM »
This might be a good opportunity to address your dynamic head-on. When she starts complaining, you could go farther than "do you want to vent?" and say, "we've been talking about your struggles for awhile, and I've had some ideas about new ways to approach things. However I've stopped myself from sharing them because I feel like we're kind of stuck in an outdated dynamic where I'm the little sister, and I only "receive" advice. The truth is that I'm a grown woman with a lot of experience, and a valuable perspective to share. We've grown up, but in some ways our relationship hasn't. Are you interested in letting our relationship grow up too, I know I am." See what she says.

EllenS

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Re: Sneaky way to give advice--brilliant or awful idea?
« Reply #20 on: December 30, 2013, 04:13:22 PM »
This might be a good opportunity to address your dynamic head-on. When she starts complaining, you could go farther than "do you want to vent?" and say, "we've been talking about your struggles for awhile, and I've had some ideas about new ways to approach things. However I've stopped myself from sharing them because I feel like we're kind of stuck in an outdated dynamic where I'm the little sister, and I only "receive" advice. The truth is that I'm a grown woman with a lot of experience, and a valuable perspective to share. We've grown up, but in some ways our relationship hasn't. Are you interested in letting our relationship grow up too, I know I am." See what she says.

That sounds like a great way to go deeper in your relationship with your sister, whether or not she winds up wanting your advice.