Author Topic: Guest Insists On Washing Wine Glasses  (Read 5603 times)

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VorFemme

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Re: Guest Insists On Washing Wine Glasses
« Reply #30 on: January 05, 2014, 06:01:04 PM »
Gather up the scrubbies and anything else she might use except a clean rag (or brand new never been used soft sponge) and lock them in the trunk of your car before she gets there.  Keep the car key in your pocket. 

This made me laugh!  ;D Too funny.

OP you have said that this person won't take no for an answer. The reason some people don't take no for an answer is because the person saying no backs down. Don't back down!

Just say "Really, I mean NO. I won't have my glasses washed in that way. Let's join the rest of the party."

This is your home, these are your things. It's rude of her to ignore your wishes.

I was serious.  I once lost the ink cartridges out of my used ONCE printer after an open house (for sale by owner - I'd printed about eight flyers for the house).  Only one family came by and they insisted on breaking into several parties, so at least one group was wandering around without supervision.

Karma probably had ink leaking all over the inside of their purse....

I've gotten the same advice when the packers & movers are coming - the trash has to be outside, the suitcases with your clothes & the kids' toys, your laptop, jewelry, your purse, etc. should be locked in the vehicle and the ONLY key should be in your pocket.  This protects your stuff from anyone who can't resist temptation.
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I say more?

gramma dishes

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Re: Guest Insists On Washing Wine Glasses
« Reply #31 on: January 05, 2014, 07:17:14 PM »

...   I was serious.  I once lost the ink cartridges out of my used ONCE printer after an open house (for sale by owner - I'd printed about eight flyers for the house).  ...

What an incredibly bizarre thing to steal!   :o

Yvaine

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Re: Guest Insists On Washing Wine Glasses
« Reply #32 on: January 05, 2014, 07:19:10 PM »

...   I was serious.  I once lost the ink cartridges out of my used ONCE printer after an open house (for sale by owner - I'd printed about eight flyers for the house).  ...

What an incredibly bizarre thing to steal!   :o

They're expensive. More so than the printer, in a lot of cases!

VorFemme

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Re: Guest Insists On Washing Wine Glasses
« Reply #33 on: January 05, 2014, 07:55:39 PM »
Yep - the printer had been bundled with a new laptop - so it was "free".

Replacing the barely used cartridges?  About $50 to 60 - depending on high capacity (more pages) or regular capacity (not as many pages) USA in 2005, so about the cost of that printer at that time (one color & one black).  For cartridges used to print less than a dozen one page color flyers - it made those few flyers very expensive.

I still remember the make & model # - so I could, if I felt like it, look up what the replacement cartridges to a Canon Pixma 1600 cost today...probably about the same...as ink has not gotten less expensive - just easier to find generic cartridges or refill kits for.
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sparksals

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Re: Guest Insists On Washing Wine Glasses
« Reply #34 on: January 10, 2014, 04:28:59 PM »
Why haven't you just stopped her? Or at least taken the scrubby out of her hand and told her that it scratches the glasses?

If you can't stop her this year, take the scrubby completely out of the kitchen. Have appropriate cloths out in the open. When Sally starts in cleaning, just go into the kitchen, try to persuade her to leave and if she won't, hand her the correct cleaning cloth. If she asks for/looks for the scrubby, tell her the truth. That the scrubby scratches the glasses and you'd prefer her to use the cloth you've given her.


I have tried.  She won't take no for an answer.   I thought hiding it would work, but guess not.  Next year, I will have to remove it completely even though I had a soft cloth rag in plain sight.

I think you need to polish up your spine a bit. She isn't allowed to not take no for an answer when it comes to your belongings. I think next time this comes up you need to firmly tell her that you appreciate the desire to be helpful but you do not want her to wash them. If/when she argues, you'll have to be firm. You don't have to tell her she's doing it wrong; just tell her that you prefer to do it yourself and that you want her to stop.

This.
I don't know if this is ehell approved, so shoot me down if not, but I would have no qualms about gently taking this friend by the shoulders or by the elbow or by the hand and leading her away from the sink while saying, "Friend, I really really don't want you to wash the glasses." And adding your own quote, paraphrased: "I know [you are] honestly trying to help, but it really isn't."

I really dislike for people to come into my kitchen and start cleaning up. First of all, it's a party, and I don't want to be in the kitchen cleaning -- that's for afterward. And I especially don't want my guests doing it instead of enjoying my hospitality and the company! But in addition to that, just as is happening here, people who are not familiar with how I do things are inevitably going to do them "wrong". Wrong meaning, if it's in my kitchen, it's my way or it's wrong. I don't give a flip what people do in their own kitchens of course! And thirdly, I really don't want to help clean up (except in extraordinary circumstances) at someone else's house. So by that token, don't help at mine.

Honestly, you need to quit asking or pleading with her to stop. You need to tell her point blank with no ambiguity.


I forgot about this thread!  LOL


Yes, that is the exact reason.. I don't want people cleaning my kitchen b/c it takes them away from the party and inevitably, they do it wrong or the way I wouldn't do it. 




sparksals

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Re: Guest Insists On Washing Wine Glasses
« Reply #35 on: January 10, 2014, 04:31:16 PM »
Gather up the scrubbies and anything else she might use except a clean rag (or brand new never been used soft sponge) and lock them in the trunk of your car before she gets there.  Keep the car key in your pocket. 

Get her spouse to distract her and tell her that you find that rubbing the glasses scratches them - so that they just don't come clean - so you're going to use the dishwasher, so that they don't get scratched.

I'd wonder if she was a card short of a deck, as it seems to be an odd obsession...

Really, scrubbing dishes with Ajax and using a harsh scrubby on the front of a new appliance?  The scratches.....

I had a friend whose family kept telling her to save the scraps (from scraping plates) "for the chickens" - except they didn't have either chickens or a dog....

Then her drunk MIL ran two crystal shot glasses through the garbage disposal "by accident" and she had to ban them from her kitchen entirely.  Shortly thereafter, there was a divorce and she banned them from her house.  Her ex- could have them visit him at the house he got in the divorce....she moved out.


She is a bit odd. 


She wasn't using ajax.  But used the scrubby I use for my glass top stove that is specifically made for glass top stoves.  I either use Bar Keeper's Friend on the stove or Weigman's cleaner.  She probably doesn't realize that scrubby is for the stove, but even so, I just wouldn't take it upon myself to do this without asking. 

sparksals

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Re: Guest Insists On Washing Wine Glasses
« Reply #36 on: January 10, 2014, 04:33:13 PM »
Why haven't you just stopped her? Or at least taken the scrubby out of her hand and told her that it scratches the glasses?

If you can't stop her this year, take the scrubby completely out of the kitchen. Have appropriate cloths out in the open. When Sally starts in cleaning, just go into the kitchen, try to persuade her to leave and if she won't, hand her the correct cleaning cloth. If she asks for/looks for the scrubby, tell her the truth. That the scrubby scratches the glasses and you'd prefer her to use the cloth you've given her.


I have tried.  She won't take no for an answer.   I thought hiding it would work, but guess not.  Next year, I will have to remove it completely even though I had a soft cloth rag in plain sight.

Sally and I would be getting into fisticuffs then.  I don't mind help with cleaning but am annoyed with having to stop partying to direct the cleaning. And you will be directed if you take a scrubby to my Riedel wine and beer glasses.  They don't even go in my dishwasher as they are carefully washed by me and me only. If there is one thing my DH and I really love it is good quality drinking utensils and not just for alcohol either, we're stuffy with what we pour our coffee into as well. It's one luxury we've put our money in and it would a hardship to replace them.

Aside from properly cleaning them, I'd be annoyed if I broke them but at least I would not have to hide my irritation with myself as I would if you (general)  broke them.

I was very upset years ago when I saw a friend had 'helped' me by running a load of dishes in my dishwasher before she left that had several of my Wusthof knives and one of my All-Clad pans (finish NOT meant for dishwasher). After that party I became hypervigilant about directing friends that insisted on helping.

There is simply no way in Ehell that someone would succeed in being given the opportunity to damage my stuff in my house if I'm physically able to move and speak to put a stop to it.


This is a prime reason why people should not take upon themselves to help in this manner. I would NEVER put something in someone's dishwasher without asking.  I wouldn't turn it on either.  I have so many things that aren't dishwasher safe, so I am also anal about that.


sparksals

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Re: Guest Insists On Washing Wine Glasses
« Reply #37 on: January 10, 2014, 04:37:17 PM »
Agreed with everyone who says you need to be more direct and tell her why. It sounds like you're doing the 'oh you don't need to do that'/'it's no trouble'/'no really, you don't'/'no, i insist' dance, and Sally isn't realising why you don't want her to wash the glasses.

I use a sponge with a scrubby bit on the top of it to do all my dishes and I like it because the scrubby bit gets everything off and makes things clean. I don't have any posh wineglasses and neither have I ever had any, so it would never have occurred to me in a million years that something like this could damage them, in fact, I would have thought the scrubby bit was making them cleaner. I would also have thought that hand washing glasses was safer than putting them in a machine, like hand washing delicate items of laundry is. So Sally may have no idea that she's doing anything wrong here unless you tell her directly.

Failing that, can you not gather up the wineglasses yourself and put them in the dishwasher before she gets to them?


I am one of those that don't clean up thoughout the evening.  I think it detracts from being with my guests.  I will try to stack platters, glasses etc, pick up empties, but place them by the sink. Since parties turn into kitchen parties most of the time, I would be displacing people standing in front of the sink and dishwasher b/c my island is across. 


I think I'm just going to have to be more firm.  Thankfully, these aren't my good crystal glasses.  But it certainly reduces the lifetime of them.  These are my entertaining glasses which I keep in their original boxes when not in use. 

sparksals

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Re: Guest Insists On Washing Wine Glasses
« Reply #38 on: January 10, 2014, 04:39:49 PM »
I think that once Sally ignored the cloth and went rummaging in your cupboard for the scrubby, that she'd be off your invitation list. 

Using the wrong scrubby for the glasses if it's in plain sight can be accidental, but by her hunting it down when there was something else in plain sight makes it appear as though she wants to damage your wine glasses.

Sign of a frenemy?


I wouldn't call her a frenemy, but more clueless.  Maybe she uses scrubbies like this for her dishes.  Her house is very tidy. 


But, you may be onto something.  I keep it in a tray on my window bumpout.  But I covered it up and hid it trying to anticipate if she did this again.  There was a clean rag on top, so she did go searching for it.

sparksals

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Re: Guest Insists On Washing Wine Glasses
« Reply #39 on: January 10, 2014, 04:45:14 PM »
I think that once Sally ignored the cloth and went rummaging in your cupboard for the scrubby, that she'd be off your invitation list. 

Using the wrong scrubby for the glasses if it's in plain sight can be accidental, but by her hunting it down when there was something else in plain sight makes it appear as though she wants to damage your wine glasses.

Sign of a frenemy?

I think that's taking it way too far. I'm sure there's no malice intended.

Sally probably thinks she's being helpful and the OP has never told her directly that she doesn't want her to wash the glasses. She's used the 'oh you don't have to do that' technique which hasn't got the message across because that isn't the problem. If the OP doesn't want Sally to wash the glasses she needs to tell her direct and tell her why. I wouldn't think a plain cloth was for washing dishes because that's not what I use and honestly I don't see how you can get residue off with a cloth. It wouldn't occur to me that a scrubby thing wouldn't be for washing up with or that it would damage glasses. Sally may be the same. It doesn't mean she's doing it maliciously.

I use a kitchen wash cloth for washing glasses and china.  So, if I personally saw something like that at hand, I would use that.  Besides, if Sally thinks that glasses should be washed, then she should know you don't use a dirty pot scrubber on them.  Even the sight of that (with crusty bits attached) would make any reasonable person go "euwww" and use or ask for something else.

I still think it's incredibly rude for Sally to go digging in OP's cupboard.  She could have asked OP, who could have reiterated that the glasses go in the dishwasher or to please use the provided cloth.


She didn't go digging in my cupboard... I have a tray on my window bumpout.


Here is a link to the scrubbies I am talking about.  They are not big. They are rectangular maybe a bit bigger and wider than a business card. But you're right, it does have bits on it and even though I rinse it after using, it does have residue left from the cream cleanser.


I would never a scrubby  like this on someone's glasses.. On a pot, I would, but never on ceramic or drinking glasses which are most likely thinner and not as durable as a glass cooktop. 


http://www.walmart.com/ip/Weiman-Cook-Top-Scrubbing-Pads-3ct/15107750

sparksals

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Re: Guest Insists On Washing Wine Glasses
« Reply #40 on: January 10, 2014, 04:46:20 PM »
I'm late coming to this thread, but needed to think things through and not just ramble on in a state of righteous indignation on your behalf, sparksals.

Sally's behavior bothers me incredibly, and I don't even know the woman.  She is quite officious and rude, and needs to be put in her place - gently, if possible.  PP have offered many good suggestions.

I think that a good tactic here might be to say what needs to be said with a big smile, like Margo in this thread:

http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=131664.0

If you aren't too annoyed to invite her again next year, then tell her firmly that it is unnecessary for her to wash the wine glasses, because they are going into the dishwasher.  If she still washes the things, and the only way to stop her would be illegal assault, then put the supposedly clean glasses she has washed into the dishwasher right in front of her.  If she protests, you can say, "Sorry, but I did warn you that they are going into the dishwasher."


Ha!!!  I honestly thought of that last suggestion, but I waited til after she left.  LOL


sparksals

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Re: Guest Insists On Washing Wine Glasses
« Reply #41 on: January 10, 2014, 05:19:41 PM »
Gather up the scrubbies and anything else she might use except a clean rag (or brand new never been used soft sponge) and lock them in the trunk of your car before she gets there.  Keep the car key in your pocket. 

This made me laugh!  ;D Too funny.

OP you have said that this person won't take no for an answer. The reason some people don't take no for an answer is because the person saying no backs down. Don't back down!

Just say "Really, I mean NO. I won't have my glasses washed in that way. Let's join the rest of the party."

This is your home, these are your things. It's rude of her to ignore your wishes.

I was serious.  I once lost the ink cartridges out of my used ONCE printer after an open house (for sale by owner - I'd printed about eight flyers for the house).  Only one family came by and they insisted on breaking into several parties, so at least one group was wandering around without supervision.

Karma probably had ink leaking all over the inside of their purse....

I've gotten the same advice when the packers & movers are coming - the trash has to be outside, the suitcases with your clothes & the kids' toys, your laptop, jewelry, your purse, etc. should be locked in the vehicle and the ONLY key should be in your pocket.  This protects your stuff from anyone who can't resist temptation.


That is a common tactic for scammers and thieves who are trying to scope your house to find valuables.  They split up so the owners or realtor cannot follow them all.

VorFemme

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Re: Guest Insists On Washing Wine Glasses
« Reply #42 on: January 10, 2014, 05:27:33 PM »
Gather up the scrubbies and anything else she might use except a clean rag (or brand new never been used soft sponge) and lock them in the trunk of your car before she gets there.  Keep the car key in your pocket. 

This made me laugh!  ;D Too funny.

OP you have said that this person won't take no for an answer. The reason some people don't take no for an answer is because the person saying no backs down. Don't back down!

Just say "Really, I mean NO. I won't have my glasses washed in that way. Let's join the rest of the party."

This is your home, these are your things. It's rude of her to ignore your wishes.

I was serious.  I once lost the ink cartridges out of my used ONCE printer after an open house (for sale by owner - I'd printed about eight flyers for the house).  Only one family came by and they insisted on breaking into several parties, so at least one group was wandering around without supervision.

Karma probably had ink leaking all over the inside of their purse....

I've gotten the same advice when the packers & movers are coming - the trash has to be outside, the suitcases with your clothes & the kids' toys, your laptop, jewelry, your purse, etc. should be locked in the vehicle and the ONLY key should be in your pocket.  This protects your stuff from anyone who can't resist temptation.


That is a common tactic for scammers and thieves who are trying to scope your house to find valuables.  They split up so the owners or realtor cannot follow them all.

Yeah - but after six months on the market...I was hoping...
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Raintree

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Re: Guest Insists On Washing Wine Glasses
« Reply #43 on: January 11, 2014, 02:54:51 PM »
I cannot deal with the "helpers"; I would really rather they not touch my stuff. I will clean up after the party.

I have also had someone put one of my good knives with wooden handle into the dishwasher, and I didn't notice until after I'd run it. It wrecked the wooden handle. I have had someone make a dessert (it was a potluck) at my place and used my nicely seasoned cast iron pan to make some kind of sticky, sugary reduction, and then scoured it with a soapy scrubby. My mother has always managed to chip a dish no matter whose home she is in. Growing up, I always got the blame for chipped dishes ("you have to be careful! I've only had these dishes a few months and already most of them are chipped!!") but as an adult I have noticed that I can keep the same dishes for 20 years without ever suffering a chip, while she is constantly replacing hers and most of them are chipped after 6 months. She also does a horrible job of washing dishes; most of the dishes she washes still have a greasy film on them after she's done. I do not want her helping.

I agree with this suggestion:

Quote
"Sally - I am serious. I am not trying to be polite by telling you to go back to the party.  You need to stop."


Because I'm also inclined to think Sally is interpreting the OP's "no" as, "No, really...I insist....you don't have to do that....oh you are too kind, but don't feel you have to...."

TootsNYC

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Re: Guest Insists On Washing Wine Glasses
« Reply #44 on: January 11, 2014, 03:16:11 PM »
Quote from: Raintree link=topic=131772.msg3084672#msg3084672 date=1389470091
...
I would really rather they not touch my stuff.
...

I agree with this suggestion:

Quote
"Sally - I am serious. I am not trying to be polite by telling you to go back to the party.  You need to stop."


Because I'm also inclined to think Sally is interpreting the OP's "no" as, "No, really...I insist....you don't have to do that....oh you are too kind, but don't feel you have to...."

Another thing someone in sparksals' position might say, to a guest who won't comply at first, "I am serious. I actually don't like people to mess with my stuff or take care of my belongings. It's just a quirk I have--nothing personal, it applies to everybody--but I'm very serious about it."

One could also add, "I've had things be damaged accidentally in the past by helpful people, and I find it incredibly frustrating."