Author Topic: Wedding websites: "The polite way..."  (Read 6911 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

jelizabug

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 4
Wedding websites: "The polite way..."
« on: December 31, 2013, 02:23:40 AM »
My fiance and I are planning our wedding, and in looking at checklists and ideas, we keep running into checklist items along the lines of "create your wedding website as soon as possible!"  We are partly laughing at this and partly thinking it would be a great idea to help the out-of-town guests get their bearings with directions and so forth. It might also be a good place to let people know when the cake-cutting and other reception activities will be, and to let guests know that the reception is finger foods only (the reception is NOT at a meal-time, but we'd hate for anyone to come expecting to eat a full meal).

Apparently a number of the wedding planning sites have a different idea. From one of them:

"TIP: add your wedding website URL to your Save-the-Dates and invitation inserts its the polite way to let friends and family find out where you are registered."

I have no intention of including registry information in my invitations (we aren't doing save-the-dates - the wedding is in four months!). My gut reaction is that if we include the URL to a "wedding website" with registry information, we might as well just stick a registration card in instead. If we DO make a site, I will email the URL to those who would need it and most likely use it.

Thoughts? Has anyone else created a wedding website? Was it helpful, or more hassle than it was worth? And what might the etiquette be on including personal website information in wedding invitations (or on shower invitations)?

Thanks in advance!

Mikayla

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4073
Re: Wedding websites: "The polite way..."
« Reply #1 on: December 31, 2013, 02:56:38 PM »
I didn't need one myself, but I've always found these to be extremely helpful.  And that goes triple when travel might be involved for some guests.  It's so helpful to have a "travel" section, where you give them info on airport limos (assuming you can't pick them up), hotel rates and contact info, etc.

On registries, this is controversial, but I personally don't have a problem when it's handled discreetly.  By that, I mean the registry would be one small part of the site, and then when you send invites, you can discreetly say "For further info, please see our site at xxxx").

It shouldn't be an issue for showers, because the hostess is perfectly free to list the places where the bride is registered.  In fact, she *should* do so. 

PS - I totally disagree with that "tip" about website info being on STDs.  All you're doing with an STD is giving them the date of your wedding.  (I realize you're not doing them, but that was a strange thing to say!).


violinp

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3631
  • cabbagegirl28's my sister :)
Re: Wedding websites: "The polite way..."
« Reply #2 on: December 31, 2013, 03:02:27 PM »
If I were getting married, I would share the link to my wedding website with my FB friends (in a "for those of you who want to know more about our wedding" kind of way) and put the registry in an out - of - the - way place on the website, so I don't look like I'm basically saying, "BUY ME ALL THE THINGS!" I definitely would never put the URL on my invitation - it's very tacky to do that.
"It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but even more to stand up to your friends" - Harry Potter


GlitterIsMyDrug

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1120
Re: Wedding websites: "The polite way..."
« Reply #3 on: December 31, 2013, 03:22:41 PM »
Partner is building our website now and the plan is to design a QR code that will be printed on our save the dates so people can scan it with their phones, we'll also list it on the save the date (the QR code will be on the back...I think) for those not interested in/unaware of QR codes. This is Partner's baby and I'm letting her do whatever she wants with it.

Usually I've see just a little note at the bottom that says something along the lines of: for more information please vist wedding url. Which is probably what we'll put on our invitations cause ya know, someone might have lost the save the date.

The websites are great for travel info, I like when the couple adds little bits about how they met, how the proposal went, and some stuff about the groomsmen/bridesmaids and the couple's parents. I like reading all that stuff. Then I usually seen one tab for "registry information" with links to on-line registries if the couple has any. I've seen that section left blank as well.

LadyL

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2896
Re: Wedding websites: "The polite way..."
« Reply #4 on: December 31, 2013, 03:24:49 PM »
If the main purpose of the website is to convey information to guests (about location, format, etc.) and the registry info is one small part of that, I think it's fine, and I don't see why it would be rude to put the URL on the invite. Our registry info was a sub-section of one of the pages, so not prominent at all/you'd have to look to find it (I can pm you a link if you want). We paid $30 for an attractive website theme and it was a huge, huge hit with our family (and an efficient way to get information out about things like hotel accomodations, parking ,etc.)


EllenS

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1585
  • I write whimsical vintage mysteries.
    • My Author Page:
Re: Wedding websites: "The polite way..."
« Reply #5 on: December 31, 2013, 03:35:14 PM »
We had a lot of family members travelling, and also quite a few invitees who had not met one or the other of us.  Our wedding website featured photos of us with a brief bio (hometown, how we met, etc) and prominent links to travel and lodging info, and directions to the venue.

Down in one corner we had a small hyperlink that said something like "If you're asking, we are registered here."  It was easy to find if you were looking for it, but not featured on the main menu bar and main part of the site.
......................................................................
                www.ellenseltz.com
......................................................................


Luci

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6097
Re: Wedding websites: "The polite way..."
« Reply #6 on: December 31, 2013, 04:27:31 PM »
I didn't have a big white wedding, but both our children did. We were all married before the internet was as sophiticated as it is now.

As the frequent guest of weddings for great neices and great nephews and the children for friends, I would like to say that I really, really enjoy wedding websites. If I were giving anything but money, I would really appreciate the headsup for gifting. I don't know these couples very well, and I really enjoy getting to see them throught the sites.

Please remember that in the 1950s, couples registered for tableware at department stores and local jewelry stores (which sold china, silver, and crystal at the time.) I'm not aware of any before then.

TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 31424
Re: Wedding websites: "The polite way..."
« Reply #7 on: December 31, 2013, 04:35:18 PM »
I think the website as a source for registry info is OK. But it has to be one level down.

Here's my reasoning.

If the top layer has a link that says "gift ideas" or "registry" or even "other details," then someone has to actively go there to get any details. All they're seeing from the top page is THAT you registered. Telling people that you did register for a wedding isn't the same as suggesting that they get you a gift.
   Going to the website is the equivalent of saying, "How are wedding plans coming along?" And to someone who asked you that sort of conversational opener, I think you could say, "We've picked the flowers; the hotel is all lined up, and we got our registry started."

If people click on that link, that's the equivalent of them saying, "Where did you register?" or "What could I get you as a gift?"

If they aren't interested in gift ideas, they won't click on the link.



TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 31424
Re: Wedding websites: "The polite way..."
« Reply #8 on: December 31, 2013, 04:36:38 PM »
Oh, and I don't think a URL is any tackier than a phone number on an invitation for RSVPs, etc.; and every etiquette book has a format for using a phone number.

I also think putting it on the SaveTheDate is fine--if you're going to be adding info that's useful, why not have it on the first mailing? If they save that piece of paper, then they might actually go to the website instead of bugging you for travel info before you've even mailed the invitations (because they do! I've heard from brides).

Katana_Geldar

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1924
Re: Wedding websites: "The polite way..."
« Reply #9 on: December 31, 2013, 04:50:08 PM »
If you don't want to put the url on the invite, then don't. You could put it in a card saying they could get more info about the wedding there.

Personally, I'm not bothered by seeing registry cards in invites but that's just me and where I live. I never think it's about soliciting gifts, it's about making it easier for me as a guest if I choose to give them one.

kherbert05

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 10475
    • Trees downed in my yard by Ike and the clean up
Re: Wedding websites: "The polite way..."
« Reply #10 on: December 31, 2013, 05:14:27 PM »
I'm in Houston, so it isn't uncommon for weddings inviations to include an insert with driving directions to the church and from the  church to the reception. I would love it if those included either a QR code or URL to site/driving directions. Make it easy to save to my phone.
Don't Teach Them For Your Past. Teach Them For Their Future

jelizabug

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 4
Re: Wedding websites: "The polite way..."
« Reply #11 on: January 02, 2014, 10:30:22 AM »
Thanks everyone for the responses! The last weddings I went to were years ago, so I had no experience with wedding websites. It's good to know that people have found them useful and interesting.

After reading through, I think we will probably put a note on the RSVP cards - something like "You can RSVP by emailing us at <weddingemail>, visiting our site at <weddingsite> or mailing the card back." Worded more formally, of course! I'll definitely put the link on Facebook as well... or at least send it in a message to those who will receive an invitation or announcement.

I like the idea of putting a small link at the bottom of the page ("If you're interested, please click here for where we're registered") or putting the registry under "Other Information," so it's not front and center on the site.

TootsNYC - "... bugging you for travel info before you've even mailed the invitations (because they do! I've heard from brides)" - haha, too true! The day after fiance proposed, a good friend was asking when she needed to make her hotel reservations (I had already told her she was getting an invite, so she wasn't assuming at least!) and I was all "ack, no idea, we haven't even talked dates yet!" At least we have the date and venue now!

Thanks again for the comments... follow-ups are welcome. :)

bah12

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5304
Re: Wedding websites: "The polite way..."
« Reply #12 on: January 02, 2014, 11:45:41 AM »
I think that wedding websites are very helpful and don't see anything wrong with having registry information on them.  I'm getting increasingly frustrated with the ideal "it's rude to share registry information with wedding guests" mantra.  Weddings are gift-giving occasions and it's so much easier to have the information on what the couple wants/needs and what others have already purchased at hand.  I'm much more relieved when it's handed to me without me having to go and ask for it.  So, I do think the advice of including the website (that happens to have registry information) with the invitations is a good one.  It immediately lets potential guests know where to go for information and doesn't draw attention to the gift-giving aspect of the wedding.

TheaterDiva1

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1468
Re: Wedding websites: "The polite way..."
« Reply #13 on: January 02, 2014, 12:41:23 PM »
I would totally put the URL in the invitation.  When we got married, we included a contact card which had our phone numbers, e-mail addresses and our site (people could RSVP through the site).  We wanted to give options to make it as easy for people to RSVP as possible.  It's also a great way to keep people updated.

As for registry info, instead of saying "We're registered at ABC store," just have it say "Click here to see our registry."  That way it won't be in everyone's face, but people who want to know will know what to do.

SoCalVal

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2619
Re: Wedding websites: "The polite way..."
« Reply #14 on: January 02, 2014, 03:16:26 PM »
Thanks everyone for the responses! The last weddings I went to were years ago, so I had no experience with wedding websites. It's good to know that people have found them useful and interesting.

After reading through, I think we will probably put a note on the RSVP cards - something like "You can RSVP by emailing us at <weddingemail>, visiting our site at <weddingsite> or mailing the card back." Worded more formally, of course! I'll definitely put the link on Facebook as well... or at least send it in a message to those who will receive an invitation or announcement.

I like the idea of putting a small link at the bottom of the page ("If you're interested, please click here for where we're registered") or putting the registry under "Other Information," so it's not front and center on the site.

TootsNYC - "... bugging you for travel info before you've even mailed the invitations (because they do! I've heard from brides)" - haha, too true! The day after fiance proposed, a good friend was asking when she needed to make her hotel reservations (I had already told her she was getting an invite, so she wasn't assuming at least!) and I was all "ack, no idea, we haven't even talked dates yet!" At least we have the date and venue now!

Thanks again for the comments... follow-ups are welcome. :)

In order to save money (on cards and postage), we skipped the RSVP card altogether (which was in keeping with our more casual-styled wedding).  On the invitation, I included our e-mail address I set up for our wedding SoCalValLastNameDHLastNameWedding@xxxxx.com and stated to RSVP to that (I didn't want to have to worry about RSVPs coming in the mail and getting lost or people not sending them back anyway so I said let's just eliminate them altogether -- it worked out quite well).  Also on our invitation, I included the link to our wedding website but not, specifically, a direct link to the registry info (because the wedding website included all the other useful information -- directions and maps to the church, reception hall and hotels; hotel discount codes and dates for the rooms we had blocked; menu info and, of course, the registry info; it also included the fun stuff, like pictures of us and the guest book.