Picky Eater at a Swanky Party- was I rude?

[fklwmn]

Saturday night I accompanied a friend of mine to her company holiday party. It was a semi-formal affair at the swankiest hotel in Richmond (soooo fancy!) and included a cocktail and appetizer hour, a sit down dinner including salad and main course (which was pre-ordered), and dancing, not to mention the open bar available in several locations (in fact I had so many Shirley Temples the bartender wondered how I'd manage to drive home ).

The choices for dinner were Filet Mignon, Salmon, and Pasta Primavera. I. Am. The. Pickiest. Eater. Ever. At least, the pickiest eater over the age of 10. I can't even sand the THOUGHT of Fish, and I was worried the Filet Mignon would be served too rare for my taste (I was right) so I opted for the pasta. Pasta is pretty hard to mess up.

When we were served our salads the man next to me (whom I had only just met - he was the husband of Friend's coworker) scolded me for picking the shredded beets off the top of it. I just used my fork, scooped the beets off the top, and scooted them into a pile on the edge of my plate. At first I was a bit taken aback at being chastised like a small child (even if I do eat like one...  ).

When we were served our main courses I joked with my friend that I felt like a 4 year old. While the other guests were all served dishes that were prettily arranged on dinner plates, I was served a large bowl full of pasta, placed on a dinner plate. It didn't help me to feel more gorwn up that my pasta was fill of squash. Which I hate. So, as dinner progressed, I would simply pick up squash with my fork and deposit it on the edge of my plate around my bowl. It was at that point it occurred to me that perhaps I was being rude by picking through my meal at the fanciest party I had ever been to.

I expressed my concern to my friend, who assured me I was being quite discreet, and if she hadn't happened to be sitting on the side where I was depositing my squash, she would not realise I was picking though my food. But I'm still not sure, so eHellions, help me out. When you're being served a meal that has ingredients that you don't eat... is it impolite to pick them out of the dish, of done discreetly? Should I have choked down (and therefore not enjoyed) the ingredients that were a part of my meal in the name of manners? I don't often dine anywhere where I cannot request ingredients that I dislike be left out of my meal, so I haven't been in this situation before.

[hobish]

Not only was it not rude for you to discreetly work around food you don't like, it was VERY rude for that guy to comment on how you were eating your salad.

That would have really made me mad!

[girlmusic]

As long as you didn't call attention to yourself - for instance saying "Ewww BEETS!" or "Squash is so disgusting.." - then you were fine. It was rude of the man to comment on your decision to pick out the beets.

Here's an example of not-so-polite:
I was out to dinner at a very expensive restaurant with DH's family. The appetizer I ordered was quail, and it was absolutely delicious so I offered everyone a bite. DH's teenaged sister went on an on about how gross it was to eat quail, how she felt bad for the bird, how she would never eat that, etc. She was rude. She should have declined a taste with a simple "no, thank you" and reserved any comments for a private conversation with someone else afterwards.

[kingsrings]

I don't think that you were being rude at all. You were very discreet about it, and I would of done the same thing too if I was in that position. You would of only been rude if you had made a scene about what you were doing, such as complaining about it, talking about it to everyone.

[Hawkwatcher]

I was out to dinner at a very expensive restaurant with DH's family. The appetizer I ordered was quail, and it was absolutely delicious so I offered everyone a bite. DH's teenaged sister went on an on about how gross it was to eat quail, how she felt bad for the bird, how she would never eat that, etc. She was rude. She should have declined a taste with a simple "no, thank you" and reserved any comments for a private conversation with someone else afterwards.

Is she a meat eater?  I would have informed her that whatever animal she was eating did not commit suicide.

[Lisbeth]

I don't think you were rude.  Had you made an "Ewww" noise, criticized others who were eating it, or otherwise made an issue of the fact that you were not eating those foods, that would have been rude.

The man next to you had no business commenting on what you were eating, much less scolding you.

[NOVA Lady]

I don't think you were rude at all. If you don't like something, you don't have to eat it and it doesn't matter one little bit where you are.

The only way I can see picky eating being rude is if the picky eater draws attention to themselves somehow

- Whining about the food.

- Loudly picking through it and saying "eww" when confronted by pieces they don't like.

- Demand to be served something else

- Make other people listen to your likes/dislikes.

- Put the food you wont eat on the table, on someone else's plate, on the floor, throw it at someone.


I think its fine if you're being discrete, not drawing attentiong to it, or whining about it.

The gentleman who decided to admonish you should have kept his mouth shut however.

[Gileswench]

If that was rude I must be amazingly bad!

I'm not a terribly picky eater, overall, but there are a few things I just can't choke down. One of them is mushrooms. A couple years ago, some friends of mine held a lovely Christmas party featuring a lavish sit down meal. Now these are people who really know how to cook, so I was quite excited about it.

The soup came. One bite told me it was mushroom. Very good mushroom soup, but still mushroom. After the one bite, I quietly put down my spoon and chatted with the people seated around me. One of my friends who adores mushrooms asked if she could have my soup when she was done with hers. I didn't want the food to go to waste, so I agreed and we discreetly switched soup bowls when she was ready. Later, when the main course came with a vegetable she detested but I love, she quietly managed to send it over to me.

Mind you, this was a dinner among good friends. I wouldn't have gone that far at a swanky meal out among strangers, but still it was a good deal more than anything you did. Quietly not eating things you dislike isn't rude. Telling you how rude it is...that's extremely rude.

[Bijou]

Saturday night I accompanied a friend of mine to her company holiday party. It was a semi-formal affair at the swankiest hotel in Richmond (soooo fancy!) and included a cocktail and appetizer hour, a sit down dinner including salad and main course (which was pre-ordered), and dancing, not to mention the open bar available in several locations (in fact I had so many Shirley Temples the bartender wondered how I'd manage to drive home ).

The choices for dinner were Filet Mignon, Salmon, and Pasta Primavera. I. Am. The. Pickiest. Eater. Ever. At least, the pickiest eater over the age of 10. I can't even sand the THOUGHT of Fish, and I was worried the Filet Mignon would be served too rare for my taste (I was right) so I opted for the pasta. Pasta is pretty hard to mess up.

When we were served our salads the man next to me (whom I had only just met - he was the husband of Friend's coworker) scolded me for picking the shredded beets off the top of it. I just used my fork, scooped the beets off the top, and scooted them into a pile on the edge of my plate. At first I was a bit taken aback at being chastised like a small child (even if I do eat like one...  ).

When we were served our main courses I joked with my friend that I felt like a 4 year old. While the other guests were all served dishes that were prettily arranged on dinner plates, I was served a large bowl full of pasta, placed on a dinner plate. It didn't help me to feel more gorwn up that my pasta was fill of squash. Which I hate. So, as dinner progressed, I would simply pick up squash with my fork and deposit it on the edge of my plate around my bowl. It was at that point it occurred to me that perhaps I was being rude by picking through my meal at the fanciest party I had ever been to.

I expressed my concern to my friend, who assured me I was being quite discreet, and if she hadn't happened to be sitting on the side where I was depositing my squash, she would not realise I was picking though my food. But I'm still not sure, so eHellions, help me out. When you're being served a meal that has ingredients that you don't eat... is it impolite to pick them out of the dish, of done discreetly? Should I have choked down (and therefore not enjoyed) the ingredients that were a part of my meal in the name of manners? I don't often dine anywhere where I cannot request ingredients that I dislike be left out of my meal, so I haven't been in this situation before.

He was rude.  It would have been nice if you could have known what was included in the dish so you could have asked them to hold the squash and whatever else you didn't want to eat.  But lacking the opportunity to order, oh, say, a kale and linguisa sandwich on a sourdough roll with extra garlic, butter and pot liquor, you did fine.  (Can you tell I am not a picky eater, but I don't like fish, either...it tastes like fish.)

[ShadesOfGrey]

It sounds like you did it discreetly, so it sounds like it was ok.  Depending on the crowd (more swanky, less familiar=less noticeable), I would have tried to make it as least visually noticeable as possible, meaning that I would probably eat around it as much as possible.  If necessary, I would push it to the side, but not so that it was *noticeably* separated from the rest of the foods on the plate.  Being a picky eater doesnt mean rude.  Drawing attention to it is.  IMO, this is a part of accepting something graciously. 

[Evil Duckie]

You were not rude as long as you didn't call attention to yourself . The man was the rude one.

It would have been nicer if you have been able to move what you didn't like in the pasta to one side of your pasta bowl instead of putting it on the plate, but that is being a bit nitpicky and not a big deal as long as you don't call attention to yourself.

[JoyinVirginia]

Saturday night I accompanied a friend of mine to her company holiday party. It was a semi-formal affair at the swankiest hotel in Richmond (soooo fancy!) and included a cocktail and appetizer hour, a sit down dinner including salad and main course (which was pre-ordered), and dancing, not to mention the open bar available in several locations (in fact I had so many Shirley Temples the bartender wondered how I'd manage to drive home ).....
When you're being served a meal that has ingredients that you don't eat... is it impolite to pick them out of the dish, of done discreetly? Should I have choked down (and therefore not enjoyed) the ingredients that were a part of my meal in the name of manners? I don't often dine anywhere where I cannot request ingredients that I dislike be left out of my meal, so I haven't been in this situation before.

oooh, swanky party! Was it at the Jefferson or Berkeley? (I work in Richmond) Done discreetly, there is nothing wrong with picking out the ingredient you do not like. I have done it myself (at the Jefferson as a matter of fact). Also , depending on the size of the group, usually a discreet request to the server may give you an idea of what are the ingredients and if the dish could be modified. Even at a fancy place, the staff does try to please.
joy in Virginia

[sweedetobee]

It would have been nicer if you have been able to move what you didn't like in the pasta to one side of your pasta bowl instead of putting it on the plate, but that is being a bit nitpicky and not a big deal as long as you don't call attention to yourself.

This is what I was going to reply but you said it first.

And, the man was rude. I would have probably told that man that that beets make me throw up

[fklwmn]

oooh, swanky party! Was it at the Jefferson or Berkeley? (I work in Richmond) Done discreetly, there is nothing wrong with picking out the ingredient you do not like. I have done it myself (at the Jefferson as a matter of fact). Also , depending on the size of the group, usually a discreet request to the server may give you an idea of what are the ingredients and if the dish could be modified. Even at a fancy place, the staff does try to please.
joy in Virginia

It was at the Jefferson! it was sooo nice, but there was no way to inquire about the ingredients of the dishes. We were not allowed into the ballroom (where the servers were) until right before dinner was served, and since this wsn't my company party, my friend just asked which dish I'd like and I told her. It was fine, I didn't mine picking out the squash but I wasnted to make sure I didn't make a faux pas in doing so. SO glad to hear that I didn't!!! thank you eHellions

[JudiAU]

It sounds like you were discreete about not eating things you dislike which is perfectly fine.