Author Topic: rude to flush in the wee hours? (yes, I see what I did there)possible squick  (Read 10099 times)

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Yvaine

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Wow, I'd like to know where you are shopping.
Costco, the low flow dual flush, elongated bowel and it was only something like $90 and it is great.  The government also for a while did a rebate program so lots and lots of great dual flush toilets have been under $100 the last few years.

I think it is fine for people to not flush in their own home for themselves when they are by themselves but I don't think you can instruct guests in your home not to flush, even in the middle of the night as you just shouldn't instruct people on their toilet habits.  Kind of like how I don't think one should ever do a #2 in someone's home unless they are staying over nigh but there is no way to really say that to people without being a freak  :D
I must preface this all by saying I am the kind of person who needs to pretend that body functions don't happen, so someone asking me to specifically not flush may have me running for the door.  I was at my SIL for Christmas and my BIL didn't flush in the powder room and it really bothered me (I had to flush his first no way could I go one top of his) so much that next time I visit I will limit my beverages so I don't need to use the washroom until I get home.

How can you even control that?  Trust me, I hate leaving the odorous evidence of what I did in the bathroom behind...it's embarrassing, but I don't think it's even possible to tell people that they can't go number 2 in your house.

Yeah, this...if I'm hosting you in my house, you are welcome to use the bathroom for both number 1 and number 2. That's what it's for.

Outdoor Girl

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Wow, I'd like to know where you are shopping.
Costco, the low flow dual flush, elongated bowel and it was only something like $90 and it is great.  The government also for a while did a rebate program so lots and lots of great dual flush toilets have been under $100 the last few years.

I think it is fine for people to not flush in their own home for themselves when they are by themselves but I don't think you can instruct guests in your home not to flush, even in the middle of the night as you just shouldn't instruct people on their toilet habits.  Kind of like how I don't think one should ever do a #2 in someone's home unless they are staying over nigh but there is no way to really say that to people without being a freak  :D

I must preface this all by saying I am the kind of person who needs to pretend that body functions don't happen, so someone asking me to specifically not flush may have me running for the door.  I was at my SIL for Christmas and my BIL didn't flush in the powder room and it really bothered me (I had to flush his first no way could I go one top of his) so much that next time I visit I will limit my beverages so I don't need to use the washroom until I get home.

I've had bad experiences with Costco fixtures so that isn't an option for me.  Plus, things like this are a lot more expensive here than south of the border.

I would be very annoyed with a guest who continued to flush the toilet next to my bedroom, waking me, when I'd asked them not to.  Since it is the bedroom that is attached to my room, I'm the one who is most likely to find the leavings in the morning and if I'm OK with that, then I would ask you to respect my decision.  #2, absolutely flush, even if it wakes me.
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
Ontario

White Lotus

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So much depends on local custom and environment!  On boats, as Art2K said, and in many RVs, there is a covered receptacle (ours is a coffee can, covered with adhesive backed paper, and replaced fairly often) for paper.  It is lined with a plastic bag.  It is changed when necessary, but ours has never smelled before getting full enough to change.  Generally, when it's full, the bag is replaced, the full one goes in the trash, and the trash goes to trash-land.  On boats at sea, there is generally an isolated area where trash things that cannot legally and safely be jettisoned (non-organics, mostly, and particularly plastics) are stowed in double bags until there is a proper place for disposal.  The use of water for cleansing (when possible) and minimal amounts of paper, or special toilet wipes, is also encouraged as providing less waste for the can.  In desert areas, cabins, summers, droughts, wells and so on, the "let it mellow" rule often applies -- usually accompanied by "nothing in the head you haven't eaten first" so no paper.
 In some countries, the plumbing is absolutely not designed to take paper or anything other than human waste, and if there is no paper receptacle, it can accumulate in a corner of the room, which is what people do with it (I find this icky, but the bathrooms are cleaned often, and it's the local custom, so I cope.)
Place a clean brick in the tank of a regular toilet, according to our water department, and turn your regular toilet into a lowered-flow one.
I suggest the "flush or not" rule generally is a "local knowledge" thing.
At night? In a house where I have not been asked not to flush?  I flush.  At home, I don't like being awakened by flushes during the night, and if the seat lid is down (and I always keep them down) when I enter a bathroom in the morning and especially if we have guests, I generally flush before peeking if I am unsure.  Our house is old and the bathrooms don't have fans.  If you might leave odors behind, not only would I appreciate it if you flushed, no matter the hour, it would be nice if you opened the window (we have those) and looked around for the air freshener.  I bet there is some close at hand.  There is in our house.

Harriet Jones

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So much depends on local custom and environment!  On boats, as Art2K said, and in many RVs, there is a covered receptacle (ours is a coffee can, covered with adhesive backed paper, and replaced fairly often) for paper.  It is lined with a plastic bag.  It is changed when necessary, but ours has never smelled before getting full enough to change.  Generally, when it's full, the bag is replaced, the full one goes in the trash, and the trash goes to trash-land.  On boats at sea, there is generally an isolated area where trash things that cannot legally and safely be jettisoned (non-organics, mostly, and particularly plastics) are stowed in double bags until there is a proper place for disposal.  The use of water for cleansing (when possible) and minimal amounts of paper, or special toilet wipes, is also encouraged as providing less waste for the can.  In desert areas, cabins, summers, droughts, wells and so on, the "let it mellow" rule often applies -- usually accompanied by "nothing in the head you haven't eaten first" so no paper.
 In some countries, the plumbing is absolutely not designed to take paper or anything other than human waste, and if there is no paper receptacle, it can accumulate in a corner of the room, which is what people do with it (I find this icky, but the bathrooms are cleaned often, and it's the local custom, so I cope.)
Place a clean brick in the tank of a regular toilet, according to our water department, and turn your regular toilet into a lowered-flow one.
I suggest the "flush or not" rule generally is a "local knowledge" thing.
At night? In a house where I have not been asked not to flush?  I flush.  At home, I don't like being awakened by flushes during the night, and if the seat lid is down (and I always keep them down) when I enter a bathroom in the morning and especially if we have guests, I generally flush before peeking if I am unsure.  Our house is old and the bathrooms don't have fans.  If you might leave odors behind, not only would I appreciate it if you flushed, no matter the hour, it would be nice if you opened the window (we have those) and looked around for the air freshener.  I bet there is some close at hand.  There is in our house.

I've heard to put the brick in a ziptop bag first, as an unprotected brick *might* degrade over time.

My semi-related anecdote about "let it mellow" -- we checked into a motel room once where there was unflushed urine in the toilet. I'm assuming it was a maintenance person who was in the room after housekeeping had been by.  I don't know how long it had been sitting there, but it was *rank* and stunk up the entire room.

Outdoor Girl

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That would disgust me, too.

I do have a secondary rule to the mellowing, though.  If we've had asparagus for dinner, flush every time!
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
Ontario

Katana_Geldar

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Wow, I'd like to know where you are shopping.
Costco, the low flow dual flush, elongated bowel and it was only something like $90 and it is great.  The government also for a while did a rebate program so lots and lots of great dual flush toilets have been under $100 the last few years.

I think it is fine for people to not flush in their own home for themselves when they are by themselves but I don't think you can instruct guests in your home not to flush, even in the middle of the night as you just shouldn't instruct people on their toilet habits.  Kind of like how I don't think one should ever do a #2 in someone's home unless they are staying over nigh but there is no way to really say that to people without being a freak  :D
I must preface this all by saying I am the kind of person who needs to pretend that body functions don't happen, so someone asking me to specifically not flush may have me running for the door.  I was at my SIL for Christmas and my BIL didn't flush in the powder room and it really bothered me (I had to flush his first no way could I go one top of his) so much that next time I visit I will limit my beverages so I don't need to use the washroom until I get home.

How can you even control that?  Trust me, I hate leaving the odorous evidence of what I did in the bathroom behind...it's embarrassing, but I don't think it's even possible to tell people that they can't go number 2 in your house.

Yeah, this...if I'm hosting you in my house, you are welcome to use the bathroom for both number 1 and number 2. That's what it's for.
What you do in my bathroom is your business unless you're rifling through the cupboards. If you leave a smell, use the air fresher, if you leave marks, use the brush.

Iris

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Wow, I'd like to know where you are shopping.
Costco, the low flow dual flush, elongated bowel and it was only something like $90 and it is great.  The government also for a while did a rebate program so lots and lots of great dual flush toilets have been under $100 the last few years.

I think it is fine for people to not flush in their own home for themselves when they are by themselves but I don't think you can instruct guests in your home not to flush, even in the middle of the night as you just shouldn't instruct people on their toilet habits.  Kind of like how I don't think one should ever do a #2 in someone's home unless they are staying over nigh but there is no way to really say that to people without being a freak  :D
I must preface this all by saying I am the kind of person who needs to pretend that body functions don't happen, so someone asking me to specifically not flush may have me running for the door.  I was at my SIL for Christmas and my BIL didn't flush in the powder room and it really bothered me (I had to flush his first no way could I go one top of his) so much that next time I visit I will limit my beverages so I don't need to use the washroom until I get home.

How can you even control that?  Trust me, I hate leaving the odorous evidence of what I did in the bathroom behind...it's embarrassing, but I don't think it's even possible to tell people that they can't go number 2 in your house.



Some people are more ... predictable ... than others. I don't know why.
"Can't do anything with children, can you?" the woman said.

Poirot thought you could, but forebore to say so.

gramma dishes

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...   Costco, the low flow dual flush, elongated bowel and it was only something like $90 and it is great.

I do know that certain medical conditions can result in surgery, one of the side effects of which is a shortened bowel.  Had no idea one could purchase an elongated one!!   ;)

CakeEater

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I think it is fine for people to not flush in their own home for themselves when they are by themselves but I don't think you can instruct guests in your home not to flush, even in the middle of the night as you just shouldn't instruct people on their toilet habits.  Kind of like how I don't think one should ever do a #2 in someone's home unless they are staying over nigh but there is no way to really say that to people without being a freak  :D

But can I instruct them to look after the baby they've woken at 1am until she goes back to sleep at 4am?  Not any more, but man, if someone had woken my baby when I was chronically sleep deprived in that first 18 months, they would have woken to a pretty gumpy host.

I often, only half-joking, shush people with my, 'You wake 'em, you got 'em' policy.

menley

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Wow, I'd like to know where you are shopping.
Costco, the low flow dual flush, elongated bowel and it was only something like $90 and it is great.  The government also for a while did a rebate program so lots and lots of great dual flush toilets have been under $100 the last few years.

I think it is fine for people to not flush in their own home for themselves when they are by themselves but I don't think you can instruct guests in your home not to flush, even in the middle of the night as you just shouldn't instruct people on their toilet habits.  Kind of like how I don't think one should ever do a #2 in someone's home unless they are staying over nigh but there is no way to really say that to people without being a freak  :D
I must preface this all by saying I am the kind of person who needs to pretend that body functions don't happen, so someone asking me to specifically not flush may have me running for the door.  I was at my SIL for Christmas and my BIL didn't flush in the powder room and it really bothered me (I had to flush his first no way could I go one top of his) so much that next time I visit I will limit my beverages so I don't need to use the washroom until I get home.

How can you even control that?  Trust me, I hate leaving the odorous evidence of what I did in the bathroom behind...it's embarrassing, but I don't think it's even possible to tell people that they can't go number 2 in your house.



Some people are more ... predictable ... than others. I don't know why.

Yes, when I was younger I thought it was "ugh, so gross" whenever someone else did #2 at my home and I thought, my gosh, can't they just wait? And then I developed IBS and have learned that waiting is not an option for everyone. Karma on me, I suppose.

LadyJaneinMD

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Okay, I admit that, since I am home now and STILL struggling with this %$#@!! UTI, have elected to not flush every time I run in the bathroom.  BUT I am home alone and don't have guests.  (As for the UTI, I saw my "real" doctor today and he has switched me to new meds and arranged for a cat scan to make dead certain I don't have another issue brewing.  Hope that isn't TMI.)

Yarnspinner, has your doctor tested your 'sample'??  The last time I had a UTI, the doctor gave me Cipro, then called me a couple of days later and said that they had done further testing, and my particular bacteria wouldn't respond to Cipro, so they had to call in another prescription for another antibiotic.

And I'm in the 'flush ALWAYS' camp.  I had a friend who had gotten out of the habit of flushing at night because of a light-sleeping aunt, and I *hated* that smell when I got into the bathroom in the morning!  My apartment wasn't that big, and the smell would seep out to the whole apartment.  Ghastly. 
Unless you're going out in the woods, please flush!

Yarnspinner

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Okay, I admit that, since I am home now and STILL struggling with this %$#@!! UTI, have elected to not flush every time I run in the bathroom.  BUT I am home alone and don't have guests.  (As for the UTI, I saw my "real" doctor today and he has switched me to new meds and arranged for a cat scan to make dead certain I don't have another issue brewing.  Hope that isn't TMI.)

Yarnspinner, has your doctor tested your 'sample'??  The last time I had a UTI, the doctor gave me Cipro, then called me a couple of days later and said that they had done further testing, and my particular bacteria wouldn't respond to Cipro, so they had to call in another prescription for another antibiotic.

And I'm in the 'flush ALWAYS' camp.  I had a friend who had gotten out of the habit of flushing at night because of a light-sleeping aunt, and I *hated* that smell when I got into the bathroom in the morning!  My apartment wasn't that big, and the smell would seep out to the whole apartment.  Ghastly. 
Unless you're going out in the woods, please flush!


Just a quick note on the UTI:  When I got the infection was visiting the family six hundred miles away and pretty much at the mercy of a very young doctor.  Now that I am home, I saw my real doctor who said "Well, that's interesting treatment; the cipro didn't work the first time so they gave you more.  Good plan."  He took me off the cipro and but me on bactrium and this morning, the whole pain seems to be gone.  I can walk again without pain, don't need to look for the bathroom wherever I am and maybe can stop taking the pyridium for pain.  He also sent me for a CAT scan just to rule out stones or another issue, given my history of UTIs and my family's history of stones.  As for the sample:  it was so compromised by antibiotics and pyridium that it tested "clean".  (The doctor at the clinic was baffled by that as well as by the fact that there was blood in the specimen.  "I don't know what's causing that."  Which is when I knew I was dealing with a ding bat.  I should have been more vocal, but I was already feeling miserable.)

Side note about the CAT Scan.  The technician asked if I knew what a CAT scan was and I said "Well, I have seen that on House it causes a lot of sudden fatalities along with the MRI."  She laughed and said "Yeah, but remember, on House, they don't have technicians to run the machines, they only have overworked doctors who don't know what they're doing.  You would think in a hospital that large, Doctor Cuddy would have thought to hire a few radiology techs."  I wanted to give her the address for ehell just so she could write in the Television Pet Peeve thread.
« Last Edit: January 07, 2014, 10:12:22 AM by Yarnspinner »

bah12

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Wow, I'd like to know where you are shopping.
Costco, the low flow dual flush, elongated bowel and it was only something like $90 and it is great.  The government also for a while did a rebate program so lots and lots of great dual flush toilets have been under $100 the last few years.

I think it is fine for people to not flush in their own home for themselves when they are by themselves but I don't think you can instruct guests in your home not to flush, even in the middle of the night as you just shouldn't instruct people on their toilet habits.  Kind of like how I don't think one should ever do a #2 in someone's home unless they are staying over nigh but there is no way to really say that to people without being a freak  :D
I must preface this all by saying I am the kind of person who needs to pretend that body functions don't happen, so someone asking me to specifically not flush may have me running for the door.  I was at my SIL for Christmas and my BIL didn't flush in the powder room and it really bothered me (I had to flush his first no way could I go one top of his) so much that next time I visit I will limit my beverages so I don't need to use the washroom until I get home.

How can you even control that?  Trust me, I hate leaving the odorous evidence of what I did in the bathroom behind...it's embarrassing, but I don't think it's even possible to tell people that they can't go number 2 in your house.



Some people are more ... predictable ... than others. I don't know why.

You still can't control that...maybe for yourself but not others.

Sophia

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I think the discussion has drifted.  (and I was a part of the drift)
The OP had been a guest and was shocked that the host seemed to expect her to not flush at night. 
The discussion has drifted to "What we can do in our own homes."  When, really, there aren't any etiquette rules for what you do in the privacy of your own home.  The real question is,

"Is it an etiquette rule that you shouldn't flush at night while a guest?" 

and I guess

"Can I expect a guest to not flush at night while they are a guest?' 


My personal answer is No and No. 

Yvaine

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I think the discussion has drifted.  (and I was a part of the drift)
The OP had been a guest and was shocked that the host seemed to expect her to not flush at night. 
The discussion has drifted to "What we can do in our own homes."  When, really, there aren't any etiquette rules for what you do in the privacy of your own home.  The real question is,

"Is it an etiquette rule that you shouldn't flush at night while a guest?" 

and I guess

"Can I expect a guest to not flush at night while they are a guest?' 


My personal answer is No and No.

I think the host can ask, as kind of a "quirks of the house" thing. It's the host's toilet, after all, though the guest might end up grossed out by the results and might decide not to stay there anymore! What you can't do is just expect a guest to magically know that's your house rule and avoid flushing without any kind of communication. If the Gramma of the story had gotten up the next morning and berated OP for flushing, that would be rude. As it is, it's hard to say whether it's an actual rule they failed to communicate, a personal quirk of Gramma's, or even that Gramma just forgot to flush in her sleepy state.