Poll

If a friend who is usually very responsive doesn't respond to an SMS/txt for over 24hours do you:

Assume they're dealing with some crisis and wait to hear from them - after all, if they're that busy you don't want to disturb them!
7 (8.8%)
Assume they're dealing with some crisis and call them to find out what's going on and if you can help
4 (5%)
Assume they just didn't see your message or forgot to reply, wait to hear from them
31 (38.8%)
Assume they just didn't see your message or forgot to reply, send another message about something else
28 (35%)
Assume they just didn't see your message or forgot to reply, call them!
10 (12.5%)

Total Members Voted: 80

Author Topic: Out of character lapses in communication  (Read 2112 times)

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Ceallach

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Out of character lapses in communication
« on: January 14, 2014, 06:11:51 PM »
I just realised I've never actually been in this situation before, so curious as to what people would do.    I have a friend I've known for about 18 months who is a very good communicator.  She loves to text and call.  We both have nearly 1 year old babies who are teething so lots to discuss and commiserate on.    We also see each other at least 2-4 times per week for lunch, dinner or just to chat, sometimes with our husbands and always with our kids. 

We last spoke on Monday afternoon, it's now Wednesday morning.  There were some texts on Monday night about something general we'd discussed (plans for next week), and I send her a text on Tuesday morning asking a question about it and also just saying I hoped her day was going well.  I have heard nothing in response.    Normally that would be no big deal, I don't even talk to my family that often.  But it's very, very unusual for her.     There will sometimes be a delay of up to an hour or so between text replies as both of us get busy with our kids and lives, but I've never had her not respond before. 

I'm typically a "step back and see what happens" type, but I'm torn.... should I reach out in case something big has happened?   I normally would think if she's too busy to text, she's probably too busy to take a call.  Plus I'd hate to make her feel guilty for not getting back to me.  And really I'm not bothered, it's just a little odd.  (Just to be clear, the not getting back to me is NOT a big deal, I'm just surprised because it's so out of character).   What do you normally do when you don't hear from somebody, wait or contact them again?  Not sure where the line here is between friendly concern and not being pushy!   Because really, 24 hours isn't that long.  :)
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QueenfaninCA

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Re: Out of character lapses in communication
« Reply #1 on: January 14, 2014, 06:14:26 PM »
I'd probably send a text a la "Haven't heard back from you. Everything OK?"

shhh its me

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Re: Out of character lapses in communication
« Reply #2 on: January 14, 2014, 06:17:22 PM »
  I would do nothing.  Just text her again at the time/circumstance when you normally would.

katycoo

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Re: Out of character lapses in communication
« Reply #3 on: January 14, 2014, 06:19:10 PM »
Give her a call.  Recently I've has issues with text messages randomly not being received - by me or by the person I'm sending to.  Totally inconsistent too.  So she might not have ever received it.

mspallaton

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Re: Out of character lapses in communication
« Reply #4 on: January 14, 2014, 06:21:04 PM »
I put that I would send another message - but I meant in the event that I had something else to say.  In other words - I would assume nothing is wrong, which means not messaging if I have nothing to say and messaging if I do.

If it goes a lot longer (a few days) then I would start to wonder, given the level of responsiveness you've described.

veronaz

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Re: Out of character lapses in communication
« Reply #5 on: January 14, 2014, 06:29:07 PM »
I didn’t vote because I wouldn’t necessarily assume anything, and a delay in replying to a message doesn’t mean the person must have a “crisis” going on in their life.

24 hrs isn’t that long, especially if you didn’t indicate any urgency.

I'd give it another day or two and maybe follow up with "Is everything OK?", as someone else suggested.

jmarvellous

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Re: Out of character lapses in communication
« Reply #6 on: January 14, 2014, 06:33:53 PM »
I seem to recall something about missing persons reports and 48 hours before a competent adult is even considered to be 'missing.' I'm not sure if that's actually true or a TV thing, but I think it's a fine rule of thumb for "person who normally gets back to me ASAP hasn't yet responded."

So, I guess I'd wait 48 hours and then send a follow-up, maybe just one reiterating your question or raising a new one. Not "Where the heck are ya?"

LifeOnPluto

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Re: Out of character lapses in communication
« Reply #7 on: January 14, 2014, 08:45:36 PM »
If you asked a question (and not just a made general comment about something) and she hasn't responded, I'd wait another 24 hours, then send her another text, asking her if she got the first one.

If she doesn't respond to the second text within a couple of days, I'd give her a quick call to make sure everything was ok.

BuffaloFang

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Re: Out of character lapses in communication
« Reply #8 on: January 15, 2014, 12:20:39 AM »
I might send a text asking if everything was okay - if she's busy she just won't respond. 

But is it possible she lost her phone/it was stolen?

Raintree

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Re: Out of character lapses in communication
« Reply #9 on: January 15, 2014, 12:38:10 AM »
She could have been busy, she could have been sick, the text may have disappeared into thin air (sometimes I don't get texts people say they've sent), she could have looked at it quickly while too busy to reply right then, and then forgot. I don't think 24 hours is enough time to wonder if everything's OK. I'd wait a few more days unless you really need your question answered, in which case I'd send another or call.

cicero

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Re: Out of character lapses in communication
« Reply #10 on: January 15, 2014, 02:44:16 AM »
i voted "send a message about something else" but i really wanted to say"send any message/resend the original message".

Since you say this is something who always responds within an hour to any text, and since this was a text about a "potential meeting", then i would assume that she didn't get the text, phone dived into the toilet, or something like that - therefore, i would resend, or send her a general 'wassup' text.

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Kiwichick

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Re: Out of character lapses in communication
« Reply #11 on: January 15, 2014, 04:22:08 AM »
None of the options fit what I'd do.  Since you see her 2 to 4 times a week, in your position, I'd wait until the next time I was due to see her before drawing any conclusions.  If she cancels that or seems off, then I'd ask what's up.

magician5

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Re: Out of character lapses in communication
« Reply #12 on: January 15, 2014, 09:47:41 AM »
Call them ... without the exclamation point. If the matter so terribly urgent, it might call for a more certain means of communication.
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kudeebee

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Re: Out of character lapses in communication
« Reply #13 on: January 16, 2014, 01:13:44 AM »
I didn't vote either.  Could be that she is busy and hasn't had time to reply, could be that her phone has died, could be that she just hasn't seen the message, could be that she doesn't have anything to reply back to you yet.