When the host family's TV marathon disturbs or offends you

[Venus193]

A few years ago we had a discussion here about someone who ended up a captive audience to a marathon of Saw movies at a relative's home.  She didn't drive and couldn't escape from it in any other way other than holing up in the study to read a book until her ride was ready to leave.  There was a variety of opinion about this.

My situation was not as egregious.

The other day I was at the home of an old friend who had the TV on the marathon of The Incredible Dr Pol.  While I love animals dearly there were things in that program that I don't think are appropriate during dinner (certain surgeries) and there were things that were just too sad (when he had to put down someone's two horses).  The hostess' sister commented that the first wasn't really suitable for dinner-time viewing and got the channel changed for about half an hour.  The latter makes me cry and I can't stand this, especially in front of other people.  My friend put the tissue box in front of me, but that didn't make me feel better.

Would it have been rude to ask to change the channel or to do something else?  What would you have done in my place?

Any comments about my being too sensitive about animal death will not be welcome.  I have had pets most of my life and feel that going through the real thing is enough without having to see it on television.

[Harriet Jones]

I think you can probably ask for the channel to be changed (or the tv turned off), but I'm not sure what else you could do if your hosts don't want to change the channel.  Leave?

[TurtleDove]

I would be surprised to have the TV on during dinner!!!!

[lmyrs]

Either you can handle it or you can't. If you can, do. If you can't, leave. I think that's your best option.

[Margo]

I agree that you can ask that the Tv be turned off (or the channel changed).
Also, if these are old friends, could you simply tell them what you've said here, and suggest that you meet up at a different time if they want to watch?

It might also be possible to move to a different seat so you couldn't see the screen, or so that you were at an angle and couldn't see it easily.

Could you have gone home? It sounds as though it was very casual, if they had the TV on even during dinner.
As they're old friends, would it have been possible for you to offer to help with clearing up after the meal, so you had an excuse to be out of the room?

[jedikaiti]

Aside from accompanying the occasion's theme, or being the primary event (I'm thinking Super Bowl parties, movie watching gatherings, or having holiday movies on at low volume in the background at a holiday gathering), I am wondering why the TV was on in the first place. If it's a casual visit, I might be inclined to excuse myself and leave, perhaps saying something to the effect that we can reschedule the visit for when they aren't so busy.

[Venus193]

It was New Year's Day.  I did help clean up; I always do.

My friend works now after 4 years and change of unemployment.  I don't think they have a DVR in their cable box, if that affects anyone's answer.

[EllenS]

I was brought up that having the TV on is rude a) during meals, or b) while you have short-term company (it's different of course for long-term or overnight company).

I think your options for a bothersome TV show would be the same as for music that is too loud/has offensive lyrics, lighting that is too dim to see, temperature or smells that are extremely uncomfortable (I'm thinking like a scented candle that gives you an allergy attack).

You can ask whether it can be changed.  If you feel you don't know them well enough to ask, or if they refuse, you excuse yourself and say you will come another time. 

[TurtleDove]

It sounds like this is a style of gathering that I am unfamiliar with.  As another poster said, it would strange to me to have the TV on when company was over unless it was a specific TV event like the Oscars or something.  To me, the very fact the TV was on is rude, let alone that you found the programming offensive.

If it were me, I would ask that the TV be turned off, or ask that the station be turned, and if it was important to the hosts to watch what they were watching I would be shocked but probably leave.  I have never had this happen!

[Snooks]

It sounds like this is a style of gathering that I am unfamiliar with.  As another poster said, it would strange to me to have the TV on when company was over unless it was a specific TV event like the Oscars or something.  To me, the very fact the TV was on is rude, let alone that you found the programming offensive.

If it were me, I would ask that the TV be turned off, or ask that the station be turned, and if it was important to the hosts to watch what they were watching I would be shocked but probably leave.  I have never had this happen!

I'm pretty much with this.  The TV doesn't go on if we have guests.  I wouldn't ask that the TV was turned off but I would (and have) cut my visit short if the TV was on while I was visiting.

[gramma dishes]

Venus, did you know ahead of time that it was their intention to watch some sort of TV marathon?  Or did this come as a total surprise to you?

If this was a casual visit and you could leave, I think I'd have done that.

If this was a planned visit and you couldn't leave because your plane tickets weren't good until 'day after tomorrow', I think I'd probably have just found an excuse to leave the room and gone somewhere else in the house to read a book or something if I could.

[Mikayla]

I'm another one who's never seen a TV on during a meal.

OP, the other thing that struck me was that you were crying hard enough that your friend noticed it and handed you tissues.  But she didn't immediately turn the TV off?  The order of what happened wasn't obvious from the post, but her sister should not have had to step in to handle a sobbing guest at her own dinner table.





 

[aussie_chick]

I have to admit, i'm a little horrified that a guest was crying during dinner and the host put a box of tissues in front of them and carried on when it was something that could have easily been changed.

I think you could have asked for the channel to be changed. If they refused or made light of your feelings about this, I would leave. Not with a scene, but with a polite "thank you for dinner. I need to leave now". Obviously you weren't the only one who felt this way.

The only exception to this may be if the event was specifically about watching this show in which case, you should probably just leave.
If I was having a Sex and the City marathon(a show my girlfriends and I love) and was I was clear that's what the event was for, I would be annoyed if someone came and and got upset that we were watching it. But it doesn't sound like watching this particular show was part of the plan.

[sparksals]

I can't watch those shows either, especially those sad commercials this time of year with Sarah McLaughlin singing.


I personally would not feel comfortable asking for them to change the channel.  It is their home and TV.  Instead, I would get up and say I can't stay or go to another room explaining those type of shows really upset me and I just can't watch.

[metallicafan]

I also would request that the channel be changed or TV be turned off in this case.

However, I am going against the grain as far as not having the tv on when people are over.  My get togethers are casual.  We all sit in the living room with the TV on, chatting.