Author Topic: When the host family's TV marathon disturbs or offends you  (Read 5622 times)

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Danika

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Re: When the host family's TV marathon disturbs or offends you
« Reply #15 on: January 03, 2014, 07:05:06 PM »
My inlaws (who we don't see very often) are like this. They always have the TV on.

The last time we went to visit them in their state several years ago, we were staying with them, so there was no place to really escape to. My very devout FIL was watching The Passion of the Christ which of course has a lot of blood and suffering in it. My DH was very uncomfortable so he decided to take our child out for a walk since the weather was nice. I wasn't too uncomfortable at that point so I kept watching. Once DH was gone on his walk, I found that the movie was getting more and more depressing and I should have excused myself and said I was going to try to go find him but I was tired and didn't feel like walking out in the darkness in a neighborhood without street lights looking for my husband and child so I stayed and waited for them to come back.

Next time, if we visit, I will keep the extra set of car keys with me and we will stay at a hotel.

I don't feel comfortable asking hosts to change channels or turn TVs off, so in the future I will just excuse myself and leave the room/house/gathering.

melicious

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Re: When the host family's TV marathon disturbs or offends you
« Reply #16 on: January 03, 2014, 07:08:42 PM »
I also would request that the channel be changed or TV be turned off in this case.

However, I am going against the grain as far as not having the tv on when people are over.  My get togethers are casual.  We all sit in the living room with the TV on, chatting.

Yeah I don't find it unusual to have the TV in when I have friends over, either. Granted, this is just when we're hanging out casually.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: When the host family's TV marathon disturbs or offends you
« Reply #17 on: January 03, 2014, 07:32:59 PM »
Yeah, it's not unusual for us to have the tv on, though I have gotten after DH for putting something on that not everyone will like and turning the volume up very loud.  He did that when my friend visited, and she and I went out and sat on the porch to chat.  He said "I thought she'd like it!" But she really just wasn't in the mood for a movie and wanted to chat.
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AnnaJ

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Re: When the host family's TV marathon disturbs or offends you
« Reply #18 on: January 03, 2014, 09:22:25 PM »
I'm touchy about the topic of animal sickness and death also, so I'd also be unwilling to watch it and would likely excuse myself and leave; if I was visiting a close friend I'd possibly ask about changing the channel unless it was obvious that friend was very into watching the show.

As for talking and watching TV, it's not something I can do anymore - I can't differentiate sounds well, so can't deal with trying to listen to a real person and having another background noise like a TV...heck, music that is any louder than just background volume causes problems.  :( 


cass2591

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Re: When the host family's TV marathon disturbs or offends you
« Reply #19 on: January 03, 2014, 09:30:32 PM »
As someone who is convinced that my neuroses is because of "Old Yeller" and was annoyed with my sister when she told me no animals died in "Babe" (the old swan died) I would never in a million years say you're too sensitive to animal death. Hell, I want the networks to advise people to mute the TV when they put those ASPCA commercials on, and while they're at it, do the kids one too.

Anyway, what would I have done? Asked them to stop it and it they didn't, leave. People who have no respect for my sensitivity in these matters are no friends of mine.
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JennJenn68

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Re: When the host family's TV marathon disturbs or offends you
« Reply #20 on: January 03, 2014, 09:31:46 PM »
Apparently, I don't quite yet belong to the 21st century.  I would not think of subjecting anyone else to a "marathon" of any television show, never mind a disturbing one, unless the event was all about the show itself (which I haven't hosted since I was in my early twenties, a couple of decades ago...!) and I certainly would be a little more sensitive than to just offer a box of tissues.  Sheesh.  What polite host does that??

That being said, I'm very aware that, since I don't have cable or satellite television (and do not plan to subscribe to either at any point in time!), perhaps I'm a little behind the times.  I'm a complete DOCTOR WHO geek, but I wouldn't subject anyone else to it who wasn't already as rabid about it as I am.  Were the hosts on the young side?  I find that makes a difference nowadays.  Just as I can't comprehend the concept of people who must always be attached to their mobile devices with an umbilical cord and who will constantly check them (and interact with them) during social events, this one escapes me--but the younger generation has assured me that I am the rude one for not understanding the need to be in constant contact with others at all times.  (And, truthfully, some of the not-so-younger generation act in a similar fashion--even those my age!--so I'm starting to wonder if I'm the one living in the past!)

Reading in the study is the only thing that I can suggest, which you did.  Brickbats to be showered upon your insensitive "hosts" (and I use the term loosely!)...

kherbert05

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Re: When the host family's TV marathon disturbs or offends you
« Reply #21 on: January 03, 2014, 09:59:52 PM »
1. Ask them to change it if they don't
2. Leave - If I can't
3. Put in headphones and listen to  a book

Way back when BIL used to use right wing shows to try to provoke an arguement with me. I told sis I didn't want to be around him, if he was going to do that. Turns out he had gotten it in his head I enjoyed arguing about politics because I have a degree in Poli Sci and I told oldest niece that the best way to be able to argue one point in an debate/paper what have you is to make sure you can make the opposing argument as well. (She was in HS researching something political for a class, but only looking up things that supported her view.) He stopped the behavior.
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LifeOnPluto

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Re: When the host family's TV marathon disturbs or offends you
« Reply #22 on: January 03, 2014, 10:17:35 PM »
I have to admit, i'm a little horrified that a guest was crying during dinner and the host put a box of tissues in front of them and carried on when it was something that could have easily been changed.

I think you could have asked for the channel to be changed. If they refused or made light of your feelings about this, I would leave. Not with a scene, but with a polite "thank you for dinner. I need to leave now". Obviously you weren't the only one who felt this way.


I agree. I think the hosts were quite inconsiderate by simply dumping a box of tissues in front of you, rather than turning off the TV (or changing the channel).

I also think you'd be fine in asking for the TV to be turned off / channel changed. If they refused, and leaving wasn't an option, I would have taken my meal and eaten it elsewhere.

As to the general question of whether the TV should be on when guests are over, I'd say it depends on the length of the visit and the nature of the programme. If it's a long visit, and the hosts want to watch the Test Cricket, I'd give them a pass. If it's a short visit, and the hosts want to have the TV turned to a programme that you find disturbing or offensive, I think the hosts are rude.

purple

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Re: When the host family's TV marathon disturbs or offends you
« Reply #23 on: January 03, 2014, 10:29:44 PM »
Definitely a 'depends on the situation' IMO.  If you are very comfortable with the hosts, I think you could either ask for the show to be turned off or if they really wanted to watch it, you'd probably be fine to just say you have to leave because you can't watch it.  In a close friendship, I think this could be done without any animosity occurring.

I'm with you, I can't watch those 'animal rescue' or 'animal hospital' type shows either.  They are just too upsetting.

nolechica

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Re: When the host family's TV marathon disturbs or offends you
« Reply #24 on: January 03, 2014, 11:58:52 PM »
I would just ask for a new channel.  The tv is often on when I have company, either in my apt or my parents' house.  However, people usually know what I'll be watching.

Venus193

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Re: When the host family's TV marathon disturbs or offends you
« Reply #25 on: January 04, 2014, 12:04:49 AM »
You'd think I would have the courage to ask that the channel be changed; the hostess is a friend of many years' standing.  The TV is always on at her place and this program is a current favorite of hers.

Next time I will try to talk in advance with her about playing Monopoly or something.  I do get a little miffed at the TV being on all the time without a specific plan to watch a major movie or something.

GreenEyedHawk

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Re: When the host family's TV marathon disturbs or offends you
« Reply #26 on: January 04, 2014, 02:33:38 AM »
Reading in the study is the only thing that I can suggest, which you did.  Brickbats to be showered upon your insensitive "hosts" (and I use the term loosely!)...

OT, but what's a "brickbat"?
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Harriet Jones

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Re: When the host family's TV marathon disturbs or offends you
« Reply #27 on: January 04, 2014, 09:50:35 AM »
Reading in the study is the only thing that I can suggest, which you did.  Brickbats to be showered upon your insensitive "hosts" (and I use the term loosely!)...

OT, but what's a "brickbat"?

From Merriam-Webster online:

1:  a fragment of a hard material (as a brick); especially :  one used as a missile
2:  an uncomplimentary remark

Venus193

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Re: When the host family's TV marathon disturbs or offends you
« Reply #28 on: January 04, 2014, 11:29:08 AM »
I didn't mention it, but my friend lives in a 2-BF apartment; there is noplace to hide unless I go into the computer room, which is adjacent to the living room.  Turning on someone's computer strikes me as rude, especially since most of us think that the computer should also be turned off during a "family" gathering.

meronym

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Re: When the host family's TV marathon disturbs or offends you
« Reply #29 on: January 04, 2014, 11:41:01 AM »
You'd think I would have the courage to ask that the channel be changed; the hostess is a friend of many years' standing.  The TV is always on at her place and this program is a current favorite of hers.

Next time I will try to talk in advance with her about playing Monopoly or something.  I do get a little miffed at the TV being on all the time without a specific plan to watch a major movie or something.

If this is indeed an old friend of yours, I'm quite surprised that she's unaware of your sensitivity about animal cruelty. (Not that most people aren't bothered by animal cruelty but some are better able to handle a documentary type program.) I'm also shocked that she just plopped a box of tissues in front of you when you started crying; I would never do that to a stranger, let alone an long-time friend!

I don't know if she was being intentionally passive-aggressive or just truly clueless but maybe it's time to take a look at your relationship. This might be a bit harsh but if I had a "friend" who I needed to discuss with a bunch of random internet strangers, well, I think I would need to re-evaluate that friendship. (I don't know if you've ever posted about this friend before but if you have that just adds to this sentiment.) Conversely, I would feel betrayed and mortified if I found out an old friend of mine complained about me online instead of just talking to me. :/