Author Topic: When people disipline your pets.  (Read 9204 times)

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Sharnita

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Re: When people disipline your pets.
« Reply #15 on: January 04, 2014, 09:36:15 AM »
I think that a lot of people do see animals on a dining/food prep surface as directly affecting them.

LeveeWoman

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Re: When people disipline your pets.
« Reply #16 on: January 04, 2014, 09:46:22 AM »
I think that a lot of people do see animals on a dining/food prep surface as directly affecting them.

But that doesn't give them the right to yell at the animals.

menley

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Re: When people disipline your pets.
« Reply #17 on: January 04, 2014, 09:51:54 AM »
I think that a lot of people do see animals on a dining/food prep surface as directly affecting them.

But that doesn't give them the right to yell at the animals.

Perhaps not yelling, no. But I've noticed often that anytime some of my friends are relating a story about someone telling them something negative about themselves, they refer to that person as "yelling at them". For example "I was at the store and someone yelled at me for leaving my cart at the end of the aisle!" I then ask "Wow, they really screamed at you?" And their response is usually something like "No, but they told me not to do it and I could tell they were upset."

I have to wonder if these people were really yelling at the cat, as it seems very unusual to have two separate people scream at a cat for sniffing.

And I must say that I am also surprised at the posters who say that their cats are allowed to walk on the counters. Given that cats step in the litter box, if I saw that a friend allowed her cats on the countertops, I would never eat any food offered by that friend again.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: When people disipline your pets.
« Reply #18 on: January 04, 2014, 09:56:16 AM »
I was eating dinner at my friend's house and was the only person who could see the dog getting up on his back legs to investigate the food on the stove top. I said "Fido, no!" but I did immediately apologise to my friends.

This wouldn't bother me at all and I would tell you that you didn't need to apologize.

My cats are allowed on the furniture but not on food prep and eating surfaces and my friends know this so if someone scooped a cat up and put them on the floor with a strong, 'No!', I'd be fine with it, as that's how I would discipline them myself if I didn't have a squirt bottle handy.

But anyone who struck one of my cats?  Get out and don't come back.
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
Ontario

oopsie

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Re: When people disipline your pets.
« Reply #19 on: January 04, 2014, 10:27:01 AM »
DH and I and our kids were camping at a piece of property owned by my in-laws. DH's brothers and their wives and kids were also there. We all brought our dogs to run around etc. MIL & FIL showed up later.

A dog belonging to one of my brother-in-law's (still just a puppy) started pulling at some of the garbage that had been put in the bonfire sticks (it was daytime so no fire going). MIL saw this and didn't like it so picked up a fair sized branch and whacked the puppy over the back while yelling at it to stop.

My brother-in-law's wife was livid. She started walking towards her dog to pull her away from the area and yelled at MIL "you don't need to hit her!" but FIL gave her low grumbled warning to back off and let it go.

I was also feeling pretty angry. We have a dog that I love to bits and it could have just as easily been him getting hit. I recognize that it is their property but I still don't think that gives them the right to abuse other people's animals. I would not have been offended at her just yelling at the puppy to stop though.



TootsNYC

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Re: When people disipline your pets.
« Reply #20 on: January 04, 2014, 10:44:21 AM »
I really think it's pretty much like "do you discipline someone else's child?"

In certain situations, non-pet-owners (and non-parents) are OK to step in. Life-and-limb situations (in which case, you don't so much yell, etc., as intervene--call the puppy/child away, pick up the animal/child and move them out of danger, etc.).

And of course, situations in which you've expressly been *delegated* the task of disciplining (you were taught the code words, or have been asked to be responsible).

Others, you either just shut up and butt out, or you say things like, "Kitty/Child, are you allowed on that table?" loud enough so Mom can hear.

And isn't it funny, OP, that the mere sniffing set both these people off? That they can't fathom that sniffing may be all the cat is intending to do, and you could probably wait and see, but they have to react RIGHT NOW? And they have to make a BIG DEAL out of it, instead of simply saying at a conversational tone, "no, kitty--don't you get on that table!" (But when the owner --or parent-- is right there, especially if it's not your table, I think it's off to issue an order directly to the pet or child. That's taking over their role.)

And I'm so intrigued by your choice of words--you described them both as "screaming." How much of your description is hyperbole, and how much is strictly accurate?

As for how to handle it, I think you might consider "channeling your inner daycare worker." Because you mentioned that when you thought about responding, you kept mentally wanting to yell back at them. To me that's a sign that your own emotions are deeply involved. And I think of the *best* daycare workers as being quite clinical about misbehavior. They don't get mad at kids in their care, because, well, that's just what kids are, so you correct them as calmly as possible simply because it is effective.
    So if you were a -good- daycare worker, and a 3yo in your care yelled at a pet, how would you respond? You'd teach, right? And you calmly lay down rules.

So you say, "We don't yell at the kitty--it doesn't do any good, because he doesn't speak English, and he doesn't think you're talking to him, but it upsets the people who also hear it. We don't interfere with the kitty until *after* he has actually jumped on the table, because otherwise it just confuses him. Expressing an interest in the bags on the table is not a problem. And since we wash the table before every meal, we really don't get that upset about the occasional foot on the table."

Or, you say, "Please leave all the yelling at and disciplining of the cat to me. If you think I need to be alerted to what the cat is doing, just say something quietly to me."

gen xer

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Re: When people disipline your pets.
« Reply #21 on: January 04, 2014, 11:01:12 AM »
 I wouldn't want anyone yelling at my cats because it could frighten them....and I certainly wouldn't allow someone to abuse them in the name of "discipline" but honestly a raised voice if they get on the counters or table wouldn't faze me at all.  Menley has a good point "are they really yelling?  Or was it a raised voice?  Big difference.

Some family members don't like cats and don't want them on them.  They can say "no or get off" and physically remove them.  I don't take it personally.  I love cats but not everyone is quite so enamoured.

TootsNYC

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Re: When people disipline your pets.
« Reply #22 on: January 04, 2014, 11:08:02 AM »
I think it's bizzare.  I mean my cats listen to the people in this household because they know us.  I can't even imagine that they would listen to a strange person yelling at them. 

Really? I've never had a cat that listened to anybody. Especially anybody yelling.

Oh, I've been successful now and then in shooing them off from some place by clapping at them right next to them. But simple yelling? None of my cats have ever paid the slightest bit of attention. Oh, sometimes they might cringe a little bit, but it's *only* for show. It never stops them doing anything.

LeveeWoman

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Re: When people disipline your pets.
« Reply #23 on: January 04, 2014, 11:08:41 AM »
DH and I and our kids were camping at a piece of property owned by my in-laws. DH's brothers and their wives and kids were also there. We all brought our dogs to run around etc. MIL & FIL showed up later.

A dog belonging to one of my brother-in-law's (still just a puppy) started pulling at some of the garbage that had been put in the bonfire sticks (it was daytime so no fire going). MIL saw this and didn't like it so picked up a fair sized branch and whacked the puppy over the back while yelling at it to stop.

My brother-in-law's wife was livid. She started walking towards her dog to pull her away from the area and yelled at MIL "you don't need to hit her!" but FIL gave her low grumbled warning to back off and let it go.

I was also feeling pretty angry. We have a dog that I love to bits and it could have just as easily been him getting hit. I recognize that it is their property but I still don't think that gives them the right to abuse other people's animals. I would not have been offended at her just yelling at the puppy to stop though.

She could have broken that puppy's back or a rib or three! I would've picked up my pup and gone home because there is no way I could have remained civilized toward that awful woman and her husband.

Jovismom

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Re: When people disipline your pets.
« Reply #24 on: January 04, 2014, 11:13:54 AM »
I have a very well behaved and exceedingly well trained dog.  She knows the house rules and she respects them.  If someone were to come in and try correcting her behavior for something like getting on the furniture, I would immediately inform that person that we bought leather furniture for the family room specifically because it was dog friendly.  I'd then tell that person that if my dog requires correction I will see to it myself.

If that person took it upon him/herself to correct my dog verbally again, I would ask them to leave.

Any person who hits my dog in anyway including a tiny little "bop" on the nose will be escorted out of my house immediately.  I don't care who it is and why you did it.

Yes, I have tossed people out on two occasions.  One of the friendships recovered and the other didn't. Quite frankly I had no interest in remaining friends with someone who hit my dog.

I'm fortunate that since I'm deeply involved in the dog community through dog sports, most of my friends are dog people. 

Need to Change

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Re: When people disipline your pets.
« Reply #25 on: January 04, 2014, 11:17:04 AM »
I think it depends.  Obviously these folks went about it wrong.  Screaming at a pet is not the answer (except that my cousin's 6 year old daughter somehow makes it work).  However, there are many pets which I am allowed, and even expected, to discipline while in their homes.  My friends, my parents, my grandparents, have all let me know what voice commands to use on their pets, so there's an expectation that I'll be able to discipline the pet if necessary.  It takes me a second for my friend's dog, as she uses the exact opposite commands that I do (For me, get down means "stop jumping on that person/counter" and get off means "get off that piece of furniture".  She reverses them.)

You're reinforcing the home-humans' training, at their request.  Most cool!

juliasqueezer

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Re: When people disipline your pets.
« Reply #26 on: January 04, 2014, 12:15:05 PM »
This is a bit of a sore spot for me. First of all, I volunteer at a local animal shelter and work with dogs (mostly dogs; there are many more "cat people" than dog people at this particular place) almost daily. I walk them, clean out their kennels, bathe them when they get stinky and work to find them rescue placements and permanent adoptions. Not bragging, but I feel comfortable saying I know how to handle dogs of all sizes and temperaments. You learn to read body language, tail placement/movement, eye contact, etc.

I have a longtime friend who I love dearly, but no longer invite to my home. She has no idea why we meet at neutral places and some day I'll have to come out and explain it to her. She has always had one certain breed of dog. The breed tends to be a bit hyper and high strung, and hers have been no exception. She's taken each dog to many rounds of obedience classes, but doesn't reinforce the lessons at home. She admits this. When you visit her, you have to wait while she locks the dog in another room; otherwise, it will jump on you and knock you over.

My dogs, and I have 2, are about 20 lbs each. They do not jump on visitors. They are trained not to do this. However, one of them gets up on his back feet and "dances" when someone comes in the house. He knows to stay well back from the door, and then dances backwards, hopping back about 5 feet further. I have no idea how this started, but it's harmless, so I've left it alone. Most visitors think it's funny. He won't do it on command, either. It's reserved for new arrivals.

This friend apparently thinks the dog is going to jump on her (as hers does). Whenever she comes in my door and sees the dancing dog, she walks forward several steps, and then knees my dog in his chest and hollers "Off!". So there's my dog.... he's knocked over, laying in the middle of the room, confused.

One of her dog trainers taught her that trick, and she uses it on my dog, but not her own. And that's why I don't want her coming to my house anymore.

Snooks

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Re: When people disipline your pets.
« Reply #27 on: January 04, 2014, 12:21:19 PM »
Your dog sounds amazing, I love the idea of a dancing dog to greet me.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: When people disipline your pets.
« Reply #28 on: January 04, 2014, 12:28:07 PM »
I use the knee to the chest technique but I would never walk forward to knee a dog that wasn't jumping ON me.  And I probably wouldn't knee a 20 lb dog, either.  That's pretty small.

juliasqeezer, I don't blame you for not wanting her to visit you in your home any more.
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
Ontario

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Re: When people disipline your pets.
« Reply #29 on: January 04, 2014, 12:30:13 PM »
 It's risky to assume what is allowed and what isn't allowed when it comes to someone else's pets.  For example I would never presume to discipline an animal for getting up on furniture unless specifically told to.

It's their own home.  They can do with their animals as they seem fit as long as it isn't infringing on someone else's comfort.  But if an animal was bothering me ( and don't worry - I love cats and love it when they come to be petted or snuggled ) I would most certainly be stern with it.  I push dogs down and say "get off" quite firmly when they jump up on me ( I hate that )

My cats usually leave people alone...but if they were to pester someone who didn't want the attention I would be fine with them physically removing them and I would put the cats away if it continued.

It just depends.  I think it's rude when people don't control or train their pets so in those cases I think disciplining someone's animal is just fine.