Author Topic: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...  (Read 8419 times)

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Softly Spoken

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S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« on: January 04, 2014, 06:21:15 PM »
I was wondering about the flipside of the "when people discipline your pets" - what about when pet owners won't discipline them, or don't feel they need to?


I had the experience of being a guest in my BF's apartment, where his roommate gave his two dogs free reign. I like dogs. I have a dog. I work hard to keep my dog from being rude to humans - I do not think my dog (as sweet and cute as he is) is a miniature human. Even if I did, I wouldn't let a person jump on my lap (without an invitation at any rate ;)) so I don't think dogs should either. When one of the dogs got up on the sofa and in my face, I tried to get him to get down. I then was told a little sharply by the roommate that "he's allowed to be up there." I remember thinking this was rude of the roommate. It bothered me enough that I still remember it years later. I felt I was being told that the dogs comfort was more important than mine.

I don't think the "my/my pet's house = my rules/my pet's comfort" should trump a guest's comfort.

I understand it isn't a black and white issue, but I am curious how other animal owners here handle the guest/pet dynamic.
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Sharnita

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #1 on: January 04, 2014, 06:30:16 PM »
I definitely think there are (or should be) limits. Quite frankly, letting your cat touch a guest and then getting outraged over a tap on the nose astounds me.

I think that if your pet is getting in someone's space you need to check and see if they are comfortable. Don't assume they want your pet on them. If they are uncomfortable, take reasonable measures to make the guest/human comfortable.  Call the pet over by you. Now, you don't have to lock them out in the cold or cage them up but you should take reasonable measures.

Coralreef

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #2 on: January 04, 2014, 06:36:08 PM »
I have a dog.  When I have guests over, I don't jump on or lick my guests, so I make sure the dog doesn't either.  However, I will not banish the dog to the outside or the basement.  If the guest doesn't want to interact with the dog, I will distract her (the dog, not the guest) and/or keep her next to me. 

I will not let a guest lay a hand on my dog.  They can shoo her away, but that's it.  That would be a deal breaker for me. 

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AnnaJ

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #3 on: January 04, 2014, 06:39:48 PM »
A dog sharing a couch and not touching me = not in my space.  Getting on my lap, trying to lick my face = in my space.  I'll wait a short bit to see if dog owner will do something, and if not I'll ask them how they would like me to discourage doggy - push him/her off of my lap, clap my hands, whatever; in most cases the owner will take care of the situation.

If a guest is uncomfortable with minor encounters with an animal - a cat or dog sniffing or rubbing against a leg lightly - then I think it's incumbent on the guest to tell their host upfront how they feel and come up with a solution.

metallicafan

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #4 on: January 04, 2014, 06:44:21 PM »
I think that there should be limits too.  I do not care for the idea of someone's pet jumping all over me while seated on their couch. 
I like dogs.  If I was seated on the couch and the dog was sitting on the floor right by me, I would happily reach over and pet the dog for as long as the dog would tolerate it.

POF

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #5 on: January 04, 2014, 07:04:53 PM »
My MIL is a very lovely woman who likes dogs - but she is 93 and frail with osteo disease.  Our big girl, all 65 lbs of her .... loves MIL to death. For XMAS with all the people and commotion and madness, we take Duckie for a short car ride with her favorite blanket and her antler.  We then leave her in the car while we have our XMAS party ( providing it isn't too cold - but she loves cold weather and would stay out all the time if I let her. She also swins in the ocean in the winter ) .  Note : she loooves the car and will sit in it for hours if we let her ( she's not too bright :) ).  After party - we take her for a big romp in the back and then let her visit MIL.  By that time she's a bit calmer and will sit right at her feet and get lots of pats.

When everyone is around - she gets jealous of MIL's attention and will jump on the couch beside her and lean on her or sit on her to claim her status as the most favorite thing ever !

Bluenomi

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #6 on: January 04, 2014, 07:10:35 PM »
My cat is allowed on the couch. If people cone over and she's on one and there are other seats available the cat can stay. But if the cat has the last seat, I'll shoo her off so a human can sit there. Someone people won't let me though, my mum will sit in the ottoman instead of moving the cat.

I'm not going to make my pet upset or uncomfortable just for a guest to a certain extent. I see it as the same as a child, I won't move DD off the couch if there is still room but if she's got the last seat I'll move her off a grown up guest.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #7 on: January 04, 2014, 07:23:16 PM »
If a guest lets me know they aren't cat people, I direct them to single, armless chairs which discourage the cats from jumping up on their lap.  They may still brush against their legs but I'm not going to discourage affectionate behaviour.  If you are so uncomfortable with cats that this would bother you, perhaps we shouldn't visit in my home.

One of my cats is a love bug but shy.  The only person she's climbed up on is my Dad.  And if I sit down, she quickly switches allegiance.

My other cat?  Wants to be everywhere I and other people are but she's a bit of a female dog.  I warn people to carefully scratch her around her ears and head only and if she makes any noise other than purring, to back off or she might bite.  I did too good a job of warning my friends' 6 year old daughter, though.  Sass jumped up beside her on the couch and was very interested in her but the girl was quite concerned she was going to get bitten.  So she got up and came back to her chair at the table.

I am not a dog person but dogs LOVE me.  So I have the problem of dogs jumping up on me all the time.  Larger dogs, I'll put my knee up so they can't get to me; smaller dogs, I ignore them completely until they calm down and stop jumping.  When they sit or lay at my feet, I'll pet them at that point to reinforce good behaviour.  If the owner won't control their dog to keep it from being all over me, I keep my visits few and far between.
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
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Luci

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #8 on: January 04, 2014, 07:38:11 PM »
I will not let a dog jump on me. If you object to my holding my flat palm out and saying, "No. Stop." I will never visit you again. I'll rub a tummy or an ear gently anytime doggie offers it.

Cats don't seem to be a problem. They don't seem to like me - don't know why. I like a calm, quiet cat to pet. I have found them sleeping on my coat at a host's home, however.

gen xer

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #9 on: January 04, 2014, 07:51:32 PM »
I am a pet owner but I am pretty firm on the concept of a guests comfort being more important than my pets comfort.  I don't automatically put my cats away but if I don't know I do ask upfront if people are bothered by animals.....and if they are I do not take it personally.  Not everyone is a pet person and that's fine with me.  I try to make that abundantly clear so nobody pretends they are fine with it when they really aren't.

My cats usually leave people alone so it's not usually an issue but I will not be that one who forces my animals on someone or doesn't control them so that they are making someone uncomfortable.  IMO it is rude to do so.

EllenS

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #10 on: January 04, 2014, 09:43:08 PM »
I really like animals and children, but I do not allow anyone to touch me in an unwanted time/place/manner, and I do not seek the permission of others to put a stop to it.  That includes adults, children and pets.

I also understand there are appropriate and inappropriate ways to set physical limits -especially with smaller, weaker, nonverbal or nonhuman family members.  I make an effort to set any necessary limits in an appropriate and non-aggressive way. (first option is always to move myself away.)

However, if an animal bites me unprovoked, I cannot predict what my instinctive reaction may be.  I have been attacked by a host's animals both waking and while asleep.  Those animals became briefly airborne.  I didn't mean to, would never do such a thing willfully, and really wish it had not happened, but sudden pain and bleeding tend to trigger a reflex action of get-bity-thing-off.
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Outdoor Girl

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #11 on: January 04, 2014, 09:56:31 PM »
However, if an animal bites me unprovoked, I cannot predict what my instinctive reaction may be.  I have been attacked by a host's animals both waking and while asleep.  Those animals became briefly airborne.  I didn't mean to, would never do such a thing willfully, and really wish it had not happened, but sudden pain and bleeding tend to trigger a reflex action of get-bity-thing-off.

As the owner of a biter, I would completely understand your reaction, as long as you were following my directions on how to deal with Miss Hissy Pants and obeyed her signals which indicate that she's likely to bite.  And I don't let my cats sleep with me; I keep them out of both my bedroom and my spare bedroom at all times, keeping the doors closed.  So if you left the door open and got attacked in the middle of the night, I would be a little upset with you.
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
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ladyknight1

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #12 on: January 04, 2014, 09:58:42 PM »
I have family and friends that don't like various things, including pets or stairs. We meet them elsewhere and everyone is happy.

Sharnita

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #13 on: January 04, 2014, 10:00:35 PM »
I would expect owners to keep animals known to bite to keep them under control, cats as well as dogs.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #14 on: January 04, 2014, 10:08:46 PM »
Mine doesn't bite randomly; she only bites under provocation.  If you follow my directions, you won't be bitten.  She's never bitten a visitor to my home because I've never had anyone not follow my directions.  Including the 6 year old.  The only person she's ever bitten is me and it was my own fault because I ignored her signals.  I do purposely push her boundaries regularly to try to get her trained to quit doing this; she's a lot better than she was when I first got her.  I don't know what went on with her in her previous home to make her this way.

I have no way to lock my cats away.  My house is extremely open concept; I won't put them in the two rooms I keep them out of.  The only other rooms are the bathrooms and they are too small to put them both in there.  I just don't have people over with small children who can't follow directions.
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
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