Author Topic: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...  (Read 6635 times)

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wheeitsme

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #15 on: January 04, 2014, 11:29:45 PM »
When one of the dogs got up on the sofa and in my face, I tried to get him to get down. I then was told a little sharply by the roommate that "he's allowed to be up there."

"No, he's not.  I did not give him permission. Boyfriend's allowed to get that close, my dentist is allowed to get that close, but you are not, and your pet is not."

sparksals

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #16 on: January 04, 2014, 11:29:49 PM »
My house is as much my pets as it is mine.  This is their home. Our friends know it and if they don't like my two small dogs then they don't have to visit.  They come with the territory. 

I will try to not let them jump up but if a guest is sitting on the couch where the dog can jump any other time it is fair game. 

My dogs will never be relegated to another room.  I will opt not to invite someone who is not a dog lover over displacing my dogs.  Period.

You come to my house, be prepared for it to be dog friendly. 

sweetonsno

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #17 on: January 04, 2014, 11:44:31 PM »
I'm somewhere in the middle. If a guest came over and he turned out to be terrified of cats, I'd try to keep the kitty away from him as much as possible, but it probably wouldn't be a long visit, nor would I suggest get-togethers at my house.

On the other hand, I would move my cat if he was bothering a guest. My cat is allowed on the couches and chairs. He doesn't show much interest in the counters. He's not allowed on the table while I'm eating or working (I put a stool next to it so he can watch). If a guest was uncomfortable having a cat sit next to him at dinner, well, I'm sorry the Gato would survive one dinner from afar. If he tried to climb into the lap of my allergic friend (as cats often do), I'll scoop him up and take him into my lap.

If someone gave me the "it's his house, it's okay for him to annoy you" line for a person or a pet, I wouldn't come back. I understand that pets and children don't always know my boundaries, but I would expect a host to back me up on the "don't go through my bag, sit on me, or lick me" rules that I have for myself.

Raintree

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #18 on: January 05, 2014, 03:14:35 AM »
I love animals, including dogs, and I don't expect them to be banished to the basement or anything when I come over, but I do expect the dog to be called off if it's jumping all over me. It wouldn't bother me at all if it was next to me on the couch, but I had one friend who let her very large dog jump up at people hard (it leaped up at my chest excitedly so hard that it hurt one time) and she was so ineffectual at disciplining it, and in fact spent most of her time laughing at its antics, that I actually found it kind of irritating and not pleasant to be around. Large, very intelligent breed, you need to be able to train it properly or if you don't have the time, don't have one.

aussie_chick

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #19 on: January 05, 2014, 04:32:37 AM »
I definitely think there are (or should be) limits. Quite frankly, letting your cat touch a guest and then getting outraged over a tap on the nose astounds me.

I think that if your pet is getting in someone's space you need to check and see if they are comfortable. Don't assume they want your pet on them. If they are uncomfortable, take reasonable measures to make the guest/human comfortable.  Call the pet over by you. Now, you don't have to lock them out in the cold or cage them up but you should take reasonable measures.

And people can speak up about not being comfortable. And if you're referring to my post in the previous thread, the cat was sniffing someone not touching them, not biting them and not licking them. The cat sniffed his head. He said nothing, just waved his hands in front of it, the cat grabbed his hand without claws and he smacked her face. It happened in about 10 seconds. So you can be as astounded as you like but that's the great thing about opinions, i'm allowed to be outraged that someone hit my cat in the face.

menley

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #20 on: January 05, 2014, 04:50:00 AM »
My two dogs are very affectionate and love having guests over :)

The main problem I have is that guests are reluctant to help me with their discipline. What I mean by this is that most reliable dog trainers will tell you that you need consistency from all people who are around your dog to reinforce his or her good habits. So, if my dog tries to jump on me, I have a few approaches to stop her from doing so (taking a step forward which puts her off-balance, so she can't continue to jump - or gently putting up a knee to block her - or turning to face the other direction so that she doesn't get positive reinforcement). All of these are gentle and have been approved by the trainers we've used with our dogs. But then I have a guest that comes over that says "Oh it's so MEAN to put my knee up, she's so happy to see me, I'll just let her jump on me!" And she did, for a year. But now said friend is pregnant and doesn't want the dog to jump on her, but she also doesn't want to do any of the approaches I've told her to do. So the dog is very confused because the person who once happily let her lick all over and jump all over is now saying commands she doesn't recognize. For example, for our dogs "Down" is the instruction to lie down, and "Off" is the instruction to get off furniture or people or whatever - she says "down" when she wants them to get off her. I try to give my friend the right commands to use, but she doesn't listen or doesn't remember. I tell her that I'll put the dogs in their crates and she says, "Nooo, it's so cruel!" I am sort of at my wit's end with how to fix the situation. So, now if I want to spend time with this friend, we go somewhere other than my home.

For 99% of guests, the tricks I tell them to keep the dogs off work. If for whatever reason the dogs are too excited and don't respond well to the tricks, we'll give them a chewie or a treat and put them in their crates. They love their crates and will happily chew in there for hours, so I think it's a good enough compromise.

wheeitsme

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #21 on: January 05, 2014, 11:02:05 AM »
But then I have a guest that comes over that says "Oh it's so MEAN to put my knee up, she's so happy to see me, I'll just let her jump on me!" And she did, for a year. But now said friend is pregnant and doesn't want the dog to jump on her, but she also doesn't want to do any of the approaches I've told her to do. So the dog is very confused because the person who once happily let her lick all over and jump all over is now saying commands she doesn't recognize. For example, for our dogs "Down" is the instruction to lie down, and "Off" is the instruction to get off furniture or people or whatever - she says "down" when she wants them to get off her. I try to give my friend the right commands to use, but she doesn't listen or doesn't remember. I tell her that I'll put the dogs in their crates and she says, "Nooo, it's so cruel!" I am sort of at my wit's end with how to fix the situation. So, now if I want to spend time with this friend, we go somewhere other than my home.

What is cruel is your friend refusing to speak the language that your dogs understand and then being upset that they don't understand. It's like being upset that Parisians don't understand the request you made in Cantonese ::)

Dorrie78

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #22 on: January 05, 2014, 11:20:10 AM »
I definitely think there are (or should be) limits. Quite frankly, letting your cat touch a guest and then getting outraged over a tap on the nose astounds me.

I think that if your pet is getting in someone's space you need to check and see if they are comfortable. Don't assume they want your pet on them. If they are uncomfortable, take reasonable measures to make the guest/human comfortable.  Call the pet over by you. Now, you don't have to lock them out in the cold or cage them up but you should take reasonable measures.
If someone were to tap my cat on the noise because she touched him or her, the guest would be escorted immediately out. My cat is affectionate and loves to rub ankles as she walks by. She's showing kindness in her way. She likes to curl up next to someone on the couch. If that is unwelcome, gently remove her. She also sniffs people. This isn't an aggressive or forbidden behavior. Punishing her affection with a tap on the nose (as mother cats do to naughty kittens) would leave her confused and me pissed.

If she bites you (unprovoked), that is different. Very unlikely with my genial and elderly cat, but I would immediately remove her from the situation.

shhh its me

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #23 on: January 05, 2014, 02:25:50 PM »
I definitely think there are (or should be) limits. Quite frankly, letting your cat touch a guest and then getting outraged over a tap on the nose astounds me.

I think that if your pet is getting in someone's space you need to check and see if they are comfortable. Don't assume they want your pet on them. If they are uncomfortable, take reasonable measures to make the guest/human comfortable.  Call the pet over by you. Now, you don't have to lock them out in the cold or cage them up but you should take reasonable measures.
If someone were to tap my cat on the noise because she touched him or her, the guest would be escorted immediately out. My cat is affectionate and loves to rub ankles as she walks by. She's showing kindness in her way. She likes to curl up next to someone on the couch. If that is unwelcome, gently remove her. She also sniffs people. This isn't an aggressive or forbidden behavior. Punishing her affection with a tap on the nose (as mother cats do to naughty kittens) would leave her confused and me pissed.

If she bites you (unprovoked), that is different. Very unlikely with my genial and elderly cat, but I would immediately remove her from the situation.

I'm assuming I know which post from the other thread this is referring to.   The cat was on the back of the couch at face level and when the person tried to shoo the cat the cat saw "play" and grabbed the persons hand. *I'm going to presume that the person was trying to discourage the cat.   It happened fast ( too fast to intercede) and we have the pet owners interpretation but even as the pet owner described I'd fault the pet owner(not for letting it happen but for faulting the person) , people who are slightly uncomfortable around animals may not know how to effectively discourage an animal. IT sounded like an inter-species misunderstanding.

Millionaire Maria

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #24 on: January 05, 2014, 03:08:58 PM »
My house is as much my pets as it is mine.  This is their home. Our friends know it and if they don't like my two small dogs then they don't have to visit.  They come with the territory. 

I will try to not let them jump up but if a guest is sitting on the couch where the dog can jump any other time it is fair game. 

My dogs will never be relegated to another room.  I will opt not to invite someone who is not a dog lover over displacing my dogs.  Period.

You come to my house, be prepared for it to be dog friendly.

I think with the exception of the bolded paragraph, I could have written your post in reference to my children. But, if my children were to start jumping on my guests, I would do more than try to stop them. I would succeed in stopping them and discipline them if they continued. Your house can be dog friendly without you allowing your dogs to jump on people who don't want them to.
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delabela

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #25 on: January 05, 2014, 03:56:48 PM »
I would not expect someone to put their pet in another room, but I would absolutely expect that the animal be kept off of me.  I love animals, and I have pets, and I would never let a pet get on someone's lap without their express permission.  If your dog or cat gets on my lap or touches my face, and I do not want it there, it is going to get gently moved away. 

menley

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #26 on: January 05, 2014, 05:19:32 PM »
But then I have a guest that comes over that says "Oh it's so MEAN to put my knee up, she's so happy to see me, I'll just let her jump on me!" And she did, for a year. But now said friend is pregnant and doesn't want the dog to jump on her, but she also doesn't want to do any of the approaches I've told her to do. So the dog is very confused because the person who once happily let her lick all over and jump all over is now saying commands she doesn't recognize. For example, for our dogs "Down" is the instruction to lie down, and "Off" is the instruction to get off furniture or people or whatever - she says "down" when she wants them to get off her. I try to give my friend the right commands to use, but she doesn't listen or doesn't remember. I tell her that I'll put the dogs in their crates and she says, "Nooo, it's so cruel!" I am sort of at my wit's end with how to fix the situation. So, now if I want to spend time with this friend, we go somewhere other than my home.

What is cruel is your friend refusing to speak the language that your dogs understand and then being upset that they don't understand. It's like being upset that Parisians don't understand the request you made in Cantonese ::)

Exactly! I've tried explaining that they love their crates - I've shown her the dogs happily chewing away in their crates without any desire to leave them - but it's all been fruitless, so now we mostly hang out at places other than my home. That's fine with me - but I wish she understood that routine and consistent training are the exact opposite of cruel!

Outdoor Girl

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #27 on: January 05, 2014, 05:21:25 PM »
I would not expect someone to put their pet in another room, but I would absolutely expect that the animal be kept off of me.  I love animals, and I have pets, and I would never let a pet get on someone's lap without their express permission.  If your dog or cat gets on my lap or touches my face, and I do not want it there, it is going to get gently moved away.

The bolded is the key word here.  As a pet owner, wouldn't bother me at all if you scooped kitty up and deposited her back on the floor.
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
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immadz

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #28 on: January 05, 2014, 05:48:56 PM »
If the pets are in the same room, doing their own thing. No problem. If the guest shows they are interested in interacting with pet by initiating an interaction or responding to an initiation from the pet, then no problem. However, if these interactions are  invasive  (jumping on the guest, crotch/hair sniffing, play biting, hunting kitties, snakes that wrap themselves around your body parts etc.) then I think the onus is on the host to make sure that the guest is comfortable with that kind of interaction. I also have a similar rule for babies and would not be okay with a parent thrusting their child into my arms without giving me some instructions and warnings.


dlws92

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #29 on: January 05, 2014, 06:57:20 PM »
I swear my cat only comes out to visit guests who are either allergic or hate cats.   Houston's favorite thing to do is try to love these people up.  It is my responsibility as the owner to remove Houston from his attempt to romance the guests.   Once I see he is making a move I'm over there picking him up and redirecting him to lovings from people who DO like cats.  (Usually me holding him on my lap or if the person is allergic removing him from the room).

If someone hit my cat, I'd be pissed off.  It is far more acceptable to announce to the owner that the situation is unacceptable and needs to be fixed then it is to whack the cat.

PS.  Houston has just this twisted nature..if he spoke I'm sure he'd be sarcastic.  This is why I love him so :)