Author Topic: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...  (Read 7692 times)

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Arila

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #75 on: January 06, 2014, 12:44:15 PM »
As a Host: Our dog is small, clean, and very friendly. He doesn't jump up, but he does sometimes lick (not too excessively). When people are visiting our house, we do not banish him from the room, but I do watch guests carefully for their reaction to him, and usually they give off initial warning signs that they are uncomfortable (moving a hand/foot away from him if he is close etc), and in that case, I consider it a part of my hosting duties to remove the source of discomfort. Usually this is a redirect -- I have him sit with me, and I lightly restrain him, or remind him about his favorite toy over on his bed, or if desperate, we have always-distracting chew toys.

As a guest: I guess I have always felt comfortable telling a friend's dog "No" (not shouting, but sharply) for personal space violations like jumping or licking. If insufficient, I have removed their paws (gently but firmly - grasping and setting down, never impacting, no matter how "lightly") or pushed their faces away. When my friends had puppies, I also have been the first to notice a potty need and swiftly moved them outside without alerting the owner/waiting for them to do it, since time is of the essence there.

At friends' houses where I spend a lot of time, I do invest a little in a relationship with the dog. One of my friends has an over-eager-to-please/get-attention dog, and so I do give her easy commands (ie sit) and employ conservative/irreproachable dog training techniques such as praise/pats for good, and ignore/turn away for bad. I find that establishing myself as higher in the pack than the dog (I give commands to be followed), and give them attention on MY terms makes the rest of the visit(s) more pleasant.

shhh its me

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #76 on: January 06, 2014, 12:56:26 PM »
A tap on the nose is, to me, literally a tap on the nose. Not hitting anyone or anything.

Well, the thing is that you are a lot bigger then a cat.  So what you think is "just a tap" probably doesn't feel like "just a tap" to the cat. 

Also, that "tap" is still physical discipline.  It is the same as going to someone's house and smacking their toddler on the hand because they grabbed for your shiny, shiny iPhone.  Just don't do it.  You don't get to apply your discipline standards to someone else's pet/child.

I think that is what a lot of the pet owners on this thread are getting at.
I also wont scratch your child behind the ears or rub their bellies and I would be very concerned if you child sniffed my butt ever-time I came into the door.   We interact much more psychically with animals. I would push a dogs head away from my crotch , I'd prod a cat off my lap, I wouldn't push a child hugging me.  Your child also likely wont bite me I'm assuming doesn't have 20 sharp claws , if your child hit me in face I'd very likely grab their hand and say "no!" and move them. 

TXJess

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #77 on: January 06, 2014, 01:27:04 PM »
I have a 2 year old Sheltie who I have put a lot of time and effort into training to have good manners around people. She's still very bouncy and wiggly when she meets new people, and she's incredibly friendly, but I don't allow her to jump on people and ask that they wait to pet her until she's somewhat calm. But, being young, she has her moments. If someone is especially lovey on her (making a big fuss, talking in a high pitched voice), it can get her to the point where she can't contain herself. When we get to the point where she's just being obnoxious, I either put her on a leash or put her in her crate. I also have 2 cats. One hates everyone but me, but doesn't hide or try to avoid strangers. She likes to stand her ground and will growl, swat, and bite at people if they walk by. It's just better for everyone, cat included, if I put her in my bedroom where she feels less threatened and guests are safer. The other cat is super sweet, but shy, so he usually goes and hides anyway. He also goes in the bedroom because he feels safer there.

I love dogs and cats (friendly cats), but I don't like dogs that jump on you or get in your personal space. When I am a guest at someone's home and they have a dog that likes to jump on people, if I'm sitting on the couch and a dog tries to get in my lap uninvited, I stand up. If I'm already standing and a dog jumps on me, I usually cross my arms and turn my back to them. It depends on the size of the dog, but I try to communicate to them that I will pet you and give you attention when you're on the ground and not in my face. Luckily most people I know understand that I don't want their dog to jump on me and will control their dog. Due to an accident when I was a kid, I am very uneasy around larger dogs. I try to not let that hinder my ability to visit friends, but I will excuse myself if they can't control their dog and I feel threatened.

msulinski

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #78 on: January 06, 2014, 03:53:22 PM »
A tap on the nose is, to me, literally a tap on the nose. Not hitting anyone or anything.

Well, the thing is that you are a lot bigger then a cat.  So what you think is "just a tap" probably doesn't feel like "just a tap" to the cat. 

Also, that "tap" is still physical discipline.  It is the same as going to someone's house and smacking their toddler on the hand because they grabbed for your shiny, shiny iPhone.  Just don't do it.  You don't get to apply your discipline standards to someone else's pet/child.

Edited to add: And don't forget that there is always the option of getting up and moving away from the pet.  You don't want that cat on your lap and don't know how to pick her up and move her off?  Try standing up.  I assure you that the cat will hop off when you start to move.  (At least, mine will)  You don't have to force a you vs the pet showdown.

I think that is what a lot of the pet owners on this thread are getting at.

Well, in the situation we are discussing, the cat had grabbed the guest's hand in her paws. Getting up and leaving isn't really an option at this point, as, if the guest felt like he was getting attacked, probably thought there might be claws involved.

menley

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #79 on: January 06, 2014, 03:55:42 PM »

Edited to add: And don't forget that there is always the option of getting up and moving away from the pet.  You don't want that cat on your lap and don't know how to pick her up and move her off?  Try standing up.  I assure you that the cat will hop off when you start to move.  (At least, mine will)  You don't have to force a you vs the pet showdown.

I think that is what a lot of the pet owners on this thread are getting at.

I would view standing up and dumping a cat off my lap as much harsher than tapping it on the nose.

shhh its me

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #80 on: January 06, 2014, 04:24:35 PM »

Edited to add: And don't forget that there is always the option of getting up and moving away from the pet.  You don't want that cat on your lap and don't know how to pick her up and move her off?  Try standing up.  I assure you that the cat will hop off when you start to move.  (At least, mine will)  You don't have to force a you vs the pet showdown.

I think that is what a lot of the pet owners on this thread are getting at.

I would view standing up and dumping a cat off my lap as much harsher than tapping it on the nose.

And my very loving  never bitty , never clawy cat would shred you. Not out of angry just trying not to fall.   Our guests don't know all of our pets idiosyncrasies , they try what they think is normal and will work.  There are what 5 different ways in just this thread people us to tell their own dogs to not to jump? I think  a nose tap = let go of my hand is within the range of normal interaction , I'm not going to even call it discipline its more communication then discipline.  The cat wasn't wrong to think the person was playing but the person wasn't wrong  either not to know "If i make a shooing motion the cat will think I'm playing and try to catch my hand."

Figgie

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #81 on: January 06, 2014, 05:03:00 PM »
I've been hit pretty hard by cats.  They can pack a pretty good punch when they want.  :)

I was reading the newspaper while sitting in a recliner chair when Edgar (our now long gone orange tomcat) walked up my body, starting at my knees.  I put the newspaper down because I made the (mistaken) assumption that he wanted some attention.

Instead he hit me with his front paw so hard that he knocked my glasses off my face an onto the floor.  He then proceeded to stomp back down my body and leave. 

The food dish was empty and this was his version of giving me the "incentive" to fill it.  :)

Any tap I've done on a cat head has never been anything other than a tap and certainly not hard enough to send anything flying!

GreenEyedHawk

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #82 on: January 06, 2014, 10:24:37 PM »
If a cat jumps up in your lap and you're not interested, why would you stand up and dump them?  What's wrong with just lifting them down?
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Sharnita

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #83 on: January 06, 2014, 10:29:29 PM »
If a cat jumps up in your lap and you're not interested, why would you stand up and dump them?  What's wrong with just lifting them down?

If you are already unfamiliar, uncomfortable or downright scared of them  then you might not know how to pick them up or might be frightened to do so.

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #84 on: January 06, 2014, 10:56:54 PM »
If a cat jumps up in your lap and you're not interested, why would you stand up and dump them?  What's wrong with just lifting them down?

If you are already unfamiliar, uncomfortable or downright scared of them  then you might not know how to pick them up or might be frightened to do so.

If that's the case (and I used to be very phobic of cats as a kid) I'd tell the host the cat was making me nervous and to please remove it.  Just standing up and attempting to dump them off your lap is a pretty good way to startle them into latching on and scratching you.
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Mel the Redcap

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #85 on: January 06, 2014, 10:58:49 PM »
If a cat jumps up in your lap and you're not interested, why would you stand up and dump them?  What's wrong with just lifting them down?

If you are already unfamiliar, uncomfortable or downright scared of them  then you might not know how to pick them up or might be frightened to do so.

If that's the case (and I used to be very phobic of cats as a kid) I'd tell the host the cat was making me nervous and to please remove it.  Just standing up and attempting to dump them off your lap is a pretty good way to startle them into latching on and scratching you.

Yup. Out of our two current cats, if one is sitting on you and you move to get up, she'll jump down; the other will panic and hang on. You have to gather her up and move her off you first.
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cabbageweevil

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #86 on: January 07, 2014, 05:20:32 AM »
I've been hit pretty hard by cats.  They can pack a pretty good punch when they want.  :)

I was reading the newspaper while sitting in a recliner chair when Edgar (our now long gone orange tomcat) walked up my body, starting at my knees.  I put the newspaper down because I made the (mistaken) assumption that he wanted some attention.

Instead he hit me with his front paw so hard that he knocked my glasses off my face an onto the floor.  He then proceeded to stomp back down my body and leave. 

The food dish was empty and this was his version of giving me the "incentive" to fill it.  :)

Heavens !  And I thought my brother's cat was assertive in letting people know when he wanted feeding...

Calistoga

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #87 on: January 07, 2014, 11:00:43 AM »
I don't personally see an issue if you want your dogs on your couch. But since people constantly say "My pets are like my children!" then I think the same rule applies. You wouldn't (I hope!) let your child jump on me and lick me and sniff me and stick their head in my purse. If your child did any of those things, I would tell them not to, and that wouldn't be me disciplining your kid.

If your dog is just sitting on the couch on the far end, not bothering me at all, I'd be in the wrong to tell them to get down. But as soon as they start to be on me, I get to say something because I do not want a dog on me.

Elisabunny

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #88 on: January 07, 2014, 01:15:21 PM »
I don't personally see an issue if you want your dogs on your couch. But since people constantly say "My pets are like my children!" then I think the same rule applies. You wouldn't (I hope!) let your child jump on me and lick me and sniff me and stick their head in my purse. If your child did any of those things, I would tell them not to, and that wouldn't be me disciplining your kid.


And to extend that idea, some PPs have said that their pets are residents of the house and therefore have free rein of the house, even when company is there.  Well, my children are residents of my house, but I have no problem with limiting them to a certain area of the house when I have guests over.  I remember the same thing when I was a child: my parents had many dinner parties during which expected to stay upstairs.  Perhaps this is why I am perfectly willing to put animals away when guests are over- I don't give them any more freedom than I would a small child.
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Outdoor Girl

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Re: S/O unwanted pet discipline - guests vs. pets...
« Reply #89 on: January 07, 2014, 01:23:30 PM »
I don't personally see an issue if you want your dogs on your couch. But since people constantly say "My pets are like my children!" then I think the same rule applies. You wouldn't (I hope!) let your child jump on me and lick me and sniff me and stick their head in my purse. If your child did any of those things, I would tell them not to, and that wouldn't be me disciplining your kid.


And to extend that idea, some PPs have said that their pets are residents of the house and therefore have free rein of the house, even when company is there.  Well, my children are residents of my house, but I have no problem with limiting them to a certain area of the house when I have guests over.  I remember the same thing when I was a child: my parents had many dinner parties during which expected to stay upstairs.  Perhaps this is why I am perfectly willing to put animals away when guests are over- I don't give them any more freedom than I would a small child.

If there is a good place to put them away, I would agree.  Growing up, if we had guests that weren't fond of cats, the cats got turfed to the basement.  Lots of room to roam; their litter and food was down there.

But my current home is open concept and the basement is cathedral ceiling to the upstairs; there is no way to put my cats away and still give them decent room to roam.  And without having to relocate food, water and litter.  I'm not sure what I'm going to do when I go to renovate my kitchen, as the one cat will absolutely make a pest of herself with the workmen and will try to get out.  The other one will just hide so I'm not too worried about her.

And I've just thought of a warmer weather solution!  I could put her in the garage, with food, water, litter and sleeping arrangements.  She won't like it very much but she'd be safe.  She's already spent one night out there when I didn't realize she got past me when I ran the garbage out.  She was out there about than 12 hours with no food, water or litter.  She'll hide, too, so I didn't think anything of not having seen her.  Smart kitty did her business in the paper recycling box on top of the newspaper that was in there.
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