Author Topic: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...  (Read 11849 times)

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TurtleDove

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #60 on: January 07, 2014, 02:45:17 PM »
And suffering is a relative term since I felt better adjusting my eating habits so of course I wasn't really suffering. One meal, even once a week, didn't hurt my all-over lifestyle. 

This so much!  People who say "diets don't work" are "right"....because what they are saying is that short term "suffering" won't result in long term changes.  But lifestyle changes do result in long term changes.  You might not get to eat everything you "want" to all the time, but over the course of your lifestyle the "sacrifices" wil be worth it to you.  Lifestyle changes are sustainable.  It sounds like your perspective is really working for you! 

bloo

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #61 on: January 07, 2014, 03:00:28 PM »
And suffering is a relative term since I felt better adjusting my eating habits so of course I wasn't really suffering. One meal, even once a week, didn't hurt my all-over lifestyle. 

This so much!  People who say "diets don't work" are "right"....because what they are saying is that short term "suffering" won't result in long term changes.  But lifestyle changes do result in long term changes.  You might not get to eat everything you "want" to all the time, but over the course of your lifestyle the "sacrifices" wil be worth it to you.  Lifestyle changes are sustainable.  It sounds like your perspective is really working for you!

Yes this perspective has really worked over the long haul! Especially since I had a lot of changes to make and making them all at once didn't occur because changes were made as I gained knowledge of making more healthful choices.

And it was my lifestyle, not to be imposed on anyone else. Certainly not on someone else's dinner party.  ::)

Dragonflymom

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #62 on: January 07, 2014, 03:21:37 PM »
And suffering is a relative term since I felt better adjusting my eating habits so of course I wasn't really suffering. One meal, even once a week, didn't hurt my all-over lifestyle. 

This so much!  People who say "diets don't work" are "right"....because what they are saying is that short term "suffering" won't result in long term changes.  But lifestyle changes do result in long term changes.  You might not get to eat everything you "want" to all the time, but over the course of your lifestyle the "sacrifices" wil be worth it to you.  Lifestyle changes are sustainable.  It sounds like your perspective is really working for you!

Yes this perspective has really worked over the long haul! Especially since I had a lot of changes to make and making them all at once didn't occur because changes were made as I gained knowledge of making more healthful choices.

And it was my lifestyle, not to be imposed on anyone else. Certainly not on someone else's dinner party.  ::)

Hear hear!

I wish all dieters would have your healthier (pardon the pun :)  ) attitude about eating at others' homes.
"By swallowing evil goats unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach"  Winston Churchill

Mikayla

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #63 on: January 08, 2014, 02:17:46 PM »
I say come to dinner, she says what are you serving, I tell her. And then she says, well I can't have that.

This is your cue to say, in a friendly way: "Why don't you bring a dish that you can eat?" 

If she demurs, or says that would be too much trouble, then reply "The menu for the party is set. We'd love to see you. Let me know if you'll be coming."


I have to disagree with this.  I'm almost positive OP said this was a formal dinner party, and when I've thrown these, I do not want random dishes floating around. Heck, even if that isn't the case, I think this should be reserved for extreme situations, like a peanut allergy, etc.  (Not saying it would be wrong to do this, but I don't think it should be expected).

I agree with everything else and that this friend is being entitled if she *expects* a separate meal.  It's possible to applaud her success and be proud of her without catering to her (pun intended!)

miranova

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #64 on: January 09, 2014, 12:40:45 AM »
OP, I think you should be very careful not to assume what your friend is expecting. 

You said that the conversation goes as follows.
Her:  What are you serving?
You:  *description of meal*
Her:  I can't eat that.
You then assume that she expect two meals.  I don't see where that follows from her reply.  She simply stated that she couldn't eat that.  I don't think you have any obligation to rush in with a solution to a problem that is not yours to solve.  Sometimes, we need to let silence be our friend.  Wait a couple seconds and see what she says after that if you don't offer to make a separate meal. Maybe she would say "I'll eat beforehand and join you anyway" or "thanks so much for the offer but let's get together another time" or "would you mind if I only took a small bite of everything?"  Maybe not.  But in any case, the exchange you described is NOT your friend actually asking you to make two meals.  She did not ask for that.  It kind of sounds like she was just thinking out loud. 

Now if she does ever actually say "will you cook me something extra?" then she's being a total SS.  But until then, no reason to borrow trouble.

gmatoy

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #65 on: January 09, 2014, 12:46:49 AM »
OP, I think you should be very careful not to assume what your friend is expecting. 

You said that the conversation goes as follows.
Her:  What are you serving?
You:  *description of meal*
Her:  I can't eat that.
You then assume that she expect two meals.  I don't see where that follows from her reply.  She simply stated that she couldn't eat that.  I don't think you have any obligation to rush in with a solution to a problem that is not yours to solve.  Sometimes, we need to let silence be our friend.  Wait a couple seconds and see what she says after that if you don't offer to make a separate meal. Maybe she would say "I'll eat beforehand and join you anyway" or "thanks so much for the offer but let's get together another time" or "would you mind if I only took a small bite of everything?"  Maybe not.  But in any case, the exchange you described is NOT your friend actually asking you to make two meals.  She did not ask for that.  It kind of sounds like she was just thinking out loud. 

Now if she does ever actually say "will you cook me something extra?" then she's being a total SS.  But until then, no reason to borrow trouble.

I think that if a friend said, "I can't eat that" and nothing else, then she IS leaving it to me to "solve" her problem. She needs to offer a suggestion or solution. Otherwise, I will believe that she wants me to make something else.

miranova

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #66 on: January 09, 2014, 08:54:39 AM »
OP, I think you should be very careful not to assume what your friend is expecting. 

You said that the conversation goes as follows.
Her:  What are you serving?
You:  *description of meal*
Her:  I can't eat that.
You then assume that she expect two meals.  I don't see where that follows from her reply.  She simply stated that she couldn't eat that.  I don't think you have any obligation to rush in with a solution to a problem that is not yours to solve.  Sometimes, we need to let silence be our friend.  Wait a couple seconds and see what she says after that if you don't offer to make a separate meal. Maybe she would say "I'll eat beforehand and join you anyway" or "thanks so much for the offer but let's get together another time" or "would you mind if I only took a small bite of everything?"  Maybe not.  But in any case, the exchange you described is NOT your friend actually asking you to make two meals.  She did not ask for that.  It kind of sounds like she was just thinking out loud. 

Now if she does ever actually say "will you cook me something extra?" then she's being a total SS.  But until then, no reason to borrow trouble.

I think that if a friend said, "I can't eat that" and nothing else, then she IS leaving it to me to "solve" her problem. She needs to offer a suggestion or solution. Otherwise, I will believe that she wants me to make something else.

We will have to agree to disagree.  There is just no reason to believe that "I can't eat that" makes it your problem to solve.  You could say "that's too bad...what do you want to do about it?"  There are so many other answers other than jumping in to solve a problem that's not yours.

rose red

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #67 on: January 09, 2014, 10:30:14 AM »
I wouldn't even ask what she wants to do about it.  The OP can say "That's too bad.  Will you be joining us anyway, or maybe stopping by to say hello to everyone if you can't stay for dinner?"

jaxsue

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #68 on: January 09, 2014, 11:14:59 AM »
My comment was about the friend in the OP, but I still maintain that a person should take responsibility for her own dietary choices. A person will not starve missing one meal, and it is easy to either eat before or after or bring your own "acceptable" food.

I agree to a point. Missing a major meal would wreak havoc with my blood sugar (am T2 diabetic). However, I don't play dictator when it comes to dinner invitations. I am fine as long as there are protein/vegetables. If the menu were "stuff a baked potato" night or all-pasta, I'd have to decline. Having a meal that is high-glycemic may be a non-issue for most people, but not for people with diabetes. Having said that, I am very easy to accommodate. I have been a dinner guest several times since my diagnosis, and so far it's not been a problem.

TurtleDove

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #69 on: January 09, 2014, 11:19:08 AM »
My comment was about the friend in the OP, but I still maintain that a person should take responsibility for her own dietary choices. A person will not starve missing one meal, and it is easy to either eat before or after or bring your own "acceptable" food.

I agree to a point. Missing a major meal would wreak havoc with my blood sugar (am T2 diabetic). However, I don't play dictator when it comes to dinner invitations. I am fine as long as there are protein/vegetables. If the menu were "stuff a baked potato" night or all-pasta, I'd have to decline. Having a meal that is high-glycemic may be a non-issue for most people, but not for people with diabetes. Having said that, I am very easy to accommodate. I have been a dinner guest several times since my diagnosis, and so far it's not been a problem.

In your position, I would do the bolded.

VorFemme

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #70 on: January 09, 2014, 11:22:33 AM »
No matter what the diet is, well-meaning friends can leave someone invited to a meal with literally nothing they can eat. 

For me, this is a choice people are making.  They "can" eat things, they just choose not to, which is fine.  But I wouldn't expect someone else to cater to my choices.  And again, no particular food makes anyone fat.  If a person chooses not to eat something, more power to them. But then bring your own substitute or eat before hand.  The gathering, in my opinion, should be about the fellowship first, and this friend is making it about HER.

I think what White Lotus means is that it would actually cause physical discomfort for her to eat the meat.  Choosing not to spend the evening in the bathroom is not the same as choosing not to eat something because of the calorie content.

Lil Sis has been to a dinner party where she asked about the recipes & was told that there were no artificial sweeteners, no asparagus, and no flax seed in any of the food.

Once she got the warning prickle in her throat - there was an admission of there being a powder that they added to everything because it gives them more fiber in their diet (flax seed based) and that they used all natural Stevia, not an artificial sweetener.  But there was no hidden asparagus!  Not that it helps any after she's eaten even a small bite of the other two (flax seed causes an immediate itching sensation in her throat - which means she's swallowed it before she knows for sure that she's made a mistake in trusting that there was NOTHING in the food that could hurt her).

Lil Sis spent that long weekend wishing she hadn't gone to the dinner party at all (spending it close to the bathroom & in some discomfort due to the form her reactions take). 

We found out the hard way that T.G.I. Friday's (a chain bar & restaurant) uses a lot of artificial sweeteners in the main dishes & appetizers (we didn't have dessert & drank water) - she ended up in the ER about ten months ago - it was a memorable dinner, but not in a good way.

At least there was no flax seed...

++++

I've had an itchy mouth twice (and only since I turned 55) - one Greek dish that involved yogurt, dill, and cucumbers (I have disliked dill pickles for decades - wonder if I had a reaction at an age to young to report WHY I didn't like that food and turned to using the words "I don't LIKE it" back in 1960 instead) and something in a salad that my mother picked out of her garden.  She has no idea what was in that "mixed salad" seed envelope - so I just have to keep an eye on feathery fronds.  I have no reaction with iceberg, spinach, or Romaine lettuce - it was something more "exotic".
« Last Edit: January 09, 2014, 11:28:28 AM by VorFemme »
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I say more?

Yvaine

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #71 on: January 09, 2014, 11:33:43 AM »
Once she got the warning prickle in her throat - there was an admission of there being a powder that they added to everything because it gives them more fiber in their diet (flax seed based) and that they used all natural Stevia, not an artificial sweetener.  But there was no hidden asparagus!  Not that it helps any after she's eaten even a small bite of the other two (flax seed causes an immediate itching sensation in her throat - which means she's swallowed it before she knows for sure that she's made a mistake in trusting that there was NOTHING in the food that could hurt her).

Lil Sis spent that long weekend wishing she hadn't gone to the dinner party at all (spending it close to the bathroom & in some discomfort due to the form her reactions take). 

Flax seed powder in everything:o I think most people would be spending the weekend close to the bathroom even without the allergy. There's got to be a line somewhere between a host's prerogative to set the menu and a host essentially giving all their guests a medical supplement without their knowledge and consent.

jaxsue

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #72 on: January 09, 2014, 11:43:37 AM »
My comment was about the friend in the OP, but I still maintain that a person should take responsibility for her own dietary choices. A person will not starve missing one meal, and it is easy to either eat before or after or bring your own "acceptable" food.

I agree to a point. Missing a major meal would wreak havoc with my blood sugar (am T2 diabetic). However, I don't play dictator when it comes to dinner invitations. I am fine as long as there are protein/vegetables. If the menu were "stuff a baked potato" night or all-pasta, I'd have to decline. Having a meal that is high-glycemic may be a non-issue for most people, but not for people with diabetes. Having said that, I am very easy to accommodate. I have been a dinner guest several times since my diagnosis, and so far it's not been a problem.

In your position, I would do the bolded.

As I said, it hasn't been an issue yet. If it were, I'd definitely eat beforehand. Fortunately, so far all my invitations are to homes where people eat quite healthy (one friend is also diabetic), or at restaurants that have healthy alternatives. I take responsibility for my health, and make a point for it not to be a burden for anyone else.

littlelauraj

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #73 on: January 09, 2014, 03:45:02 PM »
This all reminds me of a current situation that we have.  Every couple of weeks we get together, along with several others, at another family's home for a night of fellowship.  It's slightly different than the situation in the OP-the hosts make a main meal and the rest of us bring sides or desserts.  Well, three of the four of us in our household are or need to be on a carb-restricted diet, and hubby is super-picky.  Which means that there are quite often very few "good" choices for us.  Hubby is of special concern because he is diabetic, and if he doesn't eat it can get bad. 

As far as I know, our hosts are still unaware that we are restricting carbs.  It is no one's problem but our own.  We eat what we can, restrict portions on choices that aren't as good, and I always bring a sugar-free low-carb cheesecake so we can have dessert.  I'm very upfront with everyone that there are artificial sweeteners in my desserts, but that is as much fuss as I make.  I always have snacks on hand for hubby (because I have the purse), so if he doesn't get enough to eat he doesn't fall over in shock.

This week our hosts are making lasagna.  None of the four of us will probably like it-DD1 and I won't want the carbs, and DD2 and hubby are picky about the lasagna (they only like mine).  And I will guarantee that our hosts will never notice.  I'm certainly not going to tell them "we can't eat that".  No.  Just, no.

I think the friend in the OP is out of line if she really expects a separate meal to be made.  I agree with the PP who suggested letting her express that rather than jumping in with a solution.  And I think it's okay to say, "Oh, I'm sorry you won't be joining us."  And if she is a really good friend, at a separate time saying that making two meals is too much is an okay thing to say. 

Kaire

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #74 on: January 09, 2014, 04:22:27 PM »
She could eat things, she's just not choosing to use her points on your food.  It would be different if you were springing an invitation to  buffet dinner on her at a moments notice, but provided she's got a few days notice she could easily adjust her points.  Plus one meal doesn't make or break her progress.

I can't eat that to me means she is waiting for you to ask "what can you eat?"  That also would imply that you are willing to make it.

You could offer the recipes for her to run through the Weight Watcher's recipe builder so she would know exactly how many points something really has as well.

As a WW member, no I wouldn't expect you to cook 2 meals to accommodate me.