Author Topic: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...  (Read 12673 times)

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kategillian

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But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« on: January 05, 2014, 10:34:48 AM »
I have a friend who was quite overweight, and for the past year has been doing a weight loss system that involves points. (She has lost 60 lbs!) I entertain a lot, & I love to have her over, but her question always is, what are you going to serve to me? I don't really feel that I should have to make a meal for the people who are not on a diet, & a meal for the people who are on a diet. I'm already buying all the food and wine, of course I always have 1 or 2 things that are specially for her. But I don't want to have to cook two different kinds of steak, and two different kinds of potatoes, and two different kinds of veggies. And two different desserts and two different cocktails. This is actually what she expects. What can I say to her to indicate that while I would love to have her over, I don't feel like I want to be running a restaurant?

citadelle

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #1 on: January 05, 2014, 10:42:04 AM »
Could everyone enjoy meals that are appropriate for her plan?

Of course, you don't need to do that, but it would be an option.

cicero

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #2 on: January 05, 2014, 10:49:29 AM »
I have a friend who was quite overweight, and for the past year has been doing a weight loss system that involves points. (She has lost 60 lbs!) I entertain a lot, & I love to have her over, but her question always is, what are you going to serve to me? I don't really feel that I should have to make a meal for the people who are not on a diet, & a meal for the people who are on a diet. I'm already buying all the food and wine, of course I always have 1 or 2 things that are specially for her. But I don't want to have to cook two different kinds of steak, and two different kinds of potatoes, and two different kinds of veggies. And two different desserts and two different cocktails. This is actually what she expects. What can I say to her to indicate that while I would love to have her over, I don't feel like I want to be running a restaurant?
is she asking so she can be prepared and "bank" her points, or she is actually telling you what to prepare? As with any guest who is on any kind of special 'eating plan' (special in that it's different from what i would normally eat), i am considerate, inclusive to the best of my ability, and she will have to deal. So if i have a friend on a strict diet, i wouldn't serve something "very high in calories and fat that she loves" because I don't think it's the right thing to do to a friend - she will either not eat anything, and be very unhappy and frustrated or she will eat what she shouldn't eat and be unhappy and frustrated. so i would go for a happy medium and serve things that are delicious and somewhat "less calorie dense" - e.g., i would serve roast vegetables and not a cream and cheese laden vegetable gratin, grilled steak with sauce on the side for those who want it, etc., and for dessert i would have somethign decadent and a pretty fruit platter. I certainly wouldn't serve two different versions of each item - it's silly and just calls her diet to the focus of everyone's attentions.

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Dorrie78

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #3 on: January 05, 2014, 10:52:44 AM »
If she is doing Weightwatchers (with their points system), she can eat whatever she wants - she just has to pay attention to portions. Her request is silly and you should just flat out say that you are cooking X and you hope she can make it. The only catering to her individual needs I would do personally would be to make sure there is a big green salad with lots of vegetables in it as well as at least one cooked vegetable side that didn't contain lots of cheesy or creamy sauces.

Luci

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #4 on: January 05, 2014, 10:58:09 AM »
If she is doing Weightwatchers (with their points system), she can eat whatever she wants - she just has to pay attention to portions. Her request is silly and you should just flat out say that you are cooking X and you hope she can make it. The only catering to her individual needs I would do personally would be to make sure there is a big green salad with lots of vegetables in it as well as at least one cooked vegetable side that didn't contain lots of cheesy or creamy sauces.

Exactly what I was going to say. That's the point of point systems!

MummySweet

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #5 on: January 05, 2014, 11:02:57 AM »
If she is on Weight Watchers she can eat anything and stay on the diet as long as she counts her points...that's what the system is based on.  The onus is on her to decide what she will and won't eat.  As a hostess, it would be lovely if you would serve the meal in a way to give her  some options (sauce on the side, butter on the table rather than already on veg, etc.).

If she is on a stricter plan then she may need to ask what you are planning to serve before she commits to attending (much like a person with intolerances or allergies.  For example, my MIL is  member of Overeaters Anonymous, and is down more than 100 pounds from her highest weight.  She does not eat any form of processed sugar, nor wheat of any type.  She will ask ahead of time about the intended menu to ensure that she will have food options.  If she does not have enough options, she will decline.

Like any other special diet or food limitation it is her responsibility to manage it, not yours.
 

Promise

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #6 on: January 05, 2014, 11:03:41 AM »
When I'm invited to another person's home, I always offer to bring an item - particularly since I do have some food items I don't eat like meat. I'm curious as to if she offered to bring something to share with the group that she can eat?

Sharnita

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #7 on: January 05, 2014, 11:16:24 AM »
When inviting her tell her what you will be serving everyone.  She can accept, decline,  plan her other meals based on that data.

Yvaine

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #8 on: January 05, 2014, 11:25:31 AM »
I have a friend who was quite overweight, and for the past year has been doing a weight loss system that involves points. (She has lost 60 lbs!) I entertain a lot, & I love to have her over, but her question always is, what are you going to serve to me? I don't really feel that I should have to make a meal for the people who are not on a diet, & a meal for the people who are on a diet. I'm already buying all the food and wine, of course I always have 1 or 2 things that are specially for her. But I don't want to have to cook two different kinds of steak, and two different kinds of potatoes, and two different kinds of veggies. And two different desserts and two different cocktails. This is actually what she expects. What can I say to her to indicate that while I would love to have her over, I don't feel like I want to be running a restaurant?
is she asking so she can be prepared and "bank" her points

This is probably it, I'd guess. The point systems allow you to eat anything you want, so I don't think she's trying to demand different food, just trying to figure out whether she needs to eat lighter at breakfast and lunch to save up the points.

kherbert05

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #9 on: January 05, 2014, 11:31:20 AM »
Is she directly asking you to modify the menu? I sometimes feel like I am being rude when I ask about the menu at friend's houses. But the bottom line is I need to know, so I can figure out food allergy stuff. I do NOT expect them to change the menu.

Sometimes it goes like this
Friend - want to come over for dinner
Me - Sounds like fun, what are we having
Friend - Fried turkey
Me - Sorry but I can't be around fried turkey because of the peanut oil. I'll catch you another time.

Then 1 of three things happens
Friend graciously accepts my decline and we get together later over another meal

Friend tries to say well you can eat the other stuff. Works with most things but in this case the whole space were the frying happen is contaminated. Shell fish - the smell of it cooking flat out turns my stomach.

Friend wants to change the menu. Which at best tends to upset other people  that wanted the orginal menu and were looking forward to it.

Something my friends tend to do is _ we are having X, Y, Z for dinner on Date, can you join us.
 
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m2kbug

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #10 on: January 05, 2014, 11:44:10 AM »
It's up to the dieter to modify their own intake and avoid forbidden foods.  With the WW points, as I understand, she can work around some variations.  It might stink for her earlier in the day for the points in order to indulge a little at night.   

I've read plenty of posts here where people offer to bring their own meal that can be transferred onto a plate or bring something to share with the group in order to have something to eat if their diet is that strict. 

WW seems to accommodate "real foods," but you have to eat considerably less if you don't modify with lower calorie choices.  On the days she might be planning to go out to eat, she might have bank her points during other meals to accommodate the food choices at the party.  It's nice that she can ask you in order for her to plan, but she shouldn't be expecting you to provide a completely separate meal and menu solely for her.

Deetee

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #11 on: January 05, 2014, 11:57:28 AM »
If I am hosting someone who is watching their diet, I just cook extra veggies with light dressings and provide baked potatoes with the toppings on the side. I don't change much but I'd make sure that someone could get a good meal oflower calorie options.  I'll make sure I have a raw veggie tray and maybe some fruit for dessert.

I'm happy to make it possible for a guest to eat how they prefer, but I won't cook a separate meal.

AnnaJ

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #12 on: January 05, 2014, 12:03:08 PM »
I have a friend who was quite overweight, and for the past year has been doing a weight loss system that involves points. (She has lost 60 lbs!) I entertain a lot, & I love to have her over, but her question always is, what are you going to serve to me? I don't really feel that I should have to make a meal for the people who are not on a diet, & a meal for the people who are on a diet. I'm already buying all the food and wine, of course I always have 1 or 2 things that are specially for her. But I don't want to have to cook two different kinds of steak, and two different kinds of potatoes, and two different kinds of veggies. And two different desserts and two different cocktails. This is actually what she expects. What can I say to her to indicate that while I would love to have her over, I don't feel like I want to be running a restaurant?

OP, does she actually ask you to prepare a separate main, sides, drinks and dessert?  Or could it be that, as some have suggested, she just needs to know so that she can plan her other meals for the day?

If she does expect you to cook separate dishes, I'd ask myself what I would do if she were vegan, or allergic to something I used in the dishes, or had another dietary restriction...would I change my menu, or make something just for her, or explain that the menu was set and that I would love to have her over when I was preparing something she could eat?  I say this because she seems to be committed to her diet (wow, 60 pounds!) and so I'd take it as seriously as any other dietary restriction.

MrTango

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #13 on: January 05, 2014, 12:09:15 PM »
You shouldn't have to cook two meals for someone who is on a diet (or even someone who has allergies).  What you do need to do is be honest with them about what is in the food and let them make the decision of whether or not they eat a given dish, and how much of that dish to eat.

secretrebel

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #14 on: January 05, 2014, 12:47:20 PM »
How about alternating? One time you cook according to her diet plan and the next time cook what you would like to eat?