Author Topic: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...  (Read 12332 times)

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kategillian

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #15 on: January 05, 2014, 12:48:10 PM »
Op here. Let me first say that we are all so proud of her, it is an unbelievable achievement to have lost that much weight! That being said, I say come to dinner, she says what are you serving, I tell her. And then she says, well I can't have that. And I know she's waiting for me to say, OH! I'll make you something special. and if she were a vegetarian, I would serve fish. And it would just be a case of changing the main dish (I probably wouldn't have a vegan dinner party, simply because I would have no idea what to serve!) but I don't want to change the main dish to a low fat low sodium meal that everybody has to eat. This is a fancy dinner party!

Zizi-K

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #16 on: January 05, 2014, 12:52:50 PM »
Op here. Let me first say that we are all so proud of her, it is an unbelievable achievement to have lost that much weight! That being said, I say come to dinner, she says what are you serving, I tell her. And then she says, well I can't have that. And I know she's waiting for me to say, OH! I'll make you something special. and if she were a vegetarian, I would serve fish. And it would just be a case of changing the main dish (I probably wouldn't have a vegan dinner party, simply because I would have no idea what to serve!) but I don't want to change the main dish to a low fat low sodium meal that everybody has to eat. This is a fancy dinner party!
Perhaps the best option is to stop inviting her for awhile, or ask her out to non-food centered activities.

Kaymar

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #17 on: January 05, 2014, 01:36:20 PM »
Op here. Let me first say that we are all so proud of her, it is an unbelievable achievement to have lost that much weight! That being said, I say come to dinner, she says what are you serving, I tell her. And then she says, well I can't have that. And I know she's waiting for me to say, OH! I'll make you something special. and if she were a vegetarian, I would serve fish. And it would just be a case of changing the main dish (I probably wouldn't have a vegan dinner party, simply because I would have no idea what to serve!) but I don't want to change the main dish to a low fat low sodium meal that everybody has to eat. This is a fancy dinner party!

Just a tip, most vegetarians don't eat fish.  If someone does, they're not actually a vegetarian.  That said, she is being way too demanding - you offer hospitality, she can decline or accept.  If she wants to socialize and keep to a restricted diet, she should offer to bring a dish.

lorelai

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #18 on: January 05, 2014, 01:43:11 PM »
Yep that would make them a pescatarian. So what do you respond after she says she can't eat that?

Outdoor Girl

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #19 on: January 05, 2014, 02:18:36 PM »
I wouldn't cook two meals.  The beauty of WW is that you can bank your points and have a splurge, using those banked points.

Now, if you were serving deepfried everything with 1000 calorie gravy, sure, she might have a problem with the meal.

But if you have a nice, balanced meal with sauces on the side as much as possible, she should be able to eat no problem.  If she can't, it isn't your food that's the problem.

When issuing invitations to her in the future, I would tell her what the menu is, which sauces will be on the side and which won't.  I would only make two concessions:  have a big tossed green salad available and have some fresh fruit for her to have in place of a decadent dessert, if you are making one.  She may want to budget points for the dessert but if she wants to save her points for the main course, she'd have an option.

And if she says she can't eat any of that, I would say, 'Sorry you won't be able to join us this time.  Let's meet for lunch at salad bar next week.'
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
Ontario

kategillian

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #20 on: January 05, 2014, 02:33:11 PM »
I usually just make her something special, because she's one of my best friends and I'm weak.

Take2

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #21 on: January 05, 2014, 02:41:55 PM »
She is one of your closest friends, I would think you can let her in on the situation a bit and still include her if you want. You can sort of ask her to meet you halfway on the compromising.

"I thought of you. I am serving a large leafy salad and will provide low-cal dressing. The entree is x with y and z for sides. Save your points and let me know if you want a smaller helping of x, y or z. And there will be fruit as an option instead of dessert. I do hope you can save your points and come, and I am trying to arrange it so that it meets your needs without having to cook two complete meals, as that wears me out!"

Dragonflymom

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #22 on: January 05, 2014, 03:04:40 PM »
I had a friend on a low carb diet do this kind of thing to me constantly, making negative commentary about everything I served that did not fit her issues even when I cook relatively healthy stuff.  It is really exhausting to deal with after awhile ( I dealt with it for weekly girls nights for almost a year before saying something) so I think you'll want to nip this in the bud before it gets to that point if you want to preserve the friendship.

With the help and advice of those on this board, I finally just told my friend what I'd be serving, and told her she would be welcome to bring something else, not attend, or eat beforehand if that didn't work for her.

I was advised not to stop serving desserts for her, as this isn't really fair to my other guests to force them onto her plan.  And upon thinking about it, wasn't really fair to me either - I enjoy eating/serving dessert at parties, and catering to my friend's demands was taking all the joy out of hosting for me.
"By swallowing evil goats unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach"  Winston Churchill

Deetee

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #23 on: January 05, 2014, 03:05:15 PM »
Op here. Let me first say that we are all so proud of her, it is an unbelievable achievement to have lost that much weight! That being said, I say come to dinner, she says what are you serving, I tell her. And then she says, well I can't have that. And I know she's waiting for me to say, OH! I'll make you something special. and if she were a vegetarian, I would serve fish. And it would just be a case of changing the main dish (I probably wouldn't have a vegan dinner party, simply because I would have no idea what to serve!) but I don't want to change the main dish to a low fat low sodium meal that everybody has to eat. This is a fancy dinner party!

First decide what you want to do.
Do you want to
1) Make her an entirely separate meal and not invite her as often. (But cheerfully make the special meal when you do)
2) Make sure the meal can accommodate her and invite her almost all the time
3) Not socialize with her and food anymore

My choice would be 2) so I'll show how to do that.

You take the bolded sentence above and change it from : "OH! I'll make you something special." to "OH! I'll make sure I have lots of the low calorie sides for you and some of your favorite fruit for desert. Did you want to bring anything for yourself as a main or will you be happy with a small portion of double glazed pork ribs?"

Dragonflymom

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #24 on: January 05, 2014, 03:06:44 PM »
And I know you didn't ask for them but  ((((((hugs))))).  Because being pushed and made uncomfortable like this by a friend when you'd like to just do your thing and enjoy hosting is stressful and frustrating.
"By swallowing evil goats unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach"  Winston Churchill

Sharnita

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #25 on: January 05, 2014, 03:07:06 PM »
I would allow her some control over portion size/amount.  If you usually serve plated meals then maybe inviting her into the kitchen to have some say over her plate might work.

edgypeanuts

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #26 on: January 05, 2014, 03:08:18 PM »
If she waits for you to offer then offer what you are willing-
I can not put any dressing on your veggies if you'd like, I can leave you a plain baked potato instead of a twice baked, I can leave the sauces off yours and you can add what you want.

Just don't offer more than that.  If she doesn't like the drinks she can have sparking water or water with lemon, if she cannot eat dessert she is welcome to canned fruit.  If she cannot eat any of it, then you are sorry that she cannot attend and will have to meet up with her another time!

My grandma lived next door to us growing up.  My mom would always invite her for dinner and it drove my mom batty that she always ask what we were having before deciding if she'd come or not.  :)
My brother and SIL go on kicks were they diet heavily.  They do not cook much or well normally and when they try to cook diet options it is downright awful.  If we know they are dieting, we carefully avoid whatever they brought to a meal.  Sometimes I wonder if they have tastebuds!  So I really don't think making everyone eat a diet meal is appropriate unless it is something you would want to do anyway.  There are some low-fat recipes that are tasty, but often it seems like the best they get is not-too-bad.


Dragonflymom

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #27 on: January 05, 2014, 03:10:34 PM »
I would allow her some control over portion size/amount.  If you usually serve plated meals then maybe inviting her into the kitchen to have some say over her plate might work.

This is a good idea too.  In dealing with my demanding friend on the low carb diet, I always serve buffet style.  And told her she's free to take however little or much of stuff that she is comfortable with, and avoid what she can't eat.

At that point it's on the friend, and she's got no grounds to criticize or complain.
"By swallowing evil goats unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach"  Winston Churchill

sweetonsno

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #28 on: January 05, 2014, 03:13:26 PM »
I also doubt that she's asking you to make a completely different meal for her so much as wanting to plan her day. (Maybe it's that she wants to bank her calories; maybe it's that she wants to plan for small portions and/or have a substantial diet-friendly snack before she comes.)

I agree with Mr Tango wholeheartedly on this one. Her restrictions are not your responsibility, they are her responsibility. Your job is to be honest about what is in a dish so your guests can choose to eat it (or not). You certainly don't need to go through a lot of trouble to make a totally different meal for a guest with a restriction, but do let her know if you are willing to make some accommodations. For instance, maybe you're willing to toss her steak under the broiler instead of cooking it in butter like the others. Perhaps you can bake one potato for her instead of turning them all into au gratin. On the other hand, maybe you're making a lasagna and it just wouldn't work that way. Either way, let them know.

bonyk

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Re: But I don't want to cook 2 meals...
« Reply #29 on: January 05, 2014, 03:17:28 PM »
If she waits for you to offer then offer what you are willing-
I can not put any dressing on your veggies if you'd like, I can leave you a plain baked potato instead of a twice baked, I can leave the sauces off yours and you can add what you want.

Just don't offer more than that.  If she doesn't like the drinks she can have sparking water or water with lemon, if she cannot eat dessert she is welcome to canned fruit.  If she cannot eat any of it, then you are sorry that she cannot attend and will have to meet up with her another time!

I agree with this, and maybe add in a Lean Cuisine.  Tell friend she's also welcome to bring whatever she wants.

OP, you have to decide if you'd rather cook 2 meals or tell your friend 'no'.