Author Topic: s/o host's choice of TV show: guest's TV request  (Read 6557 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

siamesecat2965

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8642
Re: s/o host's choice of TV show: guest's TV request
« Reply #30 on: January 07, 2014, 08:40:40 AM »


But there may be some cultural differences because first of all I don't really get the concept of an entire channel being off limits (wouldn't it depend on the programme, not the channel?) and secondly, just wouldn't really happen that the tv would be on at all when we have guests (and similar in other peoples houses that I have been to). Obviously an exception if the gathering is for the purpose of watching tv,like a Doctor Who marathon or Wimbledon finals or something. Also,we do have TiVo at home so that may make a difference. If my favourite programme was on when I had guests, it would be recording anyway - no dilemma.

In some cases yes, it will depend on what is specifically on, but if its the channel I think the OP is talking about, no matter WHAT program is on, its all skewed to one POV. Which the OP doesn't care for. Therefore she didn't want her tv tuned to that particular channel.  So no matter what time of day, or what specific program is on, I can see how someone (including myself) might not want that particular channel on, at all.


Two Ravens

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2290
  • One for sorrow, Two for mirth...
Re: s/o host's choice of TV show: guest's TV request
« Reply #31 on: January 07, 2014, 09:11:21 AM »
From the UK too. The difficulty I have is that I generally would not ever be having the TV on at all when guests were present,so it wouldn't really arise. I *think* if I had a guest and they insisted on watching a programme I really didn't want to see I would not say no, because that might seem like being a bad hostess, but I would probably leave the room while they watched it if it was something I felt very strongly against (eg I could not watch a programme about animal cruelty, or a film or tv show that was very violent). It would definitely make me think less of them, and I doubt I would ever invite them again.

But there may be some cultural differences because first of all I don't really get the concept of an entire channel being off limits (wouldn't it depend on the programme, not the channel?) and secondly, just wouldn't really happen that the tv would be on at all when we have guests (and similar in other peoples houses that I have been to). Obviously an exception if the gathering is for the purpose of watching tv,like a Doctor Who marathon or Wimbledon finals or something. Also,we do have TiVo at home so that may make a difference. If my favourite programme was on when I had guests, it would be recording anyway - no dilemma.

The channel in question (I believe) is a 24-hour news channel, that features (mostly) one-sided political commentary.

I know several people who leave it on all day long. I was recently getting my car serviced and it was the channel that was on in the waiting room. I was really tempted to cover my ears. (Lesson learned; next time, bring ipod.)

esposita

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 490
  • If you have the power to make someone happy, do it
Re: s/o host's choice of TV show: guest's TV request
« Reply #32 on: January 07, 2014, 10:05:56 AM »
As a host, you have every right to decide what will be displayed on your television. Absolutely.

But you have to realize that she probably feels the same way you do about the news channels that you may prefer; that they are one-sided, and her opinion is just as valid. You can be a gracious host, and teach her by example, by not playing the stations she dislikes while she visits you, and telling her "I will not watch that channel in my home, but I respect that you would rather not watch the others, so how about we find something more neutral?"

EllenS

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1368
Re: s/o host's choice of TV show: guest's TV request
« Reply #33 on: January 07, 2014, 11:55:43 AM »
I think the problem may have arisen precisely because of the nature of the channel (if it is one of the two I am thinking of). They are exclusively devoted to politics and the political ramifications of news stories, and yes they both have strong, opposite POV's that are polarizing. I don't know of many people who are neutral toward them(except cynics like me who assume ALL news is warped).

Aunt probably took the "no Channel X" statement as a personal criticism of her political beliefs.  I doubt it would have been such an issue if the program had been sports or entertainment.

artk2002

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12807
    • The Delian's Commonwealth
Re: s/o host's choice of TV show: guest's TV request
« Reply #34 on: January 07, 2014, 12:13:02 PM »
But OP, yes, I do think it was rude to flat-out refuse to watch the channel. You didn't appear to explain why at any point, which might have helped (I know we don't JADE, but there are limits). A compromise of "I really dislike it, but if you have a specific thing you really want to watch, you watch that and I'll do something else for an hour" would have been a lot more polite.
It might have actually made her more amenable to changing it for the pleasure of your company rather than sparking tension the way your response did, and I fail to see why - if the only reason you didn't send her to watch the office TV was that there was sensitive data in there - you didn't do the reverse and go watch something else in there yourself.


Knowing what channel it is, I don't find the OP's refusal to watch it or to explain why at all rude. Some of the people who watch that channel are extreme in their outlook and an explanation of why the OP wouldn't watch it would produce the same issues as actually watching it. This was one of those situations where "Don't JADE" was very appropriate. Giving a reason would only turn the situation into a very uncomfortable political debate.

As a host, you have every right to decide what will be displayed on your television. Absolutely.

But you have to realize that she probably feels the same way you do about the news channels that you may prefer; that they are one-sided, and her opinion is just as valid. You can be a gracious host, and teach her by example, by not playing the stations she dislikes while she visits you, and telling her "I will not watch that channel in my home, but I respect that you would rather not watch the others, so how about we find something more neutral?"

Where in the OP does it say that she was going to watch some channel that the guest didn't want to watch? You're criticizing the OP for doing something that she didn't (apparently) do. Besides, the OP is gracious enough when she is a guest to put up with the offensive channel, without comment; one would hope that her aunt would return the courtesy.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

esposita

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 490
  • If you have the power to make someone happy, do it
Re: s/o host's choice of TV show: guest's TV request
« Reply #35 on: January 07, 2014, 12:37:01 PM »
But OP, yes, I do think it was rude to flat-out refuse to watch the channel. You didn't appear to explain why at any point, which might have helped (I know we don't JADE, but there are limits). A compromise of "I really dislike it, but if you have a specific thing you really want to watch, you watch that and I'll do something else for an hour" would have been a lot more polite.
It might have actually made her more amenable to changing it for the pleasure of your company rather than sparking tension the way your response did, and I fail to see why - if the only reason you didn't send her to watch the office TV was that there was sensitive data in there - you didn't do the reverse and go watch something else in there yourself.


Knowing what channel it is, I don't find the OP's refusal to watch it or to explain why at all rude. Some of the people who watch that channel are extreme in their outlook and an explanation of why the OP wouldn't watch it would produce the same issues as actually watching it. This was one of those situations where "Don't JADE" was very appropriate. Giving a reason would only turn the situation into a very uncomfortable political debate.

As a host, you have every right to decide what will be displayed on your television. Absolutely.

But you have to realize that she probably feels the same way you do about the news channels that you may prefer; that they are one-sided, and her opinion is just as valid. You can be a gracious host, and teach her by example, by not playing the stations she dislikes while she visits you, and telling her "I will not watch that channel in my home, but I respect that you would rather not watch the others, so how about we find something more neutral?"

Where in the OP does it say that she was going to watch some channel that the guest didn't want to watch? You're criticizing the OP for doing something that she didn't (apparently) do. Besides, the OP is gracious enough when she is a guest to put up with the offensive channel, without comment; one would hope that her aunt would return the courtesy.

I wasn't criticising. I was just offering an alternative to "That won't be possible." By explaining that she is respecting her guest's wishes, OP lets her guest know that its more than just a quirk or something.

I see nothing to indicate that Aunt knew that the OP didn't want to watch that channel at the aunt's home. Aunt cannot return a courtesy that she doesn't know was extended. If the OP said something like I suggested, it would have been a gracious way of letting Aunt know that she didn't even want to watch it at Aunt's house. This is especially helpful if asking to change the channel at the aunt's house would have spiralled into name-calling. This way, OP has opened a dialogue with the idea that everyone should be behaving thoughtfully and with respect to others with differing political beliefs.

Lynn2000

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4978
Re: s/o host's choice of TV show: guest's TV request
« Reply #36 on: January 07, 2014, 01:42:42 PM »
I think the aunt was rude for pushing to watch the channel after she had been told no. The OP says they had settled down after dinner specifically to watch TV; but when the aunt kept pushing for the channel the OP didn't like, the OP offered her alternatives, such as watching a DVD or turning the TV off to play cards. The only other suggestion I might have offered was that aunt could watch her channel for a set amount of time while I went off to do something else--like, "Well, I'll go read in my room for an hour and you can watch TV. Then maybe we could play cards." I'm the sort of person who would actually love that, because I would want to have some time on my own instead of being constantly in the other person's presence. But, it also depends on the logistics of the situation--if there's nowhere the host can go where they won't hear the TV, for example, or if they have no other appropriate activity they could do for an hour.

I think ultimately, a host can control what activity happens in their own home, but a guest can control whether they participate or not. So a host can come down and say, "The TV WILL be turned to this channel/TV show now!" but a guest can say, "Okay, I will go to my room for a while then." I think it would be rude for the host to respond, "No, you MUST sit and watch this with us." If the TV is in the guest's "room" (like they're sleeping on the living room couch) I think the host needs to either NOT insist on that particular use of the TV, or they need to provide the guest with an alternative place to go (like maybe the host's bedroom). The tone of this interaction can also vary greatly: it could be tense and uncomfortable, and be the last visit ever between these two people; or I could also imagine it being handled very graciously. "Oh, I like to watch my show at 9, but I know it's not for everyone, so can I make you comfortable in the other room with some tea and a good light for reading?"
~Lynn2000

Mikayla

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4049
Re: s/o host's choice of TV show: guest's TV request
« Reply #37 on: January 07, 2014, 03:43:28 PM »

Knowing what channel it is, I don't find the OP's refusal to watch it or to explain why at all rude. Some of the people who watch that channel are extreme in their outlook and an explanation of why the OP wouldn't watch it would produce the same issues as actually watching it. This was one of those situations where "Don't JADE" was very appropriate. Giving a reason would only turn the situation into a very uncomfortable political debate.

This is one of my very rare disagreements with you, but I think there's a lot of wiggle room between merely saying "no", and JADE-ing.  Obviously, the aunt was a lot more rude than OP in pushing this, but if I had been the OP, I would have done more than simply refuse without comment. 

Heck, she could have simply said that she finds *all* 24/7 news channels distracting/annoying and she stopped watching them years ago.  It didn't have to be a comment on that particular one.






misha412

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 444
Re: s/o host's choice of TV show: guest's TV request
« Reply #38 on: January 07, 2014, 04:06:16 PM »
As a host, you have every right to decide what will be displayed on your television. Absolutely.

But you have to realize that she probably feels the same way you do about the news channels that you may prefer; that they are one-sided, and her opinion is just as valid. You can be a gracious host, and teach her by example, by not playing the stations she dislikes while she visits you, and telling her "I will not watch that channel in my home, but I respect that you would rather not watch the others, so how about we find something more neutral?"

My aunt would not have taken the above statement as a diplomatic way of saying no. She would have taken it as an opening to begin pushing for why I don't agree with her.

I know my aunt's opinion on the news channels I watch. She has never said it directly to me against my selection, but has made plenty of less-than-nice comments on "people who watch X."

I choose not to have news channels of any sort on when I am hosting anyone. It can cause too much tension and division.

misha412

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 444
Re: s/o host's choice of TV show: guest's TV request
« Reply #39 on: January 07, 2014, 04:10:14 PM »
I think the problem may have arisen precisely because of the nature of the channel (if it is one of the two I am thinking of). They are exclusively devoted to politics and the political ramifications of news stories, and yes they both have strong, opposite POV's that are polarizing. I don't know of many people who are neutral toward them(except cynics like me who assume ALL news is warped).

Aunt probably took the "no Channel X" statement as a personal criticism of her political beliefs.  I doubt it would have been such an issue if the program had been sports or entertainment.

You are correct. If it had been a sports or entertainment channel, it would have been zero issue for me or for her.

misha412

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 444
Re: s/o host's choice of TV show: guest's TV request
« Reply #40 on: January 07, 2014, 04:18:34 PM »

Knowing what channel it is, I don't find the OP's refusal to watch it or to explain why at all rude. Some of the people who watch that channel are extreme in their outlook and an explanation of why the OP wouldn't watch it would produce the same issues as actually watching it. This was one of those situations where "Don't JADE" was very appropriate. Giving a reason would only turn the situation into a very uncomfortable political debate.

This is one of my very rare disagreements with you, but I think there's a lot of wiggle room between merely saying "no", and JADE-ing.  Obviously, the aunt was a lot more rude than OP in pushing this, but if I had been the OP, I would have done more than simply refuse without comment. 

Heck, she could have simply said that she finds *all* 24/7 news channels distracting/annoying and she stopped watching them years ago.  It didn't have to be a comment on that particular one.

As I said to the suggestion of putting said channel on parental control and claiming I couldn't get it, saying something as suggested above would not have been the truth at the time of this incident. That would not work for me.

I feel that I should not have to lie or JADE in this situation.

Mikayla

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4049
Re: s/o host's choice of TV show: guest's TV request
« Reply #41 on: January 07, 2014, 05:17:03 PM »

Knowing what channel it is, I don't find the OP's refusal to watch it or to explain why at all rude. Some of the people who watch that channel are extreme in their outlook and an explanation of why the OP wouldn't watch it would produce the same issues as actually watching it. This was one of those situations where "Don't JADE" was very appropriate. Giving a reason would only turn the situation into a very uncomfortable political debate.

This is one of my very rare disagreements with you, but I think there's a lot of wiggle room between merely saying "no", and JADE-ing.  Obviously, the aunt was a lot more rude than OP in pushing this, but if I had been the OP, I would have done more than simply refuse without comment. 

Heck, she could have simply said that she finds *all* 24/7 news channels distracting/annoying and she stopped watching them years ago.  It didn't have to be a comment on that particular one.

As I said to the suggestion of putting said channel on parental control and claiming I couldn't get it, saying something as suggested above would not have been the truth at the time of this incident. That would not work for me.

I feel that I should not have to lie or JADE in this situation.

But you just said in the post above that you don't put news channels on when people are over.  So use a minor rewording, and then it's not a lie. 

My only point here is I personally would have offered *something* up by way of explanation.  Otherwise, it turns into exactly what happened here -- a tug of war over what to watch. 

You asked in your OP if you were rude, and I do not think you were.  But I would have handled it differently.

AnnaJ

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 602
Re: s/o host's choice of TV show: guest's TV request
« Reply #42 on: January 07, 2014, 05:43:45 PM »
But you just said in the post above that you don't put news channels on when people are over.  So use a minor rewording, and then it's not a lie. 

My only point here is I personally would have offered *something* up by way of explanation. Otherwise, it turns into exactly what happened here -- a tug of war over what to watch. 

You asked in your OP if you were rude, and I do not think you were.  But I would have handled it differently.

Given the *extremely* well-known views of the station, I don't think an explanation is really necessary.  I also have relatives who are fans of that station, they know my POV, and they absolutely know why I don't like that station, no need for me to explain.  Luckily we tend to joke about our different viewpoints, so we don't have a problem...if they have that station on when I visit, I just stagger around moaning, "A hit, a palatable hit!"  All is good.
 

Lynn2000

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4978
Re: s/o host's choice of TV show: guest's TV request
« Reply #43 on: January 07, 2014, 05:51:09 PM »

Knowing what channel it is, I don't find the OP's refusal to watch it or to explain why at all rude. Some of the people who watch that channel are extreme in their outlook and an explanation of why the OP wouldn't watch it would produce the same issues as actually watching it. This was one of those situations where "Don't JADE" was very appropriate. Giving a reason would only turn the situation into a very uncomfortable political debate.

This is one of my very rare disagreements with you, but I think there's a lot of wiggle room between merely saying "no", and JADE-ing.  Obviously, the aunt was a lot more rude than OP in pushing this, but if I had been the OP, I would have done more than simply refuse without comment. 

Heck, she could have simply said that she finds *all* 24/7 news channels distracting/annoying and she stopped watching them years ago.  It didn't have to be a comment on that particular one.

As I said to the suggestion of putting said channel on parental control and claiming I couldn't get it, saying something as suggested above would not have been the truth at the time of this incident. That would not work for me.

I feel that I should not have to lie or JADE in this situation.

It doesn't sound to me like you were rude, which is what you asked. But you said she was cool to you the next day, and this seemed to bother you, and I think people are just suggesting ways your wording or stance might have been softened so that she wasn't cool to you later. It kind of sounds from your description that no matter what you said or did, aside from giving in and letting her watch that channel, she was going to be mad at you and try to start a debate/rant, so maybe there was nothing else that could have been done in that situation except stick to your rights as the host/homeowner, realizing there might be negative consequences later anyway.
~Lynn2000

TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 30473
Re: s/o host's choice of TV show: guest's TV request
« Reply #44 on: January 07, 2014, 06:03:32 PM »

But OP, yes, I do think it was rude to flat-out refuse to watch the channel. You didn't appear to explain why at any point, which might have helped (I know we don't JADE, but there are limits). A compromise of "I really dislike it, but if you have a specific thing you really want to watch, you watch that and I'll do something else for an hour" would have been a lot more polite.
It might have actually made her more amenable to changing it for the pleasure of your company rather than sparking tension the way your response did, and I fail to see why - if the only reason you didn't send her to watch the office TV was that there was sensitive data in there - you didn't do the reverse and go watch something else in there yourself.


I'm pretty sure I know what channel/program she is talking about, and I think a too-honest explanation of "why" would actually have created a worse fight.

And I think that the guest suspected the true "why," and that's why she was tense about it.

I would think the OP would need a not-quite-thoroughly-true reason, like "I find all-news/news-commentary programming to be really intrusive."

But it also sounds like the OP feels her rejection of that particular programming to be a bit of a "stand I'm taking," and so that sort of "true but not the *real* reason" might feel like lying.