(Slightly gross) embarrassing incident with my lodger

[Sophia]

The OP said

He has a room and bathroom (not en suite) on the second floor, I have my own rooms and bathroom on the top floor.

So, it is his bathroom, even if it opens onto the hallway.

[RandomAngel]

It was his private bathroom though, for which he pays rent. If unhappy about him leaving lights etc on, talk to him about it and if no luck, increase his rent slightly to pay for it. She should stay out of his private rooms; the same as he is expected to stay out of hers.

Except it wasn't a private bathroom, as it opened out to the landing.  If it had been an ensuite attached to his bedroom, I'd agree with you.

Presumably the door to his bedroom opens onto a shared hallway, as well. That doesn't mean it's okay to enter, even if the door is ajar.

I agree that some other solution needs to be found to the fan problem. Simply going around after him and turning it off is not a good long-term strategy, for a variety of reasons PPs have touched on. Either ask him to be more conscientious, install a timer, or charge him more and get earplugs or something, but please stop shutting off his light in his space.

As for the accidental viewing, that doesn't seem to be entirely related to the fan issue, because entering the room was not necessary in order to turn off the fan. It was just a brain-freeze moment, and should be addressed as such. I'm sure he's mortified about being caught leaving the door ajar, so when you say, "I have no idea what possessed me to push on the door; I had no earthly reason to do that," he'll reply, "I can't believe I left it unlatched! I'll be more careful in the future."

[Hmmmmm]

The OP said

He has a room and bathroom (not en suite) on the second floor, I have my own rooms and bathroom on the top floor.

So, it is his bathroom, even if it opens onto the hallway.

OP, if you have a guest over, are they allowed to use this bathroom? Or is it strictly for his use and his guests use only?

[Flibbertigibbet]

Just a question to the OP based on PPs' assumptions above - did you need to enter the bathroom to turn off the light and fan? I'm not sure how these things are usually set up in the US (where I assume a lot of PP are from), but in the UK, and therefore I assume Ireland, it is incredibly common to have both the light and the fan operated by a pull cord inside the bathroom - meaning that it would be necessary to enter the bathroom to turn them off. I'm not sure whether the OP has this system?

That said, I think, as PP have said, this is not a major issue, and an apology along with a request to try to remember to turn the light and fan off is all that is needed.

[RandomAngel]

Just a question to the OP based on PPs' assumptions above - did you need to enter the bathroom to turn off the light and fan? I'm not sure how these things are usually set up in the US (where I assume a lot of PP are from), but in the UK, and therefore I assume Ireland, it is incredibly common to have both the light and the fan operated by a pull cord inside the bathroom - meaning that it would be necessary to enter the bathroom to turn them off. I'm not sure whether the OP has this system?

I was going based off of this, from the OP:

This is where I messed up, as rather than simply flipping the switch, which is outside the bathroom in the hall, I for some reason pushed the door very slightly.

It sounds like one of those maddening set-ups where the switch is outside the bathroom, which I tend to only notice once I'm closed inside.

[Flibbertigibbet]

Oh! Sorry, I missed that bit!

[Polly]

Hi again all,

Thank you for all the posts. I intended to reply sooner but life's been a bit hectic :-) I have a bit of an update, but first to clarify a few questions.

The bathroom is his for sole use. If I have guests they use a different one. (That said, he DOES use other bathrooms in the house, but it is up to me to sort it out if I don't want him doing that.)

The bathroom is in the shared hall, but it is exclusively his to use.

I don't need to go into the bathroom to turn off the light -  I only pushed the door because it WAS a brain freeze moment. I take on board that I had no real right to be in there.

Here's the update though. It happened again. This time it was mid evening, we had been sitting downstairs chatting (so he knew I was in the house and awake), and he went off to do something. I had no real idea where, I wasn't paying attention. It sudden occurred to me I had earlier on shut the door of the spare room (not his room), and hadn't seen one of the cats since, and it was possible I had shut her in (the door is normally shut all the time but occasionally the cats open it or I go in and one of them follows me - they like the bed in there!). I ran upstairs to check. The Lodger's bathroom door was ajar, and I went straight past without looking at it, and into the spare room. Right enough the cat was in the room, so there was a bit of commotion as she ran out, no doubt relieved, and I apologised to her quite loudly. As I turned around to go back down the hall, I glimpsed The Lodger sitting on the toilet again. The door was only open a crack, about the same as it was initially last time (before I pushed it), but enough for me to see him. The difference was this time, having been into the spare room, I was facing a different way, so it was impossible not to see him as I went past.

This time I just figured  -  his call. I am not going to be embarrassed if he apparently doesn't care enough to shut the door so soon after the first incident. I WILL try to avoid going anywhere near his bathroom if I have any idea he is in there, but I do need to access both the spare room and the airing cupboard which is directly across from the bathroom at times.

Also, I don't think he's being deliberately creepy or anything. I think maybe it is just a thing in his family that you don't really bother to shut doors. 

[TootsNYC]

I think I might say to him, "Joey, you need to shut the door all the way. You're not alone in the house, even if I don't normally go down that hallway."

Seriously, I think he's wrong not to shut it. No matter where you normally are.

[White Lotus]

What Toots said.

[katycoo]

Honestly I'd shut it for him.  Just shut it as I walk past.

[eee]

What Toots said.

Agree! Let him know you want the door to the throne shut while in use!!


eta: This is your house, he's the lodger. If you don't like seeing a man use a toilet while walking down your hall (you walking, hopefully not the man!) that's your right to enforce as the homeowner.

[mich3554]

Is there any chance that the door does not latch correctly?  I know that there are a couple doors in my home that do not, and for them to stay closed, you need to hold onto the door knob and wiggle it a little.  Many times, you just don't have the time to do the knob wiggle, and it is easier just to let it go.

[Yvaine]

Is there any chance that the door does not latch correctly?  I know that there are a couple doors in my home that do not, and for them to stay closed, you need to hold onto the door knob and wiggle it a little.  Many times, you just don't have the time to do the knob wiggle, and it is easier just to let it go.

Yeah, one of the bathrooms in my place kind of "bounces" back open if you don't close it just right...and once you're on the throne, you're in no position to be getting up to fix it.